Why do some people have such a problem with breast feeding??

[Writerwannabe83]

I need to scream as after visiting my Grandparents and enduring more of their 'helpful comments' as to why formula feeding is better than breast feeding I'm about ready to explode!

Today I was told the reason my baby is a little sicky is because of how quickly he feeds - therefore I should use bottles of formula as at least I can adjust teat sizes.

The fact I'm not giving my baby water in a bottle is the reason he has the hiccups. No matter how many times I explain that BF babies do not need water my Nan snidely mentions it every single bloody time I go round!

Apparently my milk is 'nasty stuff'

Apparently I'm only BF as a form of control so nobody else can feed my baby. I'm also preventing my DH from bonding with his son apparently...

The reason he had an episode of diarrhoea a few weeks ago was because of the mutations in my breast milk according to my Grandad....

My MIL is also another one who keeps on saying I should be giving my baby water!!

And even though my baby is growing fine I should still give him a few bottles of formula "just in case". Just in case of what exactly???

Is it a generation thing????

My nan is easily the worst when it comes to making such comments (she's in her 80's) and it's really, really starting to grate on me now!!

I've managed to bite my tongue so far but it's getting harder and harder!!

Why do some people think that breast milk isn't sufficient or good enough?! GRRRRR!

And breathe......

The 'science thing' allowed marketeers to persuade doctors and other HCPs that breastmilk, being unmeasurable and made invisibly by mother's bodies, was a rather poor second to 'scientific' formula, made according to the latest knowledge and not subject to dangerous variations.

This attitude - that you can't trust breastmilk - is still with us today, in the stupid comments made by some of the OP's relatives :)

At my breast feeding group today they were discussing the fact that Bounty are now taking part in a big research project to analyse the content of breast milk to make sure babies are getting the nutrients they need. It's ridiculous - talk about undermining BF!

I had a really bad night with DS last night, constantly feeding and I passed comment to a friend today about how tired I was. Surprise, surprise, she told me to give bottles of formula. I said I did to want to use formula and I don't want DS having bottles unless absolutely necessary - I.e in an emergency.

She said to me, "Well you're going to have to give him bottles anyway when you start weaning him off the breast so you may as well just do it now".

It really, really riled me up! I told her that I had no intention of weaning DS off breast milk until I return to work and so she said, "When are you going back to work then, after all he's 8 weeks now!" - said I a manner to imply that 8 weeks of breastfeeding is considered far too long in her opinion.

I told her I was going back when he is a year! You should have seen her face, total horror.

Why do people think it isn't something you should do for a prolonged period?? She really annoyed me.

The attitude you've described comes from a complete lack of understanding of breastfeeding. In all likelihood, your friend has probably never known anyone to breastfeed or seen/heard of it before.

If everyone you know feeds formula as a matter of course, then you won't know anything about what's normal when breastfeeding.

She tried and failed to BF her baby - maybe she's trying to force formula on me because she wants to justify it in her head that it's just as good as breast milk?

Writer, the Bounty connection with the milk testing project has stopped.

Some of the story about it is in the link here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/a2084003-Bounty-and-breastfeeding#47137507

And here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/2081184-Remember-that-breastmilk-testing-device-thingy-someone-tried-to-ask-us-about

Bounty were not taking part in research. They were marketing a product that claimed to test for DHA in your milk (at a normal cost of £99 - Bounty had a free offer on). One mumsnetter sent off for the free test and her milk report came back low in DHA, with an offer to buy a course of vitamins.

I think the bad publicity about it must have persuaded them to drop it.

Writer yeah it could well be that, she might well be quite chippy about it if you're fine and she's staring at something normal she couldn't do in the face.

I know plenty of women who FF and know the norms of breastfeeding (i.e. in theory even if they don't do it themselves) - most wouldn't dream of commenting on anyone else's choices! Very rude even if someone is upset/regretting.

Just mentioning also- in the name of balance- they do get rather touchy if (as unfortunately happened once or twice) comments go the other way/it is assumed they don't understand babies because they FF for whatever reason (one is a child development expert and her child has a disability which caused problems so she FF, for example).

TikTok ...and its modern relative: the 'pseudo science diet' as well.

I've heard from people who consider themselves excellent pro-breastfeeding advocates theories and rules such as you cannot eat this/that/the other while you BF e.g. dairy(even if child isn't intolerant), even 1 glass of wine, meat, curry, Macdonalds... Crucially I have also heard it from women who gave up BFing because they 'just couldn't' maintain it.

IMO this is almost as bad as plain insults/discouragement. It has certainly made me apprehensive: like I would be a danger to my child and do it wrong (until my mum said "don't be silly, your cousins in India breastfeed on curry every day and my mum had a Guinness a day for iron!"). It's an extension of all these pregnancy scare stories... the new mantra of 'women: you are not good enough'.

...BTW these people who consider themselves pro-BF 'experts' are merely self proclaimed!! Very vocal alpha mummies as opposed to trained experts like you.

I have met these people, too, squiz.

There are people who make assumptions and comments about someone else's feeding. Best thing is not to ask and not to comment, even positively - don't even say 'fantastic, you're breastfeeding!' as if the mother is looking for your approval; don't ask how the baby is being fed; don't ask how long the baby is going to be breastfed. Just don't ask - if the mother wants to tell you something, she can do!

"For some reason people don't get that they have different uses during different phases of life i.e. lactating vs not lactating."

I think you'll find that there are men and women out there who don't find lactation a turn off, and see the breasts as an erogenous zone even when the mother is producing milk.

Can't agree with it being a generation thing. My nan is 79 and totally supportive of me bf. As are ALL my parents ILs included. I do get the water comments though. I reiterate that DD suffers from nipple confusion and is fusdy enough without help.

I would tell them politely that if they don't like the natural way of you feeding YOUR baby, then you won't come round.

But just because one person from that generation bucks the trend it doesn't mean it's not a generational thing.

Im so interested in the feminist theory as discussed by squizita and tiktok particularly the way it feeds into the narrative of women's bodies being defective. The idea of the breast milk analyser is particularly shocking and will only give ammunition to people like Writer's relatives that breastfeeding can't be trusted - how do they think the human race survived before formula was invented???

Lemis :) Oh yes I am sure there are. I was being terribly stuffy and 'British' there wasn't I? I guess I meant that there are far more emotions attached to the breast than 'fwwoarg' and one which happens when breastfeeding would be parental love. Of course it wouldn't exclude sexuality. :)

Jelly and our minds of course ;) ...remember that Harry Enfield "Woman, know your limits" spoof? Silly women need a man to organise everything for them... hysteria etc'. Bet that has fed into it: a woman can't possibly DECIDE for HERSELF how to get milk into a baby, when we have MEN to explain!

Jelly, I was a feminist long before I became a breastfeeding counsellor :)

I am not especially bothered or engaged by health arguments. Though I know 'em, and I understand the biomedical literature and its strengths and weaknesses.

I am more bothered and engaged by the fact that women are affected by barriers to happy, effective and life-enhancing breastfeeding experiences which enrich their relationships with their babies.

If women find breastfeeding is, for them, not happy, not effective and not life-enhancing and it doesn't enrich their relationships with their children, or if they know it is likely to be that way before they even have their babies, then of course they should use formula - not a terrible disaster for them or their baby, really, and none of my biz anyway!

But when one of the barriers is stupid and controlling and critical comments, or attitudes that get in the way of the mother having the happy, effective etc etc, then I think it's no exaggeration to say it is woman-hating :(

I was suprised that formula has been around so long tiktok! My trusty 1950s housekeeping manual mentions 'humanised milk' as if it's a really new thing, but tells you that if you can't breastfeed you should use a mixture of cow's milk, water and sugar.

Breastmilk substitutes have probably been around as long as humans have been around. I think the earliest records we have is pap in the middle ages which would have been flour and water, perhaps with broth or some kind of animal milk.

Formula as we know it now has only been around since the 20th century. But there were certainly adaptations made to other mammals' milk, condensed milk for example, before that. In the imperial war museum they have a little guideline of what to feed babies and it advises national dried milk with concentrated orange juice and cod liver oil. You could claim extra rations for it. Lucky babies

www.babybottle-museum.co.uk/

Very interesting site if anyone is interested in the history of formula.

Formula is indeed a mid twentieth century product. I meant branded baby foods which start being produced about 1860 or 1870, and sold as suitable for young babies as a supplement or even instead of breastmilk. They are made of some sort of cereal or pea flour which you add to water. Yum.

If my DH had even tried to get near my breasts after cluster feeding I would have told him where to go! Eeeek

My local maternity hospital has a UNICEF baby friendly award (ie pro bf) but still gave my dd formula without my consent when they knew I was ebf.

Hours after birth they said the expressed 2oz wasn't enough for one feed. This was from a paediatrician!

You expressed 2 oz hours after birth, weatherall? Seriously? That is masses more than enough :)

UNICEF Baby Friendly is open to comments about maternity units who have the award - www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/Contact-us/. You might want to think about letting them know. In addition, the maternity ward itself needs to know it gave you poor care.

2 oz is too much for a newborn but I'm In awe you managed to get that much

The UNICEF hospital I had my DS in did not have very supportive doctors. They knew I wanted to EBF but because I was struggling to BF due to attachment problems they told me to give a formula top up with every feed It wasn't "Lets help Writer with her attachment so she can feed efficiently" it was straight to the 'magic cure' that is formula.

I was feeling really down in hospital and at one point I asked the midwife for a bottle of formula but she told me no. She said that she knew I wanted to EBF and that by giving a bottle I would be missing out on another chance to try and breast feed and deep down she knew I didn't want that. At the time I felt angry with her but in hindsight I'm glad she wouldn't give me one.