can't believe this conversation in the dr's surgery yesterday

[muslimah28]

little baby came in with his mummy for their 6 week post natal check. mummy is trying to wind baby in the waiting room.

another mummy with a c2 year old says to her 'i found with my son, just changing the formula helped'.

mummy to 6wk old replies, 'no i just use what i did for all 4 of mine, it can't be the formula.'

at no point did 2yr old's mummy say 'are you formula feeding', or 'how are you feeding him', there was just an assumption that she was formula feeding, and it turned out she was right.

i was just a bit shocked to see yet more proof of how much of a formula feeding culture we have here.

didn't want to add this to the other thread going on at the moment, its just way too long.........but interested in thoughts!!

God, some people on here are being 10xmore judgemental and rude than im accused of being.

thank you foxytocin for clarifying what i've been saying and saving me from having to do so.

perhaps shock is the wrong word. forums are funny things. if id said that out loud, 'i was just a bit shocked' i don't think it sounds so bad. but written down it's been taken by people on this thread to mean that i sat there in disgust and horror.

in fact what i was thinking after this conversation was how good the 6 week old's mummy looked for being only 6 week post natal, and i was thinking how cute her little baby was.

this thread is not really about the two people in question, over whom i spent a small moment thinking about. it's about the FFing culture we have, and their brief conversation i think captured it quite well.

and if people want to read into this i'm saying formula is evil, well they havent read my posts properly. because if i thought that i wouldn't really have fed my own baby something evil for 5 weeks.

i think people DO have a responsibility to read through forum threads properly to understand what is being said if they are going to form an opinion. i seemed to keep saying 'as i said above' in my last post....and if people are going to get offended by one post on a thread, they really should go back and read the conversation before they do so as they may realise they've misunderstood. which is what i think the newmummy above did. congratulations on your LO btw.

op you are observing that the prevalence of ff is in your opinion shocking,and that a ff culture exists.inference being that is a bad thing

My midwife asked me 'how many ounces is he having?' when she visited me at home after ds3's birth and had to scribble 'ozs' off my notes as she had already started writing it whilst waiting for my answer. and I took it as an insult

I think I understand people so much more since I've been on MN.

I did used to think people were x, y and z for things they did. I still might have a sharp intake of breath over some things, but I try and see a situation from their perspective.

The ff culture is so strong in this country and is the norm in many parts of society, so much so that for some people it would be too difficult socially and psychologically to do anything else.

So now, whatever the reason I can't be judgey about individuals.
(philosophically of course, I'm still fighting those ingrained prejudices as do most people imo)

I judge the society we live in though.

to half the posts on this thread who are talking without really listening.

And am not particularly shocked by the conversation (although I too thought the reply could imply bf!), but am quite surprised by the UNICEF statistics.

I guess (from the emotional storm that suddenly whipped up) that a lot of ppl find bf too difficult. I do find that sad - because I wish everyone could find it as easy as I do (well, after the first 2 or 3 months, at least).

no one needs your sorrow that they dont bf.and as you say given you overall found it "easy" perhaps you are not the most impartial observer to comment

Yes lostinafrica I found bf ds a piece of piss although bon achingly tiring but thats ok, thats do-able. Bf dd was a whole different kettle of fish hence why Im so over sensitive.

Scottishmummy, why can't one feel sorry for someone who couldn't do something they wanted to do?

I actually wouldn't have read into that conversation that the mother of the toddler assumed anything about how the baby was being fed, would have just thought she was saying what had worked for her

feeling sorry is a projection of your what ifs and values onto someone else.

I'd be a bit sensitive 2 weeks in, too TheUnmentioned. :)

I've found with no4 that she takes a long long time and would've given up bf entirely at around 3 or 4 months if I'd not had lots of practical support with the other 3 LOs.

Now she's 7mo and I'm a bit surprised I'm not sick of it yet. She is my last, though, don't really want to lose the big boobs yet! Now there's a bad reason for sticking with bf!!

Or, scottishmummy, listening to SOME of them say they'd've liked to do it but couldn't and responding naturally.

Woman 1: I regret not having been to see a west end show

woman 2: gee that's a shame I'm sorry

Woman 1: you BASTARD

yup totally unreasonable and projecting

did you spend ages on that. hope not

jaundice , blood loss, tongue tie, no family nearby all make it tougher going. Im sure people will judge me though thinking i am then result of a ff culture

The HV that booked my in for my last two babies asked me

What formula are you feeding?

Not 'how are you feeding?'

She assumed I was ff because I suppose so many other mums do it in this area and/or she had preconceived ideas about who bfs and I didnt fit.

The first time she asked me (DC4) and I said 'I am bf' She said 'are you sure?'

She DID

I dont care how other people feed their babies as long as they do feed them.

TheUnmentioned, I'm not judging you. I can empathise on all those counts.

The society we live in however is to blame for the lack of support new mothers get.

I don't watch eastenders anymore. I read the thread on BF/FF. Tons more bitchiness and irrational women than in Walford Square.

What I want to know who hears something and thinks 'ooh, must post a thread about that on MN'....

And I don't understand why people get 'sad' if a baby is ff. They are still being fed ffs. It isn't poison.

Am still looking for usual's eyeballs on ebay though.....

I'm not sad for the baby. I'm not sad for the mother if she likes it. Some wish it could be different. They're the ones I'm sad for. Cos why should I be lucky and be able to and they want to and not be able to?

It's GREAT when it works, btw!

And bitch about my insensitivity all you like, girls, I'm moving on.....

sad if the mother likes what?ff?

Yeah, I'm writing too many "it"s, aren't I?
Translation: I'm not sad for the mother if she's happy ff.

And I LOVE being able to bf!!! Sterilising and foul-smelling formula milk? Not for me! Hahahahaha....

Ok, really off this time.

Almost every health care professional I came across since I had both my boys assumed I was ff, really the amount of "really?" "wow well done" iv gotten is laughable... And iv had so many random chit chats with other mums who randomly ask so how many oz's is he on? And of course how does he sleep then blame it on bf when both times iv said not great (big understatement with mine) I'm very lucky though, I was able to bf, I don't take it for granted cause my first few weeks with ds1 were so awful I bearly made it though. Its none of my business how anyone feeds their babies but it actually is a little shocking that so so many health care professionals just assume everyone ff, no?

I was buying some type of medicine over the counter in Boots when my (bf) baby was very small, I made reference to "when I was up in the night feeding the baby" and she automatically ran off to the pharmacist to check it was ok to take when bf. I don't know if she just presumed I'd be bf or if it was teh mention on feeding at night but she definatly presumed bf. I was v pleased :)