Why "choose" to bottle feed???

[Difers]

I am a breastfeeding mum and I meet lots of mums who said they tried to breastfeed but weren't able to which I can totally understand but My mother-in-law said she "chose" to bottlefeed and didn't bother even trying...

So I am wondering, given the benefits of breastfeeding, why would anyone "choose" to bottlefeed??

PMSL

lost for words?
goodbye, i hope i never come across you on this site again.

I exclusively breast fed dt's until they were 3 weeks old. I would not leave hospital until dt1 was feeding properly. They were 6lb 14oz & 7lb 14oz at birth at 38 weeks. I struggled on at home with full support from dh. They took a long time to feed (1hour) and when I was on my own with them I had to feed them separetly as I couldn't keep them both latched on to tandum feed them. When someone was here to help they could help me reattatch. I was exhausted but kept going. At 3 weeks dh was going back to work. I would have loved to have kept feeding but ds1 was suffering, 1hour to feed dt1 then an hour for dt2 then 1 hour for ds1 and myself to feed, play etc...

I had to make the choice. I did think long and hard and it still upsets me know and they are 15 weeks. But the family are happier, ds1 has just stopped playing me up and is back to the lovely boy he was, dh is full hands on and still very supportive in whatever I try and decide. Dt's are growing well and are content. What more could I expect.

With ds1 who was early and in TCW I started breastfeeding with very little support on the ward, whilst at lunch one day the midwife decided that ds1 needed more and when I came back dh was giving him a bottle. DH had no idea and was doing as he was told and from then on ds1 was topped up at their advise, I breast fed and topped up for 6 weeks and then switched. It was this experience that made me want to try hard with dt's.

Sorry this is long but I still feel .

Lost in the irony, Daisybo, lost in the irony. Never mind. I am sad to say you will come across me agin, but as I don't hold grudges it will be very unlikely to affect you.

oh ooogs i feel very for you. you poor thing. i don't think anyone on this thread is trying to condemn people who switch to formula for whatever reason, that seems to be the one thing there is a consensus about!

some of us are just at people who don't want/never tried to breastfeed.

some of us, however, are at those who seem unhealthily interested in what people do, while having no interest in why.

I havent read the thread but the answer is obvious. Because they want to. WHy does that need 400 odd posts?

daisybo - some mothers need some sort of routine in order to maintain their own mental health. I'm one of those people that simply falls to pieces if I haven't got at least some sense of routine in my life/day - ok DS3 is still a longer way off a "proper" routine - but he's certainly more predictable now and I'm coping just fine.....

I went back to playing at church again today and it was bliss to get back a part of "me" which is a massive part of who I am, I've been playing the organ for church services for 17yrs now (I'm 28) with only a few short "breaks" in the middle. If someone told me I HAD to BF DS3 all the time, and couldn't go back to playing the organ at church until I was sure he'd "make it through" the service without needing a feed I would (quite frankly) go mad!

"why do people think they can opt out of a certain aspect of parenting because they don't like it?"

ooo - this could turn into a SAHM/Working Mother debate too couldn't it - after all some parents CHOOSE to go back to work as they don't want to be at home all day doing nothing but looking after their children........

I'm not one of those parents that actively gets down on the floor and "plays" with her children - go on shoot me now.....actually don't as my older DS's are perfectly happy little boys with the way I parent..

moondog-that article you linked to had loads of statistics and information but i couldnt find where they had come from?'studies' were mentioned,but i couldnt see references to which studies,exactly?

i also found the article very class-ist,implying that mothers from low-income families are more likely to ff due to lack of education etc,and that for some reason middle-class women are more likely to ask for help and support.i really dont understand that,and i felt that some of the things in that article were just assumptions made by a middle-class person with a superiority complex.

in fact,the whole article reminded me of the very one-sided,designed to shock,leaflets i used to get from the vegetarian society and the national anti-vivisection society when i was a teenager.

i would like to know how these people know the exact content of every womans' breast milk.i would have thought that the quality would vary depending on the quality of the woman's diet.

moondog, you say "And much as I respect you Tik Tok"

"it's a bit much to come on suggesting that Daisy withdraw her posts."

Probably a bit much, I agree - but it is an option, if she regrets (as she says she does) using the word 'selfish' though, and I don't like seeing people be unkind towards other people, making assumptions about them.

"Your stance seems to be that if one is to support and defend breastfeeding one has always to be calm and logical and measured and non judgemental.

I disagree."

Well..it's part of being a breastfeeding counsellor - I really do not believe we can ever make any changes to breastfeeding and initiation rates if people make judgements about other people who make different choices in infant feeding. The research backs me up on that, as it happens, but it's also something I can see all around me.

I also know too much - from speaking to many women who are in bits about what happened to their feeding, years later - about the feelings people may have and may hide, to want to judge them either individually or en masse.

I fail to see what is wrong with being calm and logical - how would being angry, uncontrolled and illogical help anyone?

and......
CUE Tiktok!

Oh wow. That was weird

(I did mean in reponse to Divas post btw

divastrop, the article in the link in its original form is bristling with references, and is entirely evidence based.
It's not classist to say breastfeeding has a class profile and that middle class mothers access help more readily and easily - that's just what happens. It obv does not apply to every individual. Ask the SureStart breastfeeding support groups and other groups targetting women in working class areas - who uses the services more? Take a guess....

Breastmilk quality is unaffected by the quality of the mother's diet, BTW - loads of research on this if you look for it, including links from mumsnet.

at wine!!!

Have to go as family is chomping at bit to go out....;)

diva, the point re quality of breastmilk is that if your diet is impoverished, your body will make sure all the necessary nutrients go to baby first - you'll get what's left, IIRC.

Even in a famine, women can still b/f successfully.

Wonder why people get hung up about quality of b/m and never question formula?

phew. Now if we could just shuffle those posts around so I can cue you properly

ok...so now i feel like i may as well have been feeding my baby pureed big macs since birth.having ff 4 of them without feeling guilty,i now have an overwhelming urge to re-lactate.

why oh why could i not have had access to MN when i was expecting ds2??things may have been different

Oh Diva. Formula milk is the next best thing to breastmilk. Babies positively thrive on it! I can assure you they would not thrive on Big macs or anything like them (ask Morgan Spurlock!) therefore you can't compare formula to Big Macs for one moment

i do feel bad,though,cos my problem with bf ds1 was getting him to latch on.when i was in hospiatl after having dd3,i overheard the mws talking about a mum who was borrowing an electric pump so she could give her baby EBM.she didnt want to actually bf him,but wanted to give him breast milk.i was absolutley livid,as if i had known that was even an option,i would have tried to do that,as i had been worried that if i tried and failed at bf, i then may have trouble getting baby to take a bottle(as i know can happen)which would have been too much to deal with with having the other dc as well.

i would,however,have been happy to sit expressing whenever i could for the first few weeks,if i had been given this option,but i wasnt.

That is sometimes part of the problem Diva - some people aren't given the proper help and advice they need, and it is very sad.

"i am not scrabbling back out of it. mothers who bottlefeed from birth because they don't want to breastfeed, because they want the baby to sleep , because they want a routine, because they think breastfeeding is rude or unnatural, or because they think bottlefeeding is better etc, do make me angry. i am not backing out of this. and i think giving formula because you want some sleep is a bit selfish. so shoot me, that's my opinion.
why do people think they can opt out of a certain aspect of parenting because they don't like it? beats me."

all these things that make you angry, Daisybo, why not do something practical about it, rather than get angry? become a breastfeeding counsellor or peer supporter...start a thread offering tips for succesful breastfeeding...attend a local breast feeding cafe and offer support and help to other mums..volunteer to go to your local maternity ward to help once a week....offer to give a talk about breastfeeding at NHS antenatal classes near you....

your post seems to indicate you have not taken on board any of the complex social, emotional and other reasons women choose not to breastfeed...

countering formula feeders with anger, and that formula is pumped full of crap and full of fish eyes, does not lend credence to your points of view...

i get sometimes get cross at some posts and attitudes re childbirth....but i bite my tongue and offer reasoned advice, and counter arguments, would never dream of posting aggressively about something so personal....

being passionate about a cause is fantastic, there are lots of really positive ways you can channel that passion to help other mums breastfeed

Well Tiktok,the difference between you and most MNers is that you post as a breastfeeding counsellor.Therefore of course you are non judgemental and impartial and that comes through in every one of the hundreds of your posts that I have read.

However,other people are posting as individuals,therefore of course their anger,irrational side and personal beliefs comes through.

I have never 'heard' you posting on anything other than birth and breastfeeding issues.

I think that generally mothers are made to feel bad whatever we do, generally by other mothers.

Alot of it is cultural isn't it? When I asked this question I had NO IDEA how strongly people feel or why (I know, hopelessly naive). I come from a the sort of background that would

a) never spend money on something when you can get it for free
b) always eat fresh food over processed food c) doesn't give a monkeys who sees my boobs.

so really I had no idea why people would choose (rather than have to due to illness and difficulty) to bottlefeed. But now I do, so thanks for all you responses.

I would say to the people who come on and feel "oh we've been here before, this topic is boring" that it is probably time that you move on to other topics because for some of us this topic is new and it is unfair to make newer mumsnetters unwelcome.

It is fascinating Difers isn't it and very sad in many cases.

Ignore the Laurel and Hardys who pop up bleating about how it has all been said before.

Generally speaking,they never had anything useful or interesting to say the first time around.

Furthermore,it is amazing how they can't keep away from a topic that they claim bores them rigid.

hello moondog fancy seeing you here!

boredom does that to you