Do you enjoy bottlefeeding? Am I alone?

[peaches27]

I have always felt a little put off by people who are so overenthusiastic about breastfeeding that I just cannot fathom them out. All I can remember are the cracked, sore nips, feeding for hours on end, leaking milk and generally feeling that my life was not my own. Where was the "almost orgasmic sensation at let down"? I dont think I even remember feeling a sensation, apart from dread at approaching the carrycot. When I tearfully gave up the struggle and gave DS a bottle it was love at first sight for both of us. Finally he was satisfied and full. Finally I was comfortable and got my life back. As I am typing this I can almost feel the righteous indignation of the breastfeeders.

Can you please accept that it is not the same wonderful experience for everyone and if we want to give up because we hate it we shouldnt be made to feel guilty as several generations have grown up perfectly healthily on formula. (Breastfeeders now search for statistics which prove that breastfed people are healthier).

I am writing this and viewing the subject with a very long perspective. I last breastfed in 1982. It was very fashionable then and I felt a failure when it didnt work and I didnt feel the same as the people in the pregnancy books or the NCT/LLL leaflet. (BTW in those days I didnt live in a posh enough part of the city to access NCT/LLL). This feeling of failure was compensated by the happy healthy infant who thrived on formula and also the extra free time I had even after preparing feeds!

I am raising my grandkids and obviously my DGD has formula just like her mummy did. I love giving her those bottles, especially the night ones when its just the two of us. She is happy too.

Anyone else share this experience?

I am quite liking the new feisty tiktok.

I have just read this thread from start to finish and have gone from having a smile on my face to being totally outraged at the way some people have reacted to just thinking all of us on here are sad women with nothing better to do with our time than sit and have time consuming arguments that we will never win with people we will probably never meet.

And that goes for all feeders.

I do too - i.e. edit edit edit any posts on this topic, which is why the one time I did cause offence I was mortified and have (afaik) never been unintentionally upsetting again
to clarify my views - I do think "happy mum, happy baby" is pretty much a non sequitur in almost any context in the parenting field. Obviously "depressed/deeply unhappy mum = bad thing all round" BUT I wouldn't say "unhappy mum = unhappy baby" necessarily either because I know lots of depressed/unhappy mums with very happy babies.
also, where's the father in all this?
nothing is simple in parenting and to reduce it to soundbites does everyone a disservice imho.

Well I know one mum who devoted so much energy to making herself happy she wouldn't have noticed if one of her children had crawled in with a broken leg.

wow, what a thread!

phew...but just wanted to say that, after a crash CS I was pretty unwell after having my DS, and unfortunately he never latched on or attempted to breatfeed despite numerous attempts in hospital. I really hate the fact I gave up and bottle fed, but as many have said, feeding him was LOVELY, and fabulous bonding time, and I loved every bottle I gave him. And because I had to give bottles I was very grateful for the research and development that goes into creating the formula that is as good as it can be - though of course, nowhere near breastmilk.

Looking back, I feel I was so unsupported. Midwives refused to discharge me home until "A feeding pattern is established" and after 5 days in (dirty!) hospital I was so desperate to be home....I know there was an expressing machine but I didn't press to use it, I think I was too unwell and probably still in shock from the birth. Again, I vaguely had heard of breastfeeding counsellors but no one offered me one, and again I did not press for one. Because of the traumatic birth I had huge swelling in my tummy (believe it or ot, BIGGER than at 9 months pregnant!!) and found it so painful to have the baby on me in any way that would allow bf...

So I have huge sadness that it didn't happen for me and I do blame myself for not asserting myself more at the time. But I am grateful for good formula, and loved bottlefeeding, have some treasured memories....

It's so emotive this subject!

Don't really enjoy either. It's just what you do when they are hungry, breast or bottle (have done both).

I am fairly new to this forum but I totally repelled by the posts of hunkermunker and tiktok - I have viewed other posts by these two and I honestly think they are pathetic.

I have breastfed 2 children, bottle fed 2 and I agree with everything peaches says. Leave her alone for Gods sake. It must be very hard for her raising her grandkids (read her other posts/threads) and I cant believe you are giving her such a hard time. Look at yourselves, you are like the school bullies.

I think you and one or two others should apologise to this woman. I also think that the moderators should swoop on this thread and sort it out or delete it.

School bullies? Tiktok has provided more sane feeding advice on MN than virtually any other poster. And she doesn't judge. While Hunker inspired me to hold off on weaning until ?DS was 6 months and then go straight to finger foods. Thanks to both of them I say, and I know I'm not alone.

Doesnt judge. Read what she posted here:
What crap.
QUOTEPeaches, you are being deliberately inflammatory, to the extent of trolling.

You choose a daft quote about orgasm.

You accuse people (in the original post, before any responses) of expressing righteous indignation.

You imagine people going off to find statistics which makes it clear you think this is boring and predicatable.

You imply that in 1982 (and possibly today) you have to live somewhere 'posh' to get volunteer breastfeeding help (which has never been true).

You also accuse people of 'making' others feel guilty.

In addition, you posit a link between breastfeeding and swearing which has to be pure trollism. Why is it 'interesting' the breastfeeder (and why 'the breastfeeder' - plenty of breastfeeders on this thread! ) 'had to use the 'f' word'? Why is the method of feeding linked with 4-letter words?? I really don't get it. Would it not have been better to say 'I note that someone who disagreed with my stance used a four-letter word' rather than that?

You are a troll - and old enough, I would have thought, to get your jollies in a more sensible way.

yes well I think that someone whose first ever posting on this forum calls 2 long established mnetters who have given a lot of their time to help and support countless people 'pathetic' is just going to add to this conflagration really.

It's all got totally out of hand. There are faults on both sides no doubt, but I really don't think anyone has been rude enough to mean the thread needs to be sorted out. Feeding your baby is always an emotive subject and I don't doubt that anyone tries to do the best for their children.

I see no reason for this thread to be moderated or deleted at this point.

anyone here tries to do the best for their children even.

Oh fgs.

Pramfilla, I am honoured that you include me in the same breath as Tiktok.

I look forward to your contributions to other threads on MN.

Aaargh. I was just having a final check of my reply to HM and all this happened.

Hold your breath HM... my mediocrity is well worth the wait

Breathe... I'm editing wildly.....
Hold your breath in a minute again.

She's typing with her elbows, clearly.

Oi.. how did you know about my elbow typing?

Hunker - yes you blimmin do! And I absolutely refuse to trawl through the archives (on principal and practicality at the mo)... but you are far from the worst and the fact that you do it confuses me sometimes as I know and understand your aim in general.

We first met when I blasted on to Mumsnet, full of angst, confusion, rejection from my son and depression and when I came across some of the posts and generalisations about formula feeders my anger and disappointment came to a head. You thought I had insulted you and breast feeders as a whole, whereas in fact I had reacted to my world and my situation at the time. For those twitching to know I said Breastfeeding Gestapo, meaning those who seek out and destroy the opposition i.e. formula feeders. I didn’t mean breast feeders, I meant those that had an influence on how I felt about my own situation at the time.

I have to confess I thought you were awful at the time, as you no doubt thought I was (or maybe still do... I don't know but I hope not). But you were probably the start of the journey for me that Mumsnet has provided the path for. I have learned so much about the subject of feeding and my own feelings on the subject. I also now know that breast feeders can face many issues themselves – not just in the potential problems of breastfeeding but within society as a whole and this lead me to understand that you can actually insult a breast feeder. This was a genuine shock for me.

Strangely, and referring back to my original insult, as an abandoned baby I was formula fed, but it had not once entered my mind that I would do so for my child. In fact, I hoped that it would not be difficult for my mum to see me breast feeding as it was something she could not do herself (obviously). I absolutely hated myself for giving him formula in the end because of what it stood for, not because of what it was, and it is only through my MN journey and no longer giving him formula that I have now got the relationship with my son that I wanted. (It's talking about that kind of thing that sometimes attracts certain mumsnetters to post stuff about formula feeders feeling sorry for themselves by the way).
You will often find me on pro-breastfeeding threads these days if there is anything useful I can add from my limited viewpoint. I try to stay away from contentious threads (not sure if I succeed entirely, but hey), but this one - well it sounded like me a year or so ago (but less angry, obviously ).

I now appreciate that the majority of posts don’t actually set out to put down formula feeders – that the majority actually feel strongly about breastfeeding and it’s benefits and that is absolutely brilliant because it is true. But when you say customers of shops reducing formula are too thick to comprehend the law regarding it, and that the entire audience of Trisha (or whatever crap it was you were stuck watching) must be formula fed as they are so stupid (I agree on one of those points btw - can you guess?) you are talking about me. And before anyone posts it, no, I haven't had a sense of humour bypass. My uncle is a famous comedian after all, I’ll have you know (but obviously we’re not blood related). And no, I have never appeared on Trisha.

99% of your posts are insightful/funny/refreshing/interesting/posts. 0.9% of your posts are a bit up your own bottom (naturally, I never blow my own trumpet ). 0.1% of your posts bring out my right eye twitch. The fact that the minority tend to stick in my mind means that I take it personally. I can't help that as you are talking about me. The other 99.9% of your posts makes me wonder why. That’s why you confuse me sometimes.

I’m now going to post this after starting it, sticking it in word as dinners needed to be made, adding a bit, baths and pyjamas needing to be filled with little pink bodies, stories needing reading, adding a bit more, wine glasses needing to be filled and adding and editing.

here goes…… Christ, I hope it makes sense. I’ve put far more into it that I normally give on Mumsnet without blowing an O-ring. I’m still working on something I am doing for Rhubarb. Hopes she understands why it’s taking so bloody long when she reads this,,,,,

What an honest post Squarer.

I think Tiktok has pointed out with perfect clarity why the OP wasn't just wanting other formula-feeding mothers to join her in celebrating a positive experience for them, but was also wanting to take a few swipes at people who are pro-breastfeeding as well. If people choose to ignore all the swipes Tiktok analysed, that's up to them.

I noticed this comment: "why put yourself through it when there is a perfectly acceptable alternative". I find it very difficult to resist commenting on propositions like that, because imo it re-inforces the idea that there is practically no difference between formula and breastmilk and therefore, is re-inforcing mis-information.

You can celebrate all you like, but if you misinform, you shouldn't be surprised if someone else comes along and informs. I think that's all most pro-breastfeeders (or bf mafia if you prefer ) want.

Heavens, Squarer - I had no idea that I would provoke such a post and I am deeply sorry that I did (I mean this utterly seriously - you say you don't know what I think of you - I think you are warm, witty and someone who I'd be happy to have as a friend, fwiw).

I seem to recall we met on an early weaning thread? Possibly the infamous spoons one, but I could have that totally wrong, I'm sorry I don't remember. I also don't remember a specific Gestapo ruck, because I've had them several times on here(!) - but I do totally appreciate that you were posting with your circumstances in mind - as does everyone.

I truly don't mean to upset anyone - really, really not.

When I've posted about shops breaking the law with regard to selling cut-price infant formula I don't think I have said people are too stupid to understand the reasons the laws are in place (but I could be mistaken - I do say things in the heat of a thread sometimes that are unnecessarily flippant - I really should stop myself doing it on this particular topic though, because it can cause such long-lasting upset) - or at the very least I've said it specifically to people who I do think are stupid and who are deliberately missing the point And that DOES NOT include you.

As for the Trisha thread - I'll try to find it to prove this - but I never said it was ffed people who were the guests on said show - I should've gone back to it and clarified later. It was a wind-up, yes. But it was to demonstrate the kinds of things "a breastfeeder" is meant to think - oh, I'm not explaining it very well - will dig out the thread and see if I can make it make sense on there - will link if I can!

I do appreciate you taking the time to post what you did. I should probably steer clear of bfeeding threads really.

(Would like to know who your uncle is though...!)

Oh, and sorry, Rhubarb

Caligula, i feel the same as you.

Pramfilla, there are no words which can describe my thoughts on your posts without boldly giving away the fact that i am a "breastfeeder".

Why haven't you ladies been doing something a bit less taxing? Like watching the Apprentice (while feeding your babies (who cares which way? - unless of course they are better behaved than my dd and are all in bed

Caligula, I totally see where you're coming from, but can I put my view on one point of yours? When I bottlefed my DS, I certainly DID see formula as a perfectly acceptable alternative. I certainly never for a second thought there was virtually no difference between it and breastmilk, of course not; but if you can't breastfeed it is possible to think it a perfectly acceptable alternative without believing that it is on a par with breastmilk!

For some, saying they think it's an acceptable alternative, does not necessarily mean that they don't understand the differences between it and breastmilk. For me it was acceptable in my particular situation. But I wish it hadn;t had to be actually!

I could be so more honest too Hunker - in a nice way. You have nothing to be sorry for...in fact I am glad for the opportunity to express myself when I usually find it so difficult - it's why Rhubarbs waiting. If you should stop posting on bf threads, should i stop posting on the other bf threads? I think you help people (99.9% of the time ) whereas I just provide padding.

It wasn't a weaning thread... it was a piss take of bottle feeders, alledgedly on the back of another thread and was supposed to "lighten the mood" or something. You never know who you will catch in the world wide web (it was ME!!!! It's all about ME!!!!!)

The "problem" I have with this thread and all that have leapt on the back of Peaches is that I was here. If I had not found Mumsnet and learned the things that I have learned I would too have posted this 24 years later. Although I would have probably been bitter and twisted in addition. I might also have included the word gestapo too and FWIW I don't think Peaches "crime" is any where near as bad as that, but she has taken far more stick over it than I did for what I said.

Hmmm, will stop myself short of asking for a public flogging with nettles or some such like (unless it pleases Harpsi and her perversions ). I'm meeting Peaches tomorrow as I am passing on some baby bits for her Grandaughter and she lives somewhere between me and my parents. From the little I know of her through emails so far, she seems lovely, if not rather put upon and thrust into the ocean of motherhood that she thought she had long since left behind.

Oh, and as for the comedian - maybe one day.....