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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Why do some people have such a problem with breast feeding??

124 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 15/05/2014 13:53

I need to scream as after visiting my Grandparents and enduring more of their 'helpful comments' as to why formula feeding is better than breast feeding I'm about ready to explode!

Today I was told the reason my baby is a little sicky is because of how quickly he feeds - therefore I should use bottles of formula as at least I can adjust teat sizes.

The fact I'm not giving my baby water in a bottle is the reason he has the hiccups. No matter how many times I explain that BF babies do not need water my Nan snidely mentions it every single bloody time I go round!

Apparently my milk is 'nasty stuff'

Apparently I'm only BF as a form of control so nobody else can feed my baby. I'm also preventing my DH from bonding with his son apparently...

The reason he had an episode of diarrhoea a few weeks ago was because of the mutations in my breast milk according to my Grandad....

My MIL is also another one who keeps on saying I should be giving my baby water!!

And even though my baby is growing fine I should still give him a few bottles of formula "just in case". Just in case of what exactly???

Is it a generation thing????

My nan is easily the worst when it comes to making such comments (she's in her 80's) and it's really, really starting to grate on me now!!

I've managed to bite my tongue so far but it's getting harder and harder!!

Why do some people think that breast milk isn't sufficient or good enough?! GRRRRR!

And breathe......

OP posts:
DifferentNow · 15/05/2014 13:55

I experienced this too. Ignorance is the only explanation.

Roseformeplease · 15/05/2014 13:59

Tell them that they either respect your choices and STFU or you will not be visiting again.

katandkits · 15/05/2014 14:01

It is a generation thing. That generation were told even by health professionals that formula was better than breastfeeding. Just repeat that research has shown that just breastmilk for six months is best for babies, like a broken record. Get DH to back you up with in laws. Repeat that you are happy with choice to breastfeed and health visitor is happy with how baby is doing. HV might have one of those best start leaflets so you can prove that you are in fact following official NHS advice.

HygieneFreak · 15/05/2014 14:04

I think what it is, is that people are seeing formula feeding as 'the norm' now.

Many people including my husband think breastfeeding is wrong. According to dh, women who breastfeed are doing it because they like their nipples being sucked, and he sees it as a sexual thing.

He gets this view from a programme he watched were woman 'got off' on breastfeeding.

I think no matter how much people try to promote breastfeeding, many people just seem to think its wrong.

Thanks to page 3 and mens magazines!

gamerchick · 15/05/2014 14:05

Tell them you're absolutely amazed/creepedout/perplexed or whatever at the obsession people have with your boobs and that you're not sure how to take the fact that so many people think of them. Or you could say that every time somebody comments on your boobs from now on you're going to extend breastfeeding by another year.. make a game out of it instead so it doesn't make you cross.

I got all sorts of comments from the mothership because she wanted me to formula feed and that breastfeeding 'isn't necessary now' and all that. You know what you want for you baby.

ExBrightonBell · 15/05/2014 14:31

Your Nan is definitely from the generation of women who experienced a "modernising" and medicalisation of birth and infant feeding. New scientific type innovations were seen as better than old fashioned things, and infant formula was one of these things.

Also I think a lot of the attitude comes from that generation feeling defensive about what they were encouraged to do, when now breastfeeding is acknowledged as the best start for babies. Some people won't like the feeling that what they did is now considered not ideal, and so they aggressively defend it.

tiktok · 15/05/2014 14:33

Why bite your tongue?

These people are being rude.

It really does not matter what they learnt in their day.

They're out of order in commenting at all.

Tell them, calmly, without pretending not to be cross.

Inform them that if it is mentioned again, you will not visit with the baby. And mean it.

tiktok · 15/05/2014 14:35

My gran (now dead) did not think bf was necessary or decent - I know this 'cos my mum told me.

But she was considerate enough not to share her opinion with me.

If she had shared her opinion, I would have told her to stop - being in your 70s and 80s doesn't give anyone carte blanche to be rude.

ExBrightonBell · 15/05/2014 14:37

I'm definitely not saying at all that being from a certain generation is an excuse for being rude. I was just trying to explain where the attitude comes from, not trying to justify it.

If anyone (including relatives) said anything like that to me I would have told them what I thought of that attitude and left, not to return.

BeCool · 15/05/2014 14:42

Tell them that they either respect your choices and STFU or you will not be visiting again.

I agree totally with this. It's not your job to educate them - they are willfully ignorant on the issue.

Tell them this above ^^ and if they persist cease all visits. You don't need this crap.

My ex-MIL used to bang on about giving water all the time. Initially I said, times have changes, she doesn't need it etc. After that I just ignored the comments completely. But she was overall very supportive of BF.

BeCool · 15/05/2014 14:44

Do they have a computer or ipad?
can they use google?
Then I don't buy this stuck in the past bullderdash at all.

UriGeller · 15/05/2014 14:47

I would avoid them until they have learned to stop passing unwanted comments.

Nocomet · 15/05/2014 14:54

People are incredibly defensive of the way they brought up their own DC, mine are 13&16 and even I find my self doing it (I quickly bite my tongue about rear facing car seats, no DCs in the front, parent facing push chairs and BLW. I don't bite my tongue about co-sleeping and cot death where I think the evidence is very shaky and the risk very very tiny).

That said they are being very rude. They need to be told that it's your baby and they are welcome to offer advice once or if asked, they are not allowed to keep going in about things if they expect to be visited.

littlemslazybones · 15/05/2014 14:54

Next tim say 'my god, those formula companies did a real number on your generation, didn't they?' with your best concerned sad face on.

People have nowhere to go when you pity them, passive aggressiveness at its finest.

BeCool · 15/05/2014 15:54

The thing is I don't believe anyone really cares how you raise your DC.

But lots of people will love an opportunity to feel smug, knowledgeable and feel like they have 'one over' you.

And so the daft comments flow .....

Eminybob · 15/05/2014 15:59

Hygiene I'm completely ShockShockShock by your husbands view on breast feeding!
Lost for words.

Does he have these messed up
opinions on other issues too?

Cariad007 · 15/05/2014 16:57

Yep, a friend of my mum's can't understand why I don't FF as according to her it's easier and the whole breast is best thing is utter nonsense!

minipie · 15/05/2014 17:06

I wonder if a lot of that generation now look at the advertised benefits of BFing (which weren't known back then) and feel a bit guilty? So they are in denial about the benefits of BFing and are trying to compensate by pushing FF like they did?

BreakingDad77 · 15/05/2014 17:10

MIL and FIL both go on about the water thing too lol, though they were ok with the BFeeding, I wasn't freaked out by breastfeeding and dont know why people are, well unless its when the kids are 3-4?

tiktok · 15/05/2014 17:52

ExBrightonBelle, I know you weren't excusing rudeness, just explaining an outdated mindset!

Hygiene, I am a bit shocked at your dh....this is a really nasty attitude :(

Salazar · 15/05/2014 17:54

'When did you last have a baby?'

'Exactly... Things have changed since then, but I wouldn't expect you to be on top of that.'

Jellymum1 · 15/05/2014 17:56

my mother asked me yesterday why I was bfeeding. ..she said "but you wont be able to go out for a drink" ...erm, with a week old baby thats the last thing on my mind! and the MIL made a comment about "oh still no sex for my son then, at least we know you wont be having any more then" .... wtaf?? actually dear mil maybe your son might like a milk shower when the time comes again that I can get down and boogey Grin

BertieBotts · 15/05/2014 18:04

My grandma wasn't allowed to breastfeed in the 1950s :( She was told "You don't want to do that, that's what poor women do" and her breasts were bound. She was supportive when my mum breastfed, though. She said she wished she had been allowed to do it. In those days you didn't argue with the doctor you just did as they said. My dad's mum breastfed, but she lived more rurally and I think it was more the norm there.

It's a generational thing, definitely. It wasn't until the 1970s that breastfeeding rates started to rise again and the health benefits were known so it was pushed more by health professionals.

tiktok · 15/05/2014 18:09

Eww to mothers-in-law commenting on your sex life Shock Shock.....I mean, WTF???

BertieBotts · 15/05/2014 18:13

In the 50s it was thought to be a revolutionary thing because it was scientific. I suppose if you'd only ever known breastfeeding, suddenly having the ability to control the flow, see how much they'd had, control the content of what was in it - all a bit of a mystery with BM although we now know that the contents are quite incredible - and give them a set amount meaning they would go longer without needing a feed, and of course share the feeding with anybody else who was willing to help (although not sure any "dad helping and bonding" was the norm in those days if call the midwife is anything to go by!) those things must have seemed amazing and far better than the "old" way of letting the baby feed from your breast, especially with all of the superstitions and old wives' tales about things that could turn your milk sour or other explanations they came up with for things like nursing strikes, oversupply, reflux, failure to thrive, cot death, stomach upsets and malnutrition because they were being fed unsuitable other foods.

Suddenly there was an alternative which was proven safe by doctors and you had all of this control over it, and babies thrived on it - even growing bigger and fatter than their breastfed counterparts. If you think about what a skinny baby would have meant in those times it's easy to see why fatter was considered healthier.

It wasn't that long ago. It's not surprising some of the members of the older generation are suspicious of the resurgence of breastfeeding (which must seem like little more than fashion when science is so advanced these days) when to them the bottle was something so revolutionary.