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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 27/10/2007 18:48

Will be back.

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 18:51

the way i see it breastfeeding is the most natural thing in hte world and the most natural way to stop is to let your child decide when that is. it might be age 1 it might be age 7. i fed ds til he was 2 and will feed dd (currently 9months) until she wants to stop.

your post doesn't make me feel angry, just sad. i think it is so very sad that as a soiciety we have a negative attitude to breastfeeding, and view (particuarly extended breastfeeding) as 'odd' when actually, when you think about it it is normal, really.

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 18:54

i understand your attitude, but don't you think that your attitudes are shaped by the society/culture which we live in. for example in sweeden bf rates are very high (90 odd percent) and i suspect that has a lot to do with it being seen as normal by the population at large, rather than 'odd'.

saadia · 27/10/2007 18:54

mmhhhmm have to say i agree with OP.

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:57

but I don't have a negative attitude to breastfeeding .. I have an extremely positive attitude to breastfeeding

I do admittedly have a negative reaction to the concept of my feeding my walking, talking, shirt-lifting children from the breast ...

... sadly I think that using the 'natural' argument rather a cop-out on the discussion ... natural does not equate to good

OP posts:
mumblechum · 27/10/2007 18:57

I agree as well, Twig, there's nothing creepier than a two year old running to mummy and sticking its head up her Tshirt.

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:58

yes beautifuldays .. shaped by society / culture and the family I was brought up in

the interesting concept, to me, is that no amount of 'reading' will change this visceral reaction .. even when my head says 'oh that's fine' this reaction remains .. as I said in OP I have been able to move the 'goalposts' though but that took a heck of a lot of work

OP posts:
beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 19:01

how can the natural way to feed children not equate to the best way ie a good thing?

i would much rather my child had the milk nature intended her to have than milk intended for a baby cow.

if you look at nature and the proportion of an animals life that it recieves its mothers milk for, humans feed their children for a very short time.

clearly it is the best thing as it is what children choose when they are allowed make that choice.

MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 27/10/2007 19:01

I must admit I am firmly in the self weaning camp. i have had the odd wobble at various ages but it is more important to me that I fulfill my childs needs. If my child needs to still have the odd breastfeed (at currently 3.5) then that is fine.

I don't think i have fed her in public since she was about 18 months though. No real need to. If there had been I would have but I am aware that people do find it odd/distateful and I respect that.

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 19:02

mumblechum i find your post quite offensive actually.

JARM · 27/10/2007 19:03

I am in total agreement with you Twig.

I know what I want to say, but cant get the words right. Im too tired and pregnant to think.

Will be back to this though

morocco · 27/10/2007 19:05

i would think yours is the most common reaction in the uk tbh, to answer your question in the title, and the really weird thing is I manage to both find it pretty odd and even repellent as an idea and also completely natural and normal and lovely. my instinctive reaction to the idea of 4, 5, 6 year olds bf is 'yuck' but i think that is my conditioned response. i once thought that about bf babies past the age of 4 months. now i have bf to 14 months with ds2 and it seemed the most normal and natural and nice thing in the world. with dd1 I'm thinking of bf even longer for the same reasons. and yet i still feel a bit weird sometimes when i see mums bf older children. it seems different when it's your own. sorry, got to go, baby in crisis,

MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 27/10/2007 19:07

Oh and I did find toddler feeding a bit weirdy before I was doing it and I am not entirely sure that I wouldn't still find someone else doing it a bit odd.

gordieracer · 27/10/2007 19:07

I felt the same about walking talking shirt lifting children, until I fed my own ds until he was nearly 3, and then it was beautiful.
I think it is because it's so unusual that it makes people uncomfortable.
I also remember back to before I had children, and i found most things toddlers did "irritating!"which mae me wonder if you have to actuallt experience things with your own child before you can empathise.

I definitley think that once you've experienced something with your own child, you see everything very differently

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 19:07

also they don't turn into 4year olds overnight, they are the same baby that you started feeding hours after birth. why force them to give up something that is good for them when they don't want to?

francagoestohollywood · 27/10/2007 19:07

mmmmmmm.
will be back, have to go to dinner.

Olihan · 27/10/2007 19:08

I used to feel like that, and to a certain extent I still do. I look at my ds1 who is 3.10 and can not imagine bfing him - it just seems too weird, I have the same feelings about dd who is 2.2. However, I stopped feeding them by 4 weeks so I have no experience of bfing them beyond absolute newborness.

I've only had 1 mum friend who has fed beyond 6mo - she did it until 13mo so my exposure to 'extended' bf is really limited which I think is partly where my sense of 'weirdness' comes from. I think of bfing as something babies do, because that's my experience.

However, ds2 is 9mo and bf and I have no intention of stopping bfing any time soon, or have a set age in mind. It's such a normal part of our daily routine now that I can't imagine not doing it. Whether I'll still be doing it at 2yo or older I couldn't say. I suppose if he still wants it then I may well be, because it'll just be a natural progression of our bf relationship but I can't get a mental image of me feeding a 2yo without feeling a bit odd. If we make it that far I'm sure it won't, but at the moment it does, because it's beyond the realms of my experience.

Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else!

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 19:08

beautifuldays but of course 'natural' is not always good .. nature is cruel and capricious .. there are many examples of where we exert our influences on 'nature'

OP posts:
beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 19:09

so cows milk is better for toddlers than human milk

sorry but in this case nature does equal better

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 19:10

definitely agree that what you end up doing with your own children colours your perception of what is natural

hence my ability to extend the period of bf first child .. 4 months ... to nearly a year for 2nd child seemed a natural process to me.. maybe if I had 4 kids by the end I'd be bf'ing a walking talking one

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 27/10/2007 19:17

I don't really want to know that you find how I have fed my child 'distasteful'

why exactly do you feel the need to tell me?

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 19:19

exactly franny

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 19:23

well, if I could draw your attention to the initial post I think it explains quite carefully why I thought it would be a topic of interest to discuss

OP posts:
SeaShells · 27/10/2007 19:25

Would just like to say I completely agree with Twig. But am bowing out of this thread now as I doubt there will be any sort of reasonable discussion here TBH.

FrannyandZooey · 27/10/2007 19:28

I did read it, Twig, but I can't see what point you think making people feel uncomfortable about their feeding choice will have. You clearly have a whopping great problem with breastfeeding but why air your views where lots of people breastfeeding their children are going to read it? it isn't very supportive, or IMO friendly, to do so.

if you are saying that you need to thrash this out to be capable of breastfeeding future children for a longer period, then I think the appropriate place would be with a couple of close friends, not in public like this where many people are going to be upset by your post.

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