seeing thru the breastmilk propaganda

[thegauntlet]

Phew. It is really hard to see any impartial raw advice about the benefits or problems of weaning/ mixed feeding after 6 months.

Gorgeous girl is 5 and a half months, having a couple of teaspoons of baby rice now ( eek!) I am finding breastfeeding increasingly hard; since I had a horrid strep throat last week, and haven't actually slept for more than 4 hours at a stretch since she was born... my milk supply is duff. I am pumping like mad to try to get it better- and trying to get some rest and good food ( sod the diet for the time being!) so... I am thinking ( just thinking.... ) about follow on milk...

I dont want to feel guilty. Because once she has it I cant take it back....

My mum suggested cows milk ( i know!)
Im back to work when she is 7 months.I was planning on pumping.

So.... whats the evidence for the benefits of breast over anything else past 6 months please? ( be impartial.... breastfeeding milliants!)

ok but generally the cost of a new pump or to hire one can be prohibitive.

when we hired one from the NCT it was around £40 a month!!!

"If you can afford formula, surely you can afford to hire a pump?"

OK, enough already. Don't you DARE to judge me. You have no idea how hard I have worked to even still be b/f - exclusively now, I might add. Don't DARE to make me feel guilty if I have to go back to a LITTLE formula when I am going back to full time work, sole breadwinner, with a 4 year old DS too. I am only going back when she's 7 months because I can't afford to stay off any longer.

And I find expressing by hand next to impossible. I have tried many many times. And expressing by hand into a bowl in the work toilets? No thanks.

hugs gaelic. When I went back to work the first time I also felt nervous about requesting the time and place to express milk. I therefore wrote a note to the person whose day to day responsibility was this sort of thing. That way I didn't have to face any awkward emotions or questions. When we spoke about it, he was nonchalant and found me a place. I also wondered where they'd magic up a place too.

Since the cost of a pump is prohibitive, would you consider experimenting now with hand expressing? I found that in the shower a great place to experiment and even when I was using a pump, I found that combining a pump with hand expression maximized my output. In the end, I wished I had known how to hand express properly instead of going straight to a pump.

Of course that is all if you find you want to give ebm. I thought I'd put dd1 on formula for feeds at nursery but after the first week I realised I'd rather keep feeding her.

As an aside, I was really really impressed when I read in The Politics of Breastfeeding that African women with their babies in SCBU exclusively hand express. They just don't have similar cultural hangups like we do with breasts. I think it must help to make hand expression easier for them. Plus of course they don't have the impression that if we don't have a pump we can't express enough.

ok, cross posted. hope you don't mind what i said re hand expression.

If i hadn't sold on my Lactaline I'd have given it to you gaelic. well done you on fighting so hard for your 2.

Am in tears. Guess ineedmoresleep's post hit a raw nerve. Stupid eh? I think I have to come to terms with the whole going back to work thing.

I'm slightly confused as to where they idea that breastmilk is "only" or "mostly" important before 6 months. The WHO guidelines say EBF to 6 months because it is believed that BM is all a baby's gut can properly handle until that point, but to introduce and supplement with solids (for nutritional purposes) after 6 months whilst still giving BM until at least 2. This isn't because BM isn't any less beneficial for them, it's just that they need other foods too.
Sure, the solids help with appetite, mineral levels etc, but BM still has a very important role to play.

I think the OP probably doesn't realise quite what a hard time some people supporting breastfeeding get. Breastfeeding mothers seem to regular be judged as odd hippy types or bizarre perverts (doing it for their own needs), but as soon as you start to explain the medical/economical/ethical reasons why you BF you get called an evangelist/nazi/militant. I think even some of the more hardcore set probably got there through having to defend their decisions to nosy, judgemental people who can't see that choosing how to feed a child is up to the parents, not interfering bystanders. (and yes, I know FF mums would agree with that too, that's deliberate - we've all seen FF mums get snarky about BF too, in defence of their own actions).

Can't keep posting now as have the DCs to look after. I only checked in quickly...

Foxytocin - that's a kind thought thank you. I do have a manual Avent but it takes ages and it hurts after a while. I've been looking at mollycuddles' thread about expressing - she has to express so much and so often. I don't know how could possibly do it. I have been trying for months to build a freezer stash. Nothing doing, I just never get the opportunity with a constantly crying baby and a 4 year old.

Yes I'm sure in the wilds of Scotland I could try to find an affordable second hand electric pump that I know I'll get on with. But I was silly enough to think that perhaps at 7 months I couldn't do her any more harm than has happened already. I have only done any of this for her.

Must sign off now.

OK, I've just been talking with DH as I'm bemused about where these feelings just sprang up from. Without wanting to hujack the thread, I feel the need to put in writing my thought processes, as much for my own benefit as anything.

So I have to go back to work full time. I thought I'd be OK with that having been there before with DS, but I'm not. I don't want to pump at work - there I've said it, so shoot me.

Why don't I? Because to cope with going back and leaving a very clingy little girl at home all day with her dad (yes, I'm lucky there) I have to keep the two things entirely separate in my head. So if I'm at work, trying to express enough milk so DD doesn't need formula the next day, and say the milk's not flowing, or there are too many interruptions that day and I don't get time. Then I will get upset and frustrated and that will spill over into my work - not good, for my employer or my own emotional wellbeing.

If anyone has found a solution to these feelings I'd love to know. I still think I might start a thread, but not sure now.

Hi Gaelic. I think you've done brilliantly so far and didn't mean to be judgey at all. I have to express a lot because my dd isn't even 6 months yet but it'd better be easier by 7 months because I won't be able to keep this up for long. I'm the sole breadwinner too and it sucks because you feel you have to be firing on all cylinders as soon as you return because any threat to work threatens the whole family's survival iykwim. I used to live in the wilds of Scotland too - where are you?

You weren't molly. I don't suppose anyone was. I guess that I've worked so so hard I just need someone to say - you know what, you've done really well for as long as you possibly can, now's the time to stop feeling guilty and get on with your life. You have done the best you possibly could for your DD, now think of your own health and emotional wellbeing.

But then I'd still have to believe it - that's the hard bit. I have PND too, recovering, but it hasn't helped.

I'm in NE Highland.

Cross post Gaelic. I have a freezer stash to fall back on so even if I have a bad pumping day dd will be fine. So much of my pumping is for my comfort and to avoid leaking tbh. I'm also struggling with the return to work emotionally even though she's my third.

I built up the stash by pumping morning and night for 2 months before the dreaded return and freezing about 4oz a day.

Emotionally I feel better being away from dd because she's still getting my milk. She's also with her dad so I know she's fine and milk wise she's not missing out so I can settle myself that for her it's as good as if I was at home. Meaning it's only me who is suffering with the new arrangements. It is so hard though. Un mn hugs. X

gaelic, your choices and reasons are your own, you are doing the best you can, don't let anyone else make you feel guilty, let alone strangers on the net.

I have just been shopping for an electric pump, as the manual is annoying me now, and I found a lot of Medela Swing and mini pumps on ebay, with new minis from about £20 inc P&P and swings from about £60. Slightly used ones however, are coming in a lot cheaper (esp the ones bidding on rather than buy it now), so anyone in the position of wanting a cheap pump may well find ebay a useful stop!

Oh Gaelic, I'm so sorry you are upset. You need to turn your thinking around a little bit you haven't done your daughter any harm in the 1st place, the message is that every b/feed that you give is an added bonus whether you part ff or not. You've done really well to get where you are:) Don't knock yourself.

I have a mini medela electric pump and its really good, if I didn't still need it I too would post it to you. FWIW I originally had a manual avent and it was useless for me.

Why don't you start a thread asking if anyone has a spare going free or cheap?

I'm sure someone will have.

Hope you are ok..

Thanks

Just to reiterate, since it's a way down the thread now, I was/am planning to continue b/f morning and night. I'm not stopping.

Another xpost. Sorry you're struggling with pnd. I had it with ds 12 years ago and it was very mixed up with feeding. You absolutely should do what is best for you not just your baby and for me that is to express and stay exclusive. I'm teetering on the brink of pnd but I think if I gave dd formula I'd be distressed more than I am by being bloody exhausted expressing. It's a balance that's different for us all and it's my family and personal history of severe asthma and eczema that pushes me in one direction rather than the other. My other dcs are a bit older than your ds which makes a massive difference.

Gaelicsheep, I was in a very similar situation - dh lost his job while I was on mat leave with ds2 and I had to go back at 5 months. I had pnd and felt as if bf was the only thing I knew I could get right (though I found it difficult). Never managed to express anything with either child. I negotiated 8 weeks slightly flexible hours and dh brought ds2 to my office at lunchtime, so 8am feed, 1pm, left early for a 5pm and a lot of night and evening feeds. Only just worked, only worked because my employer was sympathetic and work was 15 mins from home, in retrospect was a bit mad, but meant he never had formula and I felt a bit less crap about going back so early. Any chance you could swing something similar?

Gaelic

I remember your utterly desperate posts when you were just starting out.

I remember how many problems you faced and conquered.

I remember how you got back to ebf.

Think back to where you started off and how far you've come now.

You have every right to feel proud, so no more tears now OK?

"OP, please define 'breastfeeding militant'. "

I believe the definition is "someone who refuses to subscribe to the "formula is just as good as bm" school of thought and is not afraid to say so".
Pretty much anyone that is prepared to support breastfeeding it seems. I wonder how the term "formula nazi" would go down ?

gaelic, hard as this is now, in a few years time you'll look at a healthy, sparky, happy, well-adjusted dd, who will be just fine if you mix feed now (and I say this as a big bf fan) and you won't remember why you felt this way - it'll blur and fade.

Gaelic, I didn't mean to make you cry sorry. TBH I hadn't read the whole thread wbich will teach me an important lesson.

gaelic listen to badger! I can't remember if I've answered ant of your posts or if I've just followed them but you've done such a fantastic job! Be proud of yourself!

Don't worry about it Ineedmoresleep. You rightly thought that the issue about affording the pump is quite minor, I guess it's just one of many reasons as I've said.

Thanks to everyone saying I've done a great job. I'm sure it's no more than many women do, I guess I've just been pretty vocal about it.