I am ashamed of myself for being so judgemental.

[Gingerbear]

A mum from DD's school had a baby last week. I saw her yesterday and was chatting to her about all things baby. Then she got out a bottle and filled it with a carton of formula. I felt my heart sink and I thought, oh no, she hasn't even tried to breastfeed. I was about to say, 'I will be breastfeeding again next time' but held my tongue. I have no idea about her views, if she had problems with breastfeeding and I don't know her well enough to broach the subject.
It is such a personal issue, and so easy to offend someone. I just feel so sad and frustrated at myself for being unable to speak to her.

I have 3 friends who all chose not to breastfeed their babies. It made me sad that they were never going to try but I never ever said anything.

The first didn't becasue she hated the thought of it and her mum was with us and she said something, oh no your boobs are for your husband. It was like a punch in the stomach but I just shook my head and continued to breastfeed and said just said 'oh no, this is the loveliset thing in the world'. What was the point in saying anything else?

Another friend didn't ever give a reson she just said she didn't want to. Her decision made me sad, but I didn't push her on it.

And the last friend didn't do it becasue she didn't want to be tied to the sofa with a new baby as she thought it would be unfair on her other son. Again i thought that was such a shame but none of my business.

And I know you didn't say it GB but the line that was in your head would have been such a horrid thing to say. If anything a conversation about why she decided to not brestfeed not throw in her face that you'll be doing it agin last time, that's horrid.

It really isn't anyone else's business.

I feel sad when I see newborns bottle fed or very young kids with their ears pierced or 2 year olds drinking coke or a mum smoking around a baby and so on. What are you going to do, walk round challenging everyone? You just have to do the best you cna do for your own kids.

TC WTF?

Just HOW is bottlefeeding a newborn comparable with giving a toddler Coke?

she hasnt said it was, just that its those things that make her sad.

"Bottlefeeding" a newborn is the first in a list of semi abusive acts!

I'm SO not comparing bottlefeeding a baby to giong a toddler coke

As misdee has said it's a list of thigns that I see that make me sad. What I'm saying is if you dig out a mother for not breastfeeding (which I NEVER would) then you have to dig out all the other mothers who do things that make you feel sad in anyway shape or form. If GB felt she could say that to a mum buying formula then is she going to go round telling everyone when she sees something she doesn't agree with. I don't think so. That was my point.

Bottlefeeding" a newborn is the first in a list of semi abusive acts! ' errrrr what? has anyone said that?

I don't think, and I don't think have implied that bottlefeeding is in anyway , what were your words.... 'semi-abusive'.

GB has also said she is ashamed of herself for thinking this, it goes back to the pressure that we as mums put on ourselves to do everything right btw after the rough time I had with bfing 1 hv i saw when ds was 6m told me that fm was so advanced now that theres not as much diff between bm and fm as we tend to think. maybe she was trying to make me feel better about it, but i believe her.

Nobody has said that. I haven't expained myself very well. And TC has since re-explained, but anyway, what I meant was

Ear piercing, giving toddlers coke, and smoking around babies are all considered taboo by most people, probably for health reasons. So why is 'bottlefeeding a newborn' included in this ?

THAT's what I meant, I put my quottes in the wriong place.

I think it's just about things that you disapprove of

rather than them ranking on the same scale

after my thread oon being shocked by the amount of people bottle feeding on maternity wards i swore i would try and not to get involved in this debate agaion.

i feel dreadfully sad that breastfeeding rates are so low (i belive its about 60% in this area or something) but feel thats mainly to do with lack of support. and that also makes me

i felt awful when bottle feeding dd1, as i had plenty of milk but no support in getting her latched, she dropped weight and become dehydrated. i felt i had no choice. and even now i feel some guilt as she has so many allergies, eczema and asthma, and the other 2 also do but not as bad, they were breastfed for longer.

if you dig out a mother for not breastfeeding (which I NEVER would) then you have to dig out all the other mothers who do things that make you feel SAD .

These things make me feel sad, they were the first things that came to mind when i thought of what makes me feel a sad when i think of small babies. In no way can I, or would I compare the twinge of sadness at a baby who has to be bottlefed to a mum who has given her kid coke, smoked around it etc.

What I was trying to get at was if someone feels they want to have a word with a mother who doesn't breastfeed, then how about all the mums who do 'commit semi-abusive' acts, like smoking around them etc. Why say something to a mum who maybe can't breatfeed but ignore all the smokers, the coke feeders. They are the ones who really need someone to have a word with them.

Am I making myself less clear as I go on?

It's not surprising that breastfding is such an emotional issue IMO - after all think of all the hormones that are released when you brfd - and everyone wants so much to do their very best for their baby.

I brfb my 2 until they were both 1 yo and loved the closeness, the sense of providing what the need, the physical bond. I was probably a bit zealous in the way I talked about brfding! I had to learn not to judge others' decisions, not to comment, because even the slightest throwaway comment could be interpreted as being judgemental - some of the bottlefeeding mums I knew were very defensive, I guess because yes it is an emotional issue.

There's such a myth of being a perfect mother - in the media this seems to becoming more and more of a cult - and there's just no such thing. You can't give your dcs anything more than your love.

Misdee my dd who is now 4 was brfd until her 1st birthday and she has excema and multiple food allergies - so please don't think that brfding is magic 'your baby will never get ill' stuff because your dc might still have those things anyway!

TBH I think that brfding my dd that long may have limited the extent of her allergies etc. Maybe if I'd bottledfed her it might have been worse - but on the other hand who can tell really?

exactly rosylea, but in my eyes, dd1 had the worst eczema/allergies than tthe other two who were breastfed for longer, and at the time, i did notice a worsening of her eczema when we went onto formula.

but i cant change it now.

Oh I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this thread.

So, some of you smug folk manage to 'bite your tongue' when you see a mum buying formula? So do you want a pat on the back or something? 'Well done, even though what you do for your child is better, you managed to hold back and not upset said mum' How considerate of you.

Makes me sick. Live your life how you want to, don't expect others to live how you live.

I know it's been said before, but formula feeding is not evil.

And FWIW, if a woman ever approached me in the Supermarket to talk about breast feeding whilst I was buying formula I would tell her to minder her own f**king business.

excatly, noone has a crystal ball thru which you can see an alternative life. the prob is everyone is insecure about their parenting and many mums feel that attack is the first form of defence. we are expected to run our high-profile businesses til our waters break, deliver without any painrelief just gentle breathing snap back into our size 0 republic jeans clamp baby to our pert breast and go straight back to work monday morning.

WHY WHY WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS UNNECESSARY TORTURE??????

rant over anyone for tea?

pert breast? mine have never been pert.

aye. Mug, builder's, 2 sugers. TVM

tea

we all do what we think is best for our children and more power to those how bf but im proud of the way im raising my ds he was ff (and weaned v early btw) just sick of self-righteous mums/mws/hvs telling me whats best for ds and looking at me with disappointment if i dare follow my own instincts

When I was topping up ds in his first 4 weeks and facing the prospect of bf not working out, I was devastated. It's a big word but I really was devastated. It did work out in the end (thanks in no small part to MN) and we left the top-ups behind and ds is still bf at 20 months. After those horrendously difficult initial weeks bf was a piece of p*ss for me, and although I know how lucky I am I did find myself, now and again, feeling sad and yes, even a bit judgemental on seeing very small babies having bottles. especially considering my experience, I am thoroughly ashamed of myself for that.

When I ffed my newborn dd1, anyone watching should have been ecstatic b/c by some miracle she was actually alive and well, rather than sad b/c she was getting fed junk.

When I had to ffeed my newborn ds, okay so his tongue tie wasn't the most major problem but dealing with that causing me untold agony and dd2 coming out of hospital when we thought she was going to die and dd1 getting CP meant I didn't hesitate to ffeed.

You should never feel sad about seeing a newborn having a bottle. There are a million different reasons why that might be. Instead give thanks for another precious little one safely here.

FIT, yes, i am ashamed of myself, as dd3 had formula tube feeds in hospital. but we tried everything possible to avoid that, and the midwives allowed me a little sob as well

no one on this thread has said formual is junk have they?