Support for those FF

[galonthefarm]

Not sure if this is the best description for a thread, but basically just somewhere for anyone who is FF who did not set out to do so - to chat to others about it, as there are so many feelings involved (yes, including guilt and also relief!)

My dd (5.5 months) is now exclusively bottle fed, using up supplies of frozen ebm once a day until its gone. She was 5 weeks early and we were advised to top up from the beginning so she put on weight. Now a very chubby 15 lb plus!

There are so many different stories I've heard from friends and on here, and I think it is so important to realise you are not alone in how you feel. I don't get on here much but thought would start the ball rolling! x

Funkydemon - we are all friends here, no matter WHY we FF :cuddle:

I say it again, a happy confident functioning FF mum is more use to a baby then an emotional and physically wreacked BF mum. I know, I have been both. My eperience has left me so scared there is no way in hell there will be a 'next time' but if there was I suspect i would be straight onto formula.

Feeding is political in the universal. Individually it is far from it (and rightly so).
I am not voting I am nourishing my baby.

I seem to have rubbed people up the wrong way. Not what was intended. I didn't want to make anyone feel guilty. I was just saying what I thought and sharing my own experience because I am finding it difficult to FF, and I don't feel like talking to my family and friends about it. Again. I don't feel like I've failed, for what it's worth. I just feel incredibly sad.

I read the first post on this thread and thought it might be somewhere I would find support and discussion. I didn't have time to read through all the posts, sorry. FWIW I hate how feeding divides people into 'camps'.

Of course at the personal level decisions about how we feed our babies are not political. But things become political when it comes to issues like the kind of advice and support the NHS should provide, formula advertising, formula-company funded research. That is what I meant when I said it was a political issue. IMHO it is totally possible to be analytical (and critical) about things at the big-picture level while not criticising individuls for what they are doing.

Again I am sorry again if I offended anyone. It wasn't my intention.

Narmanda - like I said to Funktdeamon, we really are all friend here :) . I just diddnt want anyone to skim through the long thread (we are all uilty of doing it!), see your comment, and then be put off posting

Discussion is always good as well. As long as you then accept I am right.

And apolgies for constantly spelling your name wrong .

that's alright then toddlerwrangler [smiley]. Gotta come to terms with FF. Tell me the things you love about FF - and make me feel better about it, please! I have already got: other people can do it so (in theory) I can go out, and other people can help at night (v important as with this effing PND I cannot cope with 24 hour babycare).

or

Good things about Formula:

You know exactly how much they are getting - often helps give an early indication if they are feeling a bit of color.

Its not just good that other people can feed - if means your partner can enjoy the speacial snuggle/milk time that BF mums rave so much about!

I was in a similar position to you Ref night support helping my PND. This was when I was at my most 'nervous' that I was doing something wrong and the fact people could help out, literally, saved my neck.

You can eat curry/Garlic etc without fear of being up with a windy child all night. This in turn helps you feel human and individual rather then a feeding machine, and this helped me be a better mum!

Very easy to feed anywhere - sorry BF mums but your not the only ones that have convienience!

East digest/stay down formula available - makes milk tweaking much easier if there are issues such as reflux.

Going back to work etc much MUCH easier for baby - no 'won't take bottle' trauma.

No having to think about weaning a three year old that is using your nipple as a comforter!

Lots more but I am off for food!

I did decide to wean my toddler off BF at 22 months when I got pregnant and my nipples could take no more, it is true. It wasn't exactly easy but she was quite amenable. However, know they're not all like that. DS might have turned out to be a boob monster of even more epic proportions to her, I suppose. And she never, ever took anything at all from bottle, cup or any receptacle until she was about 16 months when she would have cow's milk...made it a bit of a trauma going back to work, it's true [looking on the bright side emoticon]

Just remember - there is more to a healthy baby then the physical properties of the milk they have. Much much, much more.

Once I came to terms with this I was a happier person, and a better mum.

Dresses, nice bras

Also I read often about bf-ers saying that they have a very easy way to comfort their babies even at 8/9 months (or maybe all the way to toddlerdom).
If that is true then another good thing about ff is a chance to develop ways of comforting your child face to face with more 'active' interaction earlier.

I know several friends who FF from the start.

Wish I had tbh

I have ff both my dds from the word go, and am planning on doing the same with 3rd due in 8 weeks (where did this pregnancy go )

Favourite thing about ff - holding baby in crook of your arm and watching them watch you while they are feeding

I love that my baby is thriving and happy on formula. Formula allowed me to bond with her when BF went wrong and I dreaded her waking up for a feed. I love that feeding her doesn't take hours of each day. I love the way she grabs the bottle and tries to hold it and the way she opens her mouth really wide when she sees the bottle. I love wearing normal clothes and not having to undo my clothes on a regular basis. It was also great not having to worry about DD's weight gain when lots of BF friends were being threatened with the need to top-up by health visitors (they seem to blow hot and cold over BF). I found all of the HCP that I came across to be really supportive as once you are FF then there isn't really much point being negative as there is no way back.

I now can't imagine wanting to BF and any more DC will be FF from birth.

what I most love about formula is knowing it is there. I BF DS1 for 6 weeks and it was pretty awful really, and then I struggled with the decision to give him formula.

I BF DS2 for 4 weeks, but knew formula was there and that I could swap whenever I needed to. Because of that I really enjoyed my BF time with DS2, knowing that I could move to formula at anytime with minimal guilt. As it turned out our last feed was on mothers day, it was lovely, but also time to move on.

FunnysInTheGarden - that's a lovely description and I hope that lots of people, both BF and FF feel the same.

thanks breathe, I too hope others feel the same. Whenever you decide to stop BF, if indeed you do BF at all, it should be a positive and not a negative experience. It was a lot easier to be mentally equipped for it the second time round!

sorry to post again, but this thread really is a breath of fresh air. I so love talking about my feeding experiences without the judgement of a BF thread. Thanks everyone, it's really great

just a note - the OP does say "basically just somewhere for anyone who is FF who did not set out to do so- to chat to others about it, as there are so many feelings involved (yes, including guilt and also relief!)", hence the stories from everyone looking for catharsis and support, but all FFers are welcome, but let's just keep the OP in mind for new posters.

Anyway, I'm coming to a much better place now with my not being able to BF "properly" and FFing. I techinically mix feed (I give baby a BF twice a day, when we're at home) even though I don't often think of it as such as it's not always very successful (never was though)- I tend to think of it as a bit of snuggle time and a BM snack. If she whines and moans and squirms, I know that I can reach for the bottle and she still gets fed properly. I know that she'll lose interest eventually but there'll be no big stress when the time comes - she gets the vast majority of her milk from a formula filled bottle.

Things I like about FFing:

• knowing it's there, as Funnyinthegarden said. There's no stress thinking "Is she getting enough". You know if she is. No danger of baby getting ill and dehydrated, as lots of mums have experienced too.
• It's not as inconvient as people make out. Yes, you have to be prepared and plan ahead, but you need to with a baby anyway, this is just in a different way.
• Ok, this might just be mine, but she's fairly predictable when she wants fed. If she's had a feed in the last hour and gets all grumbly, I know she's not hungry. I also don't have to feed her 24 hours a day to build up supply when it comes to a growth sport - the milk is already there and waiting
• I can share the night feeds / really morning starts with DH - we all need a good night's rest sometimes!
• I had a night out with the girls last week, and didn't have to worry about expressing milk or being back in time for a feed (or me having a drink)! We all need some time for ourselves too :)
• The comfort thing - yep, knowing that baby can be comforted by someone else if I'm not there and something other than boobs, only boobs!

I've been thinking about the prospect of baby number two already (I'm not pregnant - just thinking ahead!) - bit anxious if the birth and Bfing were to go tits up again (and I'd like to give BFing a go again) but knowing that formula is there as a safety net if it doesn't work out again is a good feeling.

i thought i would bump this and link to this very good article from the BBC on FFing

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12008913

Theborrower - now I need to apologise to OP and narmada. I confused this thread with another FF thraed and thought is was directed at FF full stop. My fault. Shame, for some reason I dont feel as comfortable here as I did now :( . i guess some of my issues come from the fact that i feel deepdown that had i not been so heavily pressurused into BF then my PND would never have kicked in as I have ME and i knew it would lave me exauseted and miserable.

TSPF - amazing link. thank you. puts into words so much of what i feel about BF propoganda.

toddlerwrangler - please don't feel uncomfortable, and from what you have told us you had a really horrendous time, so please keep posting :)

Just joined mumsnet today - thank God for this thread! After 2 months of unsuccessful attempts at breastfeeding and generally feeling like I was a 'bad' mother for not being able to produce enough milk for my DS, I am moving to full FF. I've found that there really is not very much positive info/support for mums who FF so am so happy to have found this thread!! Thanks to organiccarrotcake for pointing in this direction.

:) Just popped in to check you'd found your way here. It may be a bit quiet due to Christmas but there's plenty of ladies here to chat with :)