Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

I BF both of mine until 6 months and if I’m honest I hated every minute of it. I then had a battle as both were bottle refusers but I physically and mentally couldn’t take any more.
I wouldn’t say I regret it necessarily, but I think I will do things differently this time round (currently pregnant with DC3). I will introduce a bottle far earlier and far more consistently.

My fed= mix fed!

I loved BF until DD was about 15 months, I found it easy and convenient and thought I’d want to continue until she self weaned as it was such a lovely bonding experience. But at Christmas Dds routine was messed up and her sleeping went to shit, she ended up back in our bed waking hourly after having been in her own room with one or two wake ups a night, this is ongoing still. We then moved house and all the change and disruption has meant she is feeding as frequently as a newborn day and night at 19 months. I am destroyed by the lack of sleep, I don’t feel myself and my brain doesn’t work properly anymore - I actually feel stupid, my memory is shot... the list goes on, sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason. I’m desperate to stop feeding but there is so little advice out there on how to stop, on forums you are met with disapproving and unhelpful replies when you say you want to stop. I’ve recently started working part time and now DP is stay at home parent, and I feel guilty I made DD so reliant on the breast for comfort and sleep, I work nights and she is often still awake and distressed when I get home in the early hours of the morning, as she won’t go to sleep without feeding. I do sometimes wish I hadn’t BF, but DD was a bottle refuser when I pumped anyway and the idea of making up bottles in the night sounded horrendous to me so I never even entertained the idea of formula - but I assumed DD would sleep through the night before now, and not having had more than three hours unbroken sleep for nearly two years takes its toll.

silkpyjamas there is very little advice on how to stop. I know some people put plasters on their boobs and say they are broken and some even lemon juice so they taste yucky. Lots have had success just going away for the weekend and leaving it to someone else.

I dried up my milk with Sudafed but you won't hear that recommended - it's like a dirty little secret. Pretty sure the only posts on here about it are by me!

We're great at telling people how to keep going but shit at telling people how to stop.

Yes totally worth it be proud of yourself. You never know what could have happened if she hadn't been fed. She could have had lots of colds that stayed and other illness. Yourve done great 🤗

Health benefits to Mum are POST menopausal reduction in breast cancer.

For about five to ten years after BF the risk of BC is actually increased and the proportion of those rumours that are aggressive is increased too.

Oddly, only the first statistic is ever pushed.

The whole field of women’s health, choices and frankly sanity around child bearing and rearing is full of misinformation and skewed messages. Women are rarely given the correct information to make fruly informed choices

Less likely to get breast cancer post menopause now that's a massively positive and benefit 😀

Yes it is. It’s a positive thing.

But I’ve never heard the second statistic mentioned at all and that is also just as true.

Informed consent relies on accurate information. I work in clinical trials and only including the benefits of a treatment in an informed consent document would get us fined to oblivion.

Breastfeeding is such a natural thing that nhs want to promote and I'm sure we can see why if we are being reasonable.
The issue is people who judge others for there choice. people do what they want with their babies good. But I can see why people point out all the benefits of it 😀

It this isn't the thread for this topic. Sorry op. It's about what yourve asked

OP 28 months is impressive - well done. I know you are looking at only visible benefits that you can see now but presumably we will never know what over the entirety of the course of your children's life they would have been susceptible to had you not breastfed them. Btw te your comment on middle class mothers, the benefits are not just related to socioeconomic status of the mothers. I breastfed for two years. It was excruciating for the first three months. Not to mention later challenges with return to work. But. Do I regret it? No, feel glad as I know the health benefits, proud that I stuck at it, and grateful for that special bond we shared. Did I have serious support to make it possible, yes. I wish more mothers had the same.

Bowlofbabelfish I would be interested to read that research about increased risk, could you link to it please? If it is kosher it looks like there is a serious need for more research because to my knowledge BF reduces probability of premenopausal breast cancer by a whopping percentage if you have a family history (which I guess is where you might be most concerned).

Sorry you’ve had a tough time op, it’s amazing you kept going for so long despite this. I have been lucky and have had a really positive experience breastfeeding. I didn’t spend loads of money on pumps and breastfeeding tops though, so for me it has definitely saved money.

Also I’ve found it has been convenient to not have to have take formula bottles and sterilising stuff out and about with me, so that’s been a positive too.

I don’t really see how you can feel you’ve been ‘miss-sold’ breastfeeding as a product though

• it’s just a way to feed your baby, as formula is too. No big deal. It’s always good to take moments to reflect on life, but I hope you don’t regret the time you spent breastfeeding, there would be no point; what’s past has passed and you made the best decision you could at that time in your life.

No, I loved it.

I regret the effect bf 2 babies for 10 months a piece has had on my boobs - I’ve got a whole lot of pleats on the top of them that are now really flat thanks to all the boom and bust.

I always scoff when ‘research’ says that it’s pregnancy and age that affects your boobs when manifestly I saw a huge difference when I stopped bf and my boobs went back to normal - except they didn’t.

I know it’s shallow but I can’t stand the sight of them now

Yep, bf is bollocks in my opinion. I hated it, didn't bond with my baby because I felt so attached to her and responsible. Hated it

Love the people who extoll the virtues though - it's best! Long term benefits might be good! But no breast cancer! Etc - lol, no. Bf might be good for some but in real life it's exhausting, relentless, thankless, painful, lonely, isolating, demanding and sorry but ultimately pointless as long term benefits are widely contested

Dickson RB, Pestell RG, Lippman ME. Cancer of the breast. In: DeVita VT Jr., Hellman S, Rosenberg SA, editors. Cancer: Principles and Practice of Oncology. Vol. 1 and 2. 7th ed. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams and Wilkins, 2004.

It’s a complex field and it’s much more complex than just breastfeed=lower risk.

Breast cancer isn’t one disease, it has an awful lot of subtypes and breastfeeding has different effects in different subtypes of bc. Basal types, brca1 etc (I think, it’s been a while since I did anything in this!) are substantially lowered by bf. Other subtypes eg different receptor positive/negative types you don’t see much of an effect. Women who have a first child after thirty ish and bf I think have a higher risk than women who never have a child.
It’s a very difficult area to study (and my work at the time was more on remodelling and involution of breast tissue so I don’t claim to be an expert on human cancer progression.)

But anyway, it’s a lot more complicated than the message that’s given to women.

I fed both mine for about 13 months each. Both gave up easily and there were no weaning traumas although both refused bottles.
I never really enjoyed feeding but I don't regret doing it, I still believe strongly that is was best for my babies.
I was careful to not use it as a comfort strategy (after a certain age) so it was simply for nutrition.
I agree that it is easy to feel you've been conned because it is MUCH harder than you can ever realise. But I am a believer that it is very hard to 'prepare' someone for something they've never experienced. I made sure i told my sister every difficult thing about breastfeeding in great, graphic detail - she still claimed that no one had warned her how hard it would be .
I have no idea why you would continue do something you hate for 28 months?? Can I ask why you continued to feed her for so long when you hated it so much? Why didn't you stop when she was weaned?
I also can't quite believe that over the course of 28 months you haven't saved yourself any money.

I loved every minute of it, well once we hit 3 months anyway. Fed first baby 2 years and second baby just over 3 years. I feel like it's been a real achievement in my life. Something to be proud of.

I regret 1/3 because DS should have been on formula sooner. I should have been advised by the professionals to stop BF or at least try mix feeding, and I wasn’t and as a result my DS dropped to a dangeriously low weight. The other 2, no way. I loved it.

Yeah I do think it’s a shame you regret it - I’m sad about my boobs but it did make my dcs happy, the memory of dd1 who used to drop off the boob in a blissful sleep with a smile on her face is a picture I’ll have with me forever.

Ultimately all you can do is make sure you are well informed and have a balanced view. Then make a choice and accept the outcome.
In the end no one is forcing you to breast feed (certainly not beyond the first few months). It is YOUR choice.
It is the first of many, many choices you have to make for your child. No one else is responsible for those choices.

I hate it too! I managed 6 months EBF and then put DD1 onto 1 bottle of formula a day to get her used to that and a bottle. I gave up at 8 months as I felt I just needed to get 'me' back. I feel really guilty about it but I'm still not sure I'll do longer with DD2 as I just feel so tied. I hate having to be permanently on call.

Well I didn’t stop because DS loved it and gained a lot of comfort from it - after a certain age is IS a comfort thing more than a nutrition thing and I was fine with that. He also wouldnt touch a bottle of anything so even though we started weaning at five months we still had to feed him milk, and he wouldn’t have a bottle so it had to be breast. Then he started nursery and it was good for him to reconnect at the end of a long day.
So lot of reasons really. I didn’t hate BF (most of the time) but I won’t do it exclusively again because I don’t think it’s right for us in our current circumstances.

Obviously that’s my individual choice. People should do whatever works for them. Without judging others for doing things differently.

It's depressing that so many women are doing something they hate and regret because they feel pressurised by society's judgement of them if they stop breastfeeding.

The vast majority of women in this country don't believe that there are any real benefits to breastfeeding. It's probably time that the NHS gives up on this as something to try and promote, and accept that the UK is a formula feeding culture. Concentrate any money there is for breastfeeding on services for those few women who actually want to breastfeed, and stop mentioning/promoting it to everyone else.