Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

That sounds like terrible "care" from your hospital, PasstheStarmix. I suppose that they can't let babies be formally discharged unless the midwives are happy that the baby is being fed effectively. If that's fully formula fed then it's an easier check than if you say you want to breastfeed. The staff in your case clearly had no idea about breastfeeding and instead of helping just put pressure on you.

Exactly. It was crazy because I was breastfeeding correctly and latch fine etc (it just wasn’t the position of their choosing.) I now know that the position they wanted is just one of many and there was no reason they had to force that one position on somebody; it should be what is the most comfortable from mother and baby.

for*

@Buglife I’m planning to EBF my second DD who is due in 7 weeks.

It won’t be ‘triggering’ for my DD, she’ll be involved by helping me when I feed, sitting with me, coloring etc. Unfortunately children need to learn to share and learning that their parents need to divide their time as well can be beneficial - we can’t all be at their beck and call all the time.

I even told them I had a breastfeeding support person who can come straight out should I encounter any problems with breastfeeding at home and literally had the number on speed dial. I also said i can formula or mix feed if necessary and baby won’t starve. The horrible nurse was a battleaxe and just looked at me like

It was so forced and they were so obsessed with it that they missed the fact that my poor baby was unwell (sepsis at 1 day old when we brought him back in unresponsive.)

shutup that’s fine, I know many people do ebf a second child! And I said that first children having issues around a new baby was par for the course. Im sure my DS will have some issues around the new baby regardless of how I feed. I’m not judging anyone else! This is partly why I mean, I give my own personal reasons why I’d prefer to just try to introduce a bottle to a majority BF second child and why it makes me feel more comfortable about BF and it seems to cause upset.

@Buglife, is it really breastfeeding though, that produces an unhappy older sibling? Even if you're formula feeding from birth a new baby needs frequent feeds, most fathers go back to work after 1/2/3 weeks and often aren't around at bedtime to help out all the time. No one can know if those children would have had difficulties adjusting to a new baby if they were fully formula fed.

No it’s not and I didnt said that so I refuse to argue as if I did...

Oh ok, fair enough. Did you just want to raise it as a possibility, just a risk that might occur with breastfeeding?

Actually breastfeeding did cost us a substatial amount - both of mine had tongue ties and we had them snipped privately as the NHS wait was over 6 weeks. So two lots of lactation consultant/TT snips at £180 a go, breast pump, breast pads, lansinoh, breastfeeding clothes...Certainly not free!

I was far too emotionally invested in breastfeeding, especially after a birth that had been anything but a hypno-water birth. And once you have a tiny human entirely dependent on you for survival, you can't just give it up, can you?

I had a similar hospital experience @PasstheStarmix

I breastfed for a day and half and it was so tough. We had a lot of trouble with latching on, DD had tongue tie (which was only noticed a week after we'd left hospital and she'd been on formula), I lost a lot of blood during birth and was so dehydrated I had no milk/colostrum to give when we finally managed to get latched on for 2-3 mins at a time. I was distressed, DD was distressed and it just didn't work for us. I remember feeling so guilty about switching to formula but it was actually a midwife who suggested it to me because she seen how much of a mess we both were the other 6 midwives who came to see me would just try to push DD on to me for her to latch as if it was supposed to be the easiest thing but it really wasn't.

You've done so well breastfeeding for so long! I can't imagine how tiring it must be. I'd maybe try BF again if I ever have another baby, but just now DD and I are so content with formula feeding and it really worked for us.

I raised it as a reason I had for planning (or hoping! Babies will do what they will) to introduce a bottle as well as BF. As this is a thread about women talking about things that made them unhappy about BF and one that has been raised was being solely responsible for feeds, and I think being able to share it somewhat might be better for long term feeding in some cases. My own plans as to what might make my life with a new baby easier aren’t reflective of anyone else and aren’t meant to be. My DS could dislike the baby for any number of reasons!

@NotAnotherJaffaCake you can just give up breastfeeding, because you don't stop being responsible for feeding your baby. You just start to use a different method, which is to use formula. Baby still is fed.

I personally think ‘fed is best’ no matter what the method.

Grandmas - well I costed it in a post above. I did about 50/50 bf/ff for a year. The formula cost £5 a week for the first seven or so months, less once she was on solids. Extra food for me cost about £5 extra a month about the same amount of time as I struggled to keep my weight up even doing 50% BFing. So about the same cost so far. I had to pump to get my supply going £100 for pump. Buy nursing bras (£60) and a few secondhand tops (£50) so that’s an extra £210 in BFing costs. I didn’t have any existing tops that allowed easy access to boobs. I bought bottles and steriliser too but used those for both ff and ebm so don’t count that cost either way (steriliser £20, bottles approx £20).

I enjoyed the routine of bottle feeding - I measured out the little scoops of powder each evening as I liked getting organised and I liked the rhythm of getting the bottles clean and into the steriliser. In comparison BFing was chaotic and uncertain, especially as it had made my DD so I’ll initially and you never know how much is going in.

And yes,it’s true, I loved looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle. You have to concentrate on them totally as it takes two hands. (I’m aware some people prop the bottles up and ignore the baby...) DD always looked so contented having a bottle, with a big smile at the end. No, I couldn’t look into her eyes whilst BFing - my boobs aren’t at the right angle to do that so all I ever got was a rather angry looking baby trying to get what she could out of my breasts. I always finished off by topping up with formula as she never got enough milk from me.

I hated it, dragged it out for 3 months because I felt I'd failed ds because I couldn't give birth to him (I wasn't in the best place mentally), had an oversupply and everything worked from a physical perspective. He went from the 19th percentile to the 50th very quickly on just breastmilk but I loathed the sensation of it, it just felt wrong.

This time (due in six weeks) I will be exclusively formula feeding I think because no one has been able to suggest a way around those feelings of revulsion. My community midwives/consultant are all pushing that I should at least give it a shot just in case it's different this time but I feel sick at the thought.

I don't think I regret it but I should have been willing to introduce formula earlier than I did because perhaps combo feeding would worked for us.

Fed is best is one of them saying I'm not fond of.
Blend up a Big Mac as fed is best, but if tarmac fed is best.
BF or FF do whatever make sure you happy.

@assassinatedbeauty I know BFI hospitals aren’t supposed to be awful like the one I was in, but the NHS is so over-stretched I don’t think they have time to do anything properly and they’re trying to meet BFing targets so they concentrate on those mums and ignore anything to do with ffing. The staff training was definitely inadequate - the staff seemed to have all done the basics, which was EBF at all costs, formula = bad, but then couldn’t deal with concerns like my baby boy producing wet/dirty nappies. There was a constant stream of mums and newborns being admitted to SCBU with similar problems.

Baby boy?! Where did the autocorrect get that from?!?! She’s a GIRL!!

I’d forgotten the cost of Lansinoh - £10 a tube and I got through two of them!

pass I had dc1 abroad but I had some awful bf support nurse bark at me in hospital with dc2 that I was feeding her all wrong and holding her ‘like a much older baby’

She wondered past after dd2 had been sucking for ages and had given up as she’d had the colostrum and there was no milk and pronounced.

I thought about complaining about her - I got no other help or checks at all on the post natal Ward, just someone telling me I was going it wrong!

I couldn't bond with my baby at the start. I was really concerned about it. Thought I was a terrible person, not cut out for motherhood blah, blah. Once I started giving DD formula to supplement the breastfeeding it felt so much better. The relief! I didn't realise the pressure I had been putting myself under. Finally started to love my DD rather than just feel a duty of care towards her. I'd say I had some PND too so can't blame it all on the bfeeding. I do know that it started to get better the day I gave her formula. I'll bf the next one but I'll be a whole lot quicker to recognise if it's not working for us.

I’m so sorry to read about other people having a similar experience but also heartened that it wasn’t just me. Those images of the woman breastfeeding her child and everything all soft focus and lovely really aren’t the true picture for some women.

Yes the bottle refusing is also partly caused by misinformation - we left it too long to do a bottle with dc1 due to the fear of ‘nipple confusion’ where a supposedly lazy baby decides they prefer bottles.

We started the expressed bottles earlier with dc2 and she happily switched bottle for boob and back again, and later she didn’t care if it was bm or ff.