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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So is it just me who has viscerally negative reactions to talk about breastfeeding 4 or 5 year olds

757 replies

TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 18:46

Now look I know its different strokes for different folks and I am not judging anyone as I know logically that its fine and anyone who does is doing what they deem their very best for their own children.

But I am talking about a experiencing a sense of distaste that I cannot help. I do have a negative and almost physical reaction to the thought of breastfeeding my 3 year old let alone an older child. And I have discussed this before when it came to extending breastfeeding for my own child beyond 6 months and with the discussion was capable of making it past that psychological barrier to 11 months.

Perhaps the thought of having a reasonable discussion over this particular reaction is just a step too far for us on Mumsnet. But I thought I'd give it a go anyway .. what, with it being Saturday and all that.

Anyone who experiences the same sense of negativity will no doubt need to gulp down hard before adding to this discussion. Just as anyone who is on the 'other side of the fence' will need to take copious amounts of oxygen into their system to calm down before posting .. I hope both sides do though... it could be interesting and educational

OP posts:
Blu · 27/10/2007 19:52

I have no feelings about other people feeding toddlers - seems fine.

Before I had a child, I think I did feel as you do, Twig.

Then I bf DS until he was 2 (by then, just at bedtime ) and it felt utterly ordinary. But within a week of stopping, the idea of bf-ing him again would have made me think 'oh, no you don't!' - he just felt beyond the stage, and it would have felt as odd as putting a nappy on him now would, when he doesn't need it.

bf-ing is in itself a visceral thing, and as such I'm not sure our feelings are ever neutral or entirely objective. I think if people keep it up with small children it goes on being utterley normal - and no-one else needs a pov!

kittywitch · 27/10/2007 19:55

I don't like it, I think it's distasteful too. I was at a children's farm place recently and a woman plonked herself in the middle of the path lifted up her top and her child, at least aged 4, had a slup whilst his mother chatted to someone.
Perhaps it was the way she did it that made me feel so uncomfortable. But it was honestly like watching a calf suckle a really long teat. Yuk

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 19:55

yes Blu .. good points

OP posts:
empen · 27/10/2007 19:59

I have read the OP but none of the rest of the messages in case it put me off posting.

I agree with twig - I think once the kid is older to hitch up the mothers top and help itself then it is time to get them a cup. If youo still want to give them breastmilk then express it.

Blu · 27/10/2007 19:59

Well, apart from the number of legs and teats involved, a mother human feeding her child is exactly the same as a mother cow feeding her child. It's a fundemental, defining thing about mammals. Hence visceral, perhaps. But I'm not sure why that makes it 'distasteful'.

BitTiredNow · 27/10/2007 20:00

Twig - your mother needs a slap for passing that on to you - sorry if I am dissing her, but REALLY!

ScaremyVile · 27/10/2007 20:01

QV - No, certainly not most (the 'at least one' comment is because I can only think of one by name).

BitTiredNow · 27/10/2007 20:01

Blu, just to play devils advocate, lots of mother mammals cuff and bite their offspring - I would like to , but......

Olihan · 27/10/2007 20:02

'I feel that breastfeeding is for babies, for those who cannot take other sustenance. That a child who can ask for a breastfeed is in a different stage of life but being kept back' is my current feeling on extended bf but I know that's because I've been conditioned that way. My mother regularly tells me that bfing a walking, talking child is wrong and really isn't necessary - it's her way of suggesting I should be thinking of stopping before too long.

It's only my current feeling though as I am almost certain I won't immediately wants to stop when ds2 starts walking and talking.

So I can understand where you are coming from but I think a lot of it is about the way we were brought up, the reactions of people close to us that shape our feelings on it.

If it wasn't for MN and people like Franny, Harpsi, Hunker and lots of others who are open about extended bf then I think I probably would have stopped at 6mo because in general society that's pretty much expected. The 'You've done your bit, they're on solids so they don't need bf' attitude. I'm glad I've been educated on here so that I can enjoy the bf relationship I have with ds2 and not feel that I'm weird for feeding past 6mo.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 27/10/2007 20:02

OK well without knowing anything about people's individual reasons for feeling repulsed if I was forced into suggesting some possible reasons I would speculate that it might be to do with a combination of:

issues to do with intimacy, in particular a discomfort with physical intimacy between a mother and child, perhaps because it was discouraged in them? and somesort of confusion between intimacy (physical /emotional) and sexuality

and / or

some confusion about breasts (understandable, as our society is entirely confused about them) and maybe someone who has fallen hook line and sinker for the notion they are purely sexual so a discomfort about the line between physical comfort offered to a child and adult sexuality

and/ or

disomfort about toddlers being dependent and a wish to see very young children being independent of their parents (again, a common cultural norm in our society)

and / or a discomfort about being "primitive" or "animalistic"

I would also suspect that these issues probably had something to do with he person's own parenting and how they were parented.

this isn't rocket science but those are the themes I would say.

this has taken me ages to draft so no doubt it is miles out of date by now for which apols.

policywonk · 27/10/2007 20:02

Perhaps it is too graphic a reminder that we are animals?

harpsicorpsecarrier · 27/10/2007 20:03

Scaremy dear just name names

ScaremyVile · 27/10/2007 20:04

Harpsi - she apparently knows who she is

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 20:06

'ello again Phillip Larkin

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 20:07

it's rather comforting that everything I fuck up becomes my mother's fault

OP posts:
beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 20:08

empen - "I agree with twig - I think once the kid is older to hitch up the mothers top and help itself then it is time to get them a cup. If youo still want to give them breastmilk then express it."

clearly you have no bloody idea what you are talking about. so what on my sons 2nd birthday i should have sat down and said, you could have milk from mummy yesterday but today you will have it in a cup

don't tell me how to parent my child

harpsicorpsecarrier · 27/10/2007 20:08

just to respond to your (crossed) post Twig:
I Think it is a great deal to do with lack of personal experience.
I find it hard to remember feeding my dd1 now and it was only a year ago. of course I didn't start eeding a three year old, I fed a baby and she got bigger. I responded to her needs.

It really isn't so much the OP that is offensive, it is just the open invitation to air comments that are not just offensive but actually extremely hurtful.

at bedtime, my two year old cameup and asked me for a feed. it is a lovely time, that bed time feed and tonight I was thinking all the time about mumblechum's comment that what just happened was the creepiest thing in the world. Creepy! my relationship with my lovely gorgeous daughter is creepy.
I know they are just words on the page but they have the power to fuck up a perfectly natural relationship.

people shoudl think on, tbh.

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 20:11

also it's not necesarrily true that you follow your parents with this - my mum is very anti-breastfeeding and always asking me when i'm going to stop, she bottle-fed me from birth.

my children have/will be exclusively breastfed - but maybe that's just the rebel in me

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 20:12

I'm sorry harpsichord .. I do respect your opinions greatly

I do have to say that many of those who are agreeing with my OP are agreeing in a way that makes me intensely uncomfortable too .. but I opened the door to that I suppose

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/10/2007 20:12

I would imagine Cam, the childrens reaction would depend on how their parents reacted/felt/taught them at home.

Otherwise, I'd say other children would be indifferent about it. They take things at face value, usually.

Scaremy, what brings you to the conclusion that "some" posters would extend b/feed as an extension of their neuroticism.

I ask, because to me, continuing to breastfeed wasnt a choice so much as it was just carrying on with what we were doing. In fact, the fact that I carried on is an indication of how relaxed about b/feeding I was.

Original poster
TwigorTreat · 27/10/2007 20:13

I was bottle-fed too .. is that relevant

OP posts:
Blu · 27/10/2007 20:13

Harpsi's list would seem to make sense to me. And I expect every one of us has a different mix of at least traces of all those factors in our make up.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 27/10/2007 20:13

god I hope no-one thinks I mean - your mum fed you, you will bf.
I do think though that anyone who genuinely thinks feeding a two year old is "creepy" does have some serious issues and they should either keep it to themselves and/or have a long hard look at themselves.
if they see something sexual in it, then that is a very fucked up POV tbh.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 27/10/2007 20:15

oh don't worry Twig
I should log off I think.
xx

beautifuldays · 27/10/2007 20:15

i know you didn't mean that harpsi, and i completely agree wiht you.