Boarding School wobble

[ArtHistory]

So my DS has a place at Eton with a sizeable bursary. I think it will be an absolutely amazing school for him - he's got an insatiable thirst for knowledge, loves his sport, his art, his music etc etc, and he is excited about going. However, I'm starting to have a real panic that it is too much of a financial stretch for us, and I can't bear the thought of not seeing him everyday. (I know the latter worry is because he is still this sweet, loving little boy who wants his mammy, and that will change anyway).

To be clear, we're not sending him to Eton for the results - he'll get straight 9s no matter where he goes. We're in a grammar school area and the local comp is also excellent, so these are the alternatives, and with these we would pick up the pieces for sport outside school (though the music and art would drop). We think its the right school because it will allow him to be himself, help his confidence, and also allow him to be challenged. Plus obviously the extra opportunities that he can access are world class.

Financially, we will have to remortgage to cover the fees, and I'm shitting myself that we will struggle to manage the mortgage. With the bursary, I feel like we'll be in a catch 22 situation where anything we do to improve our financial situation (like get a better paid job) will not relieve the pressure as we'd see the bursary reduced.

Are we being stupid putting ourselves under this much pressure? I know you can't tell us that for sure, but presumably if you're reading this thread, you understand the benefits and can reassure us that this is worth it. (Or, do you know any ways to make the fees manageable (legal or otherwise 😂)? Is there an OF market for overweight, middle aged ugly women???

No @Ziegfeld - you are making false assumptions entirely. Resilience comes in all forms, regardless of schooling. Some kids just have it together at a deep level, regardless of background or who their parents are or are not.

@Calliopespa Eton will still be sending boys to Oxbridge because it's a huge school packed with hugely talented pupils. I think the change- and it's hard to argue as a bad thing- is that the competition is now much stiffer so Eton group pupils have to have a better claim to consideration than they did a generation ago: kids who are a easily good enough to flourish once there are no longer good enough to get in. Polish and debating skills won't help if you aren't called to interview. My Etonian nephew- a clever, hardworking and engaging boy with predictions of 4 As- wasn't invited to interview, nor were any from his House that year. I suspect there wasn't enough added value on show in his personal statement, and now that a much wider pool of clever kids are putting themselves forward, his As were no longer enough. It's not surprising that universities like Durham and St Andrews are becoming even more public school rich because they are getting so many excellent public school applicants who would previously have walked into Oxbridge but now no longer quite make the grade on Admissions. My own DS at a different public school (much less academically selective than Eton group) holds an offer for his first choice Oxbridge college with a 3 A* prediction. He identified early on that, if he wanted it, he would have to have a stand-out personal statement. So he set about entering international essay competitions, getting published, demonstrating intellectual interests beyond his subject/curriculum etc. It is also clear that lots of teens who would previously have had a good shot at Oxbridge but aren't real contenders now, still apply as a way to boost their prospects of gaining offers from Durham, Edinburgh, Exeter etc. I agree with pp that it's not so much discrimination against, as tougher competition and reduction in previous advantage for Etonians and their ilk.

@ArtHistory Eton might not be the guarantee it once was that an Oxbridge-worthy student wins an Oxbridge place. But there can be few schools more likely to bring out facets of talent and personality and make them shine. It's also more meritocratic than many major schools precisely because it is so competitive to enter and so generous with financial support. A family who can't really manage boarding fees without unrealistic sacrifice will get more help and so struggle less at Eton than at (for instance) Radley. You are much more likely to find WC kids at Eton than (for instance) Sherborne. A family stretching to afford fees would be less likely to be made to feel this at Eton than (for instance) Marlborough. A fiercely clever boy from a less well-off family will probably have more status at Eton amongst his peers than at (for instance) Stowe.

If you can make it work, please ignore all the nay-sayers who want you to believe your son would feel 'less than' at this school.

If you can make it work, please ignore all the nay-sayers who want you to believe your son would feel 'less than' at this school.

I agree with this.
I knew as soon as I saw this thread there would be many naysayers and I wonder if it’s an exclusive UK thing.
UK private school are popular in Asia - some Asian children are sent to school in UK and others go to the 150 satellite schools which have opened there..
On Asian mn equivalents I wonder if there is a similar level of criticism at parents who use these schools.

Polish and debating skills won't help if you aren't called to interview.

I think if you re-read my post, we are saying more or less the same thing @Chilbolton80

ETA In other words, its the ones who deserve the places who generally get them. I don't believe huge volumes of public school applicants were getting it on the basis of mere polish. The ones who get interviews will be, in the first instance, the ones who look good on paper before that polish even comes into to it and my point was more that where that "on paper" profile is similar, the state educated pupil will have an advantage - so if op believes this paper appeal can be gained regardless, (which is what she has said) she needs to think hard about the value of the "polish" in a circumstance where she will really be stretching to provide it. Of course it's a "nice to have" if money is no issue.

To be clear, I actually think independent schooling is desirable, and I don't think boarding is all wrong for the right chid. It's just a question of where to draw the line at financial jeopardy for it, and I'm really trying to say to OP she need not feel she has to.

Although that may be true of some boarding schools it is very often the case that the school is a long distance from where the parents live. In which case the ‘long’ autumn term will probably have a decent half erm break but the shorter Easter and summer terms may possibly not have half term at all. However, this lack of half terms and schooling over the weekends does mean that the holidays are longer, sometimes much longer. The description above makes one wonder quite whether this is really boarding or a ‘neither fish nor fowl’ sort of hybrid.

@Calliopespa not disagreeing at all!

That's good to hear. I'm really glad it's like that for him and hopefully others now. I stood out I think a lot anyway as I had undiagnosed ADHD and back then it didn't really even exist. But yeah I'm pleased your child is enjoying it. X

@BillieWiper awwww that’s a shame my boy has ADHD and Autisum , I have noticed in some areas he’s compared to other boys ect , especially in drama , we can’t make that an excuse . Or when his meds have worn off he is not concentrating in that certain subject ! It’s pretty pointless saying either they haven’t kicked in for first lesson or vice versa !

What have you decided to do OP? Because generally you will need to confirm the place and pay the deposit before April.

@NottsNora No deposit for Eton. The only thing you have to pay is an acceptance fee in April of Y7, after HM allocations are done.

It's rare but this things are still going on.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15666065/Housemaster-boarding-school-kissing-pupil-love-wife-pregnant.html