Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

Fair enough. Still, everybody should see DS's nursery though seriously it's the best!

Dial - no, the nursery here that I would send my baby to if anyone would give me a job where I could afford it is the best. Local, fresh, home made food etc etc... oh well, i can provide the food at home and can hunt out the other benefits in the local area :-)

I don't believe you MakesCakes . Mine has the nicest staff ever.
I like your name btw, thinking about changing mine to MakesCakesWhenPregnant.

Dial and Makes - you are both wrong. DS1s nursery is the best. This morning they have given me a load of sunflower seeds that I must sow, incubate or whatever the fook you do with them, grow in my poisoned landfill garden and take a picture every day to chart the progress until they have grown to the size of my house.

Cant wait

That's not the best! They're making you do homework! That would be a deal breaker for me!

Ah, that explains these half-withered bags on my chest hairylemon - I combination-fed!

Will they re-bloom if I BF DS2??

I see the bait was taken. I made that nursery comment after reading a thread about the toddler who was bitten and attacked by a toddler who was supposed to be sleeping next to him, the nursery staff were not in the room so didn't see it happen so didn't stop it happening then did nothing for 3hrs.

And yes, I can confirm after BF 3 babies for 3yrs your boobs do indeed fall off.

I felt really pressured to breast feed by all of the posters in hospital and pushy midwives, but if you've made the decision that your not happy to do it then thats it. Your husband should respect your wishes.
My Husband was pro-BF as its deemed the best, I think maybe because he thought he wouldn't have to do as much! but Formula is available and perfectly fine, my 2.5 yr old was ff and is really healthy, intelligent, confident and happy. And I was a happier mum having some sleep and support from my husband with feeding.
I bf for one night and felt completely uncomfortable and out of my depth, I had a large baby and felt like she was constantly feeding. so I made the choice and was happy with it.
Your about to go through a huge life change, and you need to feel happy and enjoy your neew born. Go with your gut feeling. Good luck.

My DH was very pro-BF before we had DS and would've been disappointed if I hadn't BFed, although he wouldn't have been an arse about it. Once DS was born however he really struggled with seeing me miserable with sleep loss, mastitis blah blah and now wants to mixed feed the next one so he can help more at night. Firstly its up to you how you feed, because the most of the work of BFing will fall on you. Secondly if your SO really wants you to BF then he has to be 100% supportive of you in doing that. That means helping as much as he can with other aspects of baby care, helping with settling the baby at night to get you some extra sleep etc etc.

Wow what a debate I've been lurking can I just add breastfeeding is def personal choice but really not the ordeal that has been described, I breast fed my prem twins for 10 months did whilst out and about never once exposed boobs ( much to disappointment of pervy brother in law) plus although it was what I intended the neonatolagist and paediatric docs were positive it was far superior to formula unlike some of the midwives and my GP who paid lip service to the breast is best, Def your choice though not Dh's I also had Section at 34 weeks not by choice as was bloody painful but as you're going private your choice as not costing nhs and def not hubby's, but really think you have some strange ideas as you bang on about couple time whilst clearly at logger heads with your partner also mention previous depression but then state you will be back at work at 4 months after giving birth don't think that will help your already fragile mental health, not being mean just honest, also even if you really get on with your other half having a baby really tests your relationship and you do sound a bit like some of the teenage mums I used to work with who think having a baby will be the thing that magically repairs a flawed relationship, but hope things work out for you do you feel the rants posts on here have helped you have you shown other half?

My DD is 3 months today and I am in the process of giving up breastfeeding. DD has tongue tie and feeding has been a battle from day one. I never felt confident out and about or even with others in my house, I found it exhausting and DD wasn't putting on much weight (average 3oz a week). I ended up dreading her needing fed which is obviously not a good thing. We started giving a bottle at night but DD now won't breastfeed cz bottle is so much easier for her to suck. DH was supportive but still keen for DD to get breastmilk so she's having 3 EBM feeds and 3 FF a day. I think you have to do what's right for you otherwise you will end up resenting your partner. Good luck!

I really couldn't give a monkey's whether breastfeeding is the holy grail of motherhood. It's not for me.

I tried with dd and didn't like it and won't be doing it with ds due in 6 weeks time. I think when I was a first time mum I was really worried about the whole thing and felt I had somehow failed as a woman because I just didn't enjoy the experience or anything about it but this time as a second time mum I really don't care, I will just do what suits me.

Luckily dh is supportive of my decision and is looking forward to feeding ds himself as well :) but if he wasn't then I'm sorry but it's just tough titty (excuse the pun) - they're my boobs and I won't be getting them out just to please other people and society.

I think Posie is right in that the OP has very fixed ideas about parenting and is having difficulty accepting motherhood. Having a CS and FF don't make mums inferior but I wonder why the OP doesn't have a more laissez faire attitude. I know a mum who employed a nanny and went back to work at 6 weeks only to cry, leave work, sack nanny and then have a full year off before changing jobs.

OP.....You don't know how you are going to feel when the baby is born. You body will change whatever happens. You relationship with your partner will change.

TBH I think you should think hard about your issues with breastfeeding....body image, association with sexuality, abuse issues or whatever they are and if appropriate discuss them with DH so he has a better understanding of how you feel about it.

He probably feels the same as you do, your thinking why wont he just let me ff hes thinking why wont she just bf. You say Bfings not for you but its something you have never done so how could you know?
Maybe both write a list of pros and cons yes its your body but it is his child and he's just thinking he wants the best start.
Maybe agree to look into bf a bit more maybe go to a local bf group and see what made other mums want to bf might make you see it from a different side.
Also if you start bf you can switch to ff you cant go the other way. Who knows you might like it.

If you choose not to bf, thats your choice. It does annoy me when the old "ff and bm are equal" arguement is used to justify the decision though. (you dont need to justify it to random people btw but if you post it onto a forum you will be expected to).
Not breastfeeding carries increased risks to baby's health. This is a fact, its not nice to hear if you haven't bf but unfortunately that doesnt make it any less true. Just because your family were ff and healthy doesnt disprove the health implications of not being bf.
The pleural of anecdotes is NOT evidence.

Never had any pressure from OH either way - same with birth place etc. We discussed it in a 'I want to try this' kind of way. I find it odd that a partner would pressure you to do something that you're not comfortable with (whether it be breast or bottle).

Its not suprising that a father would rather that his baby was breastfed, as that is the best thing for the baby to have - they are hardly likely to want a baby to be ff everything else being equal. For you though, you have decided that everything else isnt equal, and that you want to ff. You DH is entitled to his opinion. He cant do a lot about it though, other than facilitate you feeling that you have enough time/energy if you are willing to go down that road.

I haven't read all the thread but I actually have (a less heated version of) the opposite problem. I am keen to breastfeed and my DP is a bit worried about it. He is French (lowest rate of breastfeeding in Western Europe), wasn't breastfed himself and worries that he will feel left out or excluded by the breastfeeding. It doesn't seem to be such an issue as it is for you, or at least not yet, as we haven't really argued about it. I have just tried to listen to his concerns and we plan to buy a machine to express milk so that he can sometimes do feeds. And in general with all the decisions about the baby we have agreed not to decide anything too dogmatically at this point but to see how things go. I would like to breastfeed but if it doesn't work out for us, then it doesn't; and even if it does, I am happy to try out a bit of a mixture if it helps him feel more involved. Your idea about expressing the colostrum at least seems like a good idea.

still, your logic is completely flawed, if ff didn't make a difference on the individual level then there wouldn't be a difference on the overall level either. Yes some children/babies don't seem to in the short term suffer any ill effects from it but you can't tell if that will be the case before hand or not.

. Also often the health benefits to the mother are overlooked to, reduced risk of ovarian and breast cancer. can bees significant erratically if ether is a family history.

Yes, but that could swing the other way too - many mothers suffer mental health problems due to the pressure of breast-feeding.

There is no evidence that bf is more likely to create pressure that results in mental health problems than not bf - obviously individuals may have individual experiences, but overall, there's no difference related to actual cause.

It's the same with physical effects, except that overall the health difference is clear. On an individual level you cannot predict the effects, however.

That's not the same as saying they are virtually the same in individuals.

You have to do what is right for you as well as your baby. Breastfeeding is only best when mum and baby are happy. Breastfeeding is a massive undertaking and you really have to want to do it otherwise you will end up resenting your partner and your baby.

I have three children. Our eldest is 11 and when he was born I had no idea about breastfeeding. I managed about 6 weeks and hated it so he went on to formula. I actually remember saying to my mum that i should be enjoying my baby and I wasn't so it was a no brainer for me. At 11 years old he isn't obese (far from it in fact) and he is a healthy, clever, happy boy with a very close bond to me. Our second child is now 6 and I breastfed him for 4 months, then he went on to formula. I was very certain I wanted to persevere with breast feeding second time around and got lots of help. In fact I regretted only feeding him until 4 months! However, he too has no health issues and is a total mummy's boy do ff really isn't the worst thing you can do! Our youngest is 6 months today and is entirely breastfed but I really wanted to do it and with the benefit of experience it has been (and still is) very rewarding. But it is demanding.

Is there any way you can reach some kind of compromise with your other half? Say you will try it perhaps but that he has to give you all the help and support you need (because you will definitely need it) and then at least he can't argue that you haven't tried it?? How about he talks to some women who have/are breastfeeding? I can assure you he will get some very honest opinions and he might also understand what you're up against and why you aren't keen. Hope you can find some middle ground x

Dont talk crap, of course theres a difference and there is tons of evidence to support it. Feel free to convince yourself otherwise if it makes you feel better