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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I don't want to breastfeed.

226 replies

PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 15:01

Hello everyone. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and since finding out I've decided that I don't want to breastfeed. I understand everyone says breast is best and that I might "change my mind" but I'm pretty adamant that I don't want too. Does this make me a bad person? Sad

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 15:51

If you don’t want to, don’t. You’ll be in a massive majority.

MrsJayy · 22/03/2018 15:51

I also think it is fine for a HCP to ask why not they can't force the issue but if a woman is nervous or frightened to try maybe she can get support. I tried with Dd1 and it didn't work out i didn't with Dd2 midwife asked why not I told her and she didn't harrass me or try to guilt me she was very kind and understanding.

reallyanotherone · 22/03/2018 15:53

First baby, traumatic birth, i was in no place to argue. M/w said i know you want to bf so i’ll spoonfeed with aptimil, as that’s the closest to breastmilk, and leave you to recover.

I wanted to ask if i could at least try bf, but brain was mush and she was already out the door before i got my words in order...

RatherBeRiding · 22/03/2018 15:55

So don't. I never, ever wanted to - so I didn't. Simple as that!

As someone said up thread - you will be in the majority. Really - no-one cares how you feed your baby (I don't mean that in a nasty way, I just mean that genuinely it is NOT an issue).

Original poster
PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 15:59

Thanks for your advice everyone!

Honestly I know all the benefits of bf. I know how amazing it is and good for both mum and baby. But yeah. I wasn't bf. A lot of my friends who are mums haven't bf and babies are all healthy and happy. It's a decision I've come to and I know I may only be 16 weeks but I'm ridiculously organised when it comes to this sort of stuff haha

Thanks again everyone. Very helpful!

OP posts:
moo888 · 22/03/2018 16:00

I had my DD early Tuesday morning and knew from very early on in my pregnancy that I wouldn't be breastfeeding. I was clear to each midwife and my HV that this was the case and at no point did I feel pressured, they were very accepting that I had made my decision and they wouldn't be able to change my mind. There's no need to pretend that your going to BF as some others have suggested, it is quite normal to want to FF instead. However, if you are FF make sure you take formula with you to the hospital.

Jellybabie3 · 22/03/2018 16:04

Up to you OP. Your baby, your body your choice.

All I would say is like other PP i was adamant I wouldnt and brought all the stuff under the sun and yet I am ebf at 5.5mths and no intention of stopping. I expressed and did formula top ups for a month (DS lost weight) and bf IMO was easier BY FAR. But I was formula fed. It really is up to you.

coffeeforone · 22/03/2018 16:09

Does this make me a bad person?

Of course not! But please be confident in your choice not to question yourself like this. HCPs are under pressure to encourage breastfeeding so may not make you feel great about your choice to FF, and you may need to accept a few raised eyebrows/comments from them.

I truly think some of the benefits of breastfeeding are massively exaggerated and overstated, and after the first few weeks no one will care how you feed your little one!

Enjoy your pregnancy!

BakedBeans47 · 22/03/2018 16:29

But I really really don’t think this is a decision you can make at 16 weeks.

Yes it can be. I decided from the day and hour I found out I was pregnant I wouldn’t be BF and told the MWs at my booking in it wasn’t up for discussion and to record on my notes to ensure no one spoke to me about it again. I never wavered in my decision.

cheshiremama89 · 22/03/2018 17:02

I always wonder what are the reasons people don't want to breastfeed?
I understand some people can't, but those who don't want to - why?

I'm totally impartial, currently breastfeeding but struggling with a blocked duct and am terrified it will turn more sinister Sad

I've always found those who don't want to, typically haven't been breastfed themselves?

Original poster
PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 17:10

I genuinely don't for multiple reasons. I want my OH to have more time with the baby. To want to take the baby out without worrying about being back in time for feeds. I have quite large sore breasts anyway and don't necessarily want to add to that pain etc

OP posts:
Parky04 · 22/03/2018 17:18

Of course it doesn't. My DW didn't BF either of our DS. In fact it was nice for me as it meant I could get really involved in the feeding and have lots of cuddles! They are now 18 and 16 and are big strapping lads!

DappledThings · 22/03/2018 17:18

I don't usually get involved in bf vs ff discussions but something you just said did strike me. Why would you need to worry about being home in time to feed if you are bf? Surely it's the other way round as bf means you can feed anywhere anytime and not have to worry about having any equipment?

Disclaimer: I am bfing DC2 and gave no experience of ff so feel free to ignore me but this bit did genuinely confuse me

Ohyesiam · 22/03/2018 17:22

With reference to your last update, breastfeeding is done on demand, not at specific times, so no worry about being home in time. Also your partner can have endless time with the baby, mine did.
I’m not trying to persuade you, but I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions.
But do what’s right for you.

Hypermice · 22/03/2018 17:24

Of course it doesn’t make you a bad person.

I breastfed my son for 18m. I’m pregnant again now and I won’t do it again - I’ll mix feed, because I think that’s right FOR ME. You do what’s right for you.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 17:29

For me the absolute joy of bf was that (once it was established) I could be completely free to go out and about wherever I wanted for as long as I wanted. Nothing more portable than a bf baby!

AssassinatedBeauty · 22/03/2018 17:31

It's your choice. If you know you want to formula feed from birth then just tell the midwives etc that it's a final decision, you know the benefits but you've decided it's not for you. The vast majority of babies in the UK are either partly or wholly formula fed by 6 weeks. You won't be at all isolated in baby groups, formula feeding is the norm in the UK. Especially as it sounds like none of your friends or family have breastfed, so perhaps you live in an area where the rates are low anyway.

UrgentExitRequired · 22/03/2018 17:33

I'm not sure why you would ask if that makes you a bad person, many women choose not to and many women can't. Do whatever you want, no need to ask for other's opinions on it unless you want to be told you're wrong.

coffeeforone · 22/03/2018 17:36

To want to take the baby out without worrying about being back in time for feeds

If anything, this is a downside of formula feeding not breastfeeding.

You have to be very prepared with formula before going out, even the ‘ready to pour’ bottles possibly needing to warm them when out and about which can be difficult depending on where you are. And a whole day out can mean taking a LOT of sterile bottles/formula! If you aren’t prepared you have to head home sharpish, so can never stay out longer than planned!!

You wouldn’t have any of those problems if breastfeeding!!

HopeAndJoy16 · 22/03/2018 17:38

Yeah don't know why you would be isolated in baby groups, the figure in my area was only 0.5% of babies exclusively bf at 6 months.

Do what you feel comfortable with. Hcp really don't care either way, as long as baby is fed.

Daffydil · 22/03/2018 17:39

Just make sure your decision is as informed as it can be.

I found bf to be very flexible, in hopelessly disorganised, and would have really struggled with having enough bottles clean, and remembering to take stuff out with me. I couldn't forget my boobs Grin

And my DH has a very, very close bond with both my children. Soooooo many opportunities for cuddles and snuggles and bonding that aren't boob related.

There were nights where I was sitting up feeding and just saw sooooooo many night ahead of me with no way of sharing the load, but that period actually ended quite quickly, comparatively. And you can mix feed if that works for you.

Doing something that no one around you is doing is hard. I struggled with that with BLW and keeping my babies rear facing.

Hoolahoophop · 22/03/2018 17:42

Honestly, outside of the midwife clinic people would be more surprised by your breastfeeding than not. In a group of 12 from my new mum class there was only one breast feeding mum. The norm is formula, that dosent make the majority of mums bad people.

Pumping exclusively is hard work and I'd say you have to strongly believe breast is best to keep it up. So try it but I wouldn't recommend buying expensive equipment until your sure.

Belliniteeny · 22/03/2018 17:42

If you don't want to that is fine, just make an informed choice for yourself

I don't want to breastfeed.
coffeeforone · 22/03/2018 17:42

And I say that as someone who has chosen to formula feed (13 weeks pregnant and decided). Make sure your reasons are correctly justified - you don’t want to regret it later if you unexpectedly find FF inconvenient.

Bear in mind that breastfeeding first and you always have the option to switch to formula whenever you want. It’s not true the other way round.

celesti · 22/03/2018 17:50

To want to take the baby out without worrying about being back in time for feeds

Eh? You do realise that your breasts are portable? Confused