Why "choose" to bottle feed???

[Difers]

I am a breastfeeding mum and I meet lots of mums who said they tried to breastfeed but weren't able to which I can totally understand but My mother-in-law said she "chose" to bottlefeed and didn't bother even trying...

So I am wondering, given the benefits of breastfeeding, why would anyone "choose" to bottlefeed??

How can you be failure love? Your body had done the most AMAZING of things and produced a beautiful human being.

How you choose to feed her is not something ANYONE can judge you by. There are far more important things in life and the very fact you have these feelings show how much you love your dd and that is priceless

How you love, nurture and care for your children is much more important than how you feed them. Never feel guilty because you couldn't bf!

Daisybo, thanks for making me feel terrible as a not by choice formula feeder. Because your criticisms aren't just directed at those who do choose.

I was formula fed when breastfeeding failed. I'm sure my mum was stressed at the time as my dad had just announced he was leaving her for another woman who had been a friend. I had measles, German Measles and lots of other things as a baby, and then before the age of 5. But I'm generally a very healthy adult.

I believe that breastfeeding is a better option and that I should have had more support to make it work - I did have the milk, the problems were with latching on, sometimes did sometimes didn't, baby lost too much weight.

I had ds at 37, almost 38, and am a middle class woman with a belief in breastfeeding as a good thing and a very argumentative streak. But I couldn't stand up for myself after weeks of very interrupted sleep at the end of the pregnancy, several nights of no sleep from the night before induction including a 26.5 hour labour, and the terrible fear that my baby was not thriving as he should have been. Plus dp was equally anxious and ready to accept the joys of ff (he now feels dreadful as I'm still sad and weepy about my failure to breastfeed after 1 week - caused by an 8 day hospital stay when we were referred to all sorts of people but no breastfeeding counsellor.

That's not to say everyone shouldn't be able to see images of someone like her breastfeeding and not just a stereotype. But women from all backgrounds can have difficulties with breastfeeding, or succeed in doing it.

Blimey. What can I say as someone pointed out it isn't the full moon yet. But I can't let this thread go without saying, Daisybo I'm really glad that I didn't meet you when I discovered that my milk didn't come in and before you all ask again - no-one has any idea why. So I willingly and gratefully gave my child formula to save his life. You are very lucky that you could successfully breastfeed. Before you slag off all the formula feeders on here, remember more often than not many of us had a damn good reason for not being able to breastfeed.

Now I shall slope away with my popcorn and watch. It won't be as good as Harry Potter though .

chocolate peanut i would never say that to a new mum. and i really feel for people who wanted to and/or tried to breastfeed and didn't manage to because of stress/medical issues/lack of support. there are so many cases of people not being given the support to breastfeed by professionals when they want to and it makes me
however, around 30% of babies in england and 50% in northern ireland are bottlefed from birth. and i can't believe they all have reasons the same as some of you ladies. if your milk didn't come in because you were grieving/stressed/whatever then i can understand you bottlefeeding.
however, with such huge numbers of people bottlefeeding from birth, i find it hard to believe they all have these reasons, and i suspect a lot of them just don't like the idea of breastfeeding and would never entertain the thought of it. and it is this attitude that makes me angry.
there is a mis-understanding among new mums (something like in in 3) that formula milk is as good as breastmilk and i'm sorry but it's not, and it never will be. it's a manufactured substance trying to replicate something which is unique to each woman and her baby, and science will never be able to match that.

motherFunk actually i wasn't able to breastfeed both my children with 'ease' as you put it. just jump in and have a go before you know the facts why don't you. i did breastfeed ds and i am still breastfeeding dd, but it certainly wasn't easy. i had cracked nipples, blocked ducts, mastitis, thrush, the works. i had to work bloody hard to make breastfeeding succesful, both times.
oh and as for your comment: 'its hardly pumped full of crap, FFS its made for babies!' er no actually, breastmilk is made for babies, formula is milk made for cows that has been altered so that human babies can digest it.

"BUT i still breastfed dd til she was 20mths as i knew her needs came before mine and i wanted her to have the best start in life, (and 7 yrs later shes attaining the highest possible grades in her year and doing amazingly well.)"

I f/f my ds, he was having baby rice at approx 3 weeks, rusks a few weeks later, and by the time he was 6 months old he was on normal cows milk. Now i did have problems with the health visitor initially but she saw he was thriving on the way i fed him. Now almost 9 he is also attaining the highest grades possible, and is to of class for math, science, litracey, etc. I don't for one second believe that feeding a baby either b'f or f'f has an influence on the childs education fgs.

As parents we all know what WE want to do for our babies, I chose to f'f I didn't like the idea of b'f, didn't feel comfortable with it and didn't do it. I was happy with the way I chose...others are happy b'f. Why do we have to be so down on people because their choices and ideas differ from ours?

Oh and by the way DS is not overweight and never has been. He doesn't get ill often, has no problems health wise or any other way...so how did my way of feeding harm him or better him????

Oh but daisybo, how do you know what reasons someone may have? What constitutes a 'good enough' reason? After all "I can't breastfeed because when my stepfather abused me he used to suck my breasts" is not a physical reason, is this not enough to avoid inciting your anger at her selfish reasons? After all, she's not ill, the milk is there - so should she breastfeed?

What about someone teetering on the border of a total lapse in mental health? They are not physically ill either. Unfortunately, mental health is not black and white, it's hard to sit and tick boxes about it, and the stigma attached means few will admit to feeling wretched - people will merely claim "I didn't want to".

Are those the people worthy of your scorn?

Or maybe it's the young girls who are almost entirely reliant on their mothers for support and advice - mothers who do not understand, support, or like breastfeeding. Should these girls withdraw from their family, never see any of their friends, and instead feel a warm glow that they are doing The Right Thing? Ok, they may not have spoken to anyone they know for 12 days, they may be tearing their bloody hair out with frustration and lonliness, but at least they wouldn't be part of that 30%. Well worth losing contact with your mother for, when you are 17.

What about the mothers of 4 under 5? Perhaps they should setup some sort of buddy system, to ensure that the older children get fed and bathed and cuddled by someone. HATS OFF to those that do manage it - should we be looking down our noses at those who don''t?

Which ones, daisybo? Which people are the people we are allowed to aim our smug venom at?

def agree that ff/bf has no effect on intellect etc, and (i know i shall be lynched for this) obesity is down to overeating and lack of exercise, not how you were fed as a baby.

"formula is milk made for cows that has been altered so that human babies can digest it."

erm, so that makes it.... made for babies, no?

MotherFunk If you see this, DO NOT RISE to it (as actually all you would be doing is lowering yourself )

oh right, cos there are no mothers who just don't want to breastfeed cos they think it's not natural or other such rubbish
so are you implying that 50% of new mums in northern ireland are either 17 or mentally unstable then?
anecdotal evidence does not proove anything. there are hundreds of independent studies that show that formula feeding increases chances of, low iq, obesity, diabetes, cancer, etc etc.
theladyevenstar - what a silly arguement. i know people who have smoked all their life and lived till 85, that doesn't mean smoking doesn't kill. so you formula fed and introduced baby rice at 3 weeks . just because you say your kids are ok, it doesdn't mean that formula doesn't cause obesity, etc etc!!

hold on

You just said 'Anecdotal evidence does not prove anything'

Yet we are supposed to join you in villifying 30% of mothers on the basis of 'and i suspect a lot of them just don't like the idea of breastfeeding and would never entertain the thought of it. and it is this attitude that makes me angry.'

So what are the actual reasons given by this '30%'?

I am not implying that 50% of mothers in Northern Ireland are either 17 or mentally unstable, no.

What I am implying is that you do not, in fact, have any idea why 50% of mothers in Northern Ireland are not breastfeeding at birth. I am also implying that '50%' is a rather neat figure to be a real one, and that you have guessed at it, rather like you appear to have guessed at the reasons.

And you have still not stated where you draw the line. At what point do we withdraw our support of bottlefeeding from birth, Daisybo?

that is not anecdotal evidence. 30% of mothers in england bottlefeed from birth. fact.
i don't know each and every one's reasons for doing so. but that is a LOT of mothers. and there is a strong culture in this country to bottlefeed. 1 in 3 mothers think formula is as good as breastmilk. which is just rubbish.
there are plenty of people who bottlefeed cos they don't want to breastfeed. ask any midwife.

daisybo, you're in a hole, and it's probably best to stop digging

Being passionate about breastfeeding and wanting other mothers and babies to have the experience has to be tempered by the fact that it's emotional, psychcological and social territory you are treading in - and putting your size 12 boots on doesn't help.

You're aware enough of this to accept you would not sound off at a new mum about 'selfishness' or tell her that her choice had made you angry....but posting these thoughts on a public forum is the same thing, and many women, months and even years later, are as raw as a new mum about their experience.

My toes curl when I think of people deciding for others what a 'good' reason is to formula feed. The potential complexity of it means we cannot judge in any way what motivates another person, or what her circumstances are.

I would like to think you could withdraw your posts - I think it's possible to do this. I think it's great when people see the evidence about breastfeeding's impact on health, and the risks of formula feeding, and they feel that the situation in the UK (and elsewhere) is such that many mothers are not enabled to make this choice freely - but you have to be kind, accepting, and calm about the fact, and not judge.

Of course there are plenty of mothers who don't want to breastfeed - what we don't know from the information you are providing is why, and we also don't know which ones of these you consider to be 'legitimately' bottlefeeding, and which are the charlatans making you angry.

no i haven't guessed it.
the most recent and comprehenssive study on breastfeeding rates, states that 50% of babies in northern ireland are bottlefed at birth.
the culture that bottlefeeding is an equal alternative to breastfeeding is what needs changing. breastfeeding needs to be seen as the norm, not bottlefeeding. then maybe the attutide of not wanting to breastfeed would not be so prolific.

EscapFrom - daisybo's figures are, AFAIK, correct and come from the UK Infant Feeding survey of 2005.

Aha - yes, daisybo, it's the culture that needs changing. Individual mothers are not to be berrated for being 'selfish' then

Ok. I accept that.

Which are the ones making you angry, Daisybo? Which are are new mothers are the ones you consider to not have a good enough reason?

DaisyBo,
If you care to read my posting I say each person is entitled to make their own choices. My DS has always had a healthy diet and never been obese still isn't. He is big for his age, but not in weight...he is on par for his height and weight combined.

However I know children who were b'f and are very obese.....

I made my choice on how to raise my DS as I am sure you made yours. Nobody is right or wrong we are just all different.

tbh i don't see why i am not entitled to my opinion.
clearly some people think it's ok to bottlefeed for whatever reason and some people think it's ok to give a 3 week old baby rice.
i don't agree. but so what.
can't we just agree to disagree.

Not everyone is comfortable breastfeeding. Personally, I loved it. I just weaned my daughter a month ago at 17 months. I cried more than she did.

That being said, I think it important to respect that not every woman is comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. Two people can experience the exact same thing and have completely different perspectives.

YOu don't know, do you.

YOu have judged 30% of mothers, and you don't seem to have an answer as to why.

Of course you can have an opinion, daisybo - this is a talk board, after all, and we'd all be sunk if we couldn't express opinions.

But when you express it in such judgemental terms, the people who feel judged have a right to come back at you - don't you think?