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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I am ashamed of myself for being so judgemental.

377 replies

Gingerbear · 28/01/2007 08:03

A mum from DD's school had a baby last week. I saw her yesterday and was chatting to her about all things baby. Then she got out a bottle and filled it with a carton of formula. I felt my heart sink and I thought, oh no, she hasn't even tried to breastfeed. I was about to say, 'I will be breastfeeding again next time' but held my tongue. I have no idea about her views, if she had problems with breastfeeding and I don't know her well enough to broach the subject.
It is such a personal issue, and so easy to offend someone. I just feel so sad and frustrated at myself for being unable to speak to her.

OP posts:
misdee · 28/01/2007 09:57

ashamed of myself for judging btw, NOT because dd3 had formula.

tigertum · 28/01/2007 10:02

I felt the same the other week when I heard these people buying newborn bottles and formula for a baby that was going to be born soon. I felt kind of sad that from the conversation, it was pre-destined that they would bottle feed, but again, I don't know the circumstances and even if they just didn't want to - that's their choice.

DS and I have got so much out of breastfeeding and I wish more people would give it a try. Breastfeeders are definately in the minority around here. It's peoples choice at the end of the day, but I too walked away thinking 'oh no'.

nearlythree · 28/01/2007 10:05

misdee, that is how formula is portrayed both in the media and on mnet. Not on this thread maybe (although the implication is there, otherwise why would anyone feel even remotely sad or judgemental?) but I've been on threads where people have been told 'one bottle of formual equals one bottle of poison' and 'formual is junk food'.

nearlythree · 28/01/2007 10:06

formual??? you know what I mean!

misdee · 28/01/2007 10:07

i spelt it wrong as well

northerner · 28/01/2007 10:08

No Misdee, no one on here has said formula is junk. But to say they are sad/upset when they see a mum buying formula - what does that imply? Why be sad?

I'm sad when I see babies stariving and dieing in Africa, when I see the trouble in Iraq, when I hear about Fathers being stabbed to death for their wallet. Not when I see a baby being fed formula.

Get some perspective FGS.

misdee · 28/01/2007 10:12

i have some thanks.

i keep it in a jar in the cupboard. you can only buy it in waitrose.

northerner · 28/01/2007 10:17

I had some forula in the cupboard when ds was a baby, you can buy it in Waitrose/ASDA/Sainbos in fact lots of places.

My ds is happy and healthy.

Don't be sad. Save your sadness for someone more deserving.

misdee · 28/01/2007 10:17

i meant perpective.

yummymummylu · 28/01/2007 10:18

dont be so quick to judge other people,
some people have all sorts of problems that you dont know. so maybe it was a blessing for that young mother that you did hold your tongue.
i did try bf for a time and put a strain on me, constant demand and pain it cause when feeding, i wasnt prepared for it.
so next time dont be so quick to judge!
you dont know what people are going through!!

northerner · 28/01/2007 10:18

Yes I know, I was being sarcastic

misdee · 28/01/2007 10:20

lol northener,

the thing is, we know we shouldnt feel sad about how others feed their babies, so we are ashamed of judging.

northerner · 28/01/2007 10:23

Ok Misdee, say 3 hail mary's and you are forgiven.

It's always such an emotive subject isn't it?

TeeCee · 28/01/2007 10:24

Think Northener has a good point there actually. I do think it's a shame when a mother can't be arsed to breastfeed (see my post before on 3 of my friends who just didn't want to breastfeed), can't help that it makes me feel that way but it's no more than that, a momentary twinge of 'oh what a shame' (and I'm talking about my friends here, the ones that thought there boobs were for their husbands, etc). I feel the same when I see mums opting for an epidural without giving it a go without. None of my business and I don't give a shit really, about either, but can't help it if I feel a quick twinge.

But Northener is right, jesus, it's really nothing to feel sad about in the grand scale of things.

hercules1 · 28/01/2007 10:26

I have no issue with people who 'choose' to bottlefeed. I am very pro breastfeeding for my own kids. What does make me is the lack of support and correct advice so often spouted by the very people who should be enabling mums who want to bf to be able to do so. In this day and age I find it hard to excuse someone who doesnt do their job properly due to not keeping up to date and making sure they know what they are talking about.

Cattymum · 28/01/2007 10:27

What makes me sad is that mothers dont even try, or intend to bf thier babies... fair enough there are reasons why bf fails.. but to not TRY to bf a healthy new born.. what else can they not be bothered to do as child grows up?

There is also the idea that some people have that formula is some how better... coz is all scientific and that.... this is how formula companies rip off mums, many on low incomes

mummy milk comes out at the right temperature, at the right time and its naturally sterile... if you can, you really should try

hercules1 · 28/01/2007 10:31

Cattymum- I have breastfed for a total of 7 years but disagree with your whole post. There is no relationship between not wanting to breastfeed and then not wanting the best for your child. To imply that mothers who bottlefeed dont love their kids in the same way iks ludicrous. It's posts like yours which gie other breastfeeders a bad name.

I cant imagine much worse than breastfeeding a child if you really didnt want to.

batters · 28/01/2007 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BBWBabeLisa · 28/01/2007 10:55

This thread makes me really sad. I'm glad you didn't say anything. I won't go into the whole story behind my BFing problems but I had to stop off on my way home from hospital with DD and buy formula. I cried as I took it from the shelf, and still cry over it today (and she's now 1).
Please remember some of would have given our right arm to bf, but for whatever reason it wasn't happening.

Cattymum · 28/01/2007 10:57

Hercules... I try not to be judgemental, but if something is best for your child and you dont do it... that means you are not trying to do whats best for your child... logically

A freind of mine was insistant that she wouldnot be able to bf, she couldnt stand the thought of it, then as she got to the end of her pg, she decided that she loved her unborn so much she would try anything for her. Tragically she had such a traumatic birth that she didnt start lactating... but she would have tried... thats all that is needed. Even if you give up because you hate it, at least you tried

SoupDragon · 28/01/2007 11:00

"if something is best for your child and you dont do it... that means you are not trying to do whats best for your child... logically"

No, that's over simplistic. There are many things that are Best For Your Child and some are mutually exclusive. Which is more important - physicaly or emotional well-being? If the mother resents the baby in some way for feeling forced into bf-ing then that is not the best for that child is it?

misdee · 28/01/2007 11:01

thats very over simp[listic.

foundintranslation · 28/01/2007 11:02

I think this is what we're saying, BBW - we know we mustn't be judgemental, and a lot of us know this from personal experience of giving formula and hating it, but sometimes we can't help little twinges. Must be said, though, that in the OP's situation I wouldn't have dreamed of saying anything.
And I do sort of see where Cattymum is coming from. Those of us who have had bf problems (like me - I was emotionally blackmailed into topping up ds from day bloody 3, and to this day I'm not sure whether it was actually medically necessary - I rather feel not) know what a 'bottlefeeding culture' bf mothers are often up against. I think a lot of the 'sadness' I feel at moments like these is not judgement, but rather (first-hand) knowledge of how p*ss-poor bf support often is and whether that particular mum might have wanted and tried to bf but not been able to.

misdee · 28/01/2007 11:04

Personally (and i shouldnt be saying thuis) i cant understand why people dont want to breastfeed (not that who cant, but those who choose not to). becuase to ME, perosnally its entirely natural, and i cant imagine not trying. But its their choice. and i cant understand why not, and i dont think i ever will.

sorry.

mine you, i cant understand why some [people like bovril either.

kittylette · 28/01/2007 11:04

im glad you didnt say anything to her,

i failed breastfeeding after about a week, my DF had to tell everyone and i felt ashamed everytime i got a bottle out

if some stranger wouldve started lecturing me about breasfeeding i wouldve had a breakdown

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