Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

Just to add, some people may have misunderstood my posts because I tend to use rooming in and co sleeping interchangeably. Sorry!!

Whatthehell - Please read the research about room sharing. Your last comment about baby monitors indicates that you don't understand the reasons for the recommendations on room sharing. It is not simply hearing your baby which is protective about SIDS. It is about physical proximity. A monitor does not give the same effect. As I have said, your baby, your decision. But please do it fully informed.

I think you have a rather rose-tinted view of motherhood and how your baby is going to impact on your life. I totally, 100% respect your decisions to make choices regarding your body but some of what you're saying is idealistic at best and I think perhaps you're setting yourself up for a major shock and/or disappointment.

You'lllaugh

Thanks! I will give the research another read. To clarify,I am aware that the baby should be in the same room in the early days, which he will be. Just not in our bed.

I'm unrealistic because I don't want to bf and co-sleep? Or because I want a section?

I'm sensing a distinct favour for attachment parenting here.....

Whatthehell - That's great . Basically they don't totally understand why room sharing is preventative, but SIDS risk peaks around four months, so it isn't just about 'early days'. One hypothesis is that hearing the breathing of an adult stops a baby falling into too deep a sleep, or also that hearing the adult close by helps the baby regulate its breathing.

Whatthehell - the baby is at highest risk of sids between 2 and 4 months, so that's when they need to be in your room (if you want to follow the advice). I think it's actually very rare for newborns to die of sids.

Having a monitor does not protect the baby at all.

Thanks for explaining YoullLaugh. :)

This thread attracts more loonies by the hour.

One minute the OP wants support in discussing parenting choices with her DH, the next she's a woman with no maternal instinct. I can almost hear the cries of "why are you having a baby then?!". Plenty of people are great at the attachment parenting and newborn phase, others can't wait to get the newborn/baby phase over with. It's hardly a crime that some people just don't enjoy giving birth and turning into lentil weavers.

I'm interested to know how the OP's DH intends to force/persuade his wife to BF.

natural baby

I think DH will continue to use shaming tactics for a while to come. When that doesn't work, he may resort to larry's wonderful suggestion of being a brat and refusing to change nappies or help with the baby to "teach me a lesson".

No worries Whatthehell - there's loads out there on the internet about the details. And of course lots of other theories about what causes SIDS. I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about it because I think that the information is so badly conveyed to people via standard channels. They just say 'recommended for six months' in a lot of cases.

wtf people!!! I go and do a bit of bloody housework thinking its all calmed down.....

Apologies, if I have misunderstood what you were saying. You appeared to be implying that from birth baby wouldn't be 'rooming in', not co-sleeping, and I took that to mean you weren't even going to have the baby in the same room as you, full stop; because it would impact on your time as a couple.

If that's not what you meant, then I of course apologise for reading it wrong.

God this thread really is showing parenting hysteria/snobbishness at its worst -Elcs or VB, breast or bottle, co-sleep or not,
Itll be baby led weaning v mush next

so we have someone who doesnt know the difference between an arse and a breast and someone who thinks because OP doesnt want to BF she cant possibly want a baby

I hope you're taking no notice of this OP. Its fine to have ideas of how you want to parent before the time comes, weve all had them. Some of the ideas are easy to stick to and some not so much, eg. like the co-sleeping / rooming in thing might just happen, it might not. Just say a massive "whatever" at this stage and worry about all that later on is my advice.

And FWIW breastfeeding doesnt turn everyone into knobs, just a few, although to be fair I think the inclination is already there somewhat, breastfeeding just eeeks it out of them

"God this thread really is showing parenting hysteria/snobbishness at its worst -Elcs or VB, breast or bottle, co-sleep or not,
Itll be baby led weaning v mush next "

I know, its got everything, I try to keep away but I keep coming back like chlamydia . May I take this opportunity to ask OP if she intends to claim benefits and use disabled parking spaces instead of P&T?

hairylemon that will teach you to do housework. Out of interest, did you do it because you wanted to or because you feel pressured by your partner?

OP, I support your decision wholeheartedly. I was a formula fed baby. I didn't even get any colostrum! My mother breast fed my other siblings but had her reasons not to try with me. Guess what, I'm a happy, healthy, well educated, successful professional. The idea of formula as poison is laughable.

I chose to BF my daughter but to be honest I've struggled. Still struggling in fact and my daughter is nearly 4 months old. I now give her one bottle of formula a day but she was EBF for 3 months. My relief when she finally took a bottle was palpable. I have really struggled with the concept of being the only one who could feed my baby and had I any real comprehension of how draining BF can be I wish I hadn't perservered sometimes. I think I may be mildly depressed as a result.I now see mixed feeding as the answer (for me) and am happy to keep going. Honestly though, I am counting down the months until I feel I can stop completely.

The whole experience makes me doubt if I'd want to breastfeed another child.

Anyway, I cannot really offer advice on how to make your husband to understand. Only to say that once the baby is here, both of your worlds will be turned upside down and you may surprise each other with how you deal with it. I wish you luck! Your baby will be absolutely fine on formula.

I can't believe the number of posts I've read saying "husband should have a say in how baby is fed" ie bf

If it were husband saying OP should FF and not BF we would have large bandwaggon saying "what has it got to do with him".

You mean the other way around?? And if the OP was making the 'best' decision for her baby of course the response would be different.

I got to say, I am impressed by OP still there despite some of the vitriol that has been poured. If you can take the crap some people throw at you, you sound well equipped for motherhood!

Knowitall

Nah he tried for about a minute to urge me to ff and then realised telling me what to do with my own breasts was futile.

WhattheHell,

"I think DH will continue to use shaming tactics for a while to come. When that doesn't work, he may resort to larry's wonderful suggestion of being a brat and refusing to change nappies or help with the baby to "teach me a lesson"."

That was not a suggestion, merely an example of one person presenting the other with a fait accompli and saying "fuck you, live with it", which is what you seem to be doing to your husband. This idea of an enormous distinction between decisions involving "your body" or not seems somewhat artificial. The thing is (realistically) your husband cannot say that he will breastfeed. Maybe he would if he could.

And this idea that "your marriage has to continue after you have the baby", seeming to imply that not a lot is going to change. Well, unless you are intending to get hot and cold running nannies, you are going to get a hell of a shock in a few months time!

Larry men can try to lactate. Would that be a compromise, for op to suggest he gives it a go?