Page 21 | ^^Extraordinary breastfeeding - tonight on C4 ^^

bourneville · 01/02/2006 23:20

thing is, aloha, my dd is 2.6 and i would say it would feel very inappropriate to b'feed her now, but i wouldn't feel like that if I had been all along...
prob if i asked her if she wanted to suck mummy's tit she'd look at me like i was barking!
my point being, the question isn't necessarily a relevant one.

wantedmyboobsback · 01/02/2006 23:21

bourneville mine would be shouting boobies at the top of her voice thinking that it was the most amusing thing in the world she is 2.2

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 01/02/2006 23:22

bonbon - this was the part that describes it very well for me:

"or that for some the parental provider/survivor bond is more deeply set, and they are genetically comfortable with that provision of convenience, and perhaps enjoy some sort of ?grooming? impulse from it."

yes. that's it for me, precisely.

OP posts:

BonBon · 01/02/2006 23:22

Don?t get me wrong ? I agree that having a girl listening to The Artic Monkeys in one ear and hanging off ones Earnest at the same time is more than pigeon than pie.

My point is that dear old BBC3 should be able to find more valuable insights into the challenges of parenthood than the odd obscurity who opts to swap a nipple for a diary-lee slice.

bourneville · 01/02/2006 23:22

yeah wanted, i know it did her no harm it did her loads of good. when we changed her cot to a bed she was up out of it again and i wound up having to tie a rope to the door handle so she couldn't get out (but she could still see out, so she wasn't left locked in and in the dark iyswim). i wouldn't've been able to do that if i had been trying to teach her to sleep this late. i can do it now because I know that she understands what bedtime is for and that she's not getting out of bed because she's insecure or afraid, but because she's testing my limits and wanting to play games.

sorry again for the digression

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 01/02/2006 23:23

bonbon are you sure you are new? you seem right at home

OP posts:

hercules · 01/02/2006 23:24

No, I wouldnt. Nor would I bf an 8 year old. However I did bf a just turned 4 year old and I know that gets slated.

I wouldnt just start feeding a 4 year old as that would feel wrong. I wont bf dd until this age as I dont want to.

I hate the word "normal" and although I think she's looney, I dont think for one moment she's a bad parent. I see very little positive things about feeding a child that age, if any, but dont think it makes her a freak because she thinks it's okay and I dont.

If she continued to feed an 8 year old even if the child wanted to then, yes, I would be concerned as puberty can start soon after.

BonBon · 01/02/2006 23:29

Bingo Hercules. Damn tooting.

It?s not about how the Mother or Child feels. It is about understanding the point at which the wider social norms take precedent and being an smart parent thereafter.

Cristina7 · 01/02/2006 23:36

I really liked the programme. Much more "mainstream" than I thought it'd be.

Kirsty of Little Angels was lovely, articulate, cheerful.

Dolores came across as v sensitive and loving. She must be such a great mum to her children.

The woman from Bath - I was pleased for her older children that they'd get some more time with their mummy.

Veronica - i liked her a lot. I felt uncomfortable seeing her daughter breastfeeding, just because of the size, but the mum came across as a v nice, warm, woman.

Any places left on the calendar? I'm BF my 11 month old (nothing compared to others, I know, but v long for us).

emkana · 01/02/2006 23:43

I was surprised by the programme in a positive way, not so much "freak show" as I had feared.

What I found disappointing though was that they showed women who all seemed not to have moved on from demand-feeding with the increasing age of their children. This I feel is not a good idea, whereas to continue breastfeeding is a great idea IMHO for as long as mother and child wish. But I think with increasing age children can and should learn that they can't have what they want whenever and wherever they want. When my daughters were coming up for two years of age I started to introduce more and more rules as to when they could b/feed - and they were quite happy to go along with that. dd1 then stopped of her own accord at 2 years 4 months, dd2 who is two and a half is still feeding at bedtime, which I will keep up for the time being because it is lovely.
The children in the programme all seemed to be allowed to feed whenever they felt like it - I don't think that's the norm for "extended" breastfeeders.

emkana · 01/02/2006 23:43

Actually I might start another thread on this!

Cristina7 · 01/02/2006 23:46

I agree with you Emkana. They could have showed a twice a day BF 2 year old too.

fastasleep · 02/02/2006 00:04

I've missed loads of this thread again but wanted to say I really liked the programme, it showed 'extended' breastfeeding to be a loving natural thing

Would still love to see the older girls out there and functioning in the real world before I completely made my opinion, can't see how they're peers would handle their whole stance on it...

fastasleep · 02/02/2006 00:12

It actually made me feel really guilty I tried DD (yet again!) and she just didn't get it... sigh I might try DS! He's been looking awfully interested since I started expressing... he walks up to me and sticks his tongue out hopefully.... lol... I bet he'd just blow a raspberry and I'd burst into tears yet again at being unable to feed either of them properly! Argh!

threelittlebabies · 02/02/2006 00:24

Oh fastasleep please don't feel sad or guilty, there's no need. You are heroic in my opinion for cracking on with the expressing with 2 children to look after. How old are dd and ds?

tiktok · 02/02/2006 00:57

I enjoyed the programme - it didn't sensationalise and just let people talk for themselves.

Cumbrian late weaners were not mainstream at all, and I didn't warm to either of the daughters' personalities, but the husband feeding was said as a joke, I thought....the family were secure and serene, and minding their own biz. I think the most suspect thing about them was agreeing to be on tv in the first place. Why do people do that?

Adoptive mummy was genuine (I rather got the impresh that the whole idea - bf for ages and adopt a Chinese baby and bf her - was mummy's and daddy just went along with whatever she wanted) but a teensy bit pushy with the little tot...nothing harmful though and she backed off when she had to.

I thought the Little Angels lot were great - just nice, funny, warm-hearted girls with kind hearts and principles.

Horrible vox pops people - it was hilarious seeing burberry man come out with his peedofiddly accusations. Tw*t.

tiktok · 02/02/2006 01:01

fastasleep - how about renaming your feeling, if it will help?

Why would you feel guilty? You haven't done anything to blame yourself for....quite the opposite.

Is it not that you are sad ...you see someone having an experience you long for, and this makes you sad? That's understandable. But it's a bit daft to feel you are somehow at fault

You may always feel a bit sad, but in time it won't be as acute...and I hope you'll know that 'guilt' is not the 'right' feeling.

Levanna · 02/02/2006 02:22

Absolutely PMSL @ the reactions to the father who possibly had a slurp or two.

I think it was tongue in cheek but if he did swallow some breastmilk during sex (which FWIW is the impression I got) then I for one don't believe it's all that uncommon.

Not forgetting many women have been known to swallow worse, much worse during sex! ...(and that's not even a foodstuff FFS!)

Geddoverit!

I thought they were all great. I cried for the twins and their mum when she gave up. It struck me that her reasons for giving up weren't necessarily hers. (Insert her partners weighted comment re their relationship.... oh, the commitment! Not.) And I have great sympathy for her as I've experienced, as have many of us, that when the end of breastfeeding precedes our acceptance of it, it's gut wrenchingly painful.

I thought the adoptive mum may have been trying a little hard but with the very best of intentions.

I thought the active pro and supportive group, little angels, were angels! Got some worthy and pertinant points across.

Seeing the breastfeeding 8 year old pleasantly surprised me. I felt more accepting of it than I did prior to watching the programme. I felt sad for the older child in the family who felt it unfair. Not quite sure why one stopped at 5 but the other continued so long, the older chid seemde to be suffering hurt and confusion over that.

Overall would have hoped for some challenge of some of the comments made throughout the program, by those that disliked breastfeeding in public.

FAS, you aren't alone in feeling as you do. My immediate thought after watching was that I was going to see if either of my DD's fancied resuming feeding!
I had an awful time feeding DD1 and though we struggled on for 14 months, her weight deteriorated and she hasn't really picked up to this day. Our first 14 months together were bonded through shared tears and misery. I felt horrendous guilt for a long time.
Please feel proud of what you are acheiving, expressing long term is no mean feat and one which many wouldn't or couldn't manage. Good on ye!

Filyjonk · 02/02/2006 06:59

This program actually made me sad I didn't bf ds for longer (to 14 m-then pg with dd and sheer agony made me give up). . Really hope to bf dd for longer. Unless we have more babies, of course .

Think program just shows that extended bf itself is completely normal, but that some famlies who practice it are a bit cranky. But hey, whats a crank? A nut that causes a revolution. We need the cranks.

(off to knit some muesli).

marytee · 02/02/2006 07:45

Found the scenes with the adpotive mother really dificult. Maybe the editing, but she seemed far too preoccupied with getting her daughter to breastfeed. Didn't see her as sensitive at all, i thought it took ages for her to pick up on the little girls lack of interest . She did do eventually though. More important things than breastfeeding in this kind of situation, IMO. Made me feel far more uncomfy than the 8 year old.

Thought kirsty was fab. Wonder if she's a mumsnetter? Kirsty are you out there?

FairyMum · 02/02/2006 07:53

I thought the interview with the man in the burberry hat who talked about "pedlofidlia" was great!

SoupDragon · 02/02/2006 08:09

I only saw a very short snapshot of this whilst setting the video for Desperate Housewives (so forgive me if I missed something) but that 8 year old displayed all the traits of not wanting to grow up and behaving like a spoilt brat. She disagreed with her mother that she was a "big girl", claimed that she was not, in fact, forgetting how to do it and that her mother was wrong.

This is not, IMO normal.

Cristina7 · 02/02/2006 08:15

Levanna, the husband wasn't having a slurp during sex, unless they had their daughter on the other boob during sex too. She said they'd be both on at the same time.

Levanna · 02/02/2006 08:18

Christina, I honestly didn't pick that up in what they were saying

If he was doing so when the little ones were then yes, I'd find it strange.

SD, the same did strike me about the 8 year old. It did come over as brattish but TBH, I was far worse when my comforter (cuddly toy I'd had since infancy) was taken away and I was a little older than 8.

bourneville · 02/02/2006 08:34

emkana, well put re demand feeding being the issue. I couldn't place why I felt uncomfortable about it other than the invasion of the mother's space, but that's exactly it.

Levanna -I also have to say, I don't know what is wrong with the mother taking into account what her dh says/needs too. Their relationship is just as important, surely, and the father is equally a parent? If mothers always completely ignored how their dhs felt and what the relationships needed, the dh would feel completely isolated and alienated - and the relationship would surely go down the pan. Obviously i'm talking within reason here. I know b'feeding is an extremely emotional thing and is only for mother & child and mother shouldn't be forced to stop or forced to b'feed against her will, but...... well, there were other options for the parents of the twins as we've all agreed, weren't there? Compromise and all that. But a dh's opinions shouldn't be completely ignored.
I have a boyf not dd's dad who i have been with since pg, and there are certain things i took into consideration when with him. I didn't mind b'feeding in public, for eg but he hated it so i never did it when with him. I think that's being respectful of his feelings, rather than ... well, ykwim. although fwiw if he had wanted me to give up bf sooner than i wanted to i wouldn't've! Would've been harder to argue if he was my dh though - on the other hand, perhaps i would've been stronger arguing against him if he had been dad!

I also agree with marytee. I did feel uncomfortable about the 8 yr old, but equally uncomfortable watching the adoptive mother trying to get her dd to b'feed. Glad she did give up (if she did). But I also agree she was a very warm, loving woman. I did also feel there may have been more in it for her than for the children - a need to feel needed iykwim.