High need baby support thread

[LittleWaveyLines]

Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

It's really interesting to hear others point of view. We co-sleep (which I was adamant I wouldn't do - but I needed some sleep). I keep feeling like I'm cheating/ being lazy by not getting him into a routine - that he should be in his room, his cot and that I'm making one of those dreaded rods.

However I'm lucky in that I don't have to go back to work until DS is a year so for the time being I'm putting off the "routine".

I tried to do a set bed time and I spent hours trying to get him to sleep when he didnt want to. DH doesn't get home until late so now we just wait until DS is looking sleepy and then he goes to bed, that way DH sees DS and I don't spend the whole eve stressing because he's not doing what he's supposed to. I accept tho' that I'll feel totally differently when I'm back at work!

On another note, had a lovely day at the German market. A lovely mum sat down next to me in the coffee shop to feed her 9-day old little newborn! So so cute! I was also offered a seat on the train on the way home which was nice.

DS has been pretty chilled all day - wonder if this spells disaster for this eve!

What's even more interesting is today's analytical armadillo blog is all about high needs babies and suggest that they might actually benefit from a routine!

Eau you are right, and carrot I do accept that is your opinion. The more I read the more torn I am tbh and we as mothers are not supposed to be bringing home the bacon-in evolutionary terms. But such is life these days. I still intend to co-sleep as necessary and do everything else on demand or need, but I feel that I should at least try to get him down at a good time at night. As it is he feeds 2 hrly even at night, but for sanity sake, I might be selfish, but I need to feel like I'm not creating a 'rod' .

There- I've said it

Btw Carrot, I'd be interested in your advice on this subject- genuinely. What do you think I should do? And if I do nothing but keep things as they are, and follow ds lead, when could I expect things to settle into their own routine?
I'm so stressed thinking about what to do for the best!!

There is a study, I forget the names but I'll dig it out for you, that although BF babies wake up more frequently on average, parents that BF and co-sleep end up getting more sleep than any other kind of feeding/sleeping combination. I think a lot of times breastfeeding and co-sleeping are blamed for lack of sleep when the main cause of lack of sleep is having a baby

Wow - have problem with the internet for a bit - and have to read a whole book!

I must admit I never intended to go down the whole cosleeping babywearing route (and my DM heartily disapproves - rods for backs etc) but that is what this baby needs, so/....

The one bit of routine we've got with DS is bath/feed/bed which usually happens between about 5.30 and 7.30 depending on when he gets narky tired. He's always been quite good at letting me know when he wants to go to bed. The bedtime ritual has worked really well for us; when DS gets tired in the evening he pretty much always chills out when he hears the bath running, almost as if it's a relief cos he knows it's bedtime soon! I feed him the first boob downstairs, and if he's still awake do the second in bed upstairs. 9 times out of 10 he'll fall asleep on the boob, the rest of the time he only needs maybe 5 mins of rocking before he goes off.

I don't know whether it's the routine that's made settling him easy (it's not so easy for naps), or whether he'd do it anyway, but it does make our evenings reasonably predictable at least.

My bed guard arrived today, so I'm going to start trying to get him to sleep on the mattress instead of me! I think I'll start with a nap or two first and see what happens...

Ah great- hope that works fir uu!!! I suppose what I'm really worried about is when I'm not there iykwim? I'd like to have things fairly predictable for when cm starts. In my head at least if he goes down easily for naps during the day, then he will be rested and happy, and cm won't quit. So I might be wrong in thinking if I can get him self settling at night, it will happen during the day?? Who knows- you wouldnt think this was my fourth!!!! Others weren't as needy

Yeah, I can understand wanting to sort it out for a cm - the thought of that alone makes me feel like I can't go back to work! How do you get him down for naps now? Boob?

Perhaps you can do a little nap 'ritual' which DS will know means sleepy time. I think that might be one of the things the no cry sleep solution says actually. Or was it the baby whisperer? Ach, I've read too many things, I get them all confused. Damn mummy brain!

Ello ladies, hoping for a better night for us all tonight!

My lovely dad has just bought us a Babyhawk meitai, so excited! :)

Oooh tickle let me know how you do with it! I really want a new sling - she just wriggles too much in my karrime now.

I want one sling for our long afternoon walks (there's some routine! ) - so was thinking of a woven or a mei tai

I want one sling that's easy to pop in and out of - doesn't need tying around the baby for around the house - so was thinking of a ring sling. Does anyone know if these are hands=free? Is the material shaped as I tried with a knotted shawl in desperation the other day, and I really had to keep one arm around her...

Might repost this in the slings section as well!

Mampig - I can see where you are coming from, but wont a new routine develop just for at the childminders as it's a new context? I don't know...

I love the babyhawk ones! I nearly got one but ended up getting a freehand one instead which I do really like.

After talking about Rose & Rebellion SSCs I had a look on eBay and managed to bag myself one for a great price, I'm so excited! DPs reaction was a predictable "another one??"

Jeewizz! DH was like that at first, but he's come round to the idea now I've told him I'm going to eBay the babasling we have!

LWL, I'll let you know how the meitai plays out - am keeping my fingers crossed that DS likes it!

DS has been in bed for an hour and a half now, so far so good :) Keeping everything crossed that we can get more than an hour's sleep tonight...

Yes Jee- usually boob, but we have no set routine and his naps are still so short, my last baby was a religious 10am and 2pm mapper for at least an hour each time, then down at 7 pm and it was a struggle to keep her up till then!! Even now she is so easy to get to bed at any time day or night!!! I was so spoiled by her lol!!

Good luck with the sling hunt everyone!

Erm- mapper?? Napper!!

www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/11/duracell-bunnyhigh-needsspirited-baby.html

Thought this might be of interest :)

Good article!

Yes, a good read, thanks carrot! It also links to quite an interesting article on "crying in arms" which I've not come across before.

My DH was really worried one time when DS wouldn't settle at all and I was out at an NCT meeting one evening. He was about 8 months at the time. I came home to him screaming into DH's shoulder :(. DH was really upset and asked me whether I thought it was like CIO, so we did some research and Dr Sears says that it's quite different (they're not getting the kind of comfort they need, but they're not alone and scared). Is that where the link went, to Dr Sears? I've not had a chance to study it properly.

Slings - I have a Babyhawk and Freehand () and they're both brilliant.

Away at the UNICEF conference - back next week. Leaving DS at home for two days and a night!!! He'll be fine until tomorrow night :( But no choice as it's too far to come back overnight and he's too big to take and actually get to see any of the talks. Must remember to pack the breastpump!

Wish DH luck.

What about when they are crying in the car seat and you can't get to them (I've probably brought this up before but it really worries me!) Is talking to them enough?

organiccarrotcake - how old is your DS again?

Occ - great article isn't it?

Jen - which R&R did you get? I love mine!

18 months now.

In the car seat? Horrible, isn't it. I used to have mine on the front when possible, but the motorway has seen me in the back (with DH driving LOL) with me leaning into the car seat, boob out .

If you can't get to them, you can't get to them. What can you do? Ultimately there is no point in beating yourself up about what you can't change.

(DS2 is 18 months. DS1 is 7 yrs and slept 7-7 from 3 months without a night feed, and napped twice a day religeously, which is why I know it wasn't "me" with DS2!!!)

He should be ok with you DH at 18months then?

Re the car thing - I could never drive anywhere. I honestly consider this becuase maybe I am being selfish being social going out and about knowing she hates the car seat and is probably being damaged by the cortisol produced by crying not in arms..... AAAARGH!

Feel like screaming too!!! God, sometimes knowledge is a bad thing. So tell me ( and sorry to raise this as I'm not sure I want the answer) what are the chances of a hn baby developing a disorder like ADHD?? Are the 2 related in any way?

Dunno