"But that's an uncomfortable thing to say because as you point out it comes close to implying that we should "sacrifice" our own wellbeing for the baby's. Which is not a good way forward."
No - I'm not saying we 'should' - I'm saying that it's something that we expect to do as a parent, in all sorts of ways.
And does that mean it's preferable the our babies should risk their well-being instead? Because not breastfeeding DOES mean your child has a suboptimal diet during a crucial period of growth and development.
"I think parenting is full of conflicts between the child's needs and the parents' needs, and you have to sort out these conflicts to suit your own family and circumstances."
Yes - I understand what you're saying here, and it's all very politically correct, but in my experience what it generally boils down to is this: the needs and the preferences of babies come last when it comes to decisions about feeding because a) they can't make their feelings known and b) breastfeeding and bottlefeeding are seen as roughly equivalent in this society in the sense that NOT breastfeeding is assumed to have no significant consequences for babies (witness how many comments you get on threads like this along the lines of fraser'smummy and another post which confidently states 'bottlefeeding won't do your baby any harm').
So here's something deeply politically INCORRECT:
If babies could talk....
Mum: The thing is darling, that I'd really prefer you to drink artificial milk because I hate the idea of having to breastfeed you in front of people. It's so tiring as well. Can't you see that it'd be better for me and for the whole family - you as well, if you bottlefeed instead.
Baby: But I've been told that if you bottlefeed me I'm five times more likely to get a serious stomach upset than if you breastfeed me. I don't like the idea of that. It worries me. And what about ear infections? Or chest infections? I don't want one of those. If you breastfeed me I'm less likely to be ill. Isn't that important to everyone in the family? I'm only tiny and I'm very vulnerable.
Mum: But I bottlefed your brother and he's alright.
Baby: Yes, he's fine. But that doesn't mean that I'll be does it? It makes me sad that you don't think reducing the risk of me being ill is important. And anyway, I want fresh food like you and dad. I don't want to eat a processed food that comes out of a tin for the first few months of my life.
Mum: OK - I know it tastes vile, but really - most babies gulp it down. They don't know any different. Or at least if they do they're not saying.
Baby: And anyway - I just want to breastfeed. I'm primed by nature to do it - it's instinctive baby behaviour. It's so much nicer drinking your lovely fresh milk, snuggled up against your chest then having to drink denatured, reconstituted cows milk from a plastic bottle. Aren't you supposed to want me to have the best of everything?
Mum: Look I'm sorry sweetheart but I just find breastfeeding really restricting. I've got to take your brother to school in the morning, which will be hard with you wanting to feed first thing, and I'd like a chance for an unbroken night once in a while. Your dad can take over the night feeds at the weekend if I bottlefeed you, so I can get an occasional lie in. I'll be nicer to you and everyone else if I'm not so tired....
Baby: But it's only for a few months, and then I'll be eating meals like everyone else. Can't you just put up with being tired for a bit? I've got to live in this body for the next 80 years or so. I'd really like to give it a chance to be as healthy as possible.