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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

can't believe this conversation in the dr's surgery yesterday

253 replies

muslimah28 · 08/10/2010 22:34

little baby came in with his mummy for their 6 week post natal check. mummy is trying to wind baby in the waiting room.

another mummy with a c2 year old says to her 'i found with my son, just changing the formula helped'.

mummy to 6wk old replies, 'no i just use what i did for all 4 of mine, it can't be the formula.'

at no point did 2yr old's mummy say 'are you formula feeding', or 'how are you feeding him', there was just an assumption that she was formula feeding, and it turned out she was right.

i was just a bit shocked to see yet more proof of how much of a formula feeding culture we have here.

didn't want to add this to the other thread going on at the moment, its just way too long.........but interested in thoughts!!

OP posts:
Huskyflodynamo · 08/10/2010 22:38

When I was in clinic having ds weighed, there was a woman there who got chatting to me. She started telling me how much formula her ds was taking, how many ounces etc. She then asked what formula I was using. Told her I was ebf. She said 'ooh that's brave of you. I like to know how much my ds is getting that why I ff'

You are right. The natural assumption from a lot of women is that others babies are ff'.

However, in first aid training today there six of us and we were all bf!

Summerbird73 · 08/10/2010 22:38

depends on your viewpoint - i ff'd DS and got sick of everyone banging on about BFing and assuming everyone was doing it - i still get it now. i reckon there is a hardcore BF culture.

MoonFaceMama · 08/10/2010 23:13

my friend who ff's feels similar to you summer but the stats on how many are bf say different.

I think we are (rightly) told so much about bf being important that it makes some of those who for whatever reason, ff feel like everyone else is bf.

Those of us who bf often feel like the odd ones out too. Bottles appear everywhere, baby cards, changing room doors, with dolls. That's what people are often refering to when they speak of our ff culture.

zookeeper · 08/10/2010 23:14

you're very easily shocked

Original poster
muslimah28 · 09/10/2010 00:01

zookeeper read my post again. i said i was 'just a bit shocked'. not that i was reeling in horror.

there's clearly a place for FF- for the record and so i'm not being a hypocrite, i mixed fed DS for 5 weeks. but i was very very ill so it was a matter of survival, for me. and as soon as i was able to, i cut out the bottles and now 21 week old DS is EBF and has been for 16 weeks. i'm grateful for formula. but i didn't plan to use it,and the culture in which FF is a norm rather than an exception, done for specific reasons because of necessity, is a shame IMO.

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 09/10/2010 00:04

It's strange though because if I'd heard such a conversation I wouldn't have been surprised - sad but not surprised. And yet since having DD I have met several other mums of young babies and without exception every one of them has been breastfeeding.

scottishmummy · 09/10/2010 00:10

what thoughts?ff=safe,legal.wind your neck in.stop earie wigging and drawing massive whoop di doop about an overheard conversation

majority of babies are ff.so most likely you would socially see one

scottishmummy · 09/10/2010 00:16

quite shocked=irnbru in a bottle.not formula.my thoughts are best wishes to mum and new wee baby,irrespective of mode of feeding

strawberrycake · 09/10/2010 07:42

I do agree with scottishmummy, whether I see a bottle or breast all I feel for new mums when I see them is the best of luck and health and hope they can have the time and resources to enjoy their baby as much as possible. I don't like it when people want to control others (safe and legal) choices on how to parent. Do what YOU think is right for YOUR baby, offer support to others if you have the time and urge but if they've made a choice you don't like respect it as it's not your child they're bringing up. If you want to make a difference find a way to support new mums, otherwise mind your own.

strawberrycake · 09/10/2010 07:45

ok, my post was ratty. But seriously you know nothing about these women. They could even know each other or have seen each other before feeding, you're making huge jumps in reading the situation.

PaulineCampbellJones · 09/10/2010 07:48

Did you also feel a bit smug as well as a little shocked?

PaulineCampbellJones · 09/10/2010 07:50

Also, in context if it is anything like my GPs everyone vaguely knows someones family member, friend etc so they tend to know this stuff.

Flighttattendant · 09/10/2010 08:03

I agree there is a huge culture of formula feeding, I'm not sure why, most people I've known with babies have breastfed and there is awareness among some healthcare professionals that breastfeeding has huge advantages.

BUT in hospital having my first, the pressure to give formula was intense and dare I say it I was threatened with it if he didn't feed within a time limit.

I was already staunchly pro breastfeeding and anti authority and that gave us the break we needed, because I refused to give in, and he did feed eventually (not being allowed to have him in my bed was unhelpful - but I did it anyway, they knew it was pointless telling me not to)

So I can see to people without the background and knowledge of how BFing works, also without the bolshy attitude, breastfeeding would have been a non starter.

lal123 · 09/10/2010 08:10

not formula related - but in similar vein. In changing room for DDs swimming last week, one Mum telling another how good her baby is, how she eats LOADS and loves pureed fruit. All OK and fine - my ears only pick up when other Mum asks how old baby is now - answer??? "14 weeks.." 14 WEEKS??? Bloody hell! Culture seems to be formula at first and on to baby food ASAP

passionberry · 09/10/2010 08:15

I often feel left out as a bf-er.

I have just moved to a new part of the country where I thought I meet more breast-feeding mums than I did where I used to live (up north), however all the mums I have chatted to so far are ff and well into early weaning onto solids.

I do find that other mums assume I am ff-ing and it does make me feel a bit isolated. Their babies are always sleeping through as well Envy

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/10/2010 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nubbins · 09/10/2010 08:32

"mummy to 6wk old replies, 'no i just use what i did for all 4 of mine, it can't be the formula.'"

does no one else think this might imply she IS breastfeeding?

Unfortunately I am guilty of assuming everyone breastfeeds, and have had to pick myself up once or twice, and this is despite using formula for from 7 weeks for my first dd. So I guess I am as guilty as the mother of the toddler!

PaulineCampbellJones · 09/10/2010 08:32

I had the opposite in my hospital. It was BF all the way so I got brilliant support with latching, positioning etc.

Flighttattendant · 09/10/2010 08:35

That's great Pauline. They were totally rubbish with me. Nobody could be bothered, it was all 'well he'll need to have formula unless he feeds by bedtime, it's the rules here'
'and you can't have him next to you in bed, no'

PaulineCampbellJones · 09/10/2010 08:37

I think it's because where I live is generally a FF culture so they are very big on promoting BF. I also had a home visit before and after birth from a BF support nurse.

ayjayjay · 09/10/2010 08:44

If the mother was anything like me she'll tend to assume that everyone is doing the same as her. Not that I think that my way is best but its just the most familiar to me so it's what I think of first.

I tend to assume everyone is EBF because I'm more familiar with that then formula. Not that I would judge one way or another if they're not of course, it has nothing to do with me how other babies are fed.

Maybe this mum just assumed the other baby was FF for the same reason.

Bucharest · 09/10/2010 08:50

I wouldn't have been in the least bit surprised to hear it in the UK, no.

wastingaway · 09/10/2010 09:03

I wouldn't be surprised to hear that OP, BF rates are really bad round my way.

It'll be a hard slog to change the culture, but if we carry on smugly then it all makes a difference.

Pauline, a visit before the birth is pretty impressive!

AutumnLady · 09/10/2010 09:04

Nothing unbelievable about that conversation. I personally couldn't care less about how anyone else chooses to feed their baby as it's their business and not mine!

I found the opposite when I had DS nearly 2 years ago, I was a minority. The hospital were very pro bf, which is good, but they weren't so good at accepting my choice to ff. I had many reasons, one of which is the strong medication I take for a back problem. I had a Ward Sister come round to say 'they' had been discussing this in the handover and the bf specialist had said that DS would 'only get a little bit' of the meds passed through my milk so why didn't I just try? I am, by nature, fairly strong willed and said that a little bit is a little more than I would like but thanks anyway! They did leave me be but were fairly unhelful after that. When it came to getting milk for DS they did it grudgingly and because of my CS I wasn't able to get up and get it myself for the first 24 hours so felt a right PITA.

AutumnLady · 09/10/2010 09:04

Nothing unbelievable about that conversation. I personally couldn't care less about how anyone else chooses to feed their baby as it's their business and not mine!

I found the opposite when I had DS nearly 2 years ago, I was a minority. The hospital were very pro bf, which is good, but they weren't so good at accepting my choice to ff. I had many reasons, one of which is the strong medication I take for a back problem. I had a Ward Sister come round to say 'they' had been discussing this in the handover and the bf specialist had said that DS would 'only get a little bit' of the meds passed through my milk so why didn't I just try? I am, by nature, fairly strong willed and said that a little bit is a little more than I would like but thanks anyway! They did leave me be but were fairly unhelful after that. When it came to getting milk for DS they did it grudgingly and because of my CS I wasn't able to get up and get it myself for the first 24 hours so felt a right PITA.