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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I don't want to breastfeed.

226 replies

PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 15:01

Hello everyone. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and since finding out I've decided that I don't want to breastfeed. I understand everyone says breast is best and that I might "change my mind" but I'm pretty adamant that I don't want too. Does this make me a bad person? Sad

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/03/2018 06:24

“Not everyone has the temperament for it“

What sort of temperament do you need?

Rumpledfaceskin · 23/03/2018 06:56

Yes I was wondering that. It’s the sort of comment you can imagine spooky Victorian doctor would make. ‘This ones not got the right temperament, there’s nothing more I can do for her’ Grin. Of all the strange things I’ve heard people say about b/f I think that comes tops.

Anatidae · 23/03/2018 07:23

’d never personally encourage people to chuck money at highly unethical companies if they don’t have to.

Have to? What do you mean by that? What about want to? I’m uneasy with this idea that there’s some kind of hurdle a woman has to jump to prove to people that she’s ‘allowed’ to use formula. Does she have to try? Suffer? For how long? Face a committee and have a cry to be allowed? Submit a request to be allowed to bottle feed?

Formula marketing in the third world is an issue for sure. But formula here in the West is just another alternative. Women shouldnt need to prove that they’ve tried, or ‘have’ to use it. Our bodies and choices seem to be policed and criticised and this is especially prevalent during pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

I breastfed for years. I’m all for it IF it’s what a woman wants to do. If she doesn’t, for any reason whatsoever then that’s her choice. It is not my place to criticise.

There is no ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘have to’ here. It’s Ops child and OPs choice.

eeanne · 23/03/2018 07:35

Not even colostrum?

Also my general advice: don't go around at 16 weeks definitively stating what you will and won't do when baby is born. A) it may change and B) you're inviting people's opinions when you clearly don't want them.

Rumpledfaceskin · 23/03/2018 07:38

The ‘Breastfeeding is hard’ aspect of it is irrelevant here though. Lots of women and babies struggle, lots feed straight away with no problems. I’m saying to the op make sure she factors in cost and if it matters to her where the proceeds of her hard earned cash go, that too. It actually mattered to me more than personal benefits for me and my baby so I don’t think my opinion is invalid. Despite everyone on MN being ‘high earners’ IRL a very small percentage of families have enough money to not miss hundreds of pounds per year when there could be a free or much cheaper alternative. We live in a capitalist world, I don’t see the choice to ff as automatically liberating. You might be choosing what to do with your body but they’ve still got their hand in your wallet and power over your thoughts and actions. You’re 100% dependent on unethical organisations to keep your baby alive and only have information about their products that they tell you. Doesn’t sound like a true choice to me.

flumpybear · 23/03/2018 07:40

I hated bf to be honest so can see why you don't want to
If it were me I'd try to give the colostrum for the antibodies if you can manage that much but my best friend couldn't even bear to do they and her bike is 10 and fine

flumpybear · 23/03/2018 07:41

Bike HmmConfused
That was meant to be child Wink

BakedBeans47 · 23/03/2018 07:49

Maybe temperament wasn’t the right word then but the personality, the altruism, the willingness to sit there in misery and pain just to give my kids the “best” when in truth it’s only one very minor aspect of parenting anyway. I’ve never been one of these sackcloth and ashes miserable type parents going on about “sacrifices” etc to benefit my kids while I’m so miserable I could slit my wrists. That’s how BF made me feel. Feel free to take the piss though whilst no doubt congratulating yourself on how much better you are.

effiehabb · 23/03/2018 07:50

My DD3 is 14 weeks, I didn't bf, it was and is absolutely fine.

The fab midwife in delivery suite said something alongside the lines of 'oh I just assumed BF. Of course, no problem at all. Do you have you own bottles or would you like to use ours?' That was it.

On the postnatal ward they went through how to safely make up a feed and suggestions to change sides each feed so the baby learns both sides of your face etc and I had to watch a DVD on a portable player on the such before they let me go.

You dont have to jusity a perfectly reasonable choice. The majority of women in my friendship groups here in the leafy suburbs do bf, which is obviously great as that is what works for them, but in my experience noone actually gives a shiny shit about how YOU feed YOUR baby, apart from maybe on MN ☺️

I did take and use those sterile mini bottles with teats into hospital, though they did supply bottles, we wanted Aptimil and they only supplied Cow and Gate or SMA, so just be aware of that.

Best of luck.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/03/2018 07:51

@BakedBeans47 you must know that your experience isn't the same as other women who breastfed? It isn't at all like that for everyone. I'm sorry you had such a horrible time of it.

PasstheStarmix · 23/03/2018 07:53

@PandaLouise It’s your choice what you do with your own body and how you feed your baby. I believe ‘fed is best’ what ever the method. I breastfed my first but I think I’ll formula feed if I have a second.

PasstheStarmix · 23/03/2018 07:54

Oh and congratulations!! Flowers

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/03/2018 07:55

Many hospitals don't supply formula for parents who know they are going to formula feed from birth, so it's worth checking your hospital's specific policy.

Also, all formula in the UK is controlled in terms of ingredients, they are all very very similar. So just go for the cheapest one that is easily available to you.

BakedBeans47 · 23/03/2018 07:57

assassinated of course but all I can do is speak from my own experience. I never wanted to do it, felt I had to but it was shit and not worth it. For me.

My kids are much bigger now so I’ve made my peace with it all many years ago.

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2018 07:57

"There is no ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘have to’ here. It’s Ops child and OPs choice."

Of course. But all choices are made in a context. And I think there is something very suspicious in the fact that women now expect not to be able to bf or to find it very difficult. What would you do if you were a multi million dollar company that was banned from advertising one of your major products?

But this is nothing to do with the OP. You'll be fine, Panda. Most people bottle feed. It's a perfectly normal and ordinary thing to do.

Anatidae · 23/03/2018 08:02

BakedBeans47 I think temperament probably wasn’t the right word but I do understand what you meant and I agree with you.
Feeding method is such a minor part of bringing up a child - why on Earth should you be miserable and unhappy? If ff works for you then ff.
I bfd my first. And while there were good things about that there were also negatives - my second is due later this year and my plan is to mix feed. So that I can get a break, dh can do feeds, the baby will actually take a bottle etc etc. Multiple reasons.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/03/2018 08:03

So there isn't a "temperament" needed to breastfeed. All kinds of women do it, just as with formula feeding. If it's painful or you don't like it then you should stop, just as with other aspects of parenting.

Original poster
PandaLouise · 23/03/2018 08:07

Rumple.

If I were worried about cost I wouldn't of gotten pregnant in the first place. Yes I understand the "why would you pay for something you make naturally" and I'm perfectly fine with that. And no. I wasn't asking a question. I made it perfectly clear that for me (or until baby is born and if I decide and only I decide to change my mind) I will not be bf. I was purely looking for the support of other people that maybe have gone through the same thing.

I've worked in nurseries for years. I've looked after other people's children regularly. I know quite a lot of information to make a decision whether or not it gets changed.

What I was simply looking for is other people who feel like they're having everyone else's experiences shoved onto them without thinking that maybe they might just have this under control. I like to think that even though bf is supposedly best, that there are other mums out there that made a choice not to and are perfectly happy and have healthy happy babies. That's all.

Thanks to everyone for your advice. And to the kind people who gave me more info on bf but I know the majority of it and I'm happy with my decision. Please don't start a fight on my thread with people Rumple just because you think yours is the only right answer. Because at the end of the day, everyone here understood what I was looking for expect from you.

OP posts:
Steeley113 · 23/03/2018 08:07

I wanted to breastfeed my first 2 and failed. Because I said yes to breastfeeding, bar a few leaflets I didn’t really get hassled and I was still breastfeeding in the hospital. Once I got home and switched I just got a ‘we’ll just keep putting them on if you want to make it Work’ and that was that. This time I don’t want to breastfeed and on the rare occasion I’ve been asked I just say ‘I’ve not decided’ and that’s that.

Anatidae · 23/03/2018 08:09

women now expect not to be able to bf or to find it very difficult.

That’s actually an interesting point. I wonder if this is maybe different across the country? I see such different attitudes to it depending on where/what demographic people are from.
Where I grew up and where I used to work people predominantly seem to ff. where I live and work now it’s 9/10 bf big and HUGE disdain heaped on those who don’t. I’m in a fb group for expat mums and formula is treated as some sort of poison (it’s very ‘organic’ let’s put it that way.)
When I finally stopped bf at 18m I mentioned it and was roundly condemned for not feeding to term by the groups here, but simultaneously people from home were horrified if been feeding a toddler. Genuinely disgusted.

I wonder how much this weight of expectation is a demographic thing?

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2018 08:13

"anyway. I’ve never been one of these sackcloth and ashes miserable type parents going on about “sacrifices” etc"

Blimey. Bring on the big guns, why don't you?

Rumpledfaceskin · 23/03/2018 08:15

You consider pointing out that a few of the uncomfortable truths about the choice of formula feeding as starting a fight? Why? Because it doesn’t fit with your views? If you’re 100% comfortable with all aspects of your choice good for you but I don’t get why you’d need some sort of validation from people on the internet then.

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2018 08:15

"where I live and work now it’s 9/10 bf big and HUGE disdain heaped on those who don’t."how does this fit with the vast majority of babies in the U.K. being ff?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 23/03/2018 08:18

When I had my first baby, I was in a small close area where everyone knew each other’s business, everyone stayed at home etc. Everyone breastfed till the kids were about 3 and were very vocal about it.
I had my second in a big city where no one gives a shit. I think if you live in an area where there’s not really much going on people care more because they haven’t got anything else going in their lives. Whereas second time round it really was so I significant. It’s something you do for around a year of a humans long, 90 year life. It really doesn’t matter.

Dioskouri · 23/03/2018 08:30

When I finally stopped bf at 18m I mentioned it and was roundly condemned for not feeding to term

What is ‘term’ in relation to breastfeeding? Shock

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