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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

In search of a suitable British boarding school

143 replies

gorgiasencomium · 19/08/2023 23:27

My spouse - an American - and myself - a Belgian - have two children; a son who is 9 years old and a daughter who is 7. We live in Seattle, where our children attend a bilingual primary schools (French-English). Furthermore, our children master the Russian language quite well, as they have a Russian nanny.Personally, I wish to send them to a British boarding school, as I do not find the curriculum of American schools stimulating enough - there are, of course, some excellent boarding schools on the East Coast - and I refuse to have "all-American" children. Also, I was lucky enough to spend my secondary studies at a Dutch-speaking Jesuit college in Belgium - not a boarding school - , where intellectual stimulation was held in very high regard. But not enough in my eyes. That was due to the fact that our school, like almost all schools in Belgium, depended on the State's educational plans. Our school sometimes had problems with the administration, which felt that the curriculum was too advanced. One of the criticisms was, ridiculously, that we studied too much French literature and instead of debates, we should be practising short and everyday dialogues. So I would wish my children to be pushed to their limits on an intellectual level; I don't want them to be bored, as I was sometimes bored at school.Right now, we are looking at the options for our son. He is, though I say so myself, rather intelligent and curious. I remember that two years ago, he was reading a comic book from my childhood and read the following sentence, "Action, reaction." He asked me for an explanation, since he was not sure if he understood the meaning of it completely. I told him about Newton's laws and he got very excited. That whole evening he was trying to find examples/applications of those laws. Two things that intrigued him a lot recently: Fibonacci's row and the Battle of Stalingrad.He is also sporty; he swims, plays tennis and enjoys hiking and skiing in the mountains. He likes debating, but does not cope very well with losing an argument. Hopefully, this will paint a clear picture of what our expectations are and what kind of boy our son is.In our search for schools, we made the following list - for the moment:- Winchester College: In my career, I have met people who went to school there and seemed to have a fond memory of their time there. However, I have heard/read that the school is undergoing major change. The fact that girls are being integrated into the school does not really bother me, though of course it would be unfortunate if the school lost its identity as a result. Rather, what bothers me about the whole thing is the way the school has implemented this change, namely without discussion and as "un fait accompli". I also read about the fact that wokism is, apparently, taking an increasingly important role at the school. I fear that, despite my rather young age, I am a bit too old-fashioned there and consequently do not really find such an education desirable for my son. But of course, I don't know to what extent this is true.... Furthermore, I wondered what kind of students one finds there. Do they come from ordinary families or from very rich families, as is the case at Eton?

  • Eton College: The school with quite a reputation, but not necessarily the most positive one. That children do come well-off and privileged families does not bother me, but arrogance and ingratitude I do not consider, arrogance and ingratitude, as being enviable values. That's a bit of an image we have of Eton, but again, I don't know to what extent this is accurate.
  • Tonbrigde School: Students there are said to be more athletic and less intellectual than at Winchester, yet do they score better than Winchester as far as A-levels are concerned? Again, what kind of students does one find here?
  • Sevenoaks/Marlborough: Given that our son is not British, they might be a good fit for our son because of their international nature.
  • St. Paul's/Westminster: Given the small number of students boarding there, we don't think this is the appropriate choice.

You might wonder why I ask so much about the pupils' origins. This is because of my own experience at my high school: the students came from the rich and/or aristocratic families of my country. Many of their parents I knew through my parents, but I found that they, the children but also the parents, were often very disrespectful, condescending and arrogant.
Additionally, and this is something very Belgian or even linked to Brussels, the majority at this Dutch-speaking school were French-speaking. You had to choose your camp, which I found difficult as a bilingual who had grown up in both of these worlds. I always say that my school in itself was great, the students not so much. Such atmosphere, is not what I wish for my children.

Thanks in advance for any comments/suggestions.

OP posts:
gorgiasencomium · 19/08/2023 23:30

I do apologise for the layout that is, unintentionally, messed up.

OP posts:
Themuffintop · 19/08/2023 23:40

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JaukiVexnoydi · 19/08/2023 23:55

The right boarding school for a child who is keen to go, starting at the right time, can be brilliant but if the fit is wrong the fallout can be terrible psychological harm. Getting the right match is a huge undertaking which takes years and beginning your research by asking a bunch of strangers on a board like this, where none if us know a thing about your children, is a really bad way to start.

You need to start conversations with a reputable educational placement consultancy like eg Gabbitas who will charge you an expensive but indispensable fee to assess your children's needs and help you find the right match, as well as decide what timescale will work. One child may be ready to board from age 11, another may not be ready until 14 and will be seriously harmed if sent too early.

Mingomang · 19/08/2023 23:57

Why are people typing posts using ChatGPT? What’s the intention here?

Xiaoxiong · 19/08/2023 23:59

OP if you are sure you want boarding school, I'd report your post and ask Mumsnet to move it to the Boarding Schools section if you only want to hear about boarding schools.

If it stays here, this thread will quickly derail with people debating the rights and wrongs of boarding vs day schools. Which will be completely unhelpful to you.

My first question is - have you visited any of these schools to see what they are like today, and not what they were like 20 years ago when the people you know (or even 40+ years ago when eg people in the Tory cabinet) were there. You need to see what they are like now to judge if they will suit your child. Not every kid is right for boarding and not every school will be right for your kid.

Are you planning on relocating to the UK as well or would your kids be international boarders?

Xiaoxiong · 20/08/2023 00:00

@Mingomang what...how can you tell? Is there a chatgpt detector we can run the post through?

whatisheupto · 20/08/2023 00:02

At this stage OP I would say you don't need to make a choice as such - you can't yet. You need to start visiting them to see for yourself and then apply to 3 or 4 of them, then see which ones you are offered places at after tests and interviews (usually).
Don't forget your son will need to sit the ISEB exams in October of Year 6 (age 10/turning 11 normally). And you need to practice for them as they are unusual.
Would he want to start boarding from Y9 (age 14) or earlier?

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 20/08/2023 00:02

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gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 00:51

I was a little surprised to read that, apparently, I spend my time writing false stories... or worse, use AI to create ones. What a sad and, frankly, miserable life that would be. I should indeed ask MumsNet to move this post to the Boarding Schools section.

I'm well aware that boarding school is not for everyone, but my son seems, at the moment, to like the idea of, maybe, going abroad. Furthermore, he would - if he goes - only integrate a boarding school at the age of 13 (year 9).

OP posts:
gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 01:10

@JaukiVexnoydi Thank you for your concern. I posted this on mumsnet because there seemed to be quite a lot of parents on this forum who are in the know of those boarding schools. Those parents will not , necesarilly , tell us the same as some consultants.

At this stage, we are not yet trying to get our son into a boarding school, but rather trying to get sensible information about some boarding schools, in order to make a prelimary selection.

In a later stage, we will of course ask for guidance of specialised consultants.

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gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 01:13

@Xiaoxiong We didn't visit any boarding school yet. The idea was just to get some extra information, in order to be able to establish a list of the schools we would like to visit.

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whatisheupto · 20/08/2023 02:32

Oundle and Radley are worth considering too.

Cheekymawbot · 20/08/2023 02:45

Ha ! Poor weans

saltysandy · 20/08/2023 04:40

Tonbridge and Eton mean they can't go to the same school - single sex. I'd rule that out as it would be better for them to fly to and from school together. Have the same term dates as well as having eachother.

London schools will be a big adjustment, potentially hectic and overwhelming.

Sevenoaks is IB, very international and a good choice, best mixed school I believe. Marlborough isn't quite as academic but the setting is pleasant too. Winchester is also a top option. Not sure if that helps you.

Netaporter · 20/08/2023 05:06

@gorgiasencomium you do seem very heavily invested in your children’s intellectual development and appear to want to have a large input into what they study/what activities they do. Nothing wrong with wanting the best (providing you don’t stray into helicopter parenting) but it is absolutely at odds with sending your children to boarding school where you will have no say in what they are learning/doing etc. you’ll need to accept that they’ll most likely lose their Russian skills and the opportunity to learn additional languages from you and probably won’t continue to be bilingual. All of this and they’ll be 000’s of miles away from you which is important if say, one of them is hospitalised at short notice. What would be your plans for Exeat weekends where every pupil has to leave the school at least 2/3 per term? Are you flying over? Where would you stay? School events where your child has no one in the audience? You’ll need to consider the practicalities.

There is nothing wrong with a boarding school choice if you are in the armed forces/work in an industry where country movement is likely/both parents work insane hours but the question is, have you actually asked your kids what they want? Assuming they are on board, you can’t possibly start ruling schools in/out without visiting so I’d suggest you start there.

gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 08:11

@Netaporter Thank you for evoking the challenges that could arise by wanting to send our son (our children) over there.

Like you say, we want them to grow up in an intellectual stimulating environment. This being said, we also want our children to become independent and boarding school seems to be the right way to achieve that.

There is of course, the "problem" of the exeats. The idea is that we, or possibly only my wife, would fly over or my parents would come over from Belgium to spend the weekend with their grandson (grandchildren). They own a holiday home in the South of England, which would facilitate such an arrangement. If they are there when an important school event takes place, they could assist. For us, the parents, though, that would be difficult.
We also do have friends in London where they could stay - this is, of course, not the most ideal solution. So, in the case of an urgent hospitalisation, my parents, or even my wife, could reach him on a quick notice.

Speaking about his linguistic capabilities, I do hope that he will not lose his knowledge of languages. Both of them, have two mother tongues: English, because of my wife, and French, because of me. Losing his Russian knowledge is a "risk", although most of the boarding schools offer Russian courses. For the moment, he speaks Russian to his nanny and godfather.

But, wat matters the most is, like you point out, his happiness/suitability for boarding school. My son spent this summer 3 weeks in France in a youth camp and seemed to really have enjoyed it. The distance from home didn't seem to bother him. This does, of course, not imply that boarding school will suit him, but is, you may call it, a first indicator. We have brought up to subject of sending him abroad for his education, and he wasn't dismissive at all about it. He thought it would be"cool" to spend so much time with friends/boys of his age.

Regarding the "ruling out" of schools, I do believe that it is evident to do so. We do not intend to visit 30+ schools. I just hoped to collect some "insider" information about those schools, since they, understandably so, praise only their merits.

OP posts:
gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 08:25

@saltysandy At the moment, our dear daughter is a bit too young to decide if joining a boarding school would be suitable. Although, it's true, that if, in the future, we would also send here to boarding school, it would facilitate things to have them in the same school. But, again, the most important would be that he - and she, later on - joins a school where he fits.

Sevenoaks seems indeed to be a good school. Deciding between IB and A-levels will be a tough call. At this stage, it's a bit difficult to know what he would prefer. My only worry, about the IB education, is that it could, maybe, make it more difficult for him to attend a British university because of the curriculum gap. Let's say, he wants to study something scientifical, but didn't do Further Maths.

OP posts:
Netaporter · 20/08/2023 10:10

@gorgiasencomium how does your wife feel about all of this?

Themuffintop · 20/08/2023 10:22

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UnhappyHost · 20/08/2023 10:27

gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 08:25

@saltysandy At the moment, our dear daughter is a bit too young to decide if joining a boarding school would be suitable. Although, it's true, that if, in the future, we would also send here to boarding school, it would facilitate things to have them in the same school. But, again, the most important would be that he - and she, later on - joins a school where he fits.

Sevenoaks seems indeed to be a good school. Deciding between IB and A-levels will be a tough call. At this stage, it's a bit difficult to know what he would prefer. My only worry, about the IB education, is that it could, maybe, make it more difficult for him to attend a British university because of the curriculum gap. Let's say, he wants to study something scientifical, but didn't do Further Maths.

Read Boarding School Syndrome OP before you damage your child for life.

Enriquetta · 20/08/2023 13:37

Sending your child to a boarding school on the other side of the world because you don't want all-American children is - frankly - insane. If you really want a "better" bs education for your child send them to one in the US and then send them to an international university. Honestly, IF you are genuine, then don't do this.

gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 14:12

@Netaporter My wife went actually herself to a boarding school, albeit in the US. According to herself, she was genuinely very happy there. She met some of her best friends there. And she doesn't seem to suffer from the 'boarding school syndrome'.

So, my wife is rather supportive of the idea of sending our son to a boarding school. This being said, she would prefer it to be in the US, and I, as a European, in the UK. This does not mean she's against the idea of our son boarding in the UK.

To make that decision, we have of course to visit those schools and to speak to pupils and teachers.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 14:18

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TheShellBeach · 20/08/2023 14:20

Xiaoxiong · 20/08/2023 00:00

@Mingomang what...how can you tell? Is there a chatgpt detector we can run the post through?

It's so obvious.

gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 14:27

@Enriquetta In that case, I guess that there are a lot of insane parents in the world... There have always been children coming from China, Hong Kong,... to board in the UK. That's also the other side of the world.

Besides, American education is different from a European one. I have experienced that quite a lot, while living in the US.
Is it morally so wrong to want them to be educated in both worlds, in order to have a more balanced world view? I do know that my son enjoys his time in Europe; he says it each time when we come back home from the Old Continent.

I do appreciate the concern of all of you, but by asking a question on this forum I didn't do it to hear that I'm, allegedly, an insane person who wants to make the life of my children miserable. I just hoped to get information on some of the mentioned schools and of other schools.

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