High need baby support thread

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Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

Oh Queen, I know what you mean love. I worry about DS all the time - he's not rolled over yet and has only recently started reaching for things. I say, sod the books - they don't know our little ones, who will develop, learn and grow when they are good and ready :)

Just had a lovely chat with DH who told me off for worrying about DS and comparing him to others.

He then said 'even if he turns out to be ASD he'll be the most loved and supported little boy with ASD in the whole bloody world. We'll be pushy middle class parents the whole way.'

I knew I married him for a reason!

Funny, my ds (6.5mo) babbled (da da, ba ba) for a few days a while back, then stopped. Now he shouts and squeals alot in excitement. Giggles lots too! Rolled once in his life off the bed , and never again. But he has been sitting unaided from 5 months. I truely believe that all babies focus on one thing at a time. He has now discovered his right hand. Looks intently at it moving, and he mimicks a wave in his own way.

Ladies, I am struggling. Being back at work is really taking its toll, ds is reverse cycling, only taking 3oz ebm while i'm at work, and feeding most of the night. Girls at work (who are fab) are telling me to have a word with my manager (who has no kids), and I really don't want to cause a fuss, but I'm just soo tired. I'm covered by policies etc, but don't know anyone who has used them. Maybe just having a bad day today, but its hard!

I think we all do it queen, it's our nature and also a bit of a product of information being so readily available - it's too easy to get overloaded!

mampig you won't be causing a fuss at work if you just have a quiet word, got to be worth a try, right? I'm not surprised your knackered though you poor thing, it sounds exhausting. You should definitely see what work can do before you reach any kind of breaking point, you might be pleasantly surprised what they can come up with to help.

In the mean time, caffeine and cake is the temporary answer

*you're. Not your! It's early!

Urgh. I feel shit today. Perhaps its hormones, kinda feels like it, but I've been teary all morning. A not great night last night didn't help. I ended up getting covered in milk last night so asked DP if he would have DS this morning at 6 while I showered. DP wanted to stay in bed longer but said he would get up in time so I could have one before he left for work. He did but it was a very quick shower as he left it so bloody late so he could get an extra 30 mins in bed. It drives me mad that he gets a choice, to have extra time in bed, to shower when he likes, to make a quick sandwich, to watch some telly program, whatever, but I never get that choice. It all revolves around DS, his needs come first.

So then in the shower I got to thinking. We have been planning to ttc again quite soon. But as time has gone on I'm feeling less sure about it being so soon. DS won't sleep on his own, or through the night, he demands all this attention. How on earth will I be able to manage with 2? From a practical perspective we can't manage it with DS still in our bed! DP seems to think it will all just fall into place before the next one comes, and it might, but what if it doesn't? I'd be left with no choice but to 'force' things like sleeping arrangements on the DCs, something which I've wanted to avoid.

I'm so conflicted. I can't bear the thought of depriving DS of what he needs.

I'm rambling, sorry, but I'm just so confused as to how I feel. I did speak to DP this morning about it but the timing was hardly good with him heading out the door. He wasn't much help. I think some positive feedback from him sometimes wouldn't go amiss though.

Sorry ladies, not sure what I'm trying to say or what I'm looking for advice on. Think I just need a little vent.

Vent away. I'm with you though - my DH doesn't fully get how demanding it is. He comes in from work and it's "I'm just going to the toilet". Then he hangs up his work clothes all neatly and gets changed, empties his bag etc. It's so unfair because he doesn't think that maybe I would like ten minutes to, I don't know, maybe run a brush through my hair or go to the toilet without hearing DS scream to be held.

The other day we decided to go out in the car. I said 'right, we have to leave now because DS needs a nap and THIS is the window or he'll scream the whole way'. DH - 'ok, just want to wait until the washing machine has finished so I can hang my shirts out to dry.' Errrrr, that will not work!

What I find equally frustrating is that I completely doubt myself in situations like that. I know DS and I know he won't wait 20mins. But when DH says 'he'll be fine' I say 'ok, maybe you're right'. Then he cries and I get angry with myself for not sticking to my guns.

Ooh that vent was quite therapeutic. Thanks for listening!

Oh and DH also wants to TTC DC2 this year. I just looked at him and said 'fine, but which one of us is going to hold DS while we DTD?'

Aww Jen

I know exactly what you mean. I'm lucky in that DH is a massive source of support, but I do envy the... I guess 'freedom' he has - I know he'd rather be here with us than work, but it must on some level be nice to be able to get up, get showered, help get DS ready and then leave for work and have that time away from it all. I know that time for me will come soon, and probably as it gets closer ill dread the thought of it, but sometimes I just feel like I want a bit of structure back to my life, rather than the current 'groundhog day' of feeding, changing, battling for naps, aimless walks and occasional groups.

Ohh... I ended up ranting as well, sorry... Maybe try another chat with DH when you have a bit more time to really talk? Maybe he doesn't quite realise how precious half an hour in the shower is to a mum who is on the go literally all day trying to meet a high-need baby's needs. You put DS's needs before yours all the time, maybe DH could put yours ahead of his when you really need something like a decent shower, or whatever.

I know that, for us, we won't be TTC again anytime soon. In fact there'll probably be 3 years or so between our bubs. I never thought id find it all quite so tough. Our priority is to give DS our full attention throughout his first 3 years and then think about a brother or sister. I'd quite like a little bit of sleep before we have another bundle of joy!

Gah, baby whining, gotta dash - just wanted to send you hugs!

I'm so glad the ttc conversation will never again be had in this house!

Hugs to all - sounds like they're needed.

Oh, and also, think ds is having a reaction to the wheat in the rusks. Gah!

Oh and Mam I hope things get better for you lady, that all sounds sooo knackering :(

Oh thank you girls, you lot are always so understanding! It makes a really big difference

DS has been a narky pants all day. I swear to god I don't know what I'd for without my sling, going out for a bit is the only thing that sorts him out at the moment. We started our first Sing & Sign class today as well, DS enjoyed the first half but it didn't fall too well with his naps so was pretty narky by the end as he was tired. I think he'll like it though!

Hope you've had good days!

I should add that DP came home having thought about what I'd said and he's now busy beavering away downstairs with housework to make amends bless him.

Bless :) That's a good start. Sing and Sign sounds fun! I was meant to be doing Baby Sign at the childrens centre local to where we lived when DS was born... Must see if I can find somewhere near where we are now. Hubby's been teaching me a bit of makaton, finding it fascinating!

I took my wee man out for a proper walk in my babyhawk for the first time today (have worn in round the block and around the house) - walked through our local park and nature reserve, was really lovely and DS had a little nap too. My god is he getting heavy though. Weighing him tomorrow.

Glad you're feeling better Jen :)

Well, not the worst of nights, although DS was really disinterested in solid food yesterday and predictably he woke more often for milk feeds as a result. But it was relatively ok.

More exciting though was he stayed upstairs on his own after me feeding him to sleep and sneaking away for 2 and a quarter hours!! That is a record by a loooong way, so I got a bit of an adult evening for once!

I actually ended up going up before he woke up as I was knackered, although I probably should have waited to see how long he would go on his own. He woke about 15 mins after I went up, for a feed, but who knows, he might have stayed longer if I hadn't gone up there with that milky aroma

A good night here if slightly out of sync with mine! DS slept from 8-3 then slept again til 5 when he woke up the biggest grump alive. Thankfully, dd2 came to fetch him at 6 when she got up and left me to sleep til 7! She really can be the sweetest girl. So I feel quite human now.

I'm beginning to get a bit impatient about our appt on Monday with the paed&dietician. I'm going to request that we start full allergy screeing with him. Because he's reacting to so many things it's making me a bit nervous about what will happen next when I'm trying egg etc.

Aw, your dd2 sounds gorgeous buttonmoon. How old is she? Wish I had a little helper!

Just catching up on the posts of the last few days. Queen I really understand what you mean about doubting yourself. We were out over Christmas and I said I'll need to feed DS before we leave. DH says he'll be fine feed him when we get back. Then of course we get stuck in traffic - cue a screaming DS. We had to pull over in the end! I stick to my guns now.

Jen - I feel like my DH doesn't really get it either. When I'm really shattered though I make him take DS for a walk so I can catch up on sleep - would he do that for you this weekend?

I've had a lovely couple of days here really ( although sleep has been awful). My mum came up and has had DS the whole time ( just giving him back for milk and at bed time). He will go to other people so I took full advantage. DH and I even managed to sneak out for a quick drink - neither of us were really up for it but we couldn't pass up the opportunity. The house is the cleanest it's been in months.

I've decided to make a concerted effort to get DS into his cot next week. DH has some time off in between projects so can help. DH is in the spare room at the mo as he's been working long hours and driving lots and I would like to start sharing a bed with him again rather than DS! Plus I really don't think it'll be long before DS is crawling (he can shuffle backwards and move to the side, but forwards eludes him so far, much to his (vocal) frustration). I've been reading no cry sleep solution and have a plan! It may fail spectacularly but I can hope - wish me luck. I realise it may mean less sleep if he still wakes as frequently but we'll see.

DH is adamant that we're only having one - I always thought I'd want two - but now I'm thinking one might be enough!

Have a great day everyone and a good weekend.

Mam I hope you get some rest over the weekend and Button I hope all goes well on Monday.

Queen - I still do the doubting myself thing with DS2. His cries don't upset DH as much as they upset me (it was/is the same with DS1) - to me it's almost a physical reaction and I have to do something to make it stop NOW - whereas with DH it is upsetting but not quite so upsetting.

We've just started potty training DS2

DS1 was really really unsettled from 2.45am onwards - didn't really go back to sleep. Very very tired.

Hoping to exchange contracts on our houses today - too much going on!

Bicnod - that's the same here. The crying goes right through me, but DH appears more immune!

DS2 was unsettled. Brain is melting.

Titania - xposts - I thought I'd be more immune second time round but nope - still makes me feel like someone's reaching into my chest and ripping out my heart

Know exactly what you mean! It's that feeling exactly bicnod, a very accurate description, so not dramatic! DS was constipated yesterday and crying lots, DH was cuddling him and wouldn't hand him back over to me. I felt like time had stood still and just wanted to rip my hair out! I would have done anything to stop it. Isn't mother nature clever?!

Am debating whether to cut my NCT crowd loose. Met up twice this week and each time came away feeling absolutely useless and failing as a mum. Kind of defeats the point of seeing them really - they aren't supportive. They are competitive. They want to prove their child is developing quicker and better and if I moan about DS they just look smug that their child is behaving well. But, if I don't see them I won't see anyone!

Ugh, hate people like that Queen, it's not a bleeding competition!

I wonder if we all live too far apart to found a club for high-needers, no smug allowed :)

Just had my little monkey weighed, he's 18lb 6.5oz now, following the 75th. Bit worried about him today though, he seems a bit more subdued than normal, and is a bit throaty, bless him. He's been back to every 2 hours last couple of nights - hoping that it's the 6 month growth spurt... I can't quite believe that we've had 6 months of broken sleep without an end in sight (it seems). I can't imagine him ever sleeping through