Working from home, breastfeeding, zoom meetings

[jadelou85]

Since the lockdowns my company has set thing up to allow most of us to work from home so my whole return to work hasn't been the wrench / challenge that I thought it would be. We do have a lot of zoom meetings and to start with everyone including my boss was fine if I dropped out of meetings if I needed to feed. I still had the feeling some people thought I was using it as an excuse so a few weeks ago I just told my boss I needed to feed but I was OK to carry on with our meeting. I managed to be discreet and was pretty chuffed with myself until right at the end I had a mssive slip-up becuase I was paying more attention to the meeting than what I was doing. I probably wouldn't have attempted it again after that but since that day I've felt more and more pressure to 'just get on with it' and take the multi-tasking approach. He hasn't been direct about it but my boss has made more than one comment along these lines even though he was always fine with me dropping our occasionally before. I literally feel I'm being pressured into now and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel lucky to be allowed to work from home but it feels a bit like an ultimatum like stay on meetings if you need to BF or come back to the office. Can someone help me put this in perspective and even better suggest how to deal with it or how to approach the subject without it being any more uncomfortable than it needs to be?

You're also being evasive about childcare arrangements and age of your child.

I think there's some confusion here between what was acceptable during lockdown when childcare shut down for most families, and what can happen now that childcare is up and running.

In lockdown we saw all sorts - children gatecrashing meetings, parents having to juggle looking after them while working.

Now that childcare is widely available again we need to go back to behaving as we would if we were full-time back in the office.

If you weren't WFH op how would you be expecting your baby to be fed? Presumably not by you feeding baby yourself regularly?

@Moonbabysmum

The odd thing is that you've started two threads about this, and despite repeatedly getting asked your baby's age, and who is caring for them, you ignore this repeatedly. Which surely you wouldn't ignore unless there was a reason to.

My current thinking is that you are basically looking after a toddler whilst trying to work, and that's why you don't want to say.

This.

Plus some of the responses from you are rude so maybe your boss finds your self entitled and attitude unacceptable.

Given your evasiveness and rudeness, I think your boss is a saint. Get proper childcare and schedule your feeding or expressing times into your breaks or between meetings. I doubt you’re in meetings for 8 hours straight. Just work it out like every other working mother has to.

I think there's some confusion here between what was acceptable during lockdown when childcare shut down for most families, and what can happen now that childcare is up and running.

I agree with this. In the lockdown anything went, it was chaotic. Now things have calmed own I think you need to schedule breaks to BF off camera if you can or consider expressing for the person looking after your child to feed them on demand.

@Noogar

I think there's some confusion here between what was acceptable during lockdown when childcare shut down for most families, and what can happen now that childcare is up and running.

I agree with this. In the lockdown anything went, it was chaotic. Now things have calmed own I think you need to schedule breaks to BF off camera if you can or consider expressing for the person looking after your child to feed them on demand.

I agree.

At the end of the day OP is paid to work, not keep leaving meetings. If anything important is missed how would she know?

As OP isn't answering about the childcare situation my only guess is there isn't one. WFH is to work from home not look after your child also.

As OP isn't answering about the childcare situation my only guess is there isn't one. WFH is to work from home not look after your child also.
Op did hint either on this thread or her other identical one that someone else is looking after the child (not sure if it is a baby or a toddler) but she bf while working. This wouldn't be able to happen in an office and basically now as I said above, with childcare available you have to treat WFH like working in the office and nobody would approve of the childcarer bringing the child in mid meeting for a feed there.

I think it's incredibly unprofessional to be needing to attend to your baby/child whilst in a meeting. I assume you wouldn't do that if you were in the office?
You've been very evasive on the age of your child and who's looking after them and your rudeness isn't helping. You don't need to be specific, it could be 'over 6 months' and 'a relative/nanny is here'. It would help to bring some clarity to the situation because right now, it sounds bonkers and unprofessional!

@MyOtherProfile

As OP isn't answering about the childcare situation my only guess is there isn't one. WFH is to work from home not look after your child also. Op did hint either on this thread or her other identical one that someone else is looking after the child (not sure if it is a baby or a toddler) but she bf while working. This wouldn't be able to happen in an office and basically now as I said above, with childcare available you have to treat WFH like working in the office and nobody would approve of the childcarer bringing the child in mid meeting for a feed there.

I did didn't, I. Someone suggested that I must have childcare in place if I'm working and I replied and said that was correct. Thats was a hell of a hint.

You sound insufferable.

I work in tech and I've twice been in a meeting where someone fed their baby .. in person in the office .

Nobody batted an eyelid 😅

I'm a bit confused and I think there's some miscommunication going on between you and your employer.

I wonder if your employer began with a relaxed and reassuring approach, but now feels you are taking the piss and not prioritising work during working time. I don't think it's necessarily a breastfeeding thing, I think it might be a parenting-whilst-working thing.

Different employers have different approaches (and different line managers within them have different approaches too), and I think the past 18 months have hugely blurred everyone's boundaries about whether you can do both at once.

My own take is that after going above and beyond to keep working whenever my previously-sufficient childcare arrangements fell through because covid, I'm happy to expect a bit more flexibility than I had before. OTOH I know people who've decided not to sort any childcare for their toddler whilst wfh, basically to save money, and I think that's just cheeky. You can't really do both.

My 2-3yo could be parked in front of cbeebies for a bit to allow me to work. Sometimes it was great; sometimes she needed more input and my ability to work (lone parent) was v compromised. Often when I was on a meeting ie. more interesting than Octonauts, she'd come over and demand the breast and even though I'd long since cut her down to morning and bedtime, instilled good nursing manners etc I sometimes went with it to have an uninterrupted and complicated conversation. At her age and with her "normal" bf, it wasn't about hunger or pumping or pre-emptively feeding at convenient moments, it was her desperately trying to connect with her mum, who was looking after her and ignoring her.

My work tolerated it as an exceptional, extenuating circumstance, and knowing how I was working to mitigate the impact, and because in the long story of my career it's a blip and they'd be silly to lose me over it. But they also knew I wasn't choosing to have her around whilst working, which makes a huge difference. You're being evasive about your arrangements here so it's hard to guess whether your work feels the same way.

If someone else is caring for your child other than when the breast is required... tricky. I fed on demand until mine went to full-time childcare at 13 and 16 months, but if I left them in someone else's care younger than that i simply wasn't available to feed. DD took an expressed bottle at 4 months, DS always just waited for me to come back. I wasn't in the home though- impossible to ask a baby to wait when they know mummy is just the other side of that door.

You didn't respond to the rest of @MyOtherProfile's post though.

If you were in the office, it wouldn't be acceptable for the baby to be brought for a feed during meetings. You would also be expected to pump around meetings and only to leave to pump if it was a truly desperate blocked duct/mastitis situation. Much like using the bathroom - you go before and after the meeting unless you really can't wait.

I have a feeling the issue isn't the breastfeeding but more about the attitude around it all from her.

I think we all know that op is wfh with her baby and no childcare. I’d say bf is the least of your work problems. You’re evasive and unable to answer simple questions. The issue with your Manager is probably because you’re unable to communicate effectively.

Bf occasionally during a meeting wouldn’t bother me as long as they were engaged in discussion etc. It would be a big issue for me if they were using wfh as a reason not to pay for adequate childcare. If my team member was regularly feeding or missing calls for that reason I would question whether they had this arrangement in place.

Actually I think she probably does have some childcare but her evasiveness made me wonder if either it's her partner or she's using informal care to save money and is still heavily involved in her baby's care throughout the day.

Op you’re being evasive because you know your attitudes towards work is not the right one.

You were expecting a thread full of yeah they should support you take them to acas. When in fact , you’ve had the opposite and you’re avoiding to give any information. Having posters that have been bf through toddlerhood and still don’t bf during the meetings I think doesnt sit down well with your case.

Nobody is saying you should be refused to bf. But more that there is a time for each thing and bf during a meeting nor leaving it shouldnt be the normal.

I agree she is WFH with no childcare.
Taking the piss out if her employer.

Even bottle feeding during a meeting would be unprofessional IMHO. Or changing a nappy. Things were different during lockdown when childcare was not available.

Turn your camera off. Feed. Stay in the meeting? Would that work?

Yes @MindyStClaire I think op didn't reply to the rest of my post because as you and @Betsyboo87 says bf is the least of her problems and actually the lack of communication and lack of commitment are more significant.

@PurBal

Are you working or looking after LO? You can’t really do both. If you were in the office would you be BF? Or would you arrange alternate childcare?

Sorry I don't know what LO is but childcare arrangements, feeding aside, are the same as they would be if I was in the office.

@SleepingStandingUp

You say return to work so is it safe to assume baby is 6 months plus? Who has her whilst you work? How often does she feed vs how often do you have meetings?

Honestly I'd just turn the camera off so no worries about flashing your breasts to Dave from Accounts and get on with it. Surely it can't be happening every meeting?

No, it's nothing like every meeting. Most of the time I manage to stop the BF and meetings from clashing but they just do from time to time. Camera off would work for me but we have this 'cameras on in meetings policy' which at this point is what it boils down to really.

@SylvanasWindrunner

How old is your baby? I wouldn't be breastfeeding during meetings. I think it's a bit unprofessional to do any sort of childcare during meetings when you're back at work, regardless of whether it's breastfeeding or not. Presumably you have a lot of time during the day when you aren't on meetings, so you shouldn't have a problem feeding around meetings, surely?

Who is looking after your baby while you're working?

I'd probably have agreed before but enough people said they wouldn't mind in the slightest I felt comfortable enough to give it a go. You're right, it's all quite manageble on the whole. Just occasionally though, it isn't. When meetings drag on etc.

@dannydyerismydad

Turn your camera off. Feed. Stay in the meeting? Would that work?

Yes