In search of a suitable British boarding school

[gorgiasencomium]

My spouse - an American - and myself - a Belgian - have two children; a son who is 9 years old and a daughter who is 7. We live in Seattle, where our children attend a bilingual primary schools (French-English). Furthermore, our children master the Russian language quite well, as they have a Russian nanny.Personally, I wish to send them to a British boarding school, as I do not find the curriculum of American schools stimulating enough - there are, of course, some excellent boarding schools on the East Coast - and I refuse to have "all-American" children. Also, I was lucky enough to spend my secondary studies at a Dutch-speaking Jesuit college in Belgium - not a boarding school - , where intellectual stimulation was held in very high regard. But not enough in my eyes. That was due to the fact that our school, like almost all schools in Belgium, depended on the State's educational plans. Our school sometimes had problems with the administration, which felt that the curriculum was too advanced. One of the criticisms was, ridiculously, that we studied too much French literature and instead of debates, we should be practising short and everyday dialogues. So I would wish my children to be pushed to their limits on an intellectual level; I don't want them to be bored, as I was sometimes bored at school.Right now, we are looking at the options for our son. He is, though I say so myself, rather intelligent and curious. I remember that two years ago, he was reading a comic book from my childhood and read the following sentence, "Action, reaction." He asked me for an explanation, since he was not sure if he understood the meaning of it completely. I told him about Newton's laws and he got very excited. That whole evening he was trying to find examples/applications of those laws. Two things that intrigued him a lot recently: Fibonacci's row and the Battle of Stalingrad.He is also sporty; he swims, plays tennis and enjoys hiking and skiing in the mountains. He likes debating, but does not cope very well with losing an argument. Hopefully, this will paint a clear picture of what our expectations are and what kind of boy our son is.In our search for schools, we made the following list - for the moment:- Winchester College: In my career, I have met people who went to school there and seemed to have a fond memory of their time there. However, I have heard/read that the school is undergoing major change. The fact that girls are being integrated into the school does not really bother me, though of course it would be unfortunate if the school lost its identity as a result. Rather, what bothers me about the whole thing is the way the school has implemented this change, namely without discussion and as "un fait accompli". I also read about the fact that wokism is, apparently, taking an increasingly important role at the school. I fear that, despite my rather young age, I am a bit too old-fashioned there and consequently do not really find such an education desirable for my son. But of course, I don't know to what extent this is true.... Furthermore, I wondered what kind of students one finds there. Do they come from ordinary families or from very rich families, as is the case at Eton?

• Eton College: The school with quite a reputation, but not necessarily the most positive one. That children do come well-off and privileged families does not bother me, but arrogance and ingratitude I do not consider, arrogance and ingratitude, as being enviable values. That's a bit of an image we have of Eton, but again, I don't know to what extent this is accurate.

• Tonbrigde School: Students there are said to be more athletic and less intellectual than at Winchester, yet do they score better than Winchester as far as A-levels are concerned? Again, what kind of students does one find here?

• Sevenoaks/Marlborough: Given that our son is not British, they might be a good fit for our son because of their international nature.

• St. Paul's/Westminster: Given the small number of students boarding there, we don't think this is the appropriate choice.

You might wonder why I ask so much about the pupils' origins. This is because of my own experience at my high school: the students came from the rich and/or aristocratic families of my country. Many of their parents I knew through my parents, but I found that they, the children but also the parents, were often very disrespectful, condescending and arrogant.
Additionally, and this is something very Belgian or even linked to Brussels, the majority at this Dutch-speaking school were French-speaking. You had to choose your camp, which I found difficult as a bilingual who had grown up in both of these worlds. I always say that my school in itself was great, the students not so much. Such atmosphere, is not what I wish for my children.

Thanks in advance for any comments/suggestions.

Honestly you seem to have odd views. Dc school had plenty of overseas boarders, arriving year 9/10 or year 12. Few of their parents would have known each other and only occasionally be available for parents' evenings etc. if you pick the right school there would be such a community but overseas pupils do tend to not integrate with home students. Any pupil joining for sixth form needs to hit the ground running, academically and socially,

And if you pick any from your shortlist there will be many pupils from privileged backgrounds and out of touch with reality. Not all scholarship routes are available to non resident candidates and there may be different entry assessments.

@gorgiasencomium I don't think you should take the views on here as those of all English parents, let alone parents of the schools you mentioned - the number of deleted comments alone can tell you that this thread has been repeatedly derailed by a few posters that have strong contrary and potentially not very recent or relevant personal experience.

Anyway - I think you need to stop doing research from afar and come and visit as soon as you can, because that will give you the best idea of how far away you will be from your kids and whether that is right for your family. That will also allow you to see what the schools are like now, many of which are different even from 10 years ago. The ones on your shortlist are a good start if you're looking for top selective academic with full boarding available - Eton, Winchester, Tonbridge, Westminster, Brighton, Wycombe Abbey, and I would add to your list to also look at Teddies, Wellington, Bradfield if you want co-ed and cast the net wider.

You might consider talking to a consultant, as you are quite far away, just to clear up the mechanics of sitting the ISEBs and organising the second round of interviews, and making sure you're registered for the right schools at the right time. If your son is currently 9 years old and just about to start 4th grade over there in the USA, you need to make sure he's registered this academic year for Eton and Winchester (and ideally the others too).

As an example of where a consultant might set you right, you say you've looked at the entrance exams ie. Kings Scholarship and Election papers. However these are not the entrance exams for everyone - just those who are going for entry via that route at 13. Some of those are kids whose families missed that earlier Year 5/4th grade registration deadline; some are very academic kids who already have an Eton or Winchester place and decide to take those papers instead of Common Entrance. The main entry route into Eton, for example, is registration in Year 5 (4th grade), ISEB exams in the October of Year 6 (5th grade), and then if you're called to the next round, the Eton List test in the winter/spring of that year taken at the same time as the interview. You find out within a couple of months if you have a place, have been wait listed, or been unsuccessful.

People here just think you're unwise to send a child thousands of miles away for a form of education, which imo is not particularly outstanding, when they could receive a great education in their own country. It's a very old-fashioned, frankly odd view. I think boarding schools are OK for over 13s who want to go and who see parents regularly but not otherwise. Chinese doing it doesn't make it OK, they do it because they want their dc to become fully bilingual, part of the elite and integrate, but many don't and stay in their bubble. Whatever people may say about Eton having plenty of "ordinary" parents, these parents will still be wealthier than the wildest dreams of most (the fact they consider themselves ordinary just shows how out of touch with reality many are - that's not to say many aren't very nice) and there will be a proportion of super-rich, some bursary kids do not level this out. You want your son to have a rareified education thousands of miles away from his family, no matter how good pastoral care is this CAN cause damage but you won't see the results until decades later.

@Xiaoxiong As I mentioned upthread, Westminster does not accept boarders before years 12&13 who do not have at least one parent resident in the UK. It is pointless the OP adding the school to his list unless either he or his wife are relocating.

@gorgiasencomium If you ask about boarding on MN you will always get varied answers about the merits of it, it’s par for the course. However if you ask for advice it shouldn’t mean that no one is allowed To question your motives. It is a fact that overseas boarders sometimes find integration tricky. Mainly because they are away every holiday and generally not around for social events on Exeat weekends. These are really important considerations in your decision making to ensure your child feels happy, safe and included in their formative years.

@Netaporter ah I thought I had read in one of his posts that his wife was considering relocating if necessary. Ok strike out Westminster from your list OP!

PS I seem to remember you first posted this on education where more people saw it, then moved it to boarding where you preach to the converted and people tend to get very upset if boarding is criticised as an option. But even here people are saying this is an odd and unnecessary course of action. I also wonder if in the original OP anythign struck you about the fact your son doesn't like to lose an argument.

To my semi-trained eye, the obvious absentee from your list above is Charterhouse: solid academics, good proportion of genuinely full boarders (the ones who hang around every weekend other than exeats and half-terms), proximity to both LHR and LGW.

But seriously, rather than relying on Mumsnet and having to read through the same old ad nauseum judgments/comments above, just get yourself a GSG subscription immediately, and then use their search function (e.g. boarding schools in Hampshire/Berkshire/Sussex/Kent etc for ages 13-18 or whatever) and read up on each school. They're well-researched write-ups though you'll need to read between the lines in some cases.

I believe Brighton College and Sevenoaks have summer camps worth looking into and for 1 week in the summer holiday may be fun. Not sure if run by school or an outside company but you in that location so should give your DC a feel of the place.

Sending your child 3000 miles for a mediocre school like Charterhouse would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad. Seriously, no benefit whatsoever

@LanadelSlay i possibly wouldn’t have put it quite like that but I think I’m right I saying even Gary Lineker demanded his money back from CH after one of his kids’ A level results….

My DS was at Winchester and I certainly wouldn't send a boy thousands of miles from home to go there. DS left after GCSES and is now at university in the US .He has friends who went to Phillips Exeter, that would be my choice if I were you.

We would have left Winchester earlier but once you start you really have to stay until GCSES.

Exactly the kind of incident I was thinking of and always remember thinking what an idiot Gary was to think £££ and some old buildings would guarantee good grades

You are indeed right on that.

Your post is incredibly long, so forgive me for not reading it all. Given the age of your children, I assume you are looking for a Oreo school that will take them up to age 13. I think the ideal school would be Northbourne Park in East Kent, which has a special bilingual French-English stream alongside the standard English curriculum. I had friends who went there a long time ago. I haven’t visited since attending a summer music camp there when I was about 12, but I gather the school is still going strong. It sends children on to boarding senior schools and I expect there is plenty of information on their website.

*prep school (not Oreo!)

What would usually happen us that parents send their kids to a prep school. In Y5 they have a conversation with the headteacher about senior schools. They say what they want - day/boarding, co-ed/single sex, close to home for watching matches or as far away as necessary for the ‘perfect’ school, a school that the family have been going to for generations or a school they like because it has a strong emphasis on something they care about (sport / drama…). The head, who has discussed your child with staff will then recommend schools that would be a good fit. I guess some of the international schools do the same.

The kids then do pre-tests in Y6 or Y7 and get a provisional place, then the entrance exams (usually Common Entrance or Common Scholarship) at the end of Y8.

I’m an American in the UK who went to a US boarding school and is now starting to look at the secondary options for my daughter in London (but we briefly explored the idea of boarding school in the UK).

As others have mentioned, UK boarding schools have shifted where 100% boarding no longer truly exists - children go home frequently, and there’s a relatively high level of parental involvement. I would strongly recommend looking at some of the US boarding schools.

Take a look at Andover, Exeter, St. Paul’s, Groton, Deerfield, etc. I went to one of these schools and have friends who went to all. The one I went to was truly 100% boarding (did not allow day students at all), which narrows it down quite a bit, but it was a truly wonderful experience. It is absolutely NOT the right educational/life choice for the majority of children, but it is life changing for those few who are independent enough at that young age. Where I went, it was rare for students to go home on weekends - my parents would typically visit twice per year, and then I would go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. FWIW, I have a great relationship with my parents, but I also was the one who expressed interest in going (my parents were reluctant because my dad had not loved his experience at boarding school). We had Saturday class, and it was all quite traditional. The educational aspect was extraordinary - there was a major emphasis on intellectualism and the ability to think for yourself, engage in debates, etc. These schools are fairly international (mine was 20-25% international) and also, speaking generally, are more generous with financial aid than the British ones, allowing for a larger cross-section of society. Mine had nearly 40% of the student body on bursaries, with the vast majority of those being full scholarships.

It seems to me that you’re concerned with your children being too American, but based on your post, one of the schools that I listed above seems to clearly be a superior choice in terms of logistics, without sacrificing any of the other things you want for your children.

Not 13+ but 16+ have you looked at Atlantic College or other UWC
https://www.atlanticcollege.org/
extremely international and a unique experience

Agree with everything @illiterato wrote, but if I were you I would consider league tables as a pass/fail qualifier. In our case we drew the line at the top 50 as the intellectual level we were looking for, and focused the rest of the search on everything else.

Then there are different approaches to
education. A cynical educational business targeting superficial busy money will likely turn a school into an exam factory, squeezing every last ounce from the bottom of the pack via exam techniques, while the top sets are wasting exciting years of talent and discovery. Some of the schools on your list are like that, effectively exam factories. I personally wouldn’t pay that sort of money for a glorified Khan Academy with luxury facilities.

Other schools are more honest, and will try
to instil a habit of mind and a deep love of learning into pupils. This will be highly enjoyable and transformative journey for the intellectually curious, but obviously less efficient for the cynical bottom of the pack, who just want to get an A with the least amount of work possible.

What I would advise is to draw a line in the league tables, and focus your search on other elements. Provision of (compulsory) sports will be vastly different, somewhat also for languages. But the main thing is gut feel, which you can only get by visiting the schools in person and talking to pupils. They may look alike from a distance, but are very different schools in their souls.

“Then there are different approaches to
education. A cynical educational business targeting superficial busy money will likely turn a school into an exam factory, squeezing every last ounce from the bottom of the pack via exam techniques, while the top sets are wasting exciting years of talent and discovery. Some of the schools on your list are like that, effectively exam factories. I personally wouldn’t pay that sort of money for a glorified Khan Academy with luxury facilities.”

I really hope you are not a Winchester College parent… because if you were, this is exactly the kind of statement that would cause a bad social media rep for the school.

“squeezing every last ounce from the bottom of the pack via exam techniques” - this is absolute nonsense. The best schools focus on all the kids and making the most of their potential. This is exactly why pastoral care matters so much. Every parent has paid their share and deserves attention and the best outcome for their child, not just the select few.

Personally, OP, you would be best advised to look at this from a pastoral care angle. Where are the students happiest which inevitably leads to better exam outcomes for all. Which schools focus equally on the whole child as well as academic performance? We all know that geniuses with little other skills do not translate to personal happiness or real success in later life. And sport, in whatever form, is important. Mind and Body, most successful people in life do regularly exercise in some shape or form.

I believe that Rockhall's son is about to join Winchester, I must say her post did upset me.
There certainly wasn't any of the kindness she refers to. This is not the first time so I need to stop reading her posts.

I am a past parent of Winchester and sadly my son was not one of the select few. This post has brought back very unhappy memories for us. Pastoral care should be at the heart of every good school, it was sadly non existent for our son.

Sorry to hear that @Treeviews - I hope your DS is thriving now and well looked after pastorally.

I think all schools need strong mental health awareness these days, very qualified head of pastoral and multiple staff looking after DC and communicating well with each other in a boarding environment -house master, matron, tutor, teachers, those running extra curricular- all well trained. Every child needs a mentor figure, for some it will be one of the music teachers, for others the Maths teacher, for some the tutor, matron or house master etc. And all the students also need to look out for each other and understand who to speak to if they are worried about another child. With the kind of staffing ratios these private schools have, nobody should ever fall through the net. And if they do, enquiries should be made and responsibility taken.

I agree @Treeviews pastoral care was also very poor for my DS. We were assured that changes would be made after we left, I didn't believe that would happen.

On the academic side the vast majority of parents tutor, this is widespread across all houses including DS"s (College).

I did hear that boys missed offers this year, including Oxbridge. Those who don't have the means to tutor are definitely at a disadvantage.
With such extortionat fees parents should be outraged but few want to rock the boat.

*extortionate fees