Would I really regret giving up BF now?

[sparklygothkat]

As many of you know, I had my DS2 prematurely at 33 weeks, 11 weeks ago. I have been breastfeeding and topping up with EBM via a NGT tube. Callum is struggling with his weight gain and doesn't put on a huge amount weekly. Today has been so hard, I have struggled to express enough milk off for his topups. I am tired and physically shattered. I feel tearful. I so want to do the right thing, and keep breastfeeding but I don't know how much more I can take.

Don't give up now. It's night time. Never give up at night time.

You've done SO well, SGK, honestly, so well.

Is there any way you can sleep for a while tomorrow? Take Callum to bed with you and leave DH to deal with the big ones? I know it's hard and you have a lot of responsibility.

See how you feel in the morning. Have you got any EBM in the freezer? Have you tried expressing whilst feeding on the other side?

Only you know if you're likely to regret it - but I think you might, having fought so hard to get to here.

You're amazing, you know that? xx xx xx

Oh sgk, well done for keeping it up this long under such difficult circumstances. I'm not sure what to say, I know you know that breastmilk is even more advantageous for littlies, but then so is a well-rested Mum. Whatever you decide, don't feel guilty, get as much support as you can, and good luck.

Just thought - could you use any donated breastmilk from donor banks until you were able to rest a bit and then carry on when feeding was easier?

no frozen milk, I used the last up earlier when I couldn't get any milk off. I will go to sleep and see how I feel in the morning. Callum has just settled after his last BF and topup.

oh sgk - you sound so down but i think hunker is right. you have down so so well to come on this long but it might not be the right time to make this decision. i had so many problems with bf - and was one the verge of giving up on day 1, 2 3 ,4 , etc etc - right up to 16 weeks. someone suggested i write down for myself all the reasons why i wanted / needed to give up so when i did stop- i wouldnt beat myself up about it. i did the list and when i reread it back to myself - i realised i wasnt ready and took the one day at a time approach. it is not about doing the right thing but doing what you are able to with the support around you.

now - i look back and wonder how the hell i got those days, which were filled with tears and frustration. now - bf dd is still one of the nicest parts of our days - at the moment i love bf her with just the xmas tree lights on. calm, quiet and peaceful for us both.

i hope it works out for you. xxxx

Poor SGK.

Only you know the answer to your post. And it sounds to me like you are just completely exhausted, shattered with the relentless pressure of worrying about weight, ounces, SCBU nurses...

You are inspirational. I follow your threads because I share the weight obsession, and I celebrate your victories. I admire your dedication, envy your pumping output (!), cheer your successes and hope for you to get some relief from the pressure of worrying about his gain.

I do know how tormenting it can be to feel like your peace of mind is measured by scales. I cried tears of frustration yesterday when my poor little babycarrot weighed less than the previous week. Then I fed her quickly, and gave her a couple of ounces of ebm (all I can manage to express) and lo - she weighed 4 ounces more - a weight gain again - one whole ounce more than last week.

It's ridiculous that I felt relieved again over something so contrived and pointless.

Please - get a good, good night's sleep (I'll log off if you will) and look at things again in the morning.

You have so much to be proud of. And so much support for whatever you choose to do.

Each day brings new strength.

i did that on friday Carrot, He had lost weight but I fed him and he gained 2oz. I am just so tired.. he is still waking every 2 hours, and I find it so hard..

Re-evaluate it in the morning, as hunker said.

sounds like you are at that point that I always got to at around 8-10 weeks where I felt I Just Couldnt Take Anymore.

A culmination of mental and physical exhaustion, and feeling entirely cheated of sleep, and thinking that nothing should be This Hard.

Only you know what will be best for you and for Callum. But, decide in the cold light of day

I feel so bad for you. Tiredness colours everything blue, doesn't it?

Can you put out a serious distress call to family? Just yelp for help and let people know how close you are to the end of your tether. Tell them that you need most is to rest, with Callum, feeding him.

Not advice, not judgement, not formula, not pressure. Just help, so that you can rest.

Nothing else.

Is there anyone who could come to your assistance like this?

I'm hoping that things turn a corner for you soon. and sending some zzzzzs your way, for both you and Callum.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hope you're still asleep, SGK.

Thinking of you - wish I could help. Heck, if you want me to come and feed Callum for a morning so you can have some sleep, I will!

yes i have often thought that as am breastfeeding i could put give exhausted mother's baby some milk so they could sleep. people dont seem to like that idea and it never seems to happen. whatever you decide SGK you are a WONDERFUL mother to Callum and your other children and you must be gentle with yourself. see how your day goes today but dont beat yourself up.

I have just got up. me and dh decided that we are going to mix the formula with my EBM and try and get Callum's weight up and hopefully get rid of the tube, which means it will be easier for me. I will still be feeding him, and hopefully we will through this

sparkly - glad that you've made a decision that you're happy(ish) with. I so know the place you're in now - I gave up bf'ing dd because of her poor weight gain, tried to mix feed but didn't sustain my supply. I regret it because she was my last chance to succesfully feed long term but I know that, like you, the choice was taken from me in many ways. Don't beat yourself up - you are doing the best you possibly can for Callum.

Sparkly,yuo and only you can make the decision but as you have stated yourself,supply has never been an issue so it seems strange that people are suggesting that formula will do a better job.

He is also small and premature and as you know, breastmilk is the perfect food for him.

Having said that,really feel for you in your struggles and the fact that you are surrounded by idiots unsupportive people who are obviously undermining you.

the sooner the tube has gone, the easier it will be. I am still tired but hopefully i can keep at it

the dietian just phoned me, she said that its a good plan, and to keep rested.

at least the formula is only going down he tube mixed with my EBM, one saving grace, no nipple confusion

hi sgk

where abouts are you in the country? I'm in Lancashire and I have some frozen ebm in my freezer if you want some? I donate so can guarantee that I have no nasty diseases! Don't worry if it sounds a bit wierd to you, I won't be offended, just want to help.

You're doing so well, I have so much respect now for people with more than one child - I stuggle with just my LO!!

ziggy xx

ziggy, thanks but I live near london. Thanks for the offer though.

well I expressed 200ml off this morning and have carried on BF

Wow! Good going sgk

we are mix topping up, purely for my own sanity, but with 30mls of EBM and 20mls of formula. Once he gains enough and is taking enough from the breast to keep himself going, we will stop with the formula

Sparkly,I am still confused about why you need to give formula though when you have loads of breastmilk???

The formula is added to the bm to increase the calories moondog. Same volume - more calories. You used to be able to get bm fortifiers but SCBU won't give them to sparkly.

Oh I see

(Still unconvinced)