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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

I don't want to breastfeed.

226 replies

PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 15:01

Hello everyone. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and since finding out I've decided that I don't want to breastfeed. I understand everyone says breast is best and that I might "change my mind" but I'm pretty adamant that I don't want too. Does this make me a bad person? Sad

OP posts:
YoohooDorothy · 22/03/2018 17:53

You are not a bad person at all. I bf for 6 weeks and felt a lot better when i started ff. When going out i would always put the powder in the bottle, then add half hot water from a small thermos and half cooled boiled water. Or for a short journey of two hours or less you can make a bottle up and take it with you.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 17:53

Yes, I honestly think that the worst of all possible worlds is expressing then bottle feeding. All the work and none of the convenience.

MarthasGinYard · 22/03/2018 17:55

I never wanted to either so didn't

All was perfect

Good luck

hystericaluterus · 22/03/2018 17:57

Your body your choice.

What this position should, however, not lead to a dismissal of tons of medical research that says: formula is a great option for your kid and for you, but breastmilk is a lot better in ways we are only beginning to understand.

And it should also be ok for you to say ‘I don’t want to bf’ I know it’s better etc. But I simply don’t want to. We are not morally obliged to always do what is the absolutely best option for our children.

Come on, we are adults here, no need to sugarcoat facts to justify our decisions.

FluffyFlowerFace · 22/03/2018 18:00

I didn't breastfeed didn't want to. Ds went straight to formula and i didn't give it another thought

Lovesagin · 22/03/2018 18:02

Breast is best only if you want to do it, otherwise it's "breast is forced", and no one should do something with their body they don't want to.

Were lucky that theres a perfectly fine alternative that babies have been fed on for years.

Anecdotally I'm currently cuddling up to my bf for nearly 2 years ds while he recovers from yet another virus whereas I can't recall the last time my ff son was really poorly. Go figure!

Ff your baby if you want, and sod anyone who gives you the hairy eye over it, although tbf I've never really known anyone irl be as interested in a woman's breasts as some on mn are!

ItsuAddict · 22/03/2018 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandaLouise · 22/03/2018 18:11

To all the people commenting on not having formula when out. I ment for my other half. As in I won't be with him when he and baby goes out and he doesn't have to worry about being back in time for feeding. My boob can't go with him 😂😂

OP posts:
Lovesagin · 22/03/2018 18:11

And op ff isn't the faff that it used to be when out and about. You can buy pre made cartons to pop in the change bag with a sterilised bottle or make one up before you go out and use one of those insulated bags, they are great and keep the bottle warm for ages.

I didn't find steralising them too bad either, I had enough bottles to last one day and just did one lot of steralising each morning, took about 5 mins. Storing the steraliser was the most annoying part about it!

AssassinatedBeauty · 22/03/2018 18:11

"To want to take the baby out without worrying about being back in time for feeds."

I'm guessing that @PandaLouise is someone who wouldn't want to breastfeed in public, due to embarrassment or a fear of being seen as somehow making a show of herself.

Soubriquet · 22/03/2018 18:13

If you don't want to, don't.

I wanted to but I couldn't. Very painful for me with dd due to tongue tie, and Ds was too small to stay latched.

However I made sure I persevered through the colostrum phase so they got that part if nothing else

Goldmandra · 22/03/2018 18:23

I wasn't bothered about BFing before DD1 arrived. I thought I'd give it a go and stop when it became a pain.

When she was born we were lucky in that she latched really well and I was never really sore. It worked like a dream for us.

Once we started I loved it and really didn't want to stop. Also I had already spent a great deal of time caring for a baby on formula and I couldn't get over how much easier and more convenient BFing was.

It's obviously completely your decision but I had lots of firm ideas about what I would and wouldn't do after the baby was born and I changed my mind on most of them. The thing is, until you experience the feelings that happen when the baby arrives, you can't possibly predict what you will want.

If BFing isn't right for you, it is absolutely your right not to and nobody else gets to express an opinion. Just please don't back yourself into a corner that means you are stuck with a decision you're not necessarily going to be happy with when the baby is born.

My advice would be to keep an open mind and, once the baby is born, make your decision and expect everyone around you to accept it either way.

BlueCookieMonster · 22/03/2018 18:26

Do what you want, FF or BF, it's your baby.

gingergenius · 22/03/2018 18:30

I only bf my first for 4 months because he was a hungry boy. I could express 9oz at a time for him and could have supplied a dairy - he was never satisfied and ended up with PND so stopped and went on to formula. I did love those calm bf moments but for all sorts of reasons felt it was right to move on. I was lucky that I had nobody giving me the benefit of their advice so it was my decision (dum absent, mil absent, dh there but uninvolved).!

I wasn't fussed about bf dc2 and 3 but it worked out that way. I was determined to ff but I ended up bf dc2 and dc3 for a year each.

Acknowledge how you feel. Perhaps give it a go. But if it's a heinous idea, go with your plan. As long as they are fed, that's what matters x

Battenburg1978 · 22/03/2018 18:38

You should do what feels right for you - my brothers and I were all FF from the start and we are great!! I was not keen on bf-ing, however to my surprise once we got established I've really enjoyed it (good job as DD refused any bottles Hmm) and we still have 1 Feed a day now she's 15 months.

Snipples · 22/03/2018 18:48

I don't want to bf either panda and I won't be trying it. It's totally up to you. Don't worry about it.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 22/03/2018 18:55

Well of course if you don't want to breastfeed that is your decision. And whilst there are high breastfeeding initiation rates in UK, that proportion quickly tails off, so you won't be the odd one out and in most circles your decision won't be unusual. And you definitely have body autonomy to decide what to do with your body.

However do make sure you are making the decision for what you think is best for yourself and baby. Two of the three reasons you mention are re your partner, not yourself or baby. Of course dads are vvv important but having dad involved doesn't need to mean separating baby and mum in the early newborn period. Not to be unnecessarily mushy, but there is a special biological and emotional relationship between baby and mum in that period when her body continues to fully nourish baby, and baby's heart rate and breathing slow when close to her and smelling her, and I think often the most important thing dad can do is to support this relationship in the early weeks. There are plenty of opportunities for dad to take centre stage later on.

There are also many opportunities for dads to be involved apart from feeding, eg nappies, winding, bath, dressing, sleeping. Dad can take baby out if baby is mix fed or mum expresses, or for short periods timed between feeds, or as long as they want after baby starts solids around six months. And I was surprised when I had my eldest that I didn't want to be separated for the first several months (not what I'd planned at all!), the strength of that attachment surprised me, so my DH just took baby out for an hour in between feed.

Also in reality I often speak to mums who decide to formula feed for dad's benefit and to "share the work", and once dad is back to work after 2 weeks it's mum up at 3am making a bottle every night. If it goes well then breastfeeding is extremely easy, no prep, no equipment, no planning, can breastfeed half asleep, lying down, walking with a sling. If you will be doing the majority of baby care on maternity leave do think about what will suit you and baby best.

Anyway apologies if I've misunderstood your reasoning, but from your earlier post 2/3 reasons were about your DH, not you or baby.

Re your breasts - women of all shapes and sizes can breastfeed with support and help. A lactation consultant/ infant feeding coordinator can help with positioning, there should be one on your postnatal ward.

Anyway your original question, of course yanbu to make your own decision, but in honesty i wouldn't advocate making definite decisions early in pregnancy. There's something to be said for seeing how you feel after baby is born and how things go. I cared for my babies in quite different ways to how I planned during my first pregnancy, you change during pregnancy and labour, your baby has there own personality, things aren't always as you expect.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 22/03/2018 18:56

You don’t have to. I breast fed my first for 5 minutes and never did it again. I absolutely hated it. I did express for 6 months each time though.

auntysara · 22/03/2018 19:42

I expressed gallons of the stuff so my husband could feed my DD (he wanted to). Would she take it from a bottle? Not for anyone, even if I was out of the house!! Ah well it all turned out fine, although I was pretty sleepy for a few months.
For the record: I planned to Bf and enjoyed it. Mummy friends variously bfed/ ff/ wanted to bf and couldn't/didn't want to bf but did it 'cos she thought it was best. No one judged, everyone supported each other. We met at a baby clinic and are still supportive friends 9 year's later.
Do what feels right for you. What makes you and baby happy.
But take plenty of feed & bottles into hospital. Even if you change your mind. My baby needed it on the second night. They do not supply it.

Kittykat93 · 22/03/2018 19:44

I didn't. Do I feel like a bad mother? Of course not.

lolalotta · 22/03/2018 19:51

I was absolutely NOT going to breastfeed my baby, I bought the milk etc, everything, I was all set up to FF. DD was born, I met her gave BF a go, loved it and BF her until she was 2.
The decision doesn't need to be made now, maybe wait until baby is born and see how you feel then.

Dioskouri · 22/03/2018 19:53

ignore the breast is best brigade.

Your sanity and mental health is best. If you can cope with BF and you want to, great. If not, also great.

^This.

I would have liked to have breastfed but couldn’t. I felt very sad about it at first, and being bombarded with all the “breast is best” messages didn’t help. But now I wouldn’t change a thing. My children are happy and healthy, and have a wonderful bond with my husband that undoubtedly developed to a greater extent during the early months because we were caring for them equally.

Ignore the ‘dad minimisers’ too.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 22/03/2018 20:00

Btw with some PP saying bring your own formula, Chevy with your hospital. My hospital supplied it and had strict rules that you were not allowed to use your own.

EB123 · 22/03/2018 20:08

You are not a bad person for not wanting tk breast and you don't even need to have a specific reason why, if you don't want to do it then don't.

My children weren't breastfed, they are fine. Formula is easy enough despite what others may have you believe.

sleepingbaby1125 · 22/03/2018 20:15

No. Not a bad person.

Harry Harry.... That's going to be a lot of work, good luck. I expressed for 8 months, but wouldn't have done so by choice if bf had been an option.