Want to exclusively FF

[justpoppingintosayhello]

I'm being made to feel inferior because I want to formula feed my baby, how do I carry on with this? I'm being made to feel bad because of my choices.

I mix fed prem DS for 4 weeks before moving to fully formula fed. The only person that judged me was me. Not one single other person ever mentioned how I was feeding him other than as a matter of course at health visitor appointments etc. Being a parent is hard enough, I don't have time to judge others! You have to do what is right for you and your baby at that particular time, sod everyone else. And if you disagree with someone else's parenting choice, unless it's actually dangerous, keep your mouth shut. I am a firm advocate of extended rear facing car seats (more likely to save your babies life than breastfeeding is) but I wouldn't dream of telling someone who chooses to forward face their child that they are wrong. Same with wenaing choices, dummies, childcare, the list goes on. Being a mum is the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm certainly a hell of a lot less judgemental and way more supportive of others than I was before.

Mainly, just stop shitting on another mother's perfectly valid decision when she needs support rather than criticism.

I don't buy into the breast is best mantra purely because it puts huge pressure on new mums at an already vulnerable time.

In the case of the OP, you are adding to that pressure and your posts are unhelpful. That is why your opinions are not suited to this thread and you should either keep them to yourself or go and bang your drum elsewhere.

All the research and statistics in the world could not have persuaded me to breastfeed. I am glad I didn't.

Your argument about breastfed babies being more intelligent doesn't stack up. My DD1 is just about to graduate this year from uni and is predicted a first. DD2 is just practical rather than academic and happy and healthy that way. DD3 is top set at everything. All clearly totally unharmed by my determination to exclusively formula feed.

unless it has a place for a baby that genuinely needs it well until they can manange solids this is any baby surely? Whether mom doesn't want to, chooses not not, can't, isn't allowed. There isn't a black and white "mainly" defined classification for when its permitted and for when its heinous child abuse

I am exclusively BF my first at the moment and I totally support others decision to FF. Unfortunately, you will be judged no matter what you do - when it comes to women's bodies, everyone has to have an opinion. My MIL is not very supportive of my BF, for example. There are pros and cons to both, breastfeedinf is very convenient once it is established but sometimes I really wish my baby would take a bottle just so my husband could feed her and I could sleep through the night. People will judge, just grit your teeth, smile and say "that's interesting" - and continue doing as you wish.

Mainly - if it takes up to 6 weeks for milk supply to fully establish, what are mothers supposed to do until then? Just let their baby scream constantly with hunger (as mine did)?

Babies with mothers like me who have zero intention of breastfeeding are in genuine need of formula!! Of course they are. That is how they will be fed.

What a bloody daft comment from mainly there.

Have the mantra 'my baby, my choices' no one can dictate how you feed or look after your child. I didn't notice anyone judging me, my family and DP's family all loved it as they could help feeding so I could sleep or go for a wee etc. My Dp loved it as I wasn't stressed out and he could bond with our son. I've noticed people saying how content he is when having a bottle and how happy he is, just like they do with a bf baby. I would definitely ff with my next one though.

Yes twin didn't you know screaming, stress and sleep deprivation makes the milk come in quicker?

I ff Both mine and I don't feel guilty one bit! I'm pregnant again and I will ff this one too. My kids are happy, healthy, hardly ever got poorly and have no allergies. I think these things are luck of the draw tbh. I was judged, I saw one of the mums of a child I taught and she told me it wasn't too late! Err it is I don't want to! Dh did last feed of night and I was lucky enough to have good sleepers so wasn't up all night on my own. Mine are 11 month apart and I believe it's because I ff I didn't feel stressed. Dh helped and dd held own bottle by 11 months snuggled up whilst I fed ds. I admire people who bf it looks hard work!!! But I don't feel less of a mother because I didn't. Tell people to mind their own business! And mainly you are everything that annoys me. If it's not your child and not subject to harm its nothing to do with you!

Fed is best! I exclusively ff and didn't give a toss about other people.

Incidentally- my friend who gave birth around the same time as me bf. Her child is significantly smaller than mine and they had a nightmare due to dairy allergies - my dd isn't allergic to anything. Not saying that this was due to our choices but for me I've seen no real evidence that her decision to bring benefitted in anyway - in fact she now has a child who can't self soothe and at the age if 2 still needs held until he falls asleep.

Do what suits you op

People will always judge your decisions but try to take it with a pinch of salt and carry on doing it your way. There's nothing wrong with formula feeding, if it's right for you then don't be made to feel inferior for it.

I have allergies and was very keen to bf. When ds1 was born, all was ok fir the first few days but then when my milk came in my skin erupted. Within 2 days I had urticaria over my entire trunk which was spreading down my arms and legs. I couldn't bear to wear clothes. My gp and midwife both said I had to stop bf immediately and move to ff.

He is now 18, 6 foot 4 an A star student and has no allergies himself. This is not a stealth boast, I just want to reassure you that ff is fine (with the added bonus that you can share night feeds).

Good luck op.

The OP has not reappeared.

I think this is a case of 'light the blue touch paper and stand back'.

It's pointless engaging.

People who breastfeed get judgmental comments from dickheads, people who formula feed ditto - and so do people who do both. Dickheads make judgmental comments about nappies, prams, behaviour......anything really.

In reality, though, these comments are rare. Most people, and most other mothers, are sensitive and aware that most of us are doing our best, and they keep their judgments to themselves :)

Genuine, supportive and informed discussion rarely emerges from threads like these.

Completely agree tiktok and when I reported this thread for that very reason, MN said the OP had already deactivated his/her account.

Someone up thread said they don't go to baby groups as they ff.

Please give it a go. My DS is exclusively bf but that is very much on the minority any group I go to.

And for anyone who thinks I am posting this smugly, I am currently sitting in my car, enjoying being away from him for 10 minutes. Having just bought another bottle in the vain hope he may take some expressed milk before I go insane from literally never having an hour alone.

Mainly - if it takes up to 6 weeks for milk supply to fully establish, what are mothers supposed to do until then? Just let their baby scream constantly with hunger (as mine did)? 

Er, you feed them? What do you think people did before formula?

OP you need to own your choices.

Californian - I was being sarcastic.

Californian - I meant, if you are breastfeeding them but they are clearly not getting enough.

How are they clearly not getting enough?

Because they cry when you're feeding them...

Er, you feed them? What do you think people did before formula?

Wet nurses and extremely nearly weaning. Not everyone could BF despite what you might think.

Californian, before formula some people used set nurses if they could afford to, but many poorer families couldn't afford to and many more babies died.

Just saying feed them is an over-simplification.

I have nothing against breastfeeding for those who want to do it and find it works. I didn't want to do it and had no intention of making it work. Either choice is valid and people should be left to do what works for them without being judged.

Wet nurses. Not set!! Stupid autocorrect again.

I breastfed for just over four weeks. It was a battle, I was induced then had a long, stressful labour resulting in an emergency section due to fetal compromise.

I was determined to bf and hours later, when I'd come round and was in recovery asked the nurses if I could feed. Baby dropped a lot of weight but I persevered . She was never full, I breastfed on demand and expressed on the advice of my midwife and health visitor. The expressed top-ups helped but she still wasn't really full. Nor putting on enough weight.

Baby got really terrible thrush and had colic from two weeks old. We were told to continue expressing, like I was feeding so my supply didn't diminish & top up with formula to see whether her weight would increase. It started too.

My milk quality was terrible, like water. Baby was unwell and unsettled and as my milk quality was so low I was becoming depressed. I continued to try and feed and express.

Baby is now on formula and is a different baby. Flourishing, gaining weight and healthy. I avoided PND (touch wood). My GP has confirmed that i never would have been able to feed her enough and this time, I've had to make peace with that.

Yes, breast is best however I spent days feeling that guilty I was in tears and for someone who has tried and struggled, the self-entitled, preachy nature of women who Are able to bf to those mothers who can't is horrible.

Should I have another baby, will I try again - yes, absolutely. However I won't allow myself to feel guilty if it doesn't work.