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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Why can't we just all breatsfeed?

600 replies

pupuce · 15/11/2004 21:57

Seeing the recent debates on breastfeeding, I didn't want to take part in the discussion as I didn't feel I could add to the debate but I was reading this and thought.... why is it that so many women who ended up bottlefeeding have stories of "not enough milk", "baby not thriving", etc.... so we have a BF rate in this country of barely 1 in 2 babies breastfed after 1 week (that's not impressive if you do know that breast is best)... why is it that the Swedes have 98%....
I am sure it's a combination of factors.... but it does mean that too many people in this country have a "wrong reason" for not BF.... surely many women have not enough information about milk production to feel that they truly didn't have enough milk....

OK - am I starting world war 3 ??? hope not

OP posts:
carla · 15/11/2004 22:26

Cos we can't. (In answer to the original question).

mummytummy · 15/11/2004 22:26

Pupuce, its not feeling guilty - some people do mistakingly believe that breastfeeding automatically = good mum.

Original poster
pupuce · 15/11/2004 22:27

Hula - I wasn't asking about you - I was asking generally.... why feel guilty ?

OP posts:
Chandra · 15/11/2004 22:27

Good point tummymummy!!!

carla · 15/11/2004 22:28

Ooooogh, god, why did I get sucked in ......

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 22:28

why cant we all just breastfeed? do you really want to ask that question?

Chandra · 15/11/2004 22:28

Sorry, mummytummy.

mizmiz · 15/11/2004 22:29

I am amazed at that. People often talk about fear of negative comments, but having b/fed two kids all over the world and in a lot of different places, it has never happened to me (sometimes I wished it had, so that I could let rip!)
I honestly don't believe that people either care very much about or look very closely at what other people are up to.
BTW what do you do when you see someone else b/feeding? Say something nice? Smile? I often want to show my solidarity but wonder if it is appropriate and/or what is the best way about it.
I know that I'm pleased when someone says something supportive to me, whoever they are.

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 22:29

come round my house and ill SHOW you

Original poster
pupuce · 15/11/2004 22:29

I am asking in relation to the whole paragraph not just the title.... and I am NOT having a go at non breastfeeder.... if you feel I am than I am sorry but I am not!

OP posts:
carla · 15/11/2004 22:30

Show us what, Nailpolish???

Chandra · 15/11/2004 22:30

You have been very lucky mizmiz, in the circle where I move people DO care.

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 22:31

im sorry too. dont want to get all arguey again

mummytummy · 15/11/2004 22:31

Mizmiz - as I said, I went up to a K cup. You try whipping your knockers out in public without getting a reaction!!!

Gomez · 15/11/2004 22:32

My DH and I were discussing this at the weekend, along the lines of serenequeens re-phrasing. His take on it which I found v. interesting was why has mother nature made something which is so 'right' so bloody difficult?! We agreed that mother nature hasn't made it difficult but that the development of modern society has. Countries such as Sweden have however managed to provide sufficient additional 'support' to mitigate this.

A semi-related example - my DD2 is 5 months and weighs around 22lbs. I introduced solids at 18 weeks - I am well aware of the 6 month guidelines and I fully agree that my breastmilk would have been sufficient until that age. However feeding frequency had increased to every 1.5 hours and I was not prepared to feed at that level. I have a modern life and it's demands, an older daughter and a DH - not only a human milking machine to look after .

Sorry a bit waffly and abstract.

wobblyknicks · 15/11/2004 22:32

I don't feel guilty about swtiching to bottle feeding, I used to but don't now. I just feel resentful that more help, be it bf'ing counsellors or a general shift in society's attitudes, isn't available. I also feel tetchy at people who seem to look down their noses at mums who bottle feed, as though that automatically makes them worse mums and makes their babies 'worse'. Let's face it, there's a lot of competition in being a mum at times and the inference that a well considered decision is wrong just because of statistics is NEVER going to go down well.

MummyToSteven · 15/11/2004 22:32

pupuce - I feel (hopefully more felt in the past tense) guilty as I wish that I had been able to provide DS with the health benefits of a longer period of bfing. it is difficult to avoid feeling guilty when one is accused as a non-bfer of being lazy/selfish/irresponsible.

when you are tired/sleep deprived/feeling veeeeery sore/hormones up the spout, it is hard to be proactive in accessing help from hps/bfcs etc. i suspect a lot of the difference between here and Sweden is that mums in Sweden are far more likely to have good friends/mums/sisters who bfed, so have easy informal access to help with bfing once out of the hospital setting.

yingers74 · 15/11/2004 22:32

I avoided the other threads but just wanted to share my experience. I tried to breast feed, and had support from HV and also a maternity nurse, I also expressed although nothing came out - honest to god, no one understood, they just kept saying the milk will come!!!! After about 10 weeks of both breast feeding and bottle feeding at each feed, I was pretty exhausted and upset. My milk still was not in and no one really knew what to say, I never leaked or anything! Eventually spoke to our gp's nurse who supported me in the decision to stop breast feeding, shewas worried that i might have aching heavy boobs for a while but I did not!
Perhaps I 'did not' have enough information but this was certainly not for lack of trying! Maybe i should have carried on regardless, who knows?

On a more positive note, I am trying for a second and I do plan to try BF again.

One final word, as far as I am concerned to BF or not is up to each individual mum. Had my say, will shut up now!

Original poster
pupuce · 15/11/2004 22:33

I have to say taht I can't quite believe it... why do yo all that tried to breastfeed have to see this as a fight.... no one is having a go. There is no need to justify or be on the defensive.
And no abuse has been hearled !

OP posts:
MummyToSteven · 15/11/2004 22:33

pupuce - it was mummytummy, not me that commented on attitudes to bfing. but would certainly agree with mummytummy's comments(!)

Chandra · 15/11/2004 22:35

OK

mykidsmum · 15/11/2004 22:35

Brit culture is very different to that of Sweden, don't know much about stats but I would think that there is possibly a lower rate of teenage pregnancy and perhaps also more babies being born into more supportive environments. If mum feels more supported she may feel more able to breastfeed, am not saying mums who bottlefeed do so as they are not supported at home, but I do think in some situations this may be the case. I would personally have found it very difficult to breastfeed as it can be hard work without lots of loving support from others. x

Freddiecat · 15/11/2004 22:38

I haven't read the other threads but felt compelled to post.

I breastfed DS for 10 days exclusively. DD is now 4.5 months and is exclusively breastfed and it's going really well.

I was really disappointed not to have fed DS more and in retrospect I believe I could have done. I am totally happy that I did the right thing in giving up and in no way feel guilty about it though. Many of the things I read here echo what I felt.

I stopped feeding DS because on top of all the "normal" establishing breastfeeding problems (sore nipples, engorgement etc.) he would seem to need feeding almost constantly but fuss like mad at the breast and pull away screaming all the time. He also did this with a bottle but it was a million times easier to deal with (because other people could deal with it too). As I could only take 3 months off with DS and I was beginning to dread each feed so much I would cry if someone said they thought he was hungry I felt it best that I concentrated on building a good relationship with my son during my maternity leave so we went on to formula.

With DD I was much better prepared and much more relaxed. I also have 12 months leave planned so had the luxury of time. The pain and engorgement were the same - and she even started doing the same fussing at around 2 weeks. Crucially I mentioned this to a HV (a stand-in) who suspected it was wind and told me to burp her for longer and not to feed her unless she latched on and really went for it. It worked.

I think the time taken on maternity leave is very important. If at 1 week you are having problems and this is making it hard to bond with your baby then you realise that "establishing breastfeeding" is going to take you several weeks - and you may have already realised that by the time you go back to work you will have to at least partially stop breastfeeding. If however you have several more months then you can take your time. I don't think we were "established" (no pain at all and no unpredictable leaking during the day) until about 2.5 months.

mizmiz · 15/11/2004 22:39

What did you mean about people caring Chandra?
That they minded you b/feeding or what?
Can you give an example?

mykidsmum · 15/11/2004 22:39

Mummytummy, I sympathise with the whole big boob thing was a J cup and personally couldn't breastfeed in public