Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

Very reassuring to hear I'm not the only one. I would have loved to have had more balanced information when I was pregnant - all I got was a lot of stuff about the benefits (most of which turned out to be intangible or down to other reasons) and negatives about formula and what I could have done with was actual decent information to make an informed choice. That wasn't there as there was such a strong push to breastfeed.
Examples** from what I was actually told at bf workshop:

BF is convenient - well, in comparison to what? Yes you don't have to make up bottles (you can get ready made ones!!) but it means you have to take the baby with you everywhere (not my definition of convenient) and bf takes a lot longer than ff so in terms of time ff is less. Sterilising is only once a day and quick. It wasn't nearly as much of a hassle as it was made out to be.

BF is free - no it isn't. I appreciate not everyone has supply problems and needs to hire/buy a pump but costs for me included: pump (£100), bras (£60), tops (£50), extra food as I was losing so much weight (£5 per week). In contrast formula cost £5 per week. I haven't included cost of bottles as I needed them both for EBM and FF. It would have been helpful to have had an indication that these costs were involved (and I think mine were quite low as I bought the tops secondhand and didn't get gimmicky stuff like BFing jewellery or covers etc).

Follow on milk is more expensive and a marketing ploy - yes it's a marketing ploy but it worked out cheaper...

BF babies are exposed to a wider range of tastes so will eat better range of solids - I actually queried this one at the workshop as I'm veggie and worried it would mean DD wouldn't eat meat. Midwife then contradicted herself and said it wouldn't make any difference.

BF means babies have higher IQ - no, the research showed this not to be true.

Cluster feeding is a lovely snuggly opportunity to watch a box set - no it isn't you end up with a screaming baby permanently clamped to you just when you want a break and the last thing you want to do is watch a box set!

Disagree massively. Britain let's not judge others but let's not all suddenly go no to breastfeeding. How silly a comment to make. I Iva every if we said right all mothers let's breastfeed.
Some do some don't. All I'm saying is don't look at the comment above and say we'll britains a formula feeding country I'll just do that. We're not guys 😀

You must be thinking of another study as the one you have shared says it reduced risk. It does say that having fort baby after age 30 increases risk though. I wonder how many people make such mega choices based on this kind of data though. If it is cancer prevention we are after we'd be safer weighing less not drinking eating cabbage etc. Sorry you have bregrets OP.

The Best thing is to make and choice and be secure with it and then yourll be happy. Don't listen to negative comments happy people who made happy choices don't make negative comments about what your doing they keep zip or encourage you or talk to you kindly and nicely. I didn't have much support but I stuck to my guns I got upset by silly comments but then you realise the sort of people who make them and now I know that it's very easy to ignore them 🤗 Good luck all

it shows that the risk of certain types is increased in the immediate aftermath of birth for a few years - probably due to the remodelling of the breast tissue during pregnancy itself with all the hormonal fluctuations. The effect lasts about ten years.

Post menopause it’s a more settled picture - the breast is terminally differentiated basically so cancer of all types is less likely.

To the person who asked why continue for 28 months when I hated it?
Well, I'd come under huge pressure to breastfeed from attachment parenting relatives. I wanted to do it because I'd never heard any negatives about it. Which made me feel like huge failure when it didn't work initially, despite following all the 'instructions' about on demand, skin to skin, fed 10 mins after birth etc. I made myself keep going to three months, then basically forced myself onwards a week at a time. By four months it was 'well, might as well keep going to six months'. A lovely friend pointed out at six months that I could choose how often to do it at that point, so I dropped to three feeds a day. DD naturally dropped one feed at 10 months. By that point I'd got past absolutely loathing every second of it as two feeds a day only took ten mins total so it was something I could mostly ignore. But I come from a background that is very 'natural weaning' and 'baby led' so it didn't feel like I could make her stop?
I'm also quite goal-oriented so seeing a 'target' of bf to two years (WHO recommendation) made me think that was something I should do.

And, yes, I only count the cost over the first year because that was 50/50 bf/ff but the bf cost far more than the ff did.

I formula fed DC1 after two weeks because I struggled with breastfeeding, and felt massive shame and regret so was determined to breastfeed DC2.

We’re still going at 18 months and I’m so over it. I wish I’d have introduced a bottle or a dummy or something. The beginning was hideous with a severe tongue tie, repeated thrush and mastitis but I carried on. She still feeds all night long and demands it constantly in the day when I’m not at work. I don’t know how to stop without distressing her so we’re still going. I’m so tired and I need a break but at night she gets hysterical unless I feed her.

Oh, I also never expected to end up with a galactocele and a trip to the breast cancer clinic (= terrifying) with a four month old baby in tow.

It's also all very well people saying you have a choice and to do what works for you, but breast is pushed so heavily that it doesn't feel like a choice at all. I have bf all over the place and never had an issue but had nasty comments from breastfeeders when formula feeding. Those sort of attitudes don't give an impression of 'choice' at all.

Sorry to hear you felt so pressured - personally I haven’t experienced that. The mothers I know breastfeed, formula feed, or use a combination and not once have I heard anyone even comment on another mother’s feeding methods. Sounds like this is a problem with judgemental people around you and your reaction to the pressure you feel that they were putting on you rather than a society wide thing. Or maybe people I know are just more live and let live types than the ones you’ve encountered?

How would you want midwives to get across the negatives about breastfeeding? Or is it not really just midwives, but all the stuff you see online about how amazing breastfeeding is?

It's weird, because most women either mix feed or fully formula feed from 6 weeks onwards, yet there's so much focus on breastfeeding when very few women actually do it.

Negativity comes from both. I had so many nasty comments from bottle feeders. I hadn't done anything wrong they were insecure because they hadn't and assumed I would judge them. Because they were judgemental and nasty they assumed I was. You do get people who breast feed make comments to.
What we need to remember is the sort of people who make nasty comments are the ones we need to ignore. People who made happy choices don't try and put others down they are kind and caring.
You do what you want what ever anyone nasty says ignore them. 😀 My friends all fed there babies differently to me and we get on just dandy because we're nice and support one another ignore the others they just nasty

I think the message should be:

Breastfeeding has some positive benefits (list them) when we look at the population as whole.
What’s best for you and your baby may be breast bottle or a mix.
How can we support you in your choice?

What’s important is that women who want to bf but struggle get quality support, and that every woman is supported in her choices.

Also to add to those who say "well just stop then"...you can't!!! How can you stop when you have bought and tried every bottle / brand of formula on the market and your baby won't take it? How can you when your baby is screaming in hunger and your OH is desperately warming up / cooling down milk / trying different feeding positions etc. in the hopes it might encourage him to drink it?? And then finally baby takes a bit but because he is so upset he chokes on it and proceeds to vomit everywhere (a regular occurrence for us!)! Not to mention baby feeds to sleep and for comfort so stopping would cause a huge amount of stress. Even now at 10.5 mo, sure my baby can have solids and water in a cup but he still needs milk and trying to do bedtime without breastfeeding causes all hell to break loose.

You absolutely 100% can end up trapped in it and unable to stop. In fact, that's something I should have said before - no one tells you how hard it is to stop!

I do wonder about all this pressure to bf considering that the vast majority of 6 week old babies are ff.

I also wonder how much viral marketing formula companies go in for now they are not allowed to advertise directly. Nestle would be rubbing their hands with glee at this thread.

BF also technically put me in intensive care as i developed sepsis from mastitis when DD2 was 9 days old. In hindsight I should have stopped then but as I’d fed DD1 for 6 months I felt like I owed DD2 the same... silly really.

I don't regret BF DC1 until 5 months (although managed to carry on BF at night until nearly 6 months) but I share your sentiments about how it made you feel.

I didn't enjoy it, DC1 didn't seem to particularly enjoy it and as a family we were all much happier when she moved onto formula during the day at 5 months. I was pretty mentally well anyway so that wasn't an issue but my life became much easier and fun once I could jus set off out for the day with some premix formula and not have to worry about what I was wearing, where I would stop if DC needed feeding etc. The sudden sense of freedom over something actually very small was fantastic.

I don't think the British weather and complete lack of imagination on behalf of retailers when it comes to nursing clothes helps particularly either.

As others have said there isn't the recognition that breastfeeding can be very limiting for women in all kinds of situations. There's definitely more room in the discussion post natally about successful mix feeding rather than the current all or nothing approach to breastfeeding.

I will definitely be mix feeding DC2 who is due in a few weeks.

Just to add to that as well I suspect that if I had mixed fed right from the start with DC1 I would have probably carried on breastfeeding for a little bit longer than I did, but by 6 months I was so totally fed up I just wanted my body back.

I then got pregnant again when DC1 was 7 months though so that kind of put an end to that...

I don’t know how exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months (no pumping, no mix feeding etc) fits with the current promotion of shared parental leave or extra paternity leave for men. I think it is impossible for women to breastfeed for 6 months and then suddenly stop to go back to work with the baby only having been breastfed. I am hoping to introduce a bottle alongside feeding as soon as possible with DS2 when he is born as my DH is lucky enough to get 8 weeks paternity and wants to be able to help and spend time alone with the baby too, and I want to be able to take my DS1 out alone and not have him only see mummy with the baby for months on end. Also I’ve got a great support network family wise and I’d love them to watch the baby for a few hours etc and not worry I can’t leave the house in case the baby needs a feed. The thought of ending up with a bottle
refusing baby who feeds exclusively from me for a year or so is terrifying frankly. It would make our family life so difficult, my DH would be sad not to be able to look after his son and I’d hate DS1 to feel pushed out.

Bertrand you say that you don’t see all the BF pressure on women but then suggest that an honest thread about how some women feel negative about their BF experience is probably viral marketing from formula companies... the pressure is comments like that! Suggesting that women can’t possibly be allowed to say what they feel about the issue unless it’s positive or it’s formula marketing. So again women who dislike it are made to feel they are wrong.

Luckily I didn't do shared parent as a lot of people call it now. I fed baby and got on with whatever baby wanted feeding I whipped it out fed baby. Dad would play with baby and things when baby needed feeding I would whip it out again. It doesn't effect bond between them they are happy. If your not wanting to do the feeds all the time then yes yourll encounter problems. Again be happy and do what you want. No ones going to win a mumsnet argument on it because there is.l right answer apart from do what you want and ignore others who try and put you down most of the time they are just insecure for whatever reason

You see, Buglife, I didn’t actually say that. What I said was that the pressure to bf is obviously not very effective, because very few babies are bf for more than 6 weeks . And it is undeniable that on Mumsnet, there are far more positive postings about ff than about bf. And any positive postings about bf attract their share of accusations of putting undue pressure to bf. Any pregnant woman reading Mumsnet is going to be really wary of breastfeeding.

And obviously, I have no idea whether formula companies go in for viral marketing or not. But given their conduct in the developing world, I would not be at all surprised.

Exclusive breastfeeding doesn't work with shared parental leave, unless the shared bit is towards the end, say the last 3 months or so. By that point the baby should be able to go for a period of time without being breastfed, although the likelihood would be that you might need to express once or twice for a full day. Baby would need to have expressed milk during the day.

It wouldn't be a problem for longer paternity leave. Babies start to go for a 3 hours or so between feeds soon enough usually which surely is enough time for fathers to spend alone with the baby?

Why would you think an older child might feel pushed out by a baby being breastfed?

You have done well, I feel really bad for you that you've had such a horrendous time and felt pressured to continue beating yourself up over it.

As for the poor poster who was denied antidepressants! WTAF was that GP thinking? Better for baby to have no mother at all if the depression worsened? I hope someone has made a complaint about them. My GP was lovely and did prescribe me AD and I will be going back on them as soon as DC2 is here, despite planning on BF as she has assured me it is safe (not the perfect ideal, but perfectly safe).

I actually enjoyed breastfeeding after a very horrible start where I hated it and planned to move to formula, but the benefits of breastmilk don't outweigh the mental health of the mother who has to do the feeding. I plan to BF DC2 when they get here but if it made me feel as many PP do then the health benefits would not be worth it.

• The thought of ending up with a bottle refusing baby who feeds exclusively from me for a year or so is terrifying frankly*

This was my first. No family help either. It was very very hard. The second I will still bf because there were positives for us but I will also use a bottle.