Why do some people feel that they must breastfeed at any cost?

[Moomin8]

I’ve got plenty of experience of both types of feeding - I breastfed two of my children until 2 years. They were great feeders - I had no problems.

My other two children for various reasons ended up having formula. One was 3 weeks early, severely jaundiced and my milk was slower to come in than it should. I didn’t want her going into hospital for uv therapy. The other couldn’t feed well and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia, later. She would get tired and not take enough bm.

Now, I see this lady on Instagram who has a 6 week old baby who weighs only 7 pounds and he was born at term weighing 6 pounds. He clearly is not thriving. Every time I see a picture of him I cringe. And his mother is about my age (40) and this is baby #6 for her.

I would be the first to say that breast IS best. But only if the child is thriving surely?

How can a baby make the necessary brain development in those early weeks if they aren’t picking up weight?

I know that society makes women feel like formula is evil. But sometimes I think it’s better than breastfeeding when the baby isn’t thriving.

Combination feeding needs to be up there as an equal third choice.
Seems to be it’s either BF or FF all or nothing when combi feeding is brilliant !
Midwives etc will often say it can damage milk supply but it doesn’t have to if you’re well informed it just seems that info isn’t easy to come by. It can work really well either short term initially or longer term without affecting supply and in a lot of ways it’s the best of both worlds

I don't know what was going on back then (DS almost 14 and DD almost 10) but I was just absolutely bloody minded about breast feeding them.

Both had to be combine fed at the start due to birth complications and I've a congenital breast defect in both breasts. I wasn't bothered about doing that at all. Whatever it took to feed my babies and then eventually exclusively breast feed was my aim. DS combine fed for 6 week and DD for 10 weeks (I had a massive PPH after her birth which really messed up breast feeding)

I don't know why I was so obsessed. I just was. No one was pushing me either way and those around me supported my choice.

Now I look at the DC and their friends and there's no way to tell who was BF and who wasn't.

I'm still a massive fan of BF but now include other reasons. It's cheaper, it's better for the environment, it's doesn't depend on having clean water.

I don't think artificial formula companies should be allowed to make profit. I think it should all be brought into one company, invested in properly to make it the best product ever and then given out at no cost to those who need it. (Will never happen I know as money makes the world spin)

To the poster who said I’m judgemental. Yes, I do judge someone whose baby has got to 6 weeks old In a developed country and looks ill. This woman is actually in the US.

You have to think about the harm that could come from a baby not being nourished in those early weeks. Who knows what the effect on cognitive development is for one thing?

Obviously, this is a contentious subject which it always has been. But I think it’s something that should be discussed.

The reason why hospitals recommend giving formula to jaundiced babies is that volumes of liquid help to flush it out. UV therapy is not a very pleasant experience for a baby. My baby was one point from being admitted.

@Sittinonthefloor
. I don’t see artificial milk as ‘bad’ but I see it more like a medical thing - an amazing lifesaver when needed, but most of the time not needed.

I hope you apply this to everything in life then... no processed food, no meat, dairy etc, no washing products with artificial ingredients ... because guess what. It’s NO DIFFERENT

Every situation is different and should be treated as such by hcps. There are times when storming in with a tin of formula would be unhelpful and times when tops ups are needed, and times when women need to be told it’s ok to stop if they want too. A good HCP will judge the situation. I think the problem is that we know so little about breastfeeding and infant feeding problems in general. Its often not approached with any sort of scientific basis. It’s all based on weird anecdotes and hearsay (CMPA is the latest craze designed to make b/f more complicated and difficult, despite there being zero evidence that a dairy free diet makes a difference to a breastfed baby EVEN if allergic, and only about 1% of babies are). Despite this you will have doctors telling some to ‘try cutting out dairy’ for feeding problems. It’s also all muddied by the fact that the formula industry and NHS continually break guidelines on funding/advertising to hcps, so they are filling the gap on feeding info where science should be leading the way. Ultimately women should be able to feed their babies how they want. If another bodily function wasn’t working you wouldn’t expect your doctor to give such wishy washy advice with no research to back it up. Our local feeding clinic at hospital even advises mums to take their babies to things like cranial osteopaths, again, no evidence they work. Mum leaves £70 lighter at a time when most need all the spare cash the can. It’s disgusting that such a large part of womens/children’s healthcare is so under researched and underfunded. Look up how much we know about breastfeeding compared to erectile dysfunction.

I agree. I don't understand why women get so upset when they can't breastfeed. It's really not the end of the world.

I don't know if I can articulate it but if I hadn't been able to breastfeed I would have been absolutely gutted. I never considered doing anything else as a first choice. I didn't know anyone who formula fed as a first choice, only as a back-up and it just felt right to me in a way that meant formula would have felt wrong.

Note I use the word feel, I'm acknowledging it is a personal and emotional thing, not necessarily a logical one. Although it does seem logical to me to to use the free, on-tap, perfect temperature option as well.

Fortunately I found it easy. Having had such a good time of it with DC1 I would have been even more upset if there had been issues with DC2. Fortunately, again, there weren't.

One of mine didn’t gain weight, OP. In fact, they were all slow gainers but this one didn’t gain at all. I was under so much pressure from the health visitor and GP to supplement with formula. I didn’t want to. As a breastfeeding peer supporter and third-time mum, my decision was that breastfeeding was best for her and that she wasn’t going to have formula.

Turned out she has a heart defect. She was burning more calories than most babies because her heart was working hard, and she didn’t have the energy to feed as much as she needed to gain weight. More pressure for formula to be introduced.

When we finally saw the paediatric cardiologist, he explained that formula would have artificially increased her weight but that the extra strain in her heart would have tipped her into heart failure.

None of my babies gained weight as expected on the charts. They are healthy and happy. It’s not your business how someone else chooses to feed their baby. Not is it up to you to decide that bf isn’t working for them.

Breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions. The solution isn’t formula. Unless you want it to be, in which case you are free to make that choice. For you and your baby. Not for others.

I'm a fed is best person, always have been, but really wanted to breast feed.

My milk came in and he latched but he also lost 15 percent of weight in 5 days which was due to tongue tie, we had to wait 2 weeks to have it cut and my partner brought formula in desperation after seeing me sob on the sofa for 48 hours with a tiny, screaming starving baby and bleeding painful nipples.

I cried and sobbed and was convinced I'd let my son down with each and every bottle I gave him for those two weeks before the cut and any time not spent feeding and changing my boy I was hooked to various types of pumps which just couldn't get more then a few drops of milk dispite me leaking loads!

After the cut we combo fed for 4 weeks but he eventually just didn't want to have my milk anymore and I lost supply.

I really beat myself up and was made to feel awful by my doctor and one midwife when I finally had to say he was now only formula fed and I still feel like a shit mum at times now!

But my boy is 16 weeks, healthy, happy, thriving and growing so I know I shouldn't, but all you ever see or read about us how you most definitely need to breast feed and if it doesn't work you just haven't tried hard enough!

I tried everything, all the supliments, 4 different pumps, feeding positions etc but it just wasn't to be.

I think we see others doing it and especially in my case, we put the pressure on ourselves.

I put so much pressure on myself that in the end it took both my mum and mil sitting me down and telling me that feeding ds from the breast wasn't the be all and end all, he would still be a healthy happy little boy no matter how he was fed.

All of my close friends at the time of us having our first children successfully breastfed, one until both of hers were 2, one had 3 babies in the space of 3 years and tandem fed. Two others are breastfeeding peer support workers and one of them came and spent a few hours with me in the 3rd week.
But for some reason ds and I couldn't get it right, he was feeding, but he wasn't, if that makes sense?

In the end mum and mil took me to mothercare and bought me a breast pump, bottles and a steriliser, they asked me that if I was so determined to breast feed and finding from the breast that difficult, why don't I express. I did for 6 months, he had the occasional formula feed for ease.
I think the pressure I put on myself due to my friends success nearly broke me, I spent the first 2 weeks crying and the 3rd in a state of anger at myself dh and ds.

It's amazing the relief I felt at accepting that my journey was going to be different to what I expected, plus handing ds over to family to feed has created such a social little boy!

It's true, breast is best because the milk is specific for your child, however, sometimes other routes have to be explored, there is nothing wrong with doing what works for you, and in some situations as long as the baby is fed, and healthy and happy, it doesn't matter how and its no one else's business!

Breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions. The solution isn’t formula. Unless you want it to be

Eh? Well, I guess if you count a wet nurse as a solution then maybe.. but they're pretty difficult to come across these days. Otherwise without formula some babies would die (as they did historically, and in some countries still do).

Breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions

No they don’t, not always. This kind of attitude is what puts women under pressure, the suggestion that if they just tried hard enough they could do it. For a lot of women it just doesn’t work for them.

Put a post on here saying you’re planning to bottle feed and you’ll quickly find out 😂

I was exactly the same, my baby ended up hospitalised for being severely underweight and I was pumping and feeding all around the clock in hospital with him and he still didn't gain weight.

If that wasn't a red flag to move onto formula, I don't know what was. My son had no underlying conditions - the issue was my milk didn't work for him, they didn't tell me why. But they kept telling me to feed, I had depression and it ruined my first 12 weeks with my baby.

I asked for help several times, a breastfeeding support worker came out and watched me feeding and said everything was fine.

I should of followed my own instinct and combination fed or moved onto formula all together, in the end it was a different GP at my surgery who asked my why I hadn't moved to formula and told me to try it and for the first time I wasn't made to feel like a failure.

The system is flawed, health visitors are a joke in my district.

The whole situation has scarred me forever

There are also women who are made to feel like they failed at breastfeeding because our norms are based on formula. Things like how often they feed, how quick the gain weight and how much they sleep.

Making an informed decision that formula suits you better is one thing but there are also loads of depressing stories such as where people tell mum her baby is feeding too often and she'll never get her life right back and then some white knight saves the day buying formula and bottles. If normal breastfed baby behavior was expected the white knight could instead help by doing some housework and preparing food for the mum.

Also, I posted a reply on here about formula and explained I could no longer breastfeed and the replies where shocking!

Women saying how breast is best and I'm failing my child, what happened to supporting each other?

Fed is best.

Breastfeeding problems have breastfeeding solutions

This is kind of not helping. I'm glad that was the case for you. But I sought help, a lot of help.

I got told my baby had a perfect latch. I got told that I just had to hold him this way, or that way, or try lying down.
Eventually a health visitor suggested that I just resign myself to the fact that it's always going to be very painful and just put up with it for the sake of having "that bond".
God I could have slapped that woman.
My baby is still having breastmilk because of a pump, but not everyone is able to pump.

@TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince yes you have a point - maybe the child does have a health issue. I hope not. But if he does, she doesn’t know about it yet. He looks like he is constantly rooting. If you put your life all over social media you can expect people to have opinions.

I haven’t said anything to her directly and I wouldn’t. It’s ok to start a discussion on an anonymous forum about it though.

"Thesky funny you talk about being judgemental and i completely disagree, it is more amazing to grow a baby on your own breast milk"

I care more about my baby than about my ego. I couldn't care less how he's fed as long as he is and he is happy and growing.

I dont think it's a trend as someone suggested up thread.

Breastfeeding is cheap, costs nothing. It's the reason I did it as a skint young mother.

I do agree though that if breastfeeding cant be established properly then mum should look for alternative ways to feed.

I also think that if you’ve breastfed all your previous kids for not months, but years. You think that you must make breastfeeding work at all costs.

I should know, I’ve been there and learned from it.

"Breastfeeding is cheap, costs nothing. It's the reason I did it as a skint young mother."

It's only free if you don't place any value on the time and effort of women.

I think it's crazy women even ask each other how are planning to feed. I've been asked and it's really annoying. I haven't made up my mind yet and its none of their business. My DH even says it's nothing to do with him and he will go along with what I decide. He says he isnt the one with the breasts so has no right to be part of the decision. When I do it will be a decision that I feel is best for me, and in turn is best for baby. I've sacrificed many things to help my baby stay healthy and thriving in pregnancy, I already see how my career is being affected, my body, my wider relationships etc that's fine, I came into this knowing that. I will sleep easy if I decide to FF. Mothers already do so much for their babies that they shouldn't be made feel guilty if FF is what is right for them.
Its the shame or the implication that you aren't giving your baby the best start in life because you are lazy/ignorant/haven't tried hard enough/don't understand BF properly/don't care enough, that really upsets me. Do whatever is best for you, be it BF, FF or combi and let others do the same

Midwife here! I found a lot of the advice available is quite militant. No bottles for breastfed babies until after 6 weeks or they get nipple teat confusion. So when I came to feed my own baby I didn’t introduce a bottle until 6 weeks and my baby could not figure it out at all. I wanted to combination feed and I couldn’t! All because of this exaggerated fear of being forced to formula feed if I introduced a bottle too early.

There is too much pressure to breastfeed. I still breastfeed my nearly two year old but that’s only because it was easy for me and we were lucky. I had formula ready to go if it didn’t work out. I would have happily mixed feed or just formula fed.

Outcomes for breastfeed and formula fed are basically the same in the U.K. especially if you give your baby some colostrum.

If we were truly woman centred feminists we would respect womens’ choice in how they feed their babies formula or not. Instead of the pressure to breastfeed at all costs.

There are also women who are made to feel like they failed at breastfeeding because our norms are based on formula. Things like how often they feed, how quick the gain weight and how much they sleep.

I’d second this. I may get flamed here but a large % of our work as peer supporters is literally helping women ‘hold their nerve’ with feeding for the 1st 6/8 weeks. We are a ff society. Most of the problems mums come in with are simply normal infant behaviour, they just don’t know it because auntie/granny/friends are telling them babies should be be doing x,y,z and a little bottle of formula here and there would solve all their ‘problems’. In my years of peer support I can’t remember meeting a mum whose baby was genuinely not getting enough food who wasn’t already topping up, and if that were the case we would refer them urgently. My baby lost a lot of weight in the 1st week for various reasons and you could see her almost shrivel up before your eyes. I believe it is only very extreme people who would refuse to address large weight loss in their infant. It’s not representative of most mothers.

There is often a lot of pressure from midwives and other professional who say breast is best it makes woman feel a failure if they can't /don't want to bf. I found it was really pushed on me in the hospital with my eldest I had had an emergency c section and found it so hard baby ended up jaundice and in scbu..I switched to ff in the end for a whole host of reasons but I really beat myself up about the fact that breast feeding didn't work for me. With my three other children I exclusively breastfed them all with the help of a wonderful hv who really supported me when I decided I wanted to bf my dd2. It worked out well for me but if it didn't I would have switched to formula. I don't understand people's obsession with how others choose to feed their child and then berate them for their decisions as long as the baby is fed and thriving that's all that matters.