OK, I get BF, but am totally fucked off with the smugness

[FunnysInTheGarden]

Most of us are failed BF, but the tone on here recently has really pissed me off. We generally FF? Non? So why the smug shit and the passive aggressiveness towards those who have to/chose to FF?

So tempted to name names, but I won't.

Just stop being so smug and holier than thou please, some people

I FF my DD, i did BF until she was 4 months old but found it very very hard and tbh had so much pressure from RL friends to give it up that i relented. I regret it to this day i wish i hadnt given up, i feel very guilty about it everytime i give my DD a bottle and i do feel judged. But that is how i FEEL it doesnt mean everyone does judge me, i am sure some people do though.

It doesnt help when there are lots of posts saying that because i FF i could make my DD ill, it makes me feel sick and want to cry and hate myself for giving up BF.
What there needs to be more of is BF support in RL, not pushing it but support and a general acceptance of BF, i hated BF in public was a real issue of mine and i think if it was more of the norm to see others BF more mothers would do it. Also alot more information on how to FF, the safe ways to make up bottles etc.

I think it is my own issues but i posted re my DD not drinking her bottles and have only had 1 person respond who has been Very helpful i have to add but I cant help feeling this is because i am being judged for FF. if however i had posted re a problem with BF i think i would have had lots of responses. If i am wrong then sorry for this but i dont think i am. Perhaps it is because more mothers on here Bf then FF but then that is a good sign that the amount of people BF is increasing.

ray81 - sorry you are feeling bad :(

You only posted yesterday afternoon about your dd and her bottles, and you didn't come back until this morning to check for replies and to give more info...and the question was more of a weaning one, anyway. I think there is plenty of time for more responses.

A read of this folder will show you that many people ask about bottles and formula, and a quick look through the top 10 or 12 threads at the moment include Qs from mothers mixed feeding and fully ff. Honestly, if people have the experience and the answers to help, then they offer a lot of support and a lack of responses does not indicate any judging for ff.

You posted several times when you were bf and got support - and in at least one thread you started you never came back to acknowledge the support you got. It may be that people who responded then have decided not to respond this time, I don't know. Or may be no one has anything sensible to suggest! I can promise you it is nothing to do with judging!

No one is saying you could make your DD ill. It doesnt work like that. The evidence is clear - there are health risks to using formula milk, but this does not predict anything in any individual baby. Research shows evidence at a population level. Often, things happen which disappoint us as parents, and upset us because they don't work out as planned - that's part of parenthood, and they are not our fault.

You don't need to 'hate' yourself for not bf. Instead, direct your 'hate' towards cultural pressure not to bf in public, which had such an effect on you. It's not your fault you felt that way - we all reach adulthood with 'baggage' that has an impact on how we feel when we are parents, and a lot of it is out of our control!

I hope you get more answers to your question and that you start to feel less judged. If anyone judges you - and of course some daft people judge others for anything - then this does not need to affect you at all. If someone judged you for having the 'wrong' pram, it wouldn't bother you, would it? Youd just think they were crazy to think they were any better than you are! Think of feeding in the same way!

I do feel I failed at breastfeeding.

But I also think that the smug breastfeeders are smug because smugness is in their nature - if they weren't breastfeeding, they'd be smug about something else.

The vast majority of breastfeeding mothers that I have met have been very tolerant and understanding of other mothers' and their feeding decisions.

The vast majority of bf mums I meet in RL are far too busy to give a flying f*ck how I feed my baby. That makes some of the attitudes on here feel a bit shocking when you first encounter them.