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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I don't want to breastfeed.

226 replies

PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 15:01

Hello everyone. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and since finding out I've decided that I don't want to breastfeed. I understand everyone says breast is best and that I might "change my mind" but I'm pretty adamant that I don't want too. Does this make me a bad person?

OP posts:

ItsuAddict · 22/03/2018 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daffydil · 22/03/2018 15:04

That's ok. It really is. You don't have to.

MrsJayy · 22/03/2018 15:06

How are you a bad person ? You have your reasons not to and that is totally ok

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 22/03/2018 15:09

panda it really is your choice, you don't want to then don't! I didn't and my 6 year old ds is just fine there are many reasons people don't want to and that's fine, people who judge are arseholes.

ThisBabyIsAnOctopus · 22/03/2018 15:10

Why do you think this makes you a bad person? Breastmilk is nutritionally best for babies but you can choose not to bf if you don't want to. Why have you decided not to bf?

BakedBeans47 · 22/03/2018 15:11

It’s fine not to want to bf and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Not feeding them at all would make you a bad person. ;)

cleocat55 · 22/03/2018 15:12

Of course it doesn't make you 'a bad person'. The thing is, you're at such an early stage and it's unbelievable how much you'll learn/change your mind as things progress. Just don't rule out BF altogether. With DS1 I couldn't do it as he had a tongue tie and was dreading giving it a go with DS2. And it was tough - sore and painful at times. But like others I persevered and at six months in, I don't intend to give up anytime soon. It's the best thing I did and it benefits you as well as the baby, don't forget.

HarryHarry · 22/03/2018 15:12

I don't want to either so I'm not going to. I'm going to try and pump instead.

user1499786242 · 22/03/2018 15:18

I didn't want to
Adamant in fact
Bought the bottle machine and bottles, spent hundreds

Well 2.6 years later and I'm still breastfeeding

You honestly just don't know until the time comes!

Absolutely does not matter one way or the other just try to go with the flow!

Betty2416 · 22/03/2018 15:21

User I was exactly the same . Bought the boughts and stuff the night she was born - before I realised I was in labour- still feeding my 2 year old and a 5 month old

MrsIcandothis · 22/03/2018 15:22

It is a choice, do it if you want to, don't otherwise.

I breastfed DD, it was exhausting. If we ever have an accident a wonderful addition to the family, the good stuff formula awaits!

Being a parent is tough enough, don't feel pressured to do things you don't like at this stage. Plenty other opportunities for peer pressure

MrsIcandothis · 22/03/2018 15:25

Oh and ignore the breast is best brigade.

Your sanity and mental health is best. If you can cope with BF and you want to, great. If not, also great.

Be happy with your choices and look after your sanity. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and offspring DC

reallyanotherone · 22/03/2018 15:26

I am very pro breastfeeding but i think it is your body, your choice.

I also think we need more people like you who stand up and say “i don’t want to”. Like you say, many fear they will be judged, women have told me why they didn’t bf, and in many cases it was something that could have been fixed with good bf advice. Which harms the bf cause as this gets passed on as “fact” and perpetuates myths about supply and not being able to bf because of small breasts/big baby etc. It would be much easier for them to say they didn’t want to, didn’t enjoy it, or it just didn’t work for them.

So i think You will be helping other people bf by saying you don’t want to.

reallyanotherone · 22/03/2018 15:30

I don't want to either so I'm not going to. I'm going to try and pump instead

Honestly, good luck. But it is the worst of both worlds, is time consuming and fucking hard work- you’re either feeding or pumping constantly.

I admire anyone who even attempts this. Even if i do think you have to be slightly crazy to even try :)

DuckBilledAardvark · 22/03/2018 15:31

You don’t have to! Your body, your baby, your choice.

SnowiestMountain · 22/03/2018 15:31

Of course not!

I didn't breastfeed either of mine because quite frankly, I just didn't want to! 7 years on and I still honestly can't see how they are worse off for it in any way!

BossWitch · 22/03/2018 15:33

You don't want to. That's fine.

If you change your mind and decide to try- that's fine too.

If you try it, hate it, and stop - fine.

If you try it, it works for you, and you keep going - also fine.

Do what you are comfortable with. You will get a lot of info and gentle leading towards breastfeeding during your pregnancy because it is medically proven that there are benefits to mother and baby. But it is not going to hurt your child or you if you want to use formula. (Might hurt your bank balance a bit!)

Breastfeeding is not a moral issue. You have freedom of choice. And I am pro breastfeeding, fed dd up to 18 months. Anyone tries to make you feel bad (as opposed to giving you the info - that's fair) you simply say "thanks, but I'm happy with my decision" and refuse to engage.

newmumwithquestions · 22/03/2018 15:35

Then don’t.

But I really really don’t think this is a decision you can make at 16 weeks.

demirose87 · 22/03/2018 15:38

It's fine. I bottlefed my four from rhe start and all are healthy and thriving. I found it impossible after DS1 and wasn't working for me. As long as you're feeding baby and he's thriving, then you're doing well. Nobody's business but yours.

WeeCheekyBird · 22/03/2018 15:38

Nothing wrong with not wanting to. I tried and failed. Hated it and also tried expressing for 8 weeks for the colostrum (soul destroying and exhausting and never had time to enjoy the baby) so I switched to formula...even went ready made...and havent looked back.

My daughter is thriving on formula, had no issues weaning her onto food and I have more time to enjoy her and not worry about weight gain or lack of milk etc.

Do what makes you happy. Who cares what anyone thinks as long as your child is fed and healthy :)

reallyanotherone · 22/03/2018 15:40

Ime- if you want to ff the easiest way to get the hcp off your case is to adamantly insist you are going to bf.

They will tell you immediately after birth that you need to rest and they will just give the baby a bit of formula while you recover.

Then on the ward look like you are attempting to bf but maybe struggling a bit. Someone will come over, give you a row for not bringing formula because “not everyone can bf”, and offer to go and get formula as it’s “easier” and you can rest.

Then they tick the boxes, say you tried and it’s a shame you “couldn’t” bf, perhaps you didn’t have enough milk?

Then see above- adding to the consenus that supply issues are common.

That was my actual experience. I was lucky to have an excellent (male) hv who got us going again on day 3.

Luxembourgmama · 22/03/2018 15:40

I was the same. I bottlefed my kid and it worked out well for us but Be prepared for ALOT of harassment from friends, family, acquaintances, strangers and to be isolated at baby groups. But it helps sort the wheat from the chaff in terms of making friends and now that she's bigger no one cares anymore.

PositivelyPERF · 22/03/2018 15:41

I hate the way people think they have the right to ask a mother or mother to be why they don’t want to breast feed. ‘Because I don’t want to’ should be reason enough. The question is usually asked so the questioner can decide if the reason is justified or as an excuse to state their opinion which usually starts with”but....”

BossWitch · 22/03/2018 15:43

I think it's fine for hcps to ask why, as the reason might be a misconception or a worry that could be removed easily, leaving the mother happy to do so. But if it is a case of simple personal preference, an informed choice, then that's fine.

Beetlebum1981 · 22/03/2018 15:44

@reallyanotherone that seems like strange advice. If you say you want to breastfeed they will try and get baby to breast feed immediately after birth, not give it formula.

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