Why do some people have such a problem with breast feeding??

[Writerwannabe83]

I need to scream as after visiting my Grandparents and enduring more of their 'helpful comments' as to why formula feeding is better than breast feeding I'm about ready to explode!

Today I was told the reason my baby is a little sicky is because of how quickly he feeds - therefore I should use bottles of formula as at least I can adjust teat sizes.

The fact I'm not giving my baby water in a bottle is the reason he has the hiccups. No matter how many times I explain that BF babies do not need water my Nan snidely mentions it every single bloody time I go round!

Apparently my milk is 'nasty stuff'

Apparently I'm only BF as a form of control so nobody else can feed my baby. I'm also preventing my DH from bonding with his son apparently...

The reason he had an episode of diarrhoea a few weeks ago was because of the mutations in my breast milk according to my Grandad....

My MIL is also another one who keeps on saying I should be giving my baby water!!

And even though my baby is growing fine I should still give him a few bottles of formula "just in case". Just in case of what exactly???

Is it a generation thing????

My nan is easily the worst when it comes to making such comments (she's in her 80's) and it's really, really starting to grate on me now!!

I've managed to bite my tongue so far but it's getting harder and harder!!

Why do some people think that breast milk isn't sufficient or good enough?! GRRRRR!

And breathe......

And I had already been feeding her on demand for the first hour!

Yes it was def within 6 hours of birth as that was when I got out escaped

I'll never forget the way the paed looked at me telling me I hadn't produced enough milk. I didn't help that I was on a different floor of the hospital to dd and they wee refusing to let me see her!

I won't ever being gong back there.

This was 2007.

Yes then after I had bf her they 'topped her up with formula'. My heart broke. I had bf DS til 27 months and felt a total failure as a mother by the time dd was 1 day old.

I only made it to 6 weeks ebf and 4 months half and half with her.

I sympathise weatherall - on the doctor's instruction a midwife appeared with a bottle of formula and as she sat on my fed, bottle feeding my baby, I have never, ever felt more like a failure. I sat and watched it happen and I just cried as she did it. I will never forget how I felt at that time, just utterly distraught.

The only people I know in real life who breastfed/feed are other mums I met at breastfeeding group or baby classes.

My family and friends have pointed out continuously that's its perverted (but they don't mean any offence as obviously I'm not but its just wrong in their heads), its old fashioned, I'm taking the piss now still feeding at 14 months, I've made her clingy, breastfed babies are all whingy so what did I expect and a pregnant friends DP pointed out to her whilst I was sitting feeding that she wouldn't be doing "that" because he didn't want his woman having saggy tits and he wanted to be a part of his child's not sidelined by a possessive mum.

I nearly hooked him there and then.

Thick skin and ignore people have all these weird "facts" about breastfeeding which are mainly bullshit so I just point out that I don't mention the thousands of babies who have died through contaminated formula through the years as its not my choice (I did ff DS through choice so I know its not really poison) what they give their child. Quite often shuts them IP.

"My family and friends have pointed out continuously that's its perverted (but they don't mean any offence..."

Oh. So that's all right then, as long as they don't mean any offence.

They are rude, and your friend's DP was extremely rude and controlling.

I don't get it. Breastfeeding women getting comments like this are way way way* too polite. The mumsnet response of 'fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you're there fuck off some more ' is more than called for.

That DP is a creep IMO! And TBH what weird controlling dreamworld does he live in that he wants babies but his partner to have the exact breasts/body she did before... he does know regardless of BFing or FFing women (a) age (b) have body changes after children (to a greater or lesser extent) and (c) normal respectful DP/DHs are FINE with that!!

Oh no I should have worded that better!

When people say its perverted they then try to back it up by saying they don't mean any offence but its wrong in their heads, as if they've suddenly realised I may be offended by this.

I don't think they don't intend to offend, actually I kind of think anyone stupid enough to say that to someone who is BF is probably too thick to realise what they're saying could actually be a bit hurtful.

Friends DP seems perfectly nice in every other way so I was quite taken aback when he came out with those commebts , apparently it was meant in jest but I think more than anything I was worried about the references to "his woman" and "possessive mums". I have wondered if that was the real man speaking behind the nice front if that makes sense.

I think that people's problems with breastfeeding stem from a whole complex of things. Women's bodies being sexualised for one, as well as the "scientific" bias that others have referred to. Many people are happier when something can be measured and quantified. For those who were fed the myth that formula was progressive and modern, there is probably still a perception of breastfeeding as backward, or for poor people.

Also, breastfeeding a baby puts a woman in a powerful place. Her baby depends on her exclusively. She is strongly attuned to what her baby needs. She has to relinquish knowing how much her baby is having, and just trust her body and her instincts. I think some people find this threatening.

I am really NOT suggesting that those who formula feed are less attuned to their babies, or less powerfully bonded to them that breastfeeding mothers. It is just that there is something about breastfeeding that requires a woman to let go and let nature take it's course. Women who are seen as being too close to nature have scared the bejaysus out of people for a long time, and will continue to do so.

I do sometimes feel that the quiet condemnation/disgust is worse than the comments though.

When I had people over in the early weeks and DD was cluster feeding some of my friends went "oh okay" when I started feeding and then hurried out into the garden or into the next room as if they couldn't bear being around me. I realise a lot of this is just awkwardness and perhaps them trying to be polite but it always made me feel like some sort of outcast.

There should be some sort of written social convention somewhere. "Don't stare, but don't leave. Don't comment if you have nothing nice to say, but don't make it a taboo in conversation."

Or maybe it's just me being oversensitive

Thankfully I've never had anyone walk out the room

When I said I was just going to breast feed DS whilst visiting my nan and grandad my nan asked me if i wanted a blanket to 'cover myself up' and it was said in a manner as though it was something to hide away. I just smiled at her, told her it wasn't necessary and just whacked my boob out in front of her

Women who are seen as being too close to nature have scared the bejaysus out of people for a long time, and will continue to do so.

I think this connection between BFing and being an 'earth mother' stereotype does put people off, but I am not sure whether it has also made BFing into a signifier of a certain lifestyle. People within the lifestyle wonder about normalising it, without realising (and this is not an anti BF comment but the opposite) some ways that some pro-BFing women present themselves as being ultra-organic-perfect-attached-mothers in some publications/websites doesn't help 'normalise' it at all.
It can make it very intimidating if you really aren't like that.

I would find it immensely reassuring to see images of women breastfeeding wearing Topshop or down Shepherd's Bush or watching the football or reading Kerrang! magazine: that is my 'world' not Boden and agas and countryside.
I've seen ONE (NHS) video with a young not-awfully-middle-class mother BFing. One.

I agree Bertie that 1 person doesn't mean the whole, sorry I should've expanded on that: I was raised as a Jehovah's witness - most of the congregation was of an older generation, and those that had babies the large majority BF.

I don't know if this is because of the religious aspect or they're just generally an excepting bunch. Is was raised as if this was completely normal from all ages.

The Breastfeeding Be a Star campaign was a great attempt to get away from stereotypes

www.beastar.org.uk/

It looks like it is in abeyance, though.

Not one of those mothers is an 'earth mother' type, but they all look pretty powerful and confident.

Take a look. Bump up their web hits :)

Here's another one:
www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/mums-encouraged-breastfeed-new-city-7152627

And the little vid accompanying it:

Thanks TikTok. :)

Latest stupid comment that has come from my Grandad which he said to my sister over the phone. It was in relation to me having said that because of the warmer weather DS was drinking more frequently.

He said, "It's not right really is it (me breastfeeding) as how is she supposed to know what he's getting? It isn't like she's got a measuring cup lined up next to her titties!"

Yes....he actually used the word 'titties'!!

Why on earth is my grandad talking about my breasts?!

If he ever dared say anything like that to my face I swear I'd blow up!

Writer, this is not acceptable.

You would be perfectly justified in announcing to your grandfather that the subject of your breastfeeding will not be discussed with your sister or anyone else.

(the easiest way for a baby to satisfy thirst in hot weather is to be enabled to bf as often as she indicates. That way, you ensure she gets the volume she needs. A measuring cup, or a measured amount of water in a bottle, would be of no help, unless your grandfather has some way of knowing precisely how much your daughter needs at any one time)

How did anyone ever know before formula? They didn't they just trusted their bodies.

I would be inclined to quote thumper "If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all" very wise cartoon bunny

I wonder if he lies awake at night and worries about all the kittens, puppies, foals, kids, lambs and calves who aren't being fed formula either

How every mammal hasn't become extinct as a result of being starved at birth I don't know......

Nah mummy mammals have secret measuring gauges in their teats which ping when baby has had enough lol. Come to think of it I wouldn't mind having that...

Haha Polly - I going tell my grandad that my titties go ping!!
Just like the microwave

Lmao writer you shall have to let me know his reaction, I'm bracing myself for a miserable night with madam and lots of comments from my in laws tomorrow...

Lmao writer you shall have to let me know his reaction, I'm bracing myself for a miserable night with madam and lots of comments from my in laws tomorrow...