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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

402 replies

WhatTheHellJustHappened · 24/04/2012 22:28

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

OP posts:
MakesCakesWhenStressed · 26/04/2012 20:06

Co-sleeping rather than sharing a room?

FirstLastEverything · 26/04/2012 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 26/04/2012 20:11

Maybe your DH wants to reduce your risk of ovarian and breast cancer?

Do you think?

any other little pro BF guilt tripping quips you'd like to add?

AmberLeaf · 26/04/2012 20:12

I have to say though using the threat of cancer is pretty low.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 26/04/2012 20:17

Whatthehell- You mean co-sleeping as in sleeping in the same bed as a baby? That finding is very controversial for lots of reasons that probably aren't worth going into in a lot of detail since you definitely don't want to share a bed (but mostly relate to lots of studies lumping unsafe and safe co-sleeping environments in together)- and actually co-sleeping is not recommended if you formula feed anyway. There is no evidence I am aware of that room sharing is anything other than positive.

AThingInYourLife · 26/04/2012 20:18

Well the threat of severe PND if the OP doesn't get told that breastfeeding is a load of shite has already been suggested for her husband.

HerrenatheHHHarridan · 26/04/2012 20:37

OP, I never had DS in our bed either - he was in a crib next to me.

I did try having him in the bed exactly once. It was not a good experience for any of us (he hated it, I hated it) and I also went on to have horrible nightmares where I'd wake up tearing the duvet off my bemused no-longer-sleeping DH because I was absolutely sure DS was under the duvet and had suffocated.

In fact whenever anyone touts co-sleeping (as in, baby in your bed) I tell them about those nightmares and they shut right up. Please feel free to borrow it as an anecdote Grin

HerrenatheHHHarridan · 26/04/2012 20:40

Hasty disclaimer: I know other people are happy co-sleeping and that's great, but if they come over all judgey about the fact I'm not doing it then they can fuck right off.

That goes for most mummy-related matters actually (assuming I'm not doing something really dumb like pureeing greggs sausage rolls for 10mo DS or something)!

choceyes · 26/04/2012 20:46

Your marriage doesn't have to be compromiswed because you bedshare. Not at all. My marriage is better than ever and our sex life is great. We have two small children that we still co-sleep with (part of the night anyway!).

Midori1999 · 26/04/2012 21:04

Whatthehell, ultimately, whether you BF or not is your choice, but I do think your DH's views should be considered. If he is behaving badly in trying to 'persuade' you to BF, then that is wrong and really about your relationship rather then BF v FF.

I do think though, from your posts, that you seem a bit misinformed about BF and maybe don't have a very clear picture of parenthood. A lot of what you describe (for example, being woken at all hours whilst trying to recover) applies to parenthood regardless of how you feed your baby. Also, you don't have to breastfeed for anys et durating like 6-8 months and the fact you plan to return to work after 6 months does not mean you cannot breastfeed at all if you decide you wanted to. Every breastfeed makes a difference to your baby and even if you only feed for a few days they will benefit from it. If you do decide to try it, you can stop at any time you like.

Of course, as I have said, it's your decision, but it should be an informed one and although as we live in a developed country the risks of FF aren't as great as in some parts of the world, they are still there and it's pointless denying it. If your only reason for not BF is simply because you don't want to, then that is fine.

Midori1999 · 26/04/2012 21:08

Oh, and cosleeping does not increase the risk of SIDS. In fact, it is thought it may decrease the risk of it, but it is not reccomended if you are not BF'ing because generally Mothers who BF are more 'in tune' with their babies during sleep and therefore not likely to overlay etc.

The problem is, SIDS deaths are categorised differently in different countries/areas and statistics do not seperate safe co-sleeping (eg. planned, in a bed, no duvet or pillows on or near the baby, baby next to Mum only on the outside etc) from other cosleeping (eg. not planned, on a sofa, duvet over the baby, baby in between Mum and dad etc)

MadameChinLegs · 26/04/2012 21:24

Nhs website states as a preventative method to the risk of SIDS to not cosleep at all. On phone so cant link but will ioce im on the laptop

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 26/04/2012 21:28

I'm not sure what advice you're referring to MadameChin- but this doesn't rule out bed-sharing, so if other advice does categorically advise against, they aren't consistent with themselves.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 26/04/2012 21:31

Just seen that this page does say not to, but it perhaps is intended as a cut down summary of the longer advice I first linked to - it's quicker to say 'don't' than say 'don't if x, y, z, a, b, c.

I guess it's all pretty off topic anyway, because the OP is only considering room sharing anyway, not bed sharing, and as a formula feeder she would be advised not to bed share anyway.

MadameChinLegs · 26/04/2012 21:45

Well, the first lunk says "the safest place for a baby to sleep is in a cot in the same room as you" so I find that pretty difinitive. However you are correct that this is all a moot point wrt to this thread.

MadameChinLegs · 26/04/2012 21:46

Link

MrsApplepants · 26/04/2012 21:50

Havent read the whole thread so hope im not repeating/ or butting in. I think this is a really difficult problem for the OP, as it is such an emotive issue, but as far as I can see, if OP doesn't want to bf, and is firmly decided on this and after having listened to and considered his opinions, she can only present her DP with two options, either he makes it into a huge deal which won't help anyone, or he can accept it, deal with it and move on, ie be a grown up. If I were in the OP's shoes, this is what I would tell DH, while of course reserving my right to entirely change my mind at any point

naturalbaby · 26/04/2012 21:53

Co-sleeping with a FF baby increases the risk of SIDS, it lowers the risks for BF babies or maybe EBF babies.

Good on you for getting a nanny and not dumping your poor baby in a nursery Wink

ceeveebee · 26/04/2012 23:46

whatthehell, I have been following your thread. I was in the opposite situation to you, in that I was determined to bf my twins, however within a few days I was under pressure from doctors to top up with formula due to difficulties with latching etc. My DH 'sided' with the medics and I was too hormonal and vulnerable to argue. For a few weeks I felt very resentful as my supply has never increased enough to cut the formula out. However now at 5 months I have two very happy thriving babies who are still mix fed and it works really well. I bf in the daytime and bottle feed in evenings. No running downstairs to get bottles ready first thing in the morning, and other people can give them feeds if I am not around. I also can whip out a boob if they get hungry and I don't have a bottle ready to stave off the cries, or in the very rare occasions that they wake at night with colds, teeth etc, or if they are refusing to nap. So I guess I think I have the best of both worlds. Bf is a good tool to have in your parenting kit! Worth giving it a go just for those benefits.

Btw the most recent available stats on bf (from 2005 so out of date I know) show that only 35% of women are ebf after one week, and only 3% of women are ebf at 5 months. It's really not that common to ebf for 6-8 months, and most women don't sustain it for that length of time.

metalelephant · 27/04/2012 08:45

naturalbaby, do you really find being offensive entertaining? You say "dumping your poor baby on a nursery" and follow that with a wink?

Is that because you are generally heartless or you don't understand emoticons? Shall I add a Wink now?

metalelephant · 27/04/2012 09:19

Sorry if I sound too snarky, I just hate nursery bashing with a smile - perhaps you didn't mean it like that, it's hard to convey emotions on the internet and we shouldn't get in fights really.

DialMforMummy · 27/04/2012 09:24

Naturalbaby I wish I could show you DS's nursery. It's ace!

HerrenatheHHHarridan · 27/04/2012 09:53

I get the impression naturalbaby was not being serious, in the spirit of comments made upthread about how your boobs will drop off if you don't breastfeed etc :)

hairylemon · 27/04/2012 10:09

They do drop off HHH, Ive seen it happen.

metalelephant · 27/04/2012 10:29

I do apologize then

here ya go naturalbaby Thanks

and a Biscuit for me

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