Why "choose" to bottle feed???

[Difers]

I am a breastfeeding mum and I meet lots of mums who said they tried to breastfeed but weren't able to which I can totally understand but My mother-in-law said she "chose" to bottlefeed and didn't bother even trying...

So I am wondering, given the benefits of breastfeeding, why would anyone "choose" to bottlefeed??

and please don't get me 'into another fine mess'

I have seen Tiktok on a knitting thread I think. She was pretty scathing

Why helloooooo Jools!
Now why on earth did you assume I was referring to you?????

Paranoia can also be interpreted as extreme self flattery.

lol at thoguht of Tiktok getting feisty over matinee jacket patterns.

lissie: formula is not the next best alternative to breastmilk. mother's own expressed milk is the next best thing, then donated breastmilk. formula is the fourth best thing to breastmilk. It is an adequate alternative.

hello moony: i was waiting to see when you'd post that link.

Hello Kiski

I have plenty more useful links up my sleeve too.

"formula is not the next best alternative to breastmilk."

ermm - yes it is - EBM and donated breastmilk are still breastmilk - aren't they???

"overheard the mws talking about a mum who was borrowing an electric pump so she could give her baby EBM.she didnt want to actually bf him,but wanted to give him breast milk."

that's where I am atm - still want to give DS3 breastmilk (some of the time ), but apart from our early morning (actually it's nighttime "morning" in my world is post 7am ) breastfeed the other breastmilk he sometimes gets during the day is expressed.

Rest of the time it's FF - with fish eyes looking up at him as he's drinking it LOL/

i give up. no-one is arguing that fm is superior to bm what is being said is that lots of women have valid reason for ff. i wouldnt have been happy with MY ds having someone elses milk. i appreciate that expressing would be an alternative to bf but lots of women would rather ff, not get the sore/swollen boobs, leakages etc

so when i said i give up, i think i was lying

I think the thing about formula being the fourth best option refers to breastfeeding, directly from the breast as the first option (thus "ordering up" the antibodies specific to the baby at that time) followed by mothers expressed milk, then followed by donated breastmilk then followed by formula.

true true, i see people's gripe with my last comment,

thing is, most people who are underinformed about breastmilk are also underinformed about expressing and donated milk and do not see them as alternatives nos. 2 & 3.

so, normally when people say formula is the next best thing to breastmilk, it gives the impression that there is no other viable alternative to formula. so if mother's own breastmilk is no. 1 then formula must be no. 2. when actually, it is not.

lissie, i knew you weren't saying that fm is superior to bm. i am just saying that it doesn't come close to bm. despite what the tins of sma, aptamil and c&g have been saying for years. and i know you weren't making that claim either and sorry this sounds direct and critical of you. it isn't meant to be

the thing with swollen/sore/leaky boobs. these are all largely symptoms that breastfeeding is not going right. these things are not crosses that bf women are supposed to bear.

m confused, why is mother's own expressed milk not on the same level as actual bfding? Surely to method of "administration" has no impact?

Maybe because some of the live stuff in it dies?

i genuinely think that if people were better informed about bfing then more would do it, and not just about how much better it is for you and baby but we need to change the social implications of bfing too. when i was attempting to bf in hospital all my visitors disappeared. for no other reason than i was getting my norks out. its also only been recently that ive been aware that you can start off on fm and move to bm after a few days. and i read everything i could about pg/childbirth/bf. real bf-ing mothers should volunteer at hospitals to ease the pressure on mw's and LLL etc should get the funding they so desperately need and deserve

also because breastfeeding is not just about getting milk into a baby. the skin to skin contact and other sensory communication involved in bf also provides comfort.

also because when breastfeeding, the baby transfers immunologic 'messages' in his saliva to the mother's body thereby ordering up the next batch of antibodies to fight an oncoming illness.

at the risk of getitng jumped on again, mothers milk in a bottle is not on the same level as actual breastfeeding because breastfeeding is so much more than feeding a baby. it is the bonding, the cuddles, the connection between mother and child, the security as well as the milk.
this is in response to your question comeoveneer and not any kind of attack on giving EBM. just so you're all clear.

but (and im not comparing it) you still get the skin to skin, eye contact, snuggly time with bottles.

Yes its the interactive process that is so amazing

that's a lovely idea lissie. however, most of us mothers (breastfeeding or otherwise) are a bit too busy and skint to go into hospitals voluntarily. i've been asked to go into hospitals and help breastfeeding mothers but what would i do with my breastfed baby who's not allowed onto the ward because of germs, nevermind my 3 year old. plus nhs will not pay for childcare or expenses in my experience. i think what we really need is more better trained staff on the wards. if only eh?

lissie - i think it's also the being attached to mum bit as well. new born babies are used to being part of their mothers body, and don't really know they are a separate being yet.

Lissie,what do you mean by 'you can start on fm and move to bm ater a few days'

Ar you referring to formula and then breastmilk.

If so then this isn't a great start to successful breastfeeding at all.

Please clarify.

aahhh. lissie, i imagine all over the UK some very fragile new mums had the same experience of friends disappearing when they started to feed. just another wrong message at the wrong time. such a cultural chip we have.

i was lucky that the 2 friends who dropped in to see me were both unabashed by it. one a suave Frenchman and colleague who said aww. so lovely to see. I don't understand why more women don't. another a mexican colleague who sees it all the time at home.

yes, you do get snuggles, eye to eye etc with bottlefeeding. it just isn't the same though in a way which i can't quantify. there are hormonal changes in a mum and a baby when they start to feed from the breast rather than expressed milk from a bottle. some of them are beneficial to both.

also, bottlefeeding expressed milk means that a baby is not breastfeeding and breastfeeding also influences the shape in which a jaw develops. hence why the longer children are breastfed, the less likely they are to need orthodontistry later on.

in my case, and this is just me, i was too ill to bf, i'd been pumped so full of drugs that i didnt know my own name let alone ds's these drugs had passed over to him as a result he wouldnt feed and i was too weak to hold him. tried to feed him in recovery and every 10 mins. eventually (after 3d) a mw asked me (after id expressed) if i wanted to try fm. in hindsight i had a lot of milk and once the drugs were out of his system i probably could have bf but i didnt know. simple as that! i thought that it was all or nothing. and while it wouldnt have been easy it would have been preferable to fm.

Ah,I see what you mean.
Bloody hell,that is dreadful.