High-Need Baby Support Thread II

[tickleme63]

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

Monty worked his magic. Asleep. For now. I predict I've got 20 mins max to down a glass of wine.

Sorry you're going through it as well LWL.

for Queen, for LWL...

Ah sod it, for all :)

Hi, are newcomers welcome?

I have a 6 month old DS who I love with all my heart but is so difficult! He is unbelievably clingy, screams extremely loudly and frequently, can't self settle, won't sleep on his own so is in our bed, wakes at 2 hourly intervals throughout the night and needs to be bf'd back to sleep until 4am when he decides he wants to wake up and cry or kick me. He then usually refuses to go back to sleep again until about 5.30am. I can't get him into a routine because every day with him is completely different.

I try and go to mums and baby's groups but always have to leave in a hurry due to his meltdowns, it depresses me watching all these other mums with their chilled out little bundles and I feel so rubbish. I don't think I do anything different to them so why is my boy such hard work! Its hard enough keeping him from getting upset himself but he also gets distressed if he hears another baby cry and normally out does them.

How do I get him to self soothe, should I let him cry more? When will this get easier? Is this his personality? it worries me that he is just going to whinge and cry all the way through childhood.

Sorry, That wasn't meant to be so long!

Oh puddle, you're so lovely. Thank you. S'not the wine talking

Wow it's moved on here a bit since this morning. I've come home to see my Mum for the weekend as DH is still working. She was bathing DS when he decided to tjrown up everywhere. Luckily he was in the bath. He then proceeded to throw up for the next couple of hours. I've been trying to feed little and often as long feeds lead to more puke! My mum has only just moved house too (2 days ago) and has put two loads of washing on for us tonight!

Joy. He's asleep again now but getting him there without giving him lots of boob was a challenge!

I now can't sleep though. Joy!

Queen - repeat after me, you are not a crap mum.

Strawberry - welcome you've come to the right place

Joyful - hope you're managing some sleep

Everyone else hope you have a good night.

Thanks. I've read the Dr Sears website, DS definitely has most, if not all, of the characteristics. I found it a relief that such experienced parents could have problems with a high needs baby as I was starting to feel like maybe it was just me letting him down. When he starts getting fractious well meaning friends/family make comments like "he just wants to be left alone on his mat for a bit" or "why don't you put him down for a nap in his cot". I would love to do both of those things but I know they result in hysterical screaming. I should add that, despite all my moaning on here, he can be a gorgeous, funny and engaging little thing.

Joyful - you cheered me up that your DD has grown into an independent toddler. However I was hoping that if I was to have a second I would be 'due' an easy one. Doesn't it work like that?! Is it bad of me that Im wishing that a couple of my friends with angel babies who never so much as whimper get a taste of a high needs baby next time round!

Anyway, I've got him back off to sleep after the 3rd waking of the night so am going to try and grab some myself. Weirdly, even though I'm knackered, I'm finding it hard to drop off even when he is asleep, I think it's too hard to relax knowing I'm on the countdown to the next wake up. Hope you're evening isn't too bad.

queen... you are an amazing mum. i was thinking of you last night...how did the rest of your night go?

Titania i hope you are ok after yesterdays events and that today will be much better, i hope you got some sleep in the end.

strawberry, hi and welcome, sorry you are going through a hard time with your baby. its hard not to compare to other babies but its the worst thing we can do...try to even see some things about YOUR baby that you don't see in others and try to think of that at times when your is more HN and exhausting. at times i would love a nice placid chilled out baby but then i try to say oh my baby is just so curious and intelligent she can't settle as she is so alert and wants to see everything! i know its silly,... but i just try to talk to myself like this to help myself feel better.

i have someone staying with me this weekend. tbh, i just would prefer if they weren't so i could look after dd without worrying about anyone else. it means dh will have to sleep not in the spare room but on the sofa which he isn't impressed about. and i don't really like people watching my parenting...but i will just go with it, plan things to do, and can relax on monday. hopefully we can have a goodish time.

i am not sure if we are setting ourselves up for problems later - but we gave dd an extra dreamfeed last night at 10.30. she has 2 now, which helped her sleep better later....but this is only encouraging her habit of feeding more during the night than day is it not? i am beyond caring! if this works, as she grows it can surely be dropped later?

sorry for mammoth post hugs to all coffee here waiting for u with extra shots and sugar xx

Rest of the night got worse. He's not kept anything down since lunch yesterday. Currently at A&E as he's getting dehydrated. He throws up everytime I give him bm so we've been syringing 5ml of water into him at a time but he can't even keep that down. They're going to put him on a drip. Just so glad I'm with my mum!!

titania, that's just awful!! It's very hard seeing them hooked up to a drip, dc1 was on one as a baby and it's heartbreaking, but it's what's needed- sorry your baby is so poorly!! Makes us all realise that it's their health that matters most, and not really our sleep.

Welcome Strawberry, you sound like you've got things sussed!! We all in same (sinking) boat lol!!!

Jan I totally get where u are coming from too!! I'm always doing that

Fwiw, the last 2 nights haven't been just as good, but not really bad either. It's hard to stick to tactics at the wee small hours, but we are trying. He's been up now from 6, so getting tired- gonna try a nap.

Hope all poorly babies get better soon

Queen, be kinder to yourself. I think we've all had those days, especially recently, as its so relentless! Cling to the good couple of nights, and they will come back. Accept things and go with flow, or try some sleep training- its up to you, but don't be so hard on yourself, you are an amazing person and mother

Oh no Titania, hope he improves soon. It must be horrible being in hospital with him :( hope you're ok.

Jan - I feel uncomfortable when people are over too. My family are ok but other people don't understand why I don't put him down or pass him around the room!

DS has decided that he's going to feed every 2 hours again, perfect timing for me going back to work on Wednesday :( his top teeth are shredding my right nipple to pieces as well despite careful positioning - I bought some nipple shields yesterday to see if they help. I'm so tired, I should be rested from our holiday but I just found it stressful tbh! At least DP is helping out so I get a break to mumsnet this morning.

Oh Titania :( I hope you get to the bottom of it today, poor little mite. It's just awful when they are poorly. Sending you both hugs x

Hi Spanner - how was your holiday?

Oh Titania, here I am mithering about sleep and you've got real problems. Hope you're ok. He is in the best place now. Hugs.

DS went down at 9, then one quick resettle at about 10. I was knackered but needed a break away from him so sat up til 11. DH came home then and was wonderful. He said we are going to sort out the spare room today, carpet it with mattresses so we can all be in there together. He said then if DS wakes he can bumble around there without hurting himself. DS woke at 6. I took him through to DH who got up immediately with him. I then woke up at 10am to find DH has taken him out on the train to London for the day. So I'm baby free for a few hours! Think DH must have realised I was nearing the end of my tether.

Thank you so much for all your support last night, it helped keep me sane knowing there were others out there who understand.

Welcome Strawbs, I bloody love this quiche, hope you find it helpful.

Someone shoot me. I'm sitting here pining for DS. What is wrong with me?!!!

Queen nothing is wrong with you. You're a Mum. Go for a wander it'll stop you pondering!!

I'm sat in a hospital with a poorly babe. No drip yet as he's kept down some fluids. He just wants milk, but every time I feed him he's sick. He's knackered too. Poor boy. Thanks for all your messages. You're all fab.

I'm sure some of your milk is staying in and helping him - doesn't the body start using it up straight away (hence why they are always so bloody hungry) so a little bit will be getting through. Remember he'll be feeding for comfort and reassurance from his lovely mummy too, which is just as important. Sending you and your boy lots of love.

Queen, why don't you take yourself off somewhere?? A swim, massage, facial- some me time would be great for you! DO NOT start cleaning.

Titania, maybe drip can be overted after all? Hope so. Keep on doing what you are, it's obviously doing some good.
My ds has just started vomiting now too. But he's a happy vomiter!!! Usual exploring wee self, so I'm finding vomit in cupboards and drawers... Think I'll limit the solids and just bf for now though, hope for the best.

No drip at the mo, hope it stays that way. The prob I'm having at the mo is that they're really against me feeding him. Just want him to have diarolyte & water. He's starving and wants boob and I'm really sore. Normally I'd ignore but last time I fed he threw up everywhere and I'd feel guilty if that happened again as it seemed to start him off vomiting really frequently and then he was just retching on an empty stomach. He's kept the water we've been giving him down for 3 hours now. But the doctor won't even come to see us til 5. Arggh. I hate hospitals it's why I had DS at home. I sound really ungrateful, I know lots of countries don't have our facilities. I'm n
not ungrateful just tired & frustrated!

They've found me a breast-pump. Thank god!

Holiday wasn't the best - DS picked up a virus and had a really high temperature for the first half, and the weather wasn't very good for the rest. Plus we got caught up in the Spanish strike on the way home so had to spend about 8hrs hanging round the airport - but DS had a 2hr nap in the pushchair for the first time ever so it could have been much worse!

We purposely booked a hotel with an onside nursery and paid for a block of sessions but he was too poorly to go in, plus he decided he could only sleep on me so I don't feel like I've had a break at all.

Titania thinking of you and your DS and hope he's turned a corner

Queen when I'm with DS sometimes I long for my mum or DP to take him so I can have time to myself, but then when he's not there I miss him terribly!