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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

can't believe this conversation in the dr's surgery yesterday

253 replies

muslimah28 · 08/10/2010 22:34

little baby came in with his mummy for their 6 week post natal check. mummy is trying to wind baby in the waiting room.

another mummy with a c2 year old says to her 'i found with my son, just changing the formula helped'.

mummy to 6wk old replies, 'no i just use what i did for all 4 of mine, it can't be the formula.'

at no point did 2yr old's mummy say 'are you formula feeding', or 'how are you feeding him', there was just an assumption that she was formula feeding, and it turned out she was right.

i was just a bit shocked to see yet more proof of how much of a formula feeding culture we have here.

didn't want to add this to the other thread going on at the moment, its just way too long.........but interested in thoughts!!

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 10/10/2010 22:04

But she tried it didn't she? The problem is, of course, that nobody knows someone else's reasons. I hated being seen in public with a bottle in case people thought I'd been doing it from day one, as I said earlier. I felt very very guilty.

Of course if we knew almost everyone was trying to bf and formula was mostly used by those with difficulties, then that assumption wouldn't be there. I can't see that ever happening in this country though.

I'd like to bet that DVO felt guilty for stopping, felt she had to explain, didn't want to talk to the world about her cracked nips, so made out it was down to awkwardness in public. I'd have thought someone like her would've been proud to show it off if it had all gone OK.

tittybangbang · 10/10/2010 22:46

"as i said child development is complex and not solely defined by mode of feeding.imo as long as baby is well looked after,loved,kept safe that all goes a long long way"

Has anyone here actually said that how a baby is fed is the ONLY important issue when it comes to health and development?

If not - what point are you trying to make?

Everyone knows that loving a baby and giving him or her responsive care is the most important thing.

Most children who are fed suboptimal diets in infancy and childhood will grow up loved, healthy and happy, but it's still a shame they're getting a suboptimal diet!

scottishmummy · 10/10/2010 23:00

see tits the point of discursive forum is i can make any point i wish. i can opine til my heart is content,and i will

Theincrediblesulk1 · 10/10/2010 23:01

oh for fuck sake! boring!

KickArseQueenOfTheDamned · 10/10/2010 23:01

Hmm, just read your op and I don't think she was formula feeding.

"another mummy with a c2 year old says to her 'i found with my son, just changing the formula helped'.

mummy to 6wk old replies, 'no i just use what i did for all 4 of mine, it can't be the formula.'"

It is possible that she was breastfeeding and didn't want to offend the other mother, she effectivley ended the conversation by saying that she knew the situation better than the other mother and flatly said it couldn't be the formula.

virgo1979 · 11/10/2010 07:29

agree with kickarse.....

RubyBuckleberry · 11/10/2010 08:50

gastro and trauma are not exactly specialist feeding terminology scottishmummy????!!!!!

tanmu82 · 11/10/2010 09:42

to read these types of threads, one would think that FF is tantamount to abuse. I'm dreading if BF doesn't work for me or baby this time around - I live in a very pro BF area and I can only imagine the judgey looks and thoughts I'm likely to get should I switch to FF. Like we don't have enough other things to worry about with a new baby already.

Original poster
muslimah28 · 11/10/2010 11:25

i think amongst others, gaelicsheep and tittybangbang are talking a lot of sense. gaelicsheep well done you for your determination to stick with the BF and getting to EBF. just wondering, did you get engorged a second time when you cut out all the bottles?? that happened to me, wasn't expecting that at all!!

scottishmummy amongst others has shown me why i shall never start a 'discussion' thread again. i intended an intelligent adult conversation, but this has turned into an emotional rant for some people, and upset some people (becuase of gross misunderstandings i might add, and thanks to people like foxytocin for clarifying some things, and the poster who yawned earlier on at people not reading comments properly).

and it upset me, quite a lot, too, when someone rolled their eyes at my comment about how much severe and excrutiating pain i'd been in. yes of course, that's exactly the kind of thing that deserves the rolling of eyes. someone being in agony. Hmm

to those who most recently said, again, maybe she was BFing, i refer you to my earlier post. she then went on to talk about SMA.

i guess as a naive relative newbie to mumsnet i thought this discussion might be different. from now on i shall be using MN for advice and information only, any discussions i want to have, i shall save for when i'm with my friends and mums at playgroups.

OP posts:
wastingaway · 11/10/2010 11:39

muslimah, please don't! We all learn so much from these discussions. It probably doesn't look that way now, but after 2 1/2 years on MN I understand other people so much more.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 14:09

oh good grief do stop all the name calling she said dis and dat.you post on an open topic do expect some scrutiny and different pov

bolding names and complaining about posts is very immature and peurile

and to then compile a fan list of who agreed with you is plain bonkers

threaten to go offsky,if you wish but certainly dont pin your inability to have your pov challenged upon others. one could counter by saying you also had a lot of high expressed emotion

nature of a discursive forum is most people discuss.you may not always likey that discussion.they dont single out particular posters for derision .

do brush up your internet manners

clarabellarocks · 11/10/2010 14:20

It's comments like this that made me a wreck when I gave up BF and went to FF. I felt like a failure and kept thinking people would be looking at me judging me for doing so when we did it in public. My mum told me they wouldn't and it was just me judging myself but your comments make me think otherwise.

Nobody knew the reasons behind me giving up just as you don't know anything about these women.

Can't believe you feel the need to post about them - have you nothing better to do with your time?

pommedeterre · 11/10/2010 15:23

byeeeeeeee. Hope you find your 'intelligent' adult conversation somewhere. Maybe a mirror and a dictaphone would help?

tittybangbang · 11/10/2010 17:26

"ee tits the point of discursive forum is i can make any point i wish. i can opine til my heart is content,and i will"

Course you can - but don't be disingenuous now. The point of comments like "child development is complex and not solely defined by infant feeding" is to imply that someone on this thread has implied the opposite and that you are setting out the counter argument, otherwise why would you say it, given that it's stating the bleeding obvious?

Well known tactics in these sorts of arguments - respond to an imaginary post saying something blatantly unreasonable and silly - for example "formula is evil!" or "breastfeeding is easy for everyone!" or "the only thing that matters is whether you breastfeed or not!". What tends to follow from this is that people who are looking to take offence fail somehow to notice that these things haven't actually been said and will give you a hearty pat on the back for standing up to bloody unreasonable lactivists who keep saying that everyone can breastfeed and that formula is evil!.

tittybangbang · 11/10/2010 17:27

muslimah28 - don't go! We're all really mad lovely here. Honest. Smile

Original poster
muslimah28 · 11/10/2010 20:11

i am perfectly happy to accept different points of view, otherwise why would i start this discussion? i was expecting differences of opinion and most people have expressed that intelligently.

i have plenty of people to have adult conversation with, no need of a mirror, dictaphone or anything else thank you.

what upset me was: a) the inappropriate and very cruel rude response to my comment about how much pain i was in and b) how people have misunderstood what i'm trying to say and have as a result been offended, when in fact if they read my comments where i make clear i believe that formula has a place, nay a need, they would probably not be offended. true i may still have offended people after that, but as you say, we need to accept different points of view. i'm just frustrated by people being offended by what they think i or others have said when if they just read the posts properly they would realise i'm not out to pillory every single person on the face of the earth who FFs.

thanks to the others.

bolding is an individual thing,i've seen plenty of others do it, if you don't like it scottishmummy then i can't help that.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 20:21

aye well suppose if you need to holler boldly up to you

Bonsoir · 11/10/2010 20:38

"do brush up your internet manners"

So sayeth scottishmummy, the internet etiquette queen Hmm

wastingaway · 11/10/2010 20:44

Scottishmummy, it's standard practice in some parts of MN to bold posters names to draw attention to them. Hmm

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 20:46

my my what a lot of Hmmhumphy wee faces.wassup ladies?beans for dinner.again

RubyBuckleberry · 11/10/2010 22:16

consternation extrapolation verbose have you got word of the day toilet paper scottishmummy lolol

CrosswordGeekWantsChange · 11/10/2010 22:20

...
I went to my first ever BFing group today, DD is 13 months so was quite odd.

Found out that most weeks there is not one person who goes because formula is seen as standard. That makes me sad, tbh.

gaelicsheep · 11/10/2010 22:23

CrossworkGeek - I'm about to venture to a BF support group - DD is 4 months. When I really needed support I didn't dare go - sounds like you were the same!

CrosswordGeekWantsChange · 11/10/2010 22:33

Yep, I was too scares it would be run by the same HVs that told me to just "give in" to formula when I was struggling. Or the midiwves who said my latch was "just fine". Shame I didn't have MN back then, too. Was run by a lovely NCT BF counselor lady. Was nice to talk it all through and have the pat on the back for getting where I am today.

Thoroughly recommend it! Also met a girl who fed her DD til she was 3 and a half, was nice to see someone in RL rather than just on here, made me feel very calm wrt to still nursing DD.

foxytocin · 12/10/2010 05:31

Bonsoir Mon 11-Oct-10 20:38:32

"do brush up your internet manners"

So sayeth scottishmummy, the internet etiquette queen.

I do love you Bonsoir.

don't go muslimah. some posters like to be seen and heard at the same time despite what they are wearing and what they are saying.