OH FUCK...... JARM about to send DH out for formula..... stop me!

[DanJARMouse]

I know I want to BF but why the hell is it so hard? We were doing really well up until today. My left nip is sore again, but latch is fine so fuck knows why it hurts. Daniel has been attatched to me all fecking day, bar 2hrs where we co-slept because thats the only way he will sleep.

im pissed off, tired and hormotional

Right, am going to read thread now. Just wanted you to know I was reading it while I was, since you're around now

Have a big hug whilst I'm reading xx xx

Firstly, they don't hate you [hard stare] tho they may feel a bit displaced. Are they old enough to explain about how he needs you but that it wont stop you loving them etc. If you can sit thru their fave dvd's your feeding time can be a lovely time to sit with them snuggled under a blanket on the sofa watching one. Or as someone said reading books. That's what my mum did with my bro while she fed me. Big stack of boooks on sofa.

Dont feel guilty about the girls, it is pointless and a waste of eneergy. Ds would need a lot of your attention anyway even if FF. Also can you invole the girls more. eg, can they fetch nappies and wipes, help to put the cream on his bum, laugh at his little winky??? The they might feel more involved and less resentful.

"i know formula wont solve anything, if anything it will depress the hell out of me"

This is the sentence that stood out for me from this thread.

What wonderful women MNers are - this is a fab thread!

JARM, how long is DH around for? Is he going back to work (I can't remember what his situation is - sorry if this is an insensitive question)?

If you're feeling guilty about neglecting the girls, can DH take Daniel for a walk in the afternoon whilst you drowse and read and cuddle the girls on the sofabed? Daniel will probably sleep (all wrapped up toasty but in the fresh air), leaving him more relaxed for the evening and more likely to sleep better (not guaranteed, babies are funny buggers - helps to remember that, I find).

What will formula actually change? Daniel will still need feeding, winding and getting to sleep. Yes, DH might do some feeds, but there will be bottles to wash, sterilise, make up. Plus formula's expensive. You can feed painlessly - you have before, you will again - be uber careful with his latch, slather on the Lansinoh (I'll send you some if you haven't got some already) and you want to do this.

And you are doing it! Go back and read your posts about how happy you were to be breastfeeding - JARM, breastfeeding! You are amazing, you can do this and your girls adore you - a bit (a lot!) of Beebies won't hurt them. And it will get easier!

I'm looking forward to the thread you start when Daniel's three months old and still exclusively bfed (although obv taking it a day (or even a feed) at a time is the way forward for the mo) - telling us all how easy it is now and how happy you are everyone urged you to keep going.

Just look at his little face when you are feeding him, his little mouth sucking away, his eyes shut in bliss, and that milky drunk face when he is done, a cute milky dribble. ENJOY IT!!!! Stop with the guilt (she says) it is the worst thing, and noone ever warns you of the awful debilitating thing that is mother guilt. They grow up so fast, it seems five minutes since I had dd2 and she was slurping happily away ALL blessed night, but now she is 16 mths old in dd1's room, starting to talk and climbing everything.

Stop and slow down and enjoy it. Repeat the mantra, it won't last forever, it wont last forever. He will grow and start to do stuff and then the girls will start to enjoy him more too. It is hard to explain to them why this little spud is so delicate and needs all of mummy's time, but they will be fine, and I am quite certain you are not neglecting them. [more hard stares]

DH needs to take D away, as Hunker said, even just for half an hour so that you can sit and play with the girls (even tho you'll be wistfully thinking of having a bath or going for a poo by yourself He will be fine for that long and maybe even sleep abit, and you have tiome with your girls. DD1 watched/watches far too much tv cos it is the only time I can sit on here or do anything else that I need to hopefully your DH doesn't mind taking on a bit more so you can do these thigs without someone climbing your leg.

Hey JARM how are you today??

Reckon this is just a blip so hope you are back on form today....let us know.

Look, Jarm, I know you're going to feel guilty about the other two whatever we say but it really is in your head and not theirs I'm sure. And you can assuage the guilt by letting yourself off the hook and doing whatever it takes to keep them happier and you BF. E.G Send out DH for big jar of jellybabies. Put on shelf next to sofa. Design sticky badge for each 'helper' to be taped onto jumper with sellotape. Tell them BF needs to be 'pumped' by helpers jumping up and down in the other room for 5 minutes each. Give jellybaby for each 5 minutes of jumping...

Or just go for the straight bribery: stickers on wallchart for each day of helping and at the end they get to go to the park/Legoland/Hamleys/Disneyland Paris (delete as budget allows)

The guilt won't go away. But YOU deserve this after how much you wanted it... AS Hunker says, you already know how much time you won't have sterilising, making up, warming etc bottles and then you'll STILL have to sit on the sofa for 40mins every couple of hours feeding, burping changing etc. It will make sod all difference...

You're having a bad patch: they come, they go. You knew it would be like this. Maybe your son is fussier than normal because he's having a growth spurt (how old is he?)

Your other girls do not hate you. You can guarantee the minute Father Xmas arrives, they'll have forgotten all about you and will get that glazed faraway look in their little eyes, dreaming of Mylittlepony land filled with Barbie princesses (or wotever girls do these days, I've only got blokes...)

Distract em with that (yeah - get Xmas decos up, that'll get em going!), give in to the tiredness (you go like this: yup, I'm exhausted, I can't fight it, I just have to get on while exhausted - it makes life easier to accept it IMHO. Same with the guilt) and tomorrow, or at the weekend, or next week, you'll feel better. I promise. And in a month, or two, you'll be back doing everything with those girls that you did before, just with a baby on your front (get a sling! babywear! handsfree!) and no bottles to lug around...

YOU ARE NOT NEGLECTING YOUR GIRLS.

Get that idea out of your heads.
They are watching you do a wonderful wonderful thing for their baby brother and that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Would you like your girls to breastfeed their babies? Well if so,statistically the chances of that are much higher if
1.) They see their mother do it
2.) Their mother can be around to offer practical advice having done it herslef.

JARM,never underestimate the power of just being there for your children (I am putting my SALT hat on here). You are with them,smiling at them,talking to them,kissing them,and enjoying them.

Being with kids doesn't have to be a non stop jamboree of bloody gluing and sticking and trips out to shops to buy crap to be valuable.

Budge up tp give them some room on that sofabed of yours, tell one of them to bring a storybook and have a read and a cuddle.

Worth more than anything that is.

Thank you all.

I have managed a whole 2hrs sleep this morning because DH put Daniel in his car seat and he went staight to sleep.... why does the car seat have that power yet I dont?!

Im going one feed at a time, I have no other choice. I cant see beyond it at the moment.

Jessica has been an absolute nightmare today so Im waiting for 1pm when she goes to nursery with eagerness!

Rebecca is constipated again, we havent had this for months now, so am blaming the upheaval of a new baby on that.... probably irrational but its the way my mind works.
Dh is a gem, I cant fault him, and will get him to entertain the boy for a bit. I guess he just has it in his head Daniel needs me and his job is to concentrate on the girls and the housework.

Christmas.... hahahaha.... whats that? Its going to be a washout with me feeding and doing nothing and not enjoying it. I cant even go to church because they boy is so unpredictable and will probably squeek all the way through and ruin it for everyone else.
Thank god DH is a chef and will be doing the cooking anyway!

Just need to keep telling myself - one feed at a time..... no formula here YET!

Thank you all.

I have managed a whole 2hrs sleep this morning because DH put Daniel in his car seat and he went staight to sleep.... why does the car seat have that power yet I dont?!

Im going one feed at a time, I have no other choice. I cant see beyond it at the moment.

Jessica has been an absolute nightmare today so Im waiting for 1pm when she goes to nursery with eagerness!

Rebecca is constipated again, we havent had this for months now, so am blaming the upheaval of a new baby on that.... probably irrational but its the way my mind works.
Dh is a gem, I cant fault him, and will get him to entertain the boy for a bit. I guess he just has it in his head Daniel needs me and his job is to concentrate on the girls and the housework.

Christmas.... hahahaha.... whats that? Its going to be a washout with me feeding and doing nothing and not enjoying it. I cant even go to church because they boy is so unpredictable and will probably squeek all the way through and ruin it for everyone else.
Thank god DH is a chef and will be doing the cooking anyway!

Just need to keep telling myself - one feed at a time..... no formula here YET!

Thank you all.

I have managed a whole 2hrs sleep this morning because DH put Daniel in his car seat and he went staight to sleep.... why does the car seat have that power yet I dont?!

Im going one feed at a time, I have no other choice. I cant see beyond it at the moment.

Jessica has been an absolute nightmare today so Im waiting for 1pm when she goes to nursery with eagerness!

Rebecca is constipated again, we havent had this for months now, so am blaming the upheaval of a new baby on that.... probably irrational but its the way my mind works.
Dh is a gem, I cant fault him, and will get him to entertain the boy for a bit. I guess he just has it in his head Daniel needs me and his job is to concentrate on the girls and the housework.

Christmas.... hahahaha.... whats that? Its going to be a washout with me feeding and doing nothing and not enjoying it. I cant even go to church because they boy is so unpredictable and will probably squeek all the way through and ruin it for everyone else.
Thank god DH is a chef and will be doing the cooking anyway!

Just need to keep telling myself - one feed at a time..... no formula here YET!

WTF happened there!?

OK, that's good - you can do this, JARM, I know you can!

Re constipation, if it's because of the new baby (which I doubt), how would changing how you fed him help?

Very glad you've had some sleep xx

'not going to church because a squeaking baby will ruin it for everyone' ?

Isn't the nativity all about the squeaking baby? I sat through my DS1's nativity carol service in church last sunday armed and ready with my retorts, like:

'Got a sniff of the old frankincense to knock him out, then?'

and

'I know! Breastfeeding in church! Who'd've thought? That Mary must have had a brilliant stable with its built-in steriliser and bottlerack an all...!'

Jarm if you want to go to church, go! If there is one day of the year when the presence of a baby in church ought to be welcomed, I should think Christmas Day is it!

If it helps, every morning when I got up I used to say to myself (out loud - I don't know why I cam over all American but there you go) I will do it TODAY. And I'm still doing it 15m later.

just popped in to see how you are doing today JARM

would echo what everyone else has said you are not neglecting your girls, my two would love it if I plonked myself down on the sofa and watched cbeebies with them whilst BFing.

what about renting out some DVDS for them or get a few cheap ones from the pound shop and all cuddle up together although if Rebecca is anything like my DD2 that will last about 10 minutes.

you got through yesterday and you will get through today

JARM bfing is great for keeping them quiet during services...mine have fed through weddings and funerals as well as signing house deeds at the solicitors!

You are doing great and have had some good tips about entertaining the girls. You can easily get them set up with something and then sit and feed whilst they play - how about setting up a shop and you are the stationary customer, or a cafe where they wait on you with a plastic teaset - mine love this sort of thing whilst I read the paper.

You can also take them to soft play and feed Daniel there if you want to get out of the house.

He will soon space out his feeds a bit more but for now chill out and give Rebecca some syrup of figs or a handful of dried apricots.

Charity shops a great source of videos and dvds they've not seen before (oh, and books!). Cost pence and you can re-charity shop them when they're bored of them.

Constipation - could it be down to a slight change in diet if DH is doing the cooking?

Hey DJRM you are still doing a fab job, you will get through this don't give up honestly it won't make anything easier.

Just think if you did give up cleaning, sterilising & making the bottles will be more time consuming than just popping your booby out

I gave it a good go with dd & managed 3 or 4 months life started to get stressful & i thought giving up bf would help, well i was wrong i was completly depressed about it i felt awful after giving up, i started to mix feed first so i would say one you start to mix feed bf always becomes gradually less, i was then not producing enough milk & dd was not satisfied, i did go a bit longer just feeding through the night but it never lasted i was soooo depressed i wished i had just carried on i had done so well, i HATED doing bottles, getting up & having to go downstairs to make & warm the bloody things in the freezing cold.

Don't give in you think it will be better but please believe me it won't. Babies do feed alot at first but gradually you will get some sort of routine & life will start to pan out, don't worry if slobbing on the sofa is your thing you have JUST had a baby, it's christmas soon & thats all about relaxing,.

Sit with your dd's watch a dvd, sit & watch them play, read them books whilst bf if you can, just a little bit of time will help, they don't HATE you & it has nothing to do with bf it is probably more to do with a new baby in the house, my ds was very naughty when dd arrived.

Keep going your doing so so well, don't let dh go & get any formula ever until you have been on here & had a spout then see how you feel, heat of the moment is not a good thing

Christ yes,go to church!
Go anywhere you like!
I've breastfed all over the shop!
If you are feeling nervous about breastfeeding in public, nopw is a good time to start as yuo can take tonnes of blankets and shawls with you.

Peopel might even think you are just a baglady.

Really,remember that life will be hard whether you breastfeed or not. FGS woman you have three under three!
I salute you!

The girls are not being neglected or ignored. Your dh sounds hands on and I'm sure you are looking out for them too. Even if you were n't bfeeding you would feel guilt and divided loyalities, tired and blue, partly due to their ages and natural demands, partly as we are programmed to feel that way regardless. This is such a small period in the overall scheme of things, they won't hate you for it , honestly.

and Christmas is almost 2 weeks away yet - his feeding/sleeping pattern could yet be so different, especially if you take him to church in car seat or sling just after a feed. Sit near to the door so if he creates you or dh can nip out.

well i got through the last 24hrs without the evil stuff.... here's to the next feed.... ooh which is due about now!

Bloody good job my House Season 2 arrived today.... at least i have decent TV to watch!