To ask where the self rightoueus bf/ff thread has gone

[pigletmania]

It was here this morning, but not now.

Putrifyno I agree that there shouldn't be such a rush to discharge mothers. But I've read many times in this forum about MW not being fully qualified on bf advice. So unless their
Curriculum is going to be altered then what's the point?

SurprisEs there you go, you see :)

Well I did as had EMCS. But basically they were a bit shit. I was supposed to ring the bell to make sure I got my painkillers. Noone cared a jot about my ability to get out of bed to get to dd/get food etc. I had MUCH better care on the antenatal ward.

From what I am reading the "system" is not set up to support bf. That was certainly MY experience. So why are people not campaigning to change the "system" rather than judging?

Don't say it can't be done - the feminist MNetters have already organised a campaign against sexual violence, campaign against premature sexualisation of girls etc etc etc.

They can make it difficult putifyno. I had an EMCS too and they put dd's crib at the foot of the bed. When she started crying I asked them to pass her to me and they said they couldn't as that was manual handling and they may hurt themselves . They then shouted at me when I nearly fell out of bed trying to drag myself down the bed to reach her. I was still paralysed from the waist down at this point. They made is sacry to ask for help. To try and fail was made to seem worse than not trying at all IYSWIM.

Minus, yes - the more I think of the day AFTER dd was born the more pissed off I am!

Dd was born by emcs about 9am. We all went back to the room - dh included - and slept all day. I was well morphined up and had had pethidine during labour.....dd slept.... dh was just,,,well tired, bless him. At some point he went to the hospital canteen to find food. Then went home.

The next morning, I awoke absolutely starving and thirsty. dd was still sleepiing. I rang bell. Noone came. I got out of bed and went, dd in crib and catheter on wheels, to find tea and toast. Felt like death.

Dsis arrived and harrangued someone to remove catheter. Hurrah! Dsis stood guard whilst I went to have a shower. DD woke up. Dsis tried REALLY HARD to get dd to latch on. Nothing happening. DD went back to sleep..

Never thought of a campaign. I'm too passive for my own good. But I think it Would need people that struggled to bf and think a different system would've enabled them to do it successfully and not a group of mums who managed it and would like other people to be able to do it too.

The thing is surprisEs even if it would not have lead to them successfully bf as we acknowledge that many times that will not be possible (well some of us do). At the very least mothers should come out of the experience thinking that everything possible had been done, that they were a human being (not a fucking failure as one of the MW called me) and feel more confidence in themselves as mothers. Surely a woman feeling more confident as a mother especially in the early days of their DC's life can be no bad thing.

If just ONE medical professional person, or well ANY person had put in an appearance to help me bf, just the one, I might have a different opinion about this,

Completely agree Minus. So do you think MW should be more qualified in bfeeding or that breastfeeding councelours
should be in the postnatal wards as a rule?

DD was born at 11:15 am and I was out before 8pm. I wanted to go home but imagine some women may feel forced out.

I think bf councellors should be available as a rule. Also the MW on post natal wards should be taught a bit of bedside manner and civility so as not to further distress already vulnerable women. I do really think the MW's reaction to me needing to ask for help contributed to my suicidal feelings.

Oh I was kept in btw, I was begging for discharge, actually sobbing while doing so. It was so horrific and terrifies me now for this one, I really hope things have improved.

I was desperate for discharge too minus

Surely that should be a red flag to these midwives? A wish to be home is normal, but not a sobbing woman begging. If I ever do it again, I will save up and have my baby privately. I wouldn't go through the NHS again. On bad days the memories still get to me, wandering round the ward with my baby in tears because no one would help me feed him.

I have the MW on Friday and I am planning to tell her how terrified of the post natal ward I am. It will be the first time I have told anyone official. Sobbing just got me shouted at even more btw. I am hoping this time I will have the strength to answer back. Yet it makes me angry that I have to think that way.

Were your partners aloud to stay?

No they were sent home as there wasn't enough room. There were 8 mums and babies in a room originally designed for 6, it was grim.

No. They had to leave at 10:30. I gave birth a couple of hours previously and I was so afraid. I didn't sleep all night, was so frightened and lonely without DH. I wept all night

I try not to think about it.

The woman opposite me (with horrific injuries post birth) got wheeled in at gone 11 and her DH was asked to leave straightaway

Appalling. I really needed DH in the first weeks, let alone the first hours! Regarding all aspects of motherhood, not just feeding...

Can they make you stay?

Legally not exactly, I am considering an irregular discharge this time. My only concern is it may lead to a SS referral. I don't want to spend those first few days in fear again but I would fear SS just as much. I remember the girl in the bed next to me fainting and being shouted at for disrupting their routine. Again the terror is the whole experience not just the feeding.

Reading the last few posts makes me realise how well treated I was. I hated the first MW during labour but the second one and the student with her were amazing. And the ward wasn't even full. I was in the MLU. So maybe that made a difference?

Bf wasn't addressed by anyone though. I think they assumed I wouldn't bother. I was 20.

You were very lucky. The hospital was full when I had dd. They airlifted a couple of mums to Belfast and another to Newcastle as there were no beds.

"From what I am reading the "system" is not set up to support bf. That was certainly MY experience. So why are people not campaigning to change the "system" rather than judging?"

Who is judging? Why is it that this seems to be such an oft-mentioned "fakt" that the world is full of judgy mothers?? There are thousands of people across the UK who are fighting every day for better maternity and feeding support services. For themselves and for others. They Are Not Judging. There may be the odd person who says something in a thoughtless way or who doesn't understand the bigger picture, but they are SO in the minority. I know so many people who fight tooth and claw for women like you ladies, all in their "spare" time and all risking being called the awful, horrific names that we all know about just because they want to change the "system".

Women who have had good BFing experiences can be excellent BFing supporters. You don't need to have gone through a bad time to be a good supporter. But if you become a supporter you do so because you want to help others who want to BF - not because you want everyone to BF no matter what they think about it.

For those of you who have had shit hospital experiences please consider making a complaint to the hospital. There is an organisation called AIMS which campaigns for this (and can support mothers who are worried or who have had a bad time). You might consider becoming a member: www.aims.org.uk/ although you don't need to be a member to use their services. Best to do so though as like any of these organisations they're run on a shoe string and it's a small thing to give back if they can help.

organic they include people who have said to me:

'you are a fucking failure'
'why don't you love your baby'
'Why are you so stupid you don't know what's best'
'Your just too lazy to be a proper mum'
'you have a cheek to call yourself a mum'

All in relation to feeding and a couple were by posters on MN but have mostly been to my face.

I am too scared to complain, last time I complained I was reported to SS for not taking medical advice (although a slightly different matter).