Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

I was also entirely confused by the nipple confusion thing (yet another thing we were told at the BF workshop that turned out not to be true). DD had first bottle at five days and switched between bottle and breast for her whole first year before we switched the bottle for a sippy cup. No confusion at all...

"assassinatedbeauty this thread is full of people with bottle refusing babies. It is nowhere near as simple as just move to formula, because very often the baby won't play ball. So a mother can either ignore their baby's discomfort and refusal to feed, or keep going, despite not wanting to. Is that so hard to understand?

It's probably regional as well- I live in Northern Ireland and only 7% of babies are breastfed at six months, and 50% of women leave hospital without even trying to BF.

When I was in hospital the midwives just assumed everyone would be FF, and they supplied multiple brands of ready made formula so mums could pick which suited them.

BF didn't work out for me (DD wouldn't latch and no support) and I feel like I have a dirty secret when I say I'm so glad it didn't.

I've got a 3 day old and currently finding BF so incredibly painful I'm utterly miserable, can't really focus on baby because I dread every feed

No it's not hard to understand, but you didn't say that you were referring to a bottle refusing baby. Not all babies refuse bottles, and some who do may well quickly learn to take one if that's the only milk available.

Ds refused bottles and I was stuck breast feeding 12-14 times a day because of it (he’s always been a frequent feeder and still is now having 3 meals and 2-3 snacks a day. I finally found a soft spout sippy cup that was better for breast fed babies than bottles and lo and behold he took to it like a dream and I never looked back. It’s made by Mam and link below if it helps one person than it’s worth posting:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00PH5OPBS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_a_it?ref=plSrch&keywords=mam+sippy+cup&dpPl=1&dpID=41QcHqHRS8L&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1524669749&sr=8-1

Thank you for starting this thread. I am pregnant with dc2 and I am thinking of bf this time round. I fed dd formula from the word go and felt I had pnd caused by all and sundry wanting to give her her bottle, so felt I didn't get enough bonding time with her during feeds. She's thrived on formula and has always been a good sleeper, I'm really worried that this time round I may have a shock to the system if I bf as I realise they wake more.

Also, I was always told bf is cheaper etc etc which is also another factor in wanting to do it this time as we are broke until I go back to work. Is this not the case?

My thoughts about nipple confusion are that if you introduce a bottle at one feed between 2 and 3 weeks, you are less likely to get nipple confusion than if you leave it longer. You do have to keep going with 1bottle a day or they forget. I mix fed all my 4 and they all had a bottle at 10\11 pm at night that DH gave them with either breast milk or formula, depending on how much i could pump that day. That meant that after I fed the baby at 7 ish, I could go straight to bed while DH kept the baby with him, bottle fed and then settled them for the night. I could sleep until 2 or 3 am if I was lucky and it made all the difference to my sanity. DH says that some of his best memories are of quiet night feeds with a sleepy baby guzzling a feed and then snuggling on his chest .

Agree with @Grandmaswagsbag. People in Mumsnet talk a lot about the pressure to bf and pariah status for not - but the UK has the lowest breastfeeding rate in the WORLD (per the Lancet) and well over half of babies have had formula by the end of the first week.
I've mixed fed one of my babies from birth so am not a devoted lactivist or out to judge anyone but do think that there are good reasons that hospitals are trying to increase bfing rates, and a big part of this is to counterbalance a culture that is actually far more weighted to FF than many others.

www.thelancet.com/series/breastfeeding

It can be cheap. You don’t strictly need a pump, you can just wear regular clothes. You’ll be more hungry so you might spend more on food - I honestly don’t think bf is any cheaper than ff it’s just that the cost is more hidden.

Dc1 used to go all day at nursery on 2 pieces of milk and then she’d claw at me like a possessed baby when she came home, she hated the bottle.

I agree you can if you have a tough baby starve them into it but if you’ve a stubborn determined one, it’s like breaking them and I couldn’t do it.

Agree she eventually took to cups with spouts!

whattookyousolong I remember that with dc1, are your nipples shredded? Ice packs really helped and these:

www.boots.com/multi-mam-compresses-1-x-12-pack-10078094

Lasinoh didn’t work for me. I remember also taking my post birth cocodamol when it was really painful to get her to latch...I doubt that’s recommended though.

@whattookyousolong it doesn't last stick without and the pain will go.

I've been breastfeeding or pregnant for nearly 8 years solid (three children). I'm so fucking tired of it and maybe that's clouding my view of breastfeeding but if I could go back I'd probably FF first time round, so I wouldn't feel compelled to BF my next two children. Or at least wean early.

It's a monumental pain in the arse. I've had enough of massive boobs, expensive bras, increased hunger and being awake all night because all three refused bottles.

I've was also incredibly lazy and relied on me becoming pregnant and my milk drying up as a tool to wean the first two... Now DH has had the snip I feel like DD2 will be breastfeeding until she is 30, she loves it so much. Aaagggghhh!

I have a completely unsubstantiated theory that a lot of the problems some women have with bf is because it has suddenly become a "thing" that you have to express. Back when it were all fields and my dd were a baby, you were advised not to try expressing at all until at least 6 weeks unless there was some specific reason-there were only two women in my circle who expressed early- one baby was very premature and tube fed, the other had a cleft palate.

I will say that it's saved us ££££ over the years though. And the health benefits. Blah blah. But that's my personal, jaded experience of it.

Also I had no easing of my SPD at all until I stopped, my hair fell out far past the point of normal postpartum fall and I had rheumatic pains in most of my joints.

So while I’m sure it was beneficial for ds, it sucked for me in many ways.

Judging by my own experience (exclusively breastfed two babies) it is the nature of the baby not the nature of the feeding.
My two girls slept well (waking twice a night from two months for 10 mins then straight back to sleep and once from 5 months) they self settled without crying and only fed for as long as they needed to. I.e no prolonged comfort feeding.

I have had no problems with it at all, have saved money and enjoyed the convenience.
I may be lucky, but babies obviously can do it and be breastfed.

I've not read the entire thread but personally I have to disagree. I've breastfed both my children (still currently breastfeeding the youngest nearly 10 months old). I did 13 months with the eldest and only had 5 months off feeding before the youngst arrived. I feel like I've been breastfeeding forever (in reality it's 2 years).

It hasn't been plain sailing with either, my eldest was very slow to gain weight she fell off the weight chart, so I had to combination feed for a few months. The youngest still won't take a bottle so I haven't left his side in 10 months!! I can't say I regret any of it though, my children have never been ill (touch wood) literally nothing. That for me is worth all the sleepless nights, pain (only with the 1st child) and sometimes hassle.

I found it really convenient and apart from an expensive breast pump which I used loads with the first child, I've not really spent much at all, I'm pretty sure the pump paid for itself. I've loved eating like a king and still losing weight too.

I was very open minded about feeding and not dead set on it, if I'd have hated it or I didn't see the point I'd have stopped. I'm in the fed is best camp anyway!

I fed DD1 for a year and genuinely loved every second. HOWEVER we introduced bottles of EBM at around 12 weeks old, so we could share night feeds and DD was always a good sleeper.

DD2 is 12 weeks old and I'm EBF again but not enjoying it as much, but again we've introduced bottled ebm to ensure I get a break. I'm determined to push through the feeding aversions I currently have as I know the health benefits are huge (especially as both of mine were severely premature)

My regret was more around when and where I was born. If I had been Norwegian or Swedish, I would've found bf with DD1 far easier because their cultures support mothers.

I don't feel angry about bf, I feel angry about living in a country that doesn't support mothers, babies or families.

@stargirl1701 well said

@whattookyousolong I found breast feeding very difficult for the first two weeks. What helped me were those hand warmers that you crack to heat. Just shoved those in my bra! It's easy for me now but listen to your body and don't make yourself miserable.

I FF my eldest and am BF my second. Both have pros and cons. Just do what you feel is right.

This thread is soooo discouraging for those that are thinking of it of have just started. It's like an advert for formula milk. Breastfeeding is best for your baby and ultimately milk is for babies of the animal it comes from (humans, cows or goats). I found breastfeeding very hard at the beginning but I'm almost a year in now and I love it. It IS hard at the beginning but it DOES get better even if a few people still don't enjoy it. The first few weeks are agony but is so so worth it. Define give it a try. I'm so glad I did it. It was easier and cheaper for me. I only ever hear negativity about breastfeeding and pro formula stuff and people still want to be the victim with formula. Where's that coming from...the Internet?

@iloveboobs I agree with you there. I think if your pro breast feeding people say your being horrible to me. I've had so many negative and nasty comments about breastfeeding yet I would never do it to a bottle feeder. I loved breast feeding, the health benefits to me and baby, the keeping my weight low.
If people want to bottle feed they can I don't care. Only people on the internet care or the really rude ones who say it. But all the people who said it to me were either insecure because they seem to think all breastfeeders judge them so were nasty to me or they were just plain thick.

I think people who bottle feed feel bad and then they think everyone will look down on them so they look for comfort in others or by knocking people who breastfeed. It's sad if that's the case (like many I know)
Because we don't care. Do what you want like the other lady said people are far to busy with their own babies and worries to care