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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Worried about my wife.......

318 replies

BritishBeef · 06/10/2007 18:21

Hi there,
My son is only 2 weeks old and we are already at our limits. I guess that sounds pathetic and both my wife and I feel failures to be feeling this way so early on.

My wife had a lot of problems breastfeeding in during the first week due to our son having a very strong suction and also managing to 'click' whilst sucking which caused my wife so much pain that she cried whilst feeding. We had 3 different midwives confirm that he was latched on perfectly and couldn't work out what was going wrong. Things got better a few days ago and breastfeeding was bearable. In the last few days however, our son has been wanting feeding every 2 hours and his feeding time has lengthened to an hour or more meaning that my wife is feeding as much as she's not including 3 times during the night and again her nipples are getting painful. The rest of the time he is really grisly and won't settle meaning we are getting no rest. We tried winding etc. but no use. We take him out in the afternoon for an hour (he will usually sleep then). Yesterday he was awake for the best part of 16 hours out of 24 and most of that was grisly or crying.

Today, he's doing his feeding cues straight after an hour long feed. The feed is not constant and by the end it's as if he's just comfort sucking but like I said, as soon as he's removed from the breast he makes out that he wants feeding again. My wife changes breasts half way through but still no joy.

His weight is fine and when we discuss these sorts of things with the MW's they just say there's no problem because his weight is fine.

My real concern however is the strain on my wife. She's very tearful lately and says she can't cope anymore with the constant feeding and no rest. I'm finding it nearly as stressful and as I have suffered the last 5 years with mental illness (anxiety, stress, OCD, health anxiety) I am worried about myself too. I don't want to become depressed like I have in the past and I really don't want my wife to go down that route either.

We are considering switching to formula but that makes us feel total failures and guilty especially as the MW's have rammed it down our necks that not to breastfeed is wrong.

I really don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice.

OP posts:
Sassib · 06/10/2007 20:20

Hi
Congrats on your little boy. I am new on here and a new mum to a 5 month old little girl. I had different problems to your wife, but I know everyone I spent time with at a BF clinic in berkshire had experienced the exact same symptoms and challenges as your wife.

Some solutions we used.
Breast shields - these helped one of my friends immensely. They might help your wife. Its worth a try anyway.. not as a permanent solution, but her nipples will get better - i promise.

You say your son is putting on weight nicely, he may be going thru a growth spurt. My little girl used to feed every 1.5 hours and it used to take a long, long time in the first couple of weeks. If this is the case then he will feed like this, most newborns do.

Do you know if your wife is producing enough hindmilk? - as PP have mentioned here, foremilk/hindmilk are different consistencies, I know some of my friends had problems with this and had to increase the nutrients in their diets to ensure that they were creating good milk.

In the end I paid to see a lactation consultant, privately. my problem was not enough milk. I had to mix feed. I beat myself up about it, to the point that I was slipping into PND and then suddenly I realised that my LO's survival is more important. Yes, BF is best, but FF is best if you can't BF for whatever reason. THe point is ensuring happiness for all, especially mummy.

I have to say 5 months on, I love Breastfeeding - i don't produce lots of milk, barely 10ml at a time, but we have persevered through the physical and mental anguish and it does get better. I know its tough to see that when you are in the midst of the first 6 wks (which i thought were pure evil!)

good luck, your wife and son are very lucky to have such a great dad and husband.

nimnom · 06/10/2007 20:21

Hi Britishbeef,
Can't offer anything practical but just by being so in tune with what your wife is going through makes a lot of difference.
Good luck to you both.

beautifuldays · 06/10/2007 20:27

sassib - sorry but nutrients in the mother's diet make absolutely no difference to the quality or quantity of breastmilk produced whatsoever.

Beachcomber · 06/10/2007 20:27

Just wanted to say that you sound so lovely what with the cooking dinner and coming on mumsnet and all and to wish the three of you the best of luck.

smileyhappymummy · 06/10/2007 20:30

hello,
our little girl is 4 months now and we had an awful first 3 weeks or so - she fed constantly (I remember adding it up one day and discovering she'd spent 18 hours feeding and the rest of the time she wanted to be fed - would only sleep at the breast, woke and howled if removed!). She also failed to gain weight whilst doing this (so slightly different to your situation). Things that helped me get through it were:
giving formula top-ups - not saying this is the right solution but it helped us - after each feed my husband would prepare and give a top up - ebm if we had any, formula if not, while I expressed some milk if I could - gave me a rest as it meant she was temporarily satisfied. We did this for 2-3 weeks then slowly weaned her off them and she is now just on breastmilk again
using a sling - meant I could at least eat and read a book while she guzzled away!
good luck, and it will get better. I remember feeling so tired and unwell and just not being able to believe that things would EVER improve - but they did.

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 06/10/2007 20:34

Congratulations BB and DW! Just wanted to say that around the 2 week mark is a really hard time as the initial excitement has worn off and the sleep deprivation is really setting in. With both my DD's it was also round about then that the nipples were at their sorest - and I didnt have any cracks...
There's tonnes of good advice on here and I don't know if it's already been said but try to get out the house with the baby for a walk each day, it really helps to break up the day and raise spirits. Also, probably been said too, but have you tried using a baby-sling around the house? and as others have said 'this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass'. Good luck!

Sassib · 06/10/2007 20:40

apologies Beautifuldays. I am not an expert, just passing on some info that my BF Counsellor & Midwives said to me.

Thanks for letting me know

tiktok · 06/10/2007 20:41

BB - tons of replies and some excellent ideas, though some of them I would quibble with (I am an NCT bfc)...but prob I am being fussy!

You need to talk to someone, I think - try to get through on the helplines.

The best ideas are

  • check for tongue tie
  • breast compression is fine if you think he need it (does he?), and deffo not blowing on him to wake him and tickling him....this can be upsetting and is just not necessary. It is normal to sleep at the breast, and if he is thriving (gaining weight, producing several soft yellow poos a day, keen the feed) then there is no need to keep him awake
  • going with the flow, keeping him close and not expecting at this stage to have him sleeping away from his mum. Feeds lasting an hour are normal, as is feeding off and on and objecting to being put down to sleep

But best to talk to someone

chipmonkey · 06/10/2007 21:52

Moondog also swears by these silverette things for sore nipples. I'll see if I can find a link......

chipmonkey · 06/10/2007 21:53

silverette

laura032004 · 06/10/2007 22:22

Not read the whole thread, but I know that I felt the same at this stage with DS1. I cried, felt like there was no milk (when he wanted feeding yet again), was so sore, so tired.... Anyway, we came out the other side, and I bf him for 22m. He was a big comfort feeder, and often fed/suckled/cluster-fed for several hours of an evening. I just had to accept it was OK. He fed or slept on someone for most of the evening until he was quite a bit older.

Can second the recommendation for the silverettes - they work really really well. I wish I'd found them earlier (discovered them last month).

Original poster
BritishBeef · 07/10/2007 00:12

Back again!
It's 12.07am and we're having a really hard time. My wife has been feeding our son for the best part of 3 hours off and on. Every time he comes away from the breast he just starts crying - nothing we can do will settle him. He is just constantly hungry. My wifes nipples at this moment are SO sore that she cannot bare any more feeding right now. We have a little 20ml frozen expressed BM that we've defrosted and will try that but otherwise we are at a complete loss. We both so desparately need sleep. I've now got an upset stomach and my wife a bad headache because of the stress.

It feels like a catch 22. Feed him and my wife's in agony, don't and our son's distressed

OP posts:
LentilweaverDaisyboo · 07/10/2007 00:14

Hi BB.....do you have any formula in the house?

PillockInThePumpkin · 07/10/2007 00:15

don't know what to suggest that hasn't been said already, but she can take some painkillers if she needs to

It does get better, would it help to focus on that?

did yuuu call any of the agencies that have been linked to?

harpsicorpsecarrier · 07/10/2007 00:17

oh BB I am so sorry you are finding this so hard.
after three hours it is unlikely to be hunger I would have thought. I wonder if he may be just finding it hard to settle because he is overstimulated?
can you swaddle him and put him in his cot or basket and just pat and shush and withdraw to see if he settles himself?
tell your wife to keep the nipples open to the air.
I am so sorry, I wish I could just come and take him for a walk for a while.

LentilweaverDaisyboo · 07/10/2007 00:19

Or nipple shields?

It would be reasonable to feed him some formula tonight so that you can all get some sleep and then get back on top of the BF tomorrow when you are both in a better frame of mind and your DW is rested.

If you can then get some nipple shields to use as they will make it easier to feed until your wife's nipples heal up a bit. You really need to see someone about the latch though as it sounds as though it isn't quite right...at this stage of the game she should only have pain on latching, but the feed itself should be relatively pain free. I say relatively as I have always felt something, whether we have a perfect latch or not.

LentilweaverDaisyboo · 07/10/2007 00:22

I hadn't thought of just comfort feeding harpsi ....and it was only 15 weeks ago I was in the same situation...

I found that DD would suck happily on a finger if it was just comfort, and that she would soon let me know when the finger wasn't quite doing the job.

And swaddling really really helped her settle.

PillockInThePumpkin · 07/10/2007 00:22

there's no guarantee that giving formula will give you a decent nights sleep though so please don't get your hopes up that it will (but by all means go for it if you think it's worth a try!)

LentilweaverDaisyboo · 07/10/2007 00:26

i didn't mean that FF would gaurantee a decent nights sleep, I just meant to give his wife a bit of a break.

We did this around the same time, just the once, so that DH could get up with babyboo and I was able to get a few hours unbroken sleep. I felt more emotionally able to face BFing again in the morning after a few blissful hours.

chipmonkey · 07/10/2007 00:28

What about a soother? Maybe he just needs to suck for a while, rather than feed? Most late-night shops sell them if you don't have one, I really think the MW's may be wrong about the latch. Even with all that feeding, if the latch is correct I wouldn't expect it to be so sore. You poor things!

LentilweaverDaisyboo · 07/10/2007 00:30

It does get better though.....it won't be this painful for ever.

lisalisa · 07/10/2007 00:33

Message withdrawn

chipmonkey · 07/10/2007 00:34

Dh used to tell people the first year was the worst! I used to have to remind him that for someone with a very new baby, that sounded like an eternity!
Seriously BB, I do think the birth of the first baby is a huge upheaval for any couple. Nobody, but nobody could ever have prepared us for it! But it does get better, I promise.

ruddynorah · 07/10/2007 00:40

bb, can you take baby to bed with you both? or are you trying to settle him in his own cot or basket?

ruddynorah · 07/10/2007 00:42

for the first few weeks dd didn't 'do' naps as such. she just fed and dozed on me all day long. she fed to sleep. so tickling and blowing on her would have meant no sleep. you sound like a fab dh.