In search of a suitable British boarding school

[gorgiasencomium]

My spouse - an American - and myself - a Belgian - have two children; a son who is 9 years old and a daughter who is 7. We live in Seattle, where our children attend a bilingual primary schools (French-English). Furthermore, our children master the Russian language quite well, as they have a Russian nanny.Personally, I wish to send them to a British boarding school, as I do not find the curriculum of American schools stimulating enough - there are, of course, some excellent boarding schools on the East Coast - and I refuse to have "all-American" children. Also, I was lucky enough to spend my secondary studies at a Dutch-speaking Jesuit college in Belgium - not a boarding school - , where intellectual stimulation was held in very high regard. But not enough in my eyes. That was due to the fact that our school, like almost all schools in Belgium, depended on the State's educational plans. Our school sometimes had problems with the administration, which felt that the curriculum was too advanced. One of the criticisms was, ridiculously, that we studied too much French literature and instead of debates, we should be practising short and everyday dialogues. So I would wish my children to be pushed to their limits on an intellectual level; I don't want them to be bored, as I was sometimes bored at school.Right now, we are looking at the options for our son. He is, though I say so myself, rather intelligent and curious. I remember that two years ago, he was reading a comic book from my childhood and read the following sentence, "Action, reaction." He asked me for an explanation, since he was not sure if he understood the meaning of it completely. I told him about Newton's laws and he got very excited. That whole evening he was trying to find examples/applications of those laws. Two things that intrigued him a lot recently: Fibonacci's row and the Battle of Stalingrad.He is also sporty; he swims, plays tennis and enjoys hiking and skiing in the mountains. He likes debating, but does not cope very well with losing an argument. Hopefully, this will paint a clear picture of what our expectations are and what kind of boy our son is.In our search for schools, we made the following list - for the moment:- Winchester College: In my career, I have met people who went to school there and seemed to have a fond memory of their time there. However, I have heard/read that the school is undergoing major change. The fact that girls are being integrated into the school does not really bother me, though of course it would be unfortunate if the school lost its identity as a result. Rather, what bothers me about the whole thing is the way the school has implemented this change, namely without discussion and as "un fait accompli". I also read about the fact that wokism is, apparently, taking an increasingly important role at the school. I fear that, despite my rather young age, I am a bit too old-fashioned there and consequently do not really find such an education desirable for my son. But of course, I don't know to what extent this is true.... Furthermore, I wondered what kind of students one finds there. Do they come from ordinary families or from very rich families, as is the case at Eton?

• Eton College: The school with quite a reputation, but not necessarily the most positive one. That children do come well-off and privileged families does not bother me, but arrogance and ingratitude I do not consider, arrogance and ingratitude, as being enviable values. That's a bit of an image we have of Eton, but again, I don't know to what extent this is accurate.

• Tonbrigde School: Students there are said to be more athletic and less intellectual than at Winchester, yet do they score better than Winchester as far as A-levels are concerned? Again, what kind of students does one find here?

• Sevenoaks/Marlborough: Given that our son is not British, they might be a good fit for our son because of their international nature.

• St. Paul's/Westminster: Given the small number of students boarding there, we don't think this is the appropriate choice.

You might wonder why I ask so much about the pupils' origins. This is because of my own experience at my high school: the students came from the rich and/or aristocratic families of my country. Many of their parents I knew through my parents, but I found that they, the children but also the parents, were often very disrespectful, condescending and arrogant.
Additionally, and this is something very Belgian or even linked to Brussels, the majority at this Dutch-speaking school were French-speaking. You had to choose your camp, which I found difficult as a bilingual who had grown up in both of these worlds. I always say that my school in itself was great, the students not so much. Such atmosphere, is not what I wish for my children.

Thanks in advance for any comments/suggestions.

@Verisimilitude2 “On the academic side the vast majority of parents tutor, this is widespread across all houses including DS"s (College).”

Is this because teaching to the tests is inadequate or more due to sheer parental competitiveness/too much money to spend?

We are observing excessive tutoring in our grammars too at the moment. In our case, it stems from parental Angst due to reading about teacher shortages, but also it is cultural, we have a huge contingent from the Indian subcontinent and China and many say, they grew up being tutored and so will do the same for their own DC. It is quite fascinating. It must be difficult for the teachers too, to assess what is down to the child, and what is down to tutoring. It is more difficult to teach a class when 50% are tutored and 50% not!
I have always wondered though what kids are expected to do during those very long boarding school holidays as surely some work to not forget or cover ground, may be required. Especially if they have been doing lots of extracurricular term time and missing classes for music lessons or fixtures.

@Araminta1003 , top boarding schools cohort do tutor in holidays and half terms. So in class they are revising and ahead and know the topics. Happens in London top day schools, end of summer and next year textbook list follow by tutor and reading of books before year begins.
They can at times disguised it by saying it is an informal book club in the holiday with 4 friends as study group….tutor lead.
Our family don’t do this, so have to see how it pans out.

@Araminta1003 Most British parents that we know never intended to tutor but found it necessary due to inadequate teaching. This should not be the case when you go consider the fees. They did not expect to spend thousands on tutoring on top of £50k pa. I understand others won't have an issue with the extra cost. I did wonder at times what on earth lead some of DS's teachers into the profession, although many were not qualified and some never intended it to be long term.

We have family at various grammar schools and I think you have the most committed and quality teachers. I don't doubt that tutoring goes on but SIL has never needed it. They are provided with holiday work and even sent reminders during the summer. Winchester rrelies on the fact that parents are willing to tutor and never rock the boat by asking more of the school.

We left due to issues surrounding safeguarding and lack of pastoral care , it should be as you described earlier but our reality was dreadful.

Thank you for your kind words @Araminta1003.

Always interesting to see people who didn't fit in themselves try to trash their alma maters.

Usually the most vociferous too.

DS (a collegeman) is having the time of his life at Wincoll. Some of the claims above couldn't be further from the truth IMHO, except, maybe to the one or two individuals who absolutely didn't / doesn't fit in.

Respectfully, that is actually down to the parent for choosing the wrong school for their DC.

As a non WinColl parent, I would expect most WinColl parents to be vociferous, freethinking et al.

There will be bullies in all schools and it is down to the group of boys in a house and what the housemaster does. A good one will spot it straight away, chat to the parents and all boys, do all they can and then if the child is unhappy, let the parents withdraw without loss of further fees than the term already paid for in advance. That is what a school should do, especially a relatively rich one.
With a first time boarder, no parent can be smug and say they will definitely love it. No parent can know for sure at 10 when boys do the initial tests what they will develop into. Hormones et al, boys change, stuff happens in the family, people die, divorce, get ill etc.

So don’t be horrible to other parents on a forum. By all means defend the school as anyone would expect you to do. People will still flock to this school anyway, sheer reputation & history alone. The type of parent interested in this school is not going to be swayed by comments on Mumsnet. They might actually want to see a healthy debate anyway, given that this school represents exactly that.

DS left Winchester a few years ago , we had two housemasters during his time there. DS said recently the first did the bare minimum, the other less than that.

Incidents were covered up when outside agencies should have been called in. DS did not disclose everything to us until after he left the school. He was not directly affected.
Winchester do have a history of this.
He was outspoken though and this did not do him any favours. No DS should be put in that situation.

If safeguarding and pastoral care were as we expected I could have overlooked the less than excellent teaching. Tutoring is common place.

When many parents donate huge sums to the school every year it becomes a toxic environment. It's embarrassing to watch how some of the parents are fawned over. Fees of close to £50k per anumn are not enough apparently to expect the best for your son.
DS does not remember it fondly.

DS loves university but not all boys have his resilience. It's actually more difficult for DH and I to come to terms with sending him to such a place.

@Araminta1003 You come across as such a compassionate person, you would be a great asset to the educator system.

Wincoll parent here, and I must say that I do not recognise any aspect of the school from this discussion. Our perception of the school at the time was that the boys are more mature and kinder than other teenagers we have seen at other schools. Don't think this has changed in the meantime, but instead of reading loaded comments I would encourage the OP to have a look at the schools in question in person. That would give her a much better idea, than biased views on this forum as I am fairly certain that some posters haven't really had a child at Wincoll at all. My DS is also rather sporty and more on the extroverted side, but I also agree that Wincoll has all kinds of kids with the common denominator being intelligence.

In fact I do understand OP for wanting to have a different foundation for their children. I was born and raised in Europe, went to an American (secondary) boarding school, but finished university in the UK. For me the American sense of freedom and opportunistic mindset came a little too early in high school I think :) for my child I would also rather reserve it for university years.

For the schools mentioned, they are all a bit different and I agree with others OP you should take a look in person. For us Wincoll is a kinder and more thoughtful environment than we expected, Eton is more humanities oriented and more urban than we thought at the time, and Sevenoaks is a great alternative to Wincoll/Eton if you want a more secular education. Westminster is a boarding school where most pupils go home to sleep (25% boarders) and St Paul's is boarding in 6th form only (4% boarders).

From your description, I gather you prefer/need full boarding (meaning you would see your kids every 3-weeks) and of the schools you listed only Eton, Wincoll and Marlborough will fit that description, as Tonbridge is weekly boarding (+day) and Sevenoaks is more organised as a day school with a ca 40% boarding contingent.

Good luck

My son was at Winchester. I don't feel brave enough to discuss those unhappy days in detail but I did react to a post on this thread which was particularly upsetting.

For my son is it is inconceivable to think than anyone could enjoy being in that environment.
Life could not be better for him now but like some of the other mums on here, it's difficult for us as parents to move on.We let him down so badly.

My son has shown incredible strength and we couldn't move proud of him.

Hello @gorgiasencomium I have experience as a Tonbridge School parent.

You should be aware that Tonbridge School does have a MAJOR discipline issue – at least 5 boys were expelled last year for a very serious case of physical violence perpetrated on a boarding boy by other boys in his house (Judde House). This is not gossip. Pls DM for more details if required. Further there have also been other issues including one boy removed from school for safeguarding at the end of the last school year – again due to physical danger. A lot of other issues rampant vaping in junior years (in day houses) and the expulsion issue above were a direct result of House Masters not doing their job (both are still teaching at the school but have either retired or been removed as respective House Master). So while they claim pastoral care is strong – the evidence suggests otherwise. Unfortunately this reflects in a student body who have a significant group of unpleasant macho boys and a pervasive sense of entitlement. Bullying is rampant - and more disturbingly the necessary disciplinary followup/sanctions is not in place (or ignored) until it becomes so severe that the physical assault I mentioned at the beginning of the post happens. I would NOT leave my child in the care of these individuals.

#tonbridge #tonbridgeschool

@gorgiasencomium I'm sorry you've had so many less-than-helpful comments in response to your request for information. It's unfortunate also that your thread has been taken over by the wrangling of pro- and anti Winchester parents. If you read other threads about Winchester you can't fail to register that there are frequent concerns about disastrous pastoral care and anger about needing to employ tutors to supplement the teaching there. So it goes beyond the fait accompli co-ed transition. Your son sounds like the sort of boy that Winchester - when operating as it should- would suit very well. It's hard to recommend it at present though, particularly given the long distance parenting you'll be doing from Seattle, as realistically you won't be in a position to identify or remedy Winchester's shortcomings easily. Reading the description of your son and what you are hoping to find for him in terms of education, good alternatives could be King's Canterbury, Sevenoaks and Oundle (if the logistics are manageable). Radley and Harrow might also be worth a look; their settings are very different which underlines the importance of thinking through whether he would be best served in a town setting, or a rural campus. In all cases you are a little behind the curve and will need to focus on meeting their admissions schedules, which are fairly uncompromising.
In your shoes I would probably think in terms of a brilliant US school to 16, followed by UK 6th form and perhaps a European University. He could then choose his favourite of the three for post-grad.... Good luck with your decision!

Why not send him to Andover or Exeter in the States? Both have incredible academic, athletic, and extracurricular activities, and are a lot closer to Seattle. Thatcher in California is excellent, and gets lots of students into Stamford.

These schools are coed. I believe strongly in sending siblings to school together. Failing that, siblings should be given equal opportunities and schools of similar prestige.

@Araminta1003 they could do with you over on the Winchester vs Sherborne thread as a detoxifying influence

If you're looking at somewhere in OK reach of the IOW then Christs Hospital is worth a look. YOu can get a direct train from the school station straight to Portmouth Harbour to get the ferry to Ryde. Its also convenient for Gatwick. It is the wealthiest school in the UK by a long way and it uses its money to fund bursaries - about 70% of the the pupils have them - so there is no risk of being surrounded by the uber rich as many pupils come from very deprived backgrounds. It is full ( 3 weekly) boarding so not a risk of your DC being one of only a handful there at the weekend.

Having said all of that why aren't you looking at a boarding school in Canada? Much better opportunities to keep the two languages going and not an ocean away.

@gorgiasencomium
Hi! I relocated with my family from Seattle after my husband and I lived there for 10+ years. Our children (boy and a girl) went to a ‘gifted’ school (you can probably guess which one) but it did not prepare them for entrance exams because of the differences in curriculum and the order in which things are taught, so you will need to do work at home or get a tutor. In your position, I would:

• FIRST OF ALL become familiar with the ISEB pre test process and timeline which most boarding schools will use (look at the admissions section of any school on your list for an initial outline). For 13+ entry into Y9 your child will need to sit the test at age 10/11 (in the Autumn of Y6 ie Autumn of 5th grade) which entails you registering him before the deadline. So although it seems far away, it isn’t.
• get a tutor familiar with the curriculum (mytutor.co.uk is good because you can often find someone who can work with the time difference); or join Atomlearning; or do work at home using CGP and Bond 11+ books (available on Amazon). But Atom is v good because it’s in the same format and the test is n online test. Atom gives you incredibly detailed feedback for each piece of work your child does and shows you exactly what they need to improve on. They also give you access to mock tests for individual schools as well as for the ISEB.
• some schools won’t accept application unless you’ve done an Open Day. You also need to register with each school when your child is in Y5 (though ideally after you’ve done an open day), so 4th grade. Find out when registration deadlines are for each of the schools you’re thinking of. Not allare the same.

Regarding your concerns about population mix, most schools will have a mix of students and even the likes of Eton and Harrow will have a surprising number of boys on full Bursary (scholarship). Someone told me a couple of days ago that Eton is currently aiming for 1/3.

One thing to consider is whether you want A Levels (or whatever takes their palace) or IB. Many boarding schools offer both options but some only offer the British system.

Since you have a boy and a girl you may want to add Wellington to your list since it’s close to Heathrow and coed.

To find out more about how schools stack up against one another academically, look at the Sunday Times Parent Power School League Tables which ranks all the schools by various attributes which include scores at gcse and A level. Anything in the top 50 will be rigorous and stretch your child academically, but that doesn’t mean schools falling outside of that are soft - there are a lot of very good schools out there and even those in the 80s/90s are still strong and rigorous but may be less well known. The Good Schools Guide is a useful tool for getting insight into other aspects and a general overview. You pay a subscription but worth it.

good luck!

I am writing as someone who is looking at school options for my child, with a brief that overlaps with yours, in seeking a liberal, intellectually stimulating education.
I did not do my school education in UK and I am not fully aware of the subtleties. For what it is worth, I get the impression that in British boarding schools, sport and team sport in particular, is a big big thing (rugby, hockey etc) and your ticket to be included in a social group, something that will become very important in the latter years of secondary school especially.

Having looked at Wellington and Sevenoaks, I get the impression that Wellington fits the more traditional British boarding school mould and is very much in this territory of rugby-hockey stardom! Sevenoaks feels less so and they seem to do other individual sports as well, like Badminton and tennis and other athletic pursuits.

Hi SchoolSearch2 - I’m assuming your child is a boy since you mention rugby. Is your son more into individual sports and if so which ones? Depending on what you’re looking for, there are schools that focus a lot more on individual and non-mainstream sports. For example, quite a few support ski racing, rowing, squash, tennis and have proper teams, great programs including ongoing training and tailored fitness programs. If your son is interested in a particular sport, it’s worth raising with the schools you’re looking at and asking to speak to the lead for that sport because often, they do way more than they advertise.