Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

You know what, I know it's got heated in places but this kind of discussion is exactly what mumsnet is about.

Breastfeeding and infant feeding in general is such a personal thing, that mainly affects women and is such a major part of bringing children into the world and it should be discussed even if some of those discussions are uncomfortable at times.

I've learnt and thought so much from reading it over the last few days, so thank you everyone, and OP for starting it.

I live on the south east and no I don’t feel there was any pressure to ebf

It's a five week old that's not gaining weight. Mother sounds like she has some pretty serious health problems so it isn't altogether surprising if she's not making enough milk. She's had some advice saying talk to a Lactation consultant, a lot of people slating HVs for suggesting formula and a few people (like me!) pointing out that EBF isn't the be all and end all.

Trouble is, she seems more concerned about not EBF than that her baby may be ill?

Do you really think she cares more about breastfeeding than whether her baby is unwell?

And advising seeing a lactation consultant (a properly qualified one) isn't stupid advice.

Which forum is it?

I was quite happy breastfeeding, but then I didn't go on breastfeeding forums and didn't do it for 2 years. OP you sound like you enjoy torturing yourself then blaming other people for it, just do what you want & get on with it & let others do the same.

Also not gaining weight is not quite the same as losing weight.

I think it is far more nuanced than you are assuming. Surely this mother is weighing the risks and benefits of formula? She knows that there may be a problem. She knows formula could alleviate the weight gain issue but comes with it's own risks.

That risk/benefit is for each family to weigh up for themselves.

And people upthread were doubting the pressure to BF

I struggled like hell to BF and did everything I could. I went to a Le Leche League meeting and the leader said "breastfeeding is a way to maintain the bond of pregnancy, when you are breastfeeding you are still bonded to the baby".

So we are not bonded anymore? Thanks.

The thing is that if a woman really wants to ebf and her baby isn’t gaining weight at 5 weeks, then suggesting formula as a first suggestion isn’t good advice.

And pressuring women to use formula is surely as bad as pressuring to bf? Saying she cares more about ebf than that her baby might be ill- seriously? It that OK?

This is going round in circles and no one needs to 'win'.

It has been extremely helpful to know that I'm not the only person who regrets BFing so thank you to the supportive people. I was in a really low place earlier in the week berating myself about forcing myself to do it for so long. And it has helped knowing I'm not alone in feeling like that.

Thank you

Nobody needs to win-but discussing stuff is good, surely? Don’t you have any views on recent posts?

Riding has it occurred to you you’re feeling low becasue of weaning? I’m not saying you don’t have regrets about b/f but it could explain feeling low. When my dd self weaned quite suddenly I felt horrendous and deeply depressed for about a week. Feelings of doom and gloom much the same as when my milk came in, That everything I had and was doing was wrong, crying constantly. Thank god it was just the dive in hormones and I soon felt really great and relieved that she had made the decision herself. Was not prepared for feeling like that at all though!

It's more likely to be the virus I've had? The self-weaning has been so long and drawn out I doubt its that - she's gone from one feed a day in Feb to about two a week now. Keep thinking that's it then she suddenly attaches herself when we're in the bath

I've just skimmed through most of this thread but wanted to say thanks for posting this OP. DS was EBF for 3 days before he got very sick and would no longer accept my breast so we made the quick decision, with help from the hospital's postnatal team, to switch to formula immediately which massively improved his health.

I wouldn't say that I regret breastfeeding but have definitely found that formula feeding has been a much better fit for our family and had I breastfed for longer, I probably would have regretted it. I sometimes feel guilty about making the decision (even though it likely saved my son's life) but this post has really helped me to not feel ashamed about preferring formula.

Mind you watch for mastitis too. I stopped at 18m and I did have a very blue week or two so dont discount hormones as a cause.

I also got mastitis sooooo badly. I was only on one feed a day as well.
Really awful, 41 degree fever and bloody milk. Ds had refused to feed as it must have tasted bad and things went from there. They refused me antibiotics and I was ill for at least a week.

Actually grandma and Babel have a point. Although I didn't particularly enjoy breastfeeding, when DD gave up her night feeds at 6 months (I'd stopped BF through the day at 5 months by that point anyway) I got really upset that that was it. If I remember rightly I spent an extremely out of character evening crying, and shouting at DP that he 'didn't understand' when he just looked at me like .

Never really considered that there might have been a hormonal aspect to that reaction. Blamed it on the wine

I cried too. But I also cried when they moved out of baby seats into the next stage ones, and when they grew out of babygros. And when they wouldn’t fit in their Moses baskets any more. I don’t think I can blame hormones.............,

With my first, my baby was starving hungry all the time and I had enough milk for 3 babies (midwife said I would make a good wet nurse).
I had mastitis for weeks on end and was constantly on antibiotics. NHS advice to pump excess was terrible as only encouraged stronger let-down. All medical people insisted I continue exclusively breastfeeding until I ended up with bleeding nipples, bruised breasts and over 40 fever.
Still the mantra ‘keep going’...
We went on holiday abroad when DS was 8 weeks. I ended up going to a doctor there as was so ill. he took one look at me and said I should wean DS of immediately or I will end up needing surgery to unblock blocked ducts. He thought I was mad to have kept at it for so long and said advice I was given was irrisponsible. He said some women are just not designed to BF (my mum tried with 3 kids but never managed more then 3 days)
With my next DS I said I’ll give it a go but will stop as soon as any problems... he EBF very successfully for 13 mo and it was everything you read in nhs literature, bonding, convenient etc... (I was better prepared and he wasn’t such an aggressive sucker)
My point is every mum and baby is different and we should certainly not be bullied into doing things...

Hey Mummas,

Has anyone else had gut problems whilst EBF their baby? I know the hormones in pregnancy can give you terrible wind/bowel changes but can't find anything about Mummas gut health during BF'ing? Varying diet to see what helps but thought it would be interesting to see if anyone has experienced this?

Have a great week all 🍉

Yeah, we need to be talking realistically about breastfeeding in the context of women's actual lives - where partners are back at work, often living far from family or getting little support from them. "

Round of applause. This with Big Ben’s Bells on.

I don’t regret it, but it did take a lot out of me. I know I can’t blame the breastfeeding but I look like I’ve aged 10 years in 3 and I swear it’s from the awful sleep!