Tandem feeding support thread

[EauRouge]

In anticipation of some graduates from the BF and pregnant thread, here's a shiny new thread for tandem feeders to laugh, moan and puzzle over the ins and outs of BF a baby and toddler.

Things are going pretty well for us, we are having a bit of hair-pulling at the moment though. DD2 is 7 mo and loves grabbing hair. DD1 (3 in just over a week!) is not so keen and sometimes wraps her arms around her head.

Another issue is DD1's latch. She's not even close to self-weaning but her latch has been really lazy the last few months. I googled and found this which has been really helpful.

Aside from that, things are brilliant and I'm really glad I'm still BF DD1. It's my one-stop parenting tool for fixing everything

The days are not too bad tbh. He is quite easily distractible and I don't mind it as much. It's the nights, the damn nights

Oh we were the same with nights but IRS getting better so have hope. Remember I was sobbing a couple of weeks ago about DD1 feeding 6 times a night?

Well, I guess we're on a weaning journey. I am limiting feeds which think ultimately will lead DD1 to wean.

She feeds to sleep but I roll away before she falls asleep and then kiss her to sleep. I also count down her feeds once it starts to hurt - sometimes more successful than others. Last night I got to 12 and DD1 said "13" and then covered me up and went to sleep.

She's been waking at about 4am for her first feed. It's all improved and last night both DDs fell asleep for 8pm and I finally got a good stretch of sleep at a decent time.

It literally changed overnight for us TheRealMBJ so hang in there.

I'm hoping for another night off cluster feeding. I was almost dead from constant feeding and fussing until 12:30am.

Is your DH still off TheRealMBJ? Can he help?

oh and shouting and disliking - yep, had that here too. DD1 is so strong willed. I've just bought the spirited children book and it's making me cry. I have found myself not wanting to cuddle her in case she gets my boob out. It's horrible

Thanks Kelly

I feel like such a bad mum at the moment. Can't give DS enough time and attention and can't feed DD properly

Objectively she seems fine. Mostly.

Content. Settles nicely, has a few periods of quiet alertness a day, requests feeding about every 1.5-2hrs during the day and every 2-3hrs at night, hardly ever cries though. Has good colour. Has grown (according to my mother) has plenty of soaking wet nappies a day BUT only poos twice a day. They are lovely big, mustard yellow with curds poos, but still only 2 a day. She didn't lose any weight at day 5. She is entirely unlike her brother.

I think I'm going to ask Tiktok how worried I should be . Maybe she'll put my mind at rest.

Sorry I havent checked in for ages... have tried to catch up as well as I can. Firstly, congratulations MBJ, don't think I've even said that yet! How lovely that we all have our two little ones now. Sorry that you felt like you did in your last post ... but, just to give you some perspective, reading through a lot of posts at once, you really get a feel for how this is such an up and down experience for everyone, as is to be expected. And you are so obviously not a bad mum,it sounds like you're doing great. It sounds like your dd is doing great, I thought 2 big poos was plenty.

It's funny how all these dc2s seem to be so much easier than the firsts! Definitely the case with dd2, who is very contented and so easy compared to dd1 (at the moment,I hasten to add ). My main issue the past few weeks is that I still can't stand feeding dd2, as well as the usual disagreements with dh about breastfeeding- oh, for a partner who was totally pro-breastfeeding and who didn't spout ignorant rubbish! Although, in fairness, he has been mainly supportive. And I think dd1 is possibly on the way to weaning (very slowly). She now only feeds bedtime and morning and usually about once in the night, depending on how hysterical she gets when I tell her no. And it's only ever for about 2 mins, as I always countdown. It's the only way I can stand it... nursing her still feels for me as horrible as it was in pregnancy. I was hoping to enjoy it again but no, I just don't think I can do it much longer. I'm glad though that in the main she is coping with restrictions apart from the odd meltdown.

Kelly, I can't remember how old your dd1 is? Is she still gradually cutting down?

TheRealMBJ I think 2 poos sounds fine. One thing I have found with DD2 is that she doesn't poo as often/much as DD1 did at her age, she is completely different.

DD1 would only go to sleep feeding. Cried all the bloody time, screamed for a clean nappy the minute she did a poo.

DD2 will fall asleep lying on the bed or my knee. She doesn't care if you change her nappy and only cries when she's cluster feeding.

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job, everything right.

Loopy you post made me feel much less alone, thank you.

DD2 is 2yr10m. I've had to limit her feeds or she would feed all the time. I am also finding that I hate feeding her. I didn't anticipate it at all & I feel so sad that our bf relationship has come to this.

She generally has a melt down if I ask her to wait. Last night was dreadful. She took ages to fall asleep, just grating away on my nipple (feels like she's losing her latch or getting very lazy, I keep hearing her "lose suction" - back to the Dyson analogy). Then DD2 woke so I asked DD1 to stop for a minute so I could pick up DD2. She refused and clamped down with her teeth. So then followed shouting, crying, drama.

DD2 cluster fed until after midnight. I'm exhausted.

So I'm limiting DD1 to morning, midday, bed and once at night. Other times I'm bribing her off me with chocolate. I have promised myself that I will go with the flow for those feeds though. It will kill me and the resentment will be horrible but it's the only compromise I can think of.

How are you today?

Oh dear Kelly, it sounds like you are struggling.

I am too and considered weaning DS last night. Not that I think that that is the right course of action but I just HATE feeding him at night.

It is strange that all our firsts are such high needs and second so calm. I wonder if it is because they are so demanding that we have all carried on feeding them despite the feelings of aversion?

I am an idiot. DD has gained 13oz since day 5.

You're not an idiot, you're a mother All of us worry!

I've just finished skimming reading "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and I have to say it was very interesting but didn't have the magic answers I was looking for. Is there a book called "So your 3 year old wants to nurse every 10 minutes and has a meltdown if you tell her to wait"?

There aren't any easy answers, I don't think

DM took DS out for the day and I'm really missing him now.

No, I don't think there are either. I suppose learning to wait is just one of those things they pick up over time. DH has been away for just over a week now and I hadn't realised just how much time I spend sitting on the sofa breastfeeding, the stack of clean laundry to put away is nearly as tall as I am . Luckily my DM is staying with us tonight so I shall think about putting all the laundry away and then have a long soak in the bath instead

Isn't it funny, you spend ages wanting a break and then you miss them as soon as they've been gone for 10 minutes.

Hello everyone,

Sorry, had a mad few days.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better Kelly. Mbj and loopy I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time.

Apart from the odd loss of temper (which I gather is to be expected ) we are ok. Well I say that now as ds has gone down freakishly early (no doubt he'll be up in the night)...it was a different tale last night! We're still having issues with bed time, but are coping better with our issues iyswim.

Dh is back at work and it is ok! Hurrah!

Ds is still really sweet with dd but does occasionally make a swipe for her. He tried to chomp down on her leg yesterday, and later to scratch her face. Poor dd, and poor ds, it is like he's trying to hide it but occasionally it bubbles up. I was reading something t'other day about how it all is from the pov of an older sibling and it made me cry! [guilt emoticon]

Is anyone else having jellousy issues?

Am reading Why Love Matters atm...fascinating.

Oh moon not so much with jealousy here but lots of acting up from DD1. It's really wearing thin.

I hear you on the guilt. I sent DD to my cousins for the day yesterday (she's used to going, she went each day when I was working). I couldn't enjoy my time alone with DD2 because I felt guilty.

Yy Eau about high needs babies being fed for longer. I think that's true in our case. You find something that works and stick with it!

Anyway a bit of good news here, the feeding aversion seems to have passed. A friend recommended drinking lots and so I have been drinking before I feel too thirsty (am v lazy with drinking) and its fine.

DD1 woke 4 times for milk last night and just wouldn't settle even with feeding so im feeling exhausted again but at least I didn't want to shove her off me. I did get snappy by the 4 time though because she wanted to lie on top of me and dig her chin into my boob. Agony!

We've had a big feed in bed this morning and agreed to more milk after lunch and before bed.

Hope everyone else is doing well today

That's great news, Kelly, glad things are going a bit better now :) I know what you mean about the chin-digging though, ouch!

Well I don't want to jinx things but I am almost enjoying today....

DD1 has been much easier today, I haven't refused milk but she's only asked once and it was fine. I have a chicken roasting in the oven, DD2 dozing in the sling. My lovely IM has been for a visit and I am planning our house move in a few weeks. And it's Friday.

All positive stuff eh?

I'll probably be ranting again tomorrow but today feels a bit less out of control

I'm off to down another glass of water

We went to the NCT local group this afternoon. It was nice.

Had to feed, feed, feed DS as he felt a bit insecure (met at someone's house we haven't been to before, haven't seen NCTers for a while as I hae been napping in the afternoons in late pregnancy) but it was of course fine although they are plenty more mainstream than LLL groups, with a couple having 'moved on' to formula at 6 months and moving babies into their own rooms at 12 weeks

DD cried a bit in the car on the way home (50min drive) so we stopped midway to feed her and buy bacon but DS waited very patiently in his car seat while I fed DD in the passenger seat.

I also managed not to lose my temper with him last night. Not entirely sure how I managed it.

Feeling positive for now

That sounds good TheRealMBJ. Things still going well?

Our night fell apart on Friday after all my PMA. DD1 wouldn't stop feeding to let me deal with crying DD2 and bit me.

I ended up shouting, DH took DD. It was awful. She came back up at 5:30am and fell asleep next to me.

So, after much talking, we've decided to night wean. Last night was the first night and although she was angry and upset she wasn't as bad as I thought.

She slept with DH and came into bed with me at 7am and had a massive feed. She's in a good mood so doesn't seem scarred from last nights events - hopefully not anyway.

We've promised to take her to soft play this morning as a reward. I think tonight will still be hard but hopefully it'll be quick.

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend

DS has a fever . He has a history of febrile convulsions (those on the pregnancy thread will remember our stay in hospital in June). I turn into a wobbling idiot at the first sign of illness.

How's your DS TheRealMBJ?

He's fine. Thanks for asking might just have been teething

Anyway, I think DD has a posterior tongue tie she really isn't able to get a good latch and stay on. Gaining weight fine and generally a happy baby BUT very windy and burpy. I'm very worried that she's going to go the way her brother did with 'colic' and end up miserable for much of the first year. Am having a BfC have a look at her (and me) on Saturday and possibly book to have it snipped.

Anyone still around?

Sorry it's been ages...

I'm still here. Off to Calderdale today to see Ann Dobson for TT assessment and possible release.

I'm still about too.

Night weaning just about done here .

DD1 has handled it better than I expected - as have I actually. The 'milk fairy' is bringing her a present today [guilty feeling mother emoticon]. She asked for a yoyo and then revised it up to a scooter so I'm off to buy that today. I am hoping it may also encourage her to get dressed and go out each day. Shes refusing to put clothes on at the moment.

DD2 still having a 3 hour crying fit from 9-midnight every couple of days, it's exhausting.

How are you Moon?

Good luck TRMBJ

how did you get on mbj?

Your dd knows how to work a deal kelly! Well done you though. Hope you are bennefiting from more sleep.

Things are mostly ok here. We had a wee bit of hitting (us, dd, other kids) from ds but think we've resolved that for now. Dd is a quiet happy little thing.
Oh and have stories re feeding both while out i'll share when on laptop. No phone battery now.

Wow, I can't manage to feed both at same time at home. Well done you!!