MrsBuggy your story horrified me. I cannot believe how appallingly you were treated. I am so glad your DD2's birth was much better, it sounds lovely (although snogging and sex noises? I couldn't have my DH hold my hand 
well done you!).
My DD1s birth story - as concisely as I can:
Labour started with what I thoought was a bloody show but turned out to be an unexplained bleed. Admitted into hospital overnight and then discharged without being seen again the next morning (Thursday). Contractions had started but were manageable. By Saturday I was keeling over with tiredness and pain. Went back to hospital, 1cm dilated, given 2 paracetamol and told to go home for a bath. My mother turned up and pretty much manhandled me through contractions and made it all the more distressing, requesting to stay to "help" me through labour (did I mention I don't like to be touched when I'm giving birth? I certainly did to my mother!).
Admitted to hospital on Sunday night, still 1cm but given pethidine to help me to sleep and have energy for labour. Pethidine did sod all but make me drunk. My plug went with a pop in the early hours but I thought it was my waters. I pressed the buzzer for the mw (only me and one other woman on the AN ward and she was in slow labour so wide awake anyway). MW told me to go to the toilet and check to see if it was my waters. I was so hammered off the pethidine that I couldn't 'remember' how to get out of the bed.
The midwife snapped at me "Can you not just put one foot in front of the other?" and dragged me out of bed by my upper arm. I felt embarrassed and sort of laughed it off like "oh, yes, sorry" but felt like a silly child.
Repeat scenario about an hour later when waters did actually go. MW checking her emails on the computer so highly annoyed that I'd disturbed her again.
Somehow the ward filled up the next day - loads of women and their families, people watching tv, eating. laughing etc while I was labouring away in agony. Felt the urge to push but was checked and was only 5-6cm. I was told they'd closed delivery suite so I'd have to carry on on the shared ward. I just remember being terrified, tired and in pain. At 6pm I finally got a bed on delivery suite. Epidural at about 9pm I think. Fully dilated by midnight but given an hour for DD1 to turn from posterior. Pushed for 2 hours then a registrar chewing gum came in and did a VE without asking, got the mw to put her hands in too to feel the position of DDs head. I obviously couldn't feel anything but it was very humiliating.
Registrar walked out without saying anything and then the MW comes back with scrubs for DH and I am being asked to sign consent for forceps/CS. Didn't really know what I was doing.
In theatre, about a million people standing around watching me have my perineum cut, rotational forceps used to pull out DD and then about an hour of repair afterwards because my episiotomy extended into a 3rd degree tear.
Agony for months, no one actually told me what had happened or to expect a degree of incontinence. No follow up appointment made so when I had an "accident" in a department store I called the hospital and asked for a referral to a colorectal surgeon.
My tear was misclasssified as a 3a when it was actually a 3c/4th (depending which consultant I am talking to). Best opportunity for repair is missed and I am facing a colostomy bag in the long term to make up for the fact that I no longer have a functioning internal anal sphincter.
Surgery at 7 months post partum and again at about 14 months. Surgery at 7 months was to be broadcast to a lecture theatre of colorectal surgeons without my consent - it was only that the anaesthetist mentioned it I think that I found out. Refused to have it filmed, consultant never spoke to me again.
Terrible pain for over a year afterwards, PTSD, no sex life, told I must have a cs, pressured to give up bf to get better myself etc etc. DH and I almost divorced.
I eventually called Sheila Kitzinger's Birth Crisis helpline and sobbed down the phone to a woman there. She was brilliant, listened to me, validated my feelings and gave me so practical advice too.
I then found a homebirth advocate who told me I didn't have to have a CS, gave me confidence to consider another pregnancy. 8 months later I was pg with DD2.
I am still likely to need a colostomy bag in later life (although exciting advances being made in growing new anal sphincters in labs now - sorry if that grosses anyone out). DD2's birth was a risk and I have experienced some pain in my bottom even though I didn't tear again. I guess it was a risk. I see my surgeon again in January. Emotionally, DD2's birth was very healing and I know I would be really struggling now if I had had a cs.
On the subject of tandem feeding, I have decided to night wean DD1. I feel sick about it but I can't see any other solution. I can't face the thought of her feeding 6 times a night for 2 months. I am exhausted after 2.5 weeks. So I am a bit teary today, overcompensating for the weaning plan with treats for DD1.
DH has gone to work in a mood because he was kept awake for an hour last night. How does he think I manage? It's not like I can nap in the day with DD1 bouncing all over me.
Ok, off to see to DD1. Hope you're all ok xx