Why do some people have such a problem with breast feeding??

[Writerwannabe83]

I need to scream as after visiting my Grandparents and enduring more of their 'helpful comments' as to why formula feeding is better than breast feeding I'm about ready to explode!

Today I was told the reason my baby is a little sicky is because of how quickly he feeds - therefore I should use bottles of formula as at least I can adjust teat sizes.

The fact I'm not giving my baby water in a bottle is the reason he has the hiccups. No matter how many times I explain that BF babies do not need water my Nan snidely mentions it every single bloody time I go round!

Apparently my milk is 'nasty stuff'

Apparently I'm only BF as a form of control so nobody else can feed my baby. I'm also preventing my DH from bonding with his son apparently...

The reason he had an episode of diarrhoea a few weeks ago was because of the mutations in my breast milk according to my Grandad....

My MIL is also another one who keeps on saying I should be giving my baby water!!

And even though my baby is growing fine I should still give him a few bottles of formula "just in case". Just in case of what exactly???

Is it a generation thing????

My nan is easily the worst when it comes to making such comments (she's in her 80's) and it's really, really starting to grate on me now!!

I've managed to bite my tongue so far but it's getting harder and harder!!

Why do some people think that breast milk isn't sufficient or good enough?! GRRRRR!

And breathe......

I think it's a generational thing, too. My DM was highly unsupportive of my decision to BF DS and DD. Every time I made a slight moan about finding it hard, she'd be straight in there with "Oh, it'd be so much better to use a bottle and cleaner"

My aunt told me that I was breastfeeding for my own sexual gratification.

I actually never knew these attitudes towards breast feeding existed.

I guess I've not seen it in real life, maybe when I start breast feeding when my baby comes I will see it. A bit worried now!

Sorry, but I'm giggling at 'mutations' in breastmilk. Such utterly ill informed comments mean it's impossible to find them offensive, it's just so ridiculous.

However, they are being rude. Tell them. No one ever mentions a word to me about breastfeeding. I suspect because my views are well known and they don't want a long (and probably boring to them) lecture...

Thanks for all your replies - in some way they have put a smile on my face to see what utter stupidity is out there and that it's not just me who has to deal with this nonsense!!

I think I'm unusual in so far as my mother, MIL and Nan breastfed their babies.

My Nan is truly baffled as to why I'd bother though..... She was with the forces in Africa when my Mum was born and says couldn't get formula so breastfed but wishes she hadn't had to. Luckily she isn't nasty about it just a bit curious about my reasons.

Jelly I am at your MIL...... I'm not sure if I am more shocked at the comment or the fact she thinks you can't have sex if breastfeeding.

If they weren't commenting on how you feed your baby they'd be criticising everything else you do... he's too cold; you should let him cry to exercise his lungs; he's so big/small shouldn't he be on solids?; you should wake him up or he won't sleep later; you shouldn't wake him ever etc... Could you tell them you gave him a bottle of formula and it made him gassy? Old people are, IME, slightly obsessed with wind.

I may just be old and a bit snippy, but I'm astonished that any of you allow your parents and inlaws speak to you like this! You are old enough to have a child of your own ffs! Tell them to behave. Don't visit with the baby if they are going to nag.

I had the water thing from my dad. He kept saying that my daughter is greedy and asked me if my milk is 'good enough'. Mil also asked me when I would start introducing fruit juice as she did that with her 3rd son when he was a month old . I just ignore them and keep pointing out that times/advice has changed. Unfortunately it is a generation thing, I think it's hard for well meaning GPs to be told that what they did is now considered as 'wrong'. It makes them feel old and a bit useless…

I have also been told that I may as well just use bottles as DS will be on them soon enough anyway when he starts having juice - I then get asked in an accusing manner, "And when will that be?" As though the fact he isn't having juice at 2 months of age is somehow neglectful.

Next time my nan mentions bloody water I'm going to tell her that if she can find one piece of up to date research that says breast fed babies need additional water then I'll take her advice on board. And also I'd love to see her evidence that backs up her theory that it is my breast milk that is directly causing hiccups and why giving him water will stop them.

Juice in a bottle??!! A child old enough for juice is old enough to use a cup. Juice in bottles is a good way to rot your child's teeth.
I really wouldn't bother arguing with them about research and their opinions. Just say you are following the advice of your doctor and health visitor and are not going to go against medical advice on their opinions as they have no medical qualifications. Or just avoid the subject entirely by avoiding them.

kat - it was my FIL who was talking about juice in a bottle and I told him exactly what you said I said that when DS does have juice it will be when he's old enough to use a cup so bottles won't be necessary. He didn't seem too impressed. He's also the one who said I was stopping DH from bonding and I was using BF as a form of control.

He's said a few times in a not very nice manner that I'll never let him and MIL 'have the baby' and implies I'm being selfish. My FIL had actually made quite a few negative comments to the point I've been really upset - my DH eventually had to have a word with him. I honestly don't think they realise how unwanted their opinions are!!

These are the in-laws who came round when DS wasn't even 3 weeks old and announced they wanted to take the baby out for a few hours. WTAF?! I was so angry. Amongst all the reasons for saying no I included the fact he's BF which just strengthened their view that I'm doing for control and because I don't want to share the baby.

Writer my ILs are similar to yours, but not as blunt. You should let your FIL see how upset he makes you- he might get the picture.

My ILs have been wanting to take the baby for a day out since he was born. He bfs all the time, even now at 10 months, and I have endured countless comments as to how he should be winding down with bfing and how I don't want to feed past a year, surely?! Well if DS does, then I do. (Don't get me started on how I'm indulging my son by bf on demand....)

Hygiene your DH has some quite frankly disgusting views. I'm sorry you have to hear that from your H off all people.

If they weren't commenting on how you feed your baby they'd be criticising everything else you do... he's too cold; you should let him cry to exercise his lungs; he's so big/small shouldn't he be on solids?

Yeah I think it's a meddling older generation thing, too. There often seems to be one thing they bang on about! Usually related to men and reproduction.

My old nan, God Rest Her Soul, thought going to university/having a career would turn me into "one of them" (homosexual) and prevent me from ever being able to be a good wife.
The weird thing is, my mum had a job and went to uni. Then married and had me. So you'd think the evidence was clear but no... she worried about it a lot.

Your story made me laugh squizita as my nan is quite very homophobic and likes to tell us her theory about the reason there are so many gay men in society is because of the female contraceptive pill

Apparently, when the urine of women on the CP goes into the sewer system the CP hormones that are present in her urine then get re-filtered and end up in the water system - hence men who drink water (including the use of it in tea and coffee) are ingesting CP hormones and turning them gay

OMG - I just realised I can use her theory to question why she'd want DS to have water if it will turn him gay

Writer Mine blamed my mum's FF (she was pro breast feeding and attached parenting though would be appalled if she realised this, she just thought 'mummy should look after baby and never think of anything else ) on her being a career woman nursery manager, hardly baby-unfriendly as jobs go.
Nothing to do with twins in an incubator in the late 1970s. Oh no. Apparently she didn't settle down early enough so her breasts didn't know how to work so well.

You just can't win!

People think breastfeeding is sexually gratifying? I find that genuinely completely perplexing. (As well as just twisted. Ew.) Have they not heard the stories about poor latch/cracked nipples/painful letdown?

My mum does constantly ask me when I'm going to stop BFing (baby's only 7 weeks old). She says I'm making a rod for my own back because baby will refuse formula/the bottle when I go back to work (in like 7 months...). I also get the water thing, which is weird as my mum's a doctor and you'd think she'd know about that.

Although... my mum also told me to put my baby down to sleep on her front because putting her on her back is what's causing her colic. [?!?!]

squizita - that's hilarious about breasts not working as well if you don't settle down whilst young

blueberry - I forgot about the colic!! That's another thing that my baby has because I won't give him water

I know I started this thread because I was angry and needed to shout, but it's actually turned into something very humorous!!

blueberry I find that properly weird too. Are they simple or weirdly pervy?

Yes men have (since before lads mags FWIW) liked looking at boobies, and many women consider them an erogenous zone at appropriate times. But not 24-7.

Take the mouth, for example. It can be used sensually, but the rest of the time we use it for eating, breathing, talking: non sexual things.

Maybe because men have mouths too, they are allowed to be a bit more complex. Women's bodies exist for sex and domestic chores, and boobs are crap at dusting...

PS. I also find it weird when people (either older and straight laced or very feminist) insist on boobs NEVER being sexy, just for baby, it's purely a product of page 3 (of course page 3 fetishises it but King Solomon wrote poems to his lady's bangers in the Bible!).
Flipside of the same thing: women have this body part not complex superior men, so it can't be multi-functional. She's a mother or a whore.

My parents spoke about DSis trying hard to feed her very hungry child and seemed to equate it with a money worry - they discussed if they should buy the formula. I think that she was just trying to give it a good go.

OP, I would lie. Just say that the bedtime feed is a bottle or something. And that, of course the baby then sleeps for 12 hours. as that's how all babies were, in their day

at money worries!! I might say that to my nan next time she passes comment.

In fact the next person who mentions the benefit of formula I will tell them that if they are willing to pay for all the bottles, the formula and come round and spend 30 minutes preparing the bottle whilst DS is screaming for milk, especially at silly hours in the morning, then of course I'd be prepared to give it a go

I know what you mean about the issues of sleeping through - my grandparents seem quite alarmed that my 8 week old DS only sleeps for 5-6 hours overnight before waking for another feed....

I can't believe how rude people are!

None of my parents or grandparents or cousins or aunts of neighbours or anyone has ever said anything about my parenting choices - if they did, I would make an astonished face and just say 'what has it got to do with you?'

Don't let them get away with it! Saying anything which engages them in any sort of debate about it is pointless. You are a grown up. You make your own decisions. You don't tolerate rude comments about these decisions. End of.

When I was pregnant I was adamant I was going to try breast feeding and all my family knew this. When my DS son was born my family naturally came with presents for him but my Grandparents said they also had a present for me When I opened the bag it was full of Tommy Tippee bottles. I was obviously a bit taken aback and they said they bought them just I case I had changed my mind about breast feeding

Thanks!

They didn't even want me to have a baby and tried their best to try and change my mind about trying for one and now the baby is here it seems they're on a mission to try and get me to change my feeing methods Control freaks??