Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

You are asking the wrong question.

It’s not strange, or brainwashed or weird to want to do what your body is “supposed” to do. We all want our bodies to function optimally in every other way, why wouldn’t most women want to breastfeed when they have their babies? How would we have evolved to this point if most women didn’t have an urge to bf at least some of the time? And it is usually hard to begin with, like looking after newborns is hard but we persist...

None of that is to say a desire to use formula is wrong, but it is completely normal to want to breastfeed! And normal to want it to work once you have started. And normal to find it hard to accept if it doesn’t seem to be working.

This is a hugely emotive thing for me as it was a huge factor in my PND. I thought I didn't care how I fed DS. Turned out I was wrong. I tried to breastfeed. After 5 days we were readmitted and put on a feeding plan. They had me express while DH fed him. It broke my heart, I felt like a cow, hooked up to a machine while my baby ate elsewhere.
I came home and bought a breast pump. The best one I could afford. DS would take a bottle of expressed milk but I couldn't keep up with him. I was so upset, I felt like I was failing him. That I wasn't doing what was "best" for him.
I decided to switch to formula feeding and it was the best decision I made. At 5 months he is thriving and DH can be so much more involved in feeding him which is a bonus.
He was diagnosed with reflux at 5 weeks and looking back I'm sure that's why we struggled, when he took a bottle he was sat upright.
Feeding your baby is such an emotive thing. You want to give them the best of everything. There is nothing wrong with formula and I luckily have a lovely health visitor who supported us and my decision.

I believe it is only very extreme people who would refuse to address large weight loss in their infant. It’s not representative of most mothers.

I do agree. This is someone who has a social media platform with a lot of followers though.

Part of being a parent is putting aside your own feelings or thoughts of how you will be perceived if you don’t do X. Babies are completely at the mercy of their caregivers.

Breastfeeding can take time and patience to get it established and I’m all for that. I think there comes a point though where you have to ask yourself if the risk / benefit is still in favour of exclusive bf and is still better than introducing the odd formula bottle. As I said, supplemented feeding has been shown to enable exclusive breastfeeding later on. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

It’s not strange, or brainwashed or weird to want to do what your body is “supposed” to do

Of course not but how long is it acceptable to go on with this?

On the flip side, my little boy is nearly 6 months now. I had no desire to breast feed, I never felt any pressure off any midwives to do so. I think it's sad that my experience seems to be a rare one 😟.

FWIW baby is absolutely thriving. He is a big boy and has reached all of his 'milestones' early so far so formula is not the devil it's made out to be 🙄

I've had a lovely experience with a newborn. My thought process was feeding is 1 thing I can control and make easier for myself/ to share with my partner, where as things like sleeping etc we didn't have any control over, it saddens me that some ladies feel so much presssure to breast feed that those first few months are essentially stolen from them 😔

I just don't understand how anyone can look at their tiny, crying, hungry, thirsty baby and think 'I'll phone the breastfeeding counsellor tomorrow'.

As far as I understand the health benefits past the colostrum stage are pretty negligible. I would think letting the baby be underweight and malnourished is worse than formula feeding?

When I was breastfeeding I was recommended to give DD vitamin D drops. I remember thinking breast milk can't can't contain absolutely everything needed if you have to supplement it.

I would think letting the baby be underweight and malnourished is worse than formula feeding?

I personally think so.

Because breastmilk is what babies are meant to be fed on. Obviously if it truly isn't possible then formula exists but it should be a last resort, and where milk supply is an issue as mentioned in the OP then dual feeding is a better choice. It's hard for the first 6 weeks then a breeze after that I found with dd1, with Dd2 it was easy from day 1 because I knew what to do. We need far better support both professional and voluntary to ensure babies get what is best whenever possible. In many countries rates are in the 70% + so it's definitely not inability, it's unwillingness

Ps I also personally couldn't afford the formula, it's really expensive (I also used cloth nappies and reusable wipes)

Because breastmilk is what babies are meant to be fed on

Yes, in the way babies are meant to be born vaginally. Obviously not all are, because in their personal circumstances it is safer for them to be delivered by c section.

Natural is not always safest/best.

"Because breastmilk is what babies are meant to be fed on. Obviously if it truly isn't possible then formula exists but it should be a last resort,"

Oh I feel the same way about organic food. Obviously if the plebs can't afford it, it's acceptable to use homegrown but honestly, that should be an absolute last resort.

What other people choose to feed their family is of utmost importance to me and I am incredibly proud that only organic food passes my children's lips. It is really sad that some people don't do this for their children. Luckily I am a great mum so I do this for them.

I disagree. The UK has one of the lowest rate of BF'ing in the world. Most people don't preservers with it. FF'ing is more popular in the UK, either mixes feeding or pure formula feeding. The general public doesn't persevere with it, EBF rates at 3 months is only 17%- barely none.

@TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince I'm interested to know what your views are on the breastfeeding solution for a baby in NICU having emergency treatment? Whose mother was separated from them for over 20 hours and experienced a delay in her milk coming in?

As if to prove a point things like that are why people feel they have to breastfeed. It's an implication that you didn't try hard enough. That it was obviously possible for you to breastfeed so if you gave up it's because you didn't want to do it anyway. You've "failed" your child just because you couldn't be arsed. That formula is only ok if you genuinely have no other choice. I remember in the depths of my despair crying over and over that my baby "wasn't a cow so shouldn't have cows milk" it was a piece of crap I'd read on here.

OP you’re judging another mum for breastfeeding her baby. It’s none of your business. Her baby might have other issues that mean that formula would make no difference. You have literally no idea. NO mother wants to starve her child; everyone is doing their best. I wish women would stop judging other mothers for their feeding choices. If this was a thread about judging someone for FF you would be totally flamed. If people stereotyped FF mothers the way a lot of people have stereotyped BF mums on this thread (perfectionists, earth mothers, hippies etc etc) they would be flamed too.

I honestly don’t even understand why you started this thread.

"I remember in the depths of my despair crying over and over that my baby "wasn't a cow so shouldn't have cows milk" it was a piece of crap I'd read on here."

I hate all this crap, really.

You can guarantee that all those breastfed babies are on the chicken nuggets and chips the same as every other baby by the time they're 3 anyway.

Why the hell is the infant stage seen as so important?

"If people stereotyped FF mothers the way a lot of people have stereotyped BF mums on this thread (perfectionists, earth mothers, hippies etc etc) they would be flamed too."

No one has stereotyped breastfeeding mothers like that, they've stereotyped the type of breastfeeding mothers that ram their obsessive breastfeeding crap down everyone's throats.

Massive fucking difference.

Breastfeed all you like, I did it too for a bit and most of my friends have, but the minute you start saying "breast is best" and rambling on about bonding and IQ levels and people will get pissed off at you.

@HarrietM87 don’t tell me what I can and can’t post about.

It’s not the feeding choice, per se.

People who refuse to give formula to their baby's detriment, are fucking idiots. Formula is much more advanced than it used to be, feeding your baby should come before stupid "morals." They're not being earth mothers or doing things the "right" way, they're being completely neglectful.

"People who refuse to give formula to their baby's detriment, are fucking idiots."

Fucking this.

@Moomin8 I didn’t say you couldn’t post it, I said I don’t understand why you did. There’s a difference.

It seems that you’re just watching and sneering at another woman on Instagram, and thinking you know better than her about how she should feed her child. And now you’ve posted a thread about it so other people can back you up. Do you even know her and her personal circumstances? It just seems pretty nasty to me.

I wanted to do it for the health benefits and the hope it might prevent them from catching colds. As it happened my first was fine, my second caught a terrible cold, as did I when he was only a week old. Didn’t seem to help him one bit, so not sure if the health benefits are even true really.

@TheSkyWasDark

I do not understand how anyone could leave their baby hungry and malnourished just to satisfy their own desire to breastfeed. If you can't, you can't, and use some bloody formula. It's that simple.

Ok, if you want to think I’m nasty that’s up to you I don’t really care. This is a discussion forum where I have started a thread to speak about the potential damage breastfeeding at any cost can do. I’m not naming the person and I’m not sneering. I feel sorry for her baby because all he does in every video she posts of him is look for food. And her parenting advice is how she makes money. She’s a role model for others as such, her own choice.

If people end up feeling that they must bf at all costs then that is wrong I feel.

I have not been nasty at all - you’re just looking to be adversarial.

@Whataloadofshite it is ego, pure and simple.